My eyes still roaming around, still eyeing in some establishments, looking for something to buy. No, looking for something na ipapabili kay Leon. Since I don't have money, I feel like a bit of spoiled child, dahil kung ano ang itinuro ko, bibilhin niya. I did not buy a lot, it is just 3 paper bags which he is carrying right now. He doesn't even let me carry some, acting like gentleman. Which is he is, ganoon naman back in high school, she always helps our teachers carry their books, and even our pabibong girl classmates na may malalaking projects.

I am still in awe being here in Baguio. I can still believe I am finally here, the cold weather, pine trees and the sunflowers. Even if this place is urbanized, hindi pa rin nakakalimutan ang mga greens. I am so tempted to pick some of the plants para isalubong kay Tita.

My eyes is in the gloomy clouds while enjoying my walk. Not minding vehicle horns, over-crowded streets. The walk is much easier dahil downtown and hindi naman mainit. Napagod kasi ako kanina habang papaahon kami, my legs been so tired. Mahirap pala mag-lakad ng ganito. I wonder if this people mind it? Parang sanay na sanay na sila, they are walking here in a everyday basis.

Being distracted in my simple sightseeing and I did not noticed Leon already walks ahead of me, and almost engulfed by the crowd walking, then I feel the sudden rush and walks hastily, baka saan pa ako mapunta. Hindi ko naman alam ang mga pasikot-sikot dito.

Dito sa session road, seems like the heart of the city, nandito na ang lahat, all the establishments, fastfoods, terminals, lots of rushing people and traffic. Leon is right, we better walk, at baka bumalik lang ang sakit ng ulo ko sa traffic.

Nakipagsingitan na ako sa mga tao, para hanapin si Leon. There! I saw him, nakatayo sa labas ng Jollibee, probably waiting for me. Mabilis akong lumapit sa kanya. Nagwave pa ako ng kamay, mukhang hindi pa ako napansin. Mukhang ang lalim pa ng iniisip.

"Leon!"

Nanlaki ang mata niya, natauhan, kaya mabilis siyang lumapit sa akin.

"Where have you been Oli? Akala ko nawala ka na. Malapit na kitang ipahanap"

"Me,lost? No way. Halika na nga!" This time, ako na yung naunang maglakad sa kanya, pero agad din siyang nakahabol. I am just having small steps, because it is so steep, natatakot akong dumereretso pababa.

Actually, there is a side of me that I want to give thanks because he waited, talagang pinanagutan niya na sasamahan niya ako at all times.

"Huwag kang mag-alala, pagkatapos nito, hindi mo na siya iisipin pa."

A smile escaped to my lips when I remember what he says. Trying to help me to cope with everything. I am glad he is reaching out, even if I am not that nice to him before. Mayroon naman kaming pinagsamahan noon kaunti.

"Oli."

Agad akong lumingon sa kanya. Natauhan. Lutang na lutang pa rin ako kahit na nakatulog ako kanina. Siyempre puyat pa rin at overwhelmed pa rin ako sa mga nakikita dito sa Baguio. I should make myself more alert, baka

"Nakangiti siya, sino iniisip mo? Malamang hindi na 'yung ex mo. Ako na no? Bilis naman Oli." Ngumisi siya sa akin.

"You are crazy, Pantaleon." Sambit ko saka siya inirapan. Nakakainis, he just caught me. Pero hindi ko dapat ipahalata. Even if he does not say that, being with him earlier makes me forget everything for a while or maybe I am just happy that I am here at Baguio. Buti at dinala niya ako talaga dito.

"Matagal na." He whispered, but it is loud enough for me to hear it. What the heck does he saying. What does he mean? Hindi ko siya gets.

"Anong sabi mo?"

"Ang ganda mo." Ngumisi pa siya. Huwag nga niya ako mabola-bola, hindi ako siopao. Umiling na lang ako sa kanya at piniling huwag pansinin ang presensya niya, baka mainis pa ko.

Sumunod ako sa kanya nang pumasok siya sa isang laundry shop. Binigay naming ang mga paper bags doon para mapalabhan. Naiwan na lang sa akin itong mahabang cardigan, I can't bear walking here with my shorts, baka manginig ako sa ginaw.

"Ok sir, pakibalikan na lang po ito ng 5pm."

"Thanks." Leon smiled then gave him the payment. Nauna na rin ako lumabas, wala din naman akong ambag. I keep in entertaining myself again with the view in front of me, nasa tapat ako ng isang kainan. Then later my attention caught by the family walks past through me, they look like a tourist here. A simple family that spending their family time here in Baguio. I smiled bitterly, sobra akong naiinggit sa mga ganito. We rarely go out of town, masyado kasi mahigpit sa pera sila Mama, they prefer a staycation, at madalas pag may bonding si Ate lang ang makakasama, because whenever I do, ikukumpara na naman ako sa kanya. Kapag manonood ng tv, ako yung madalas utusan na kumuha ng ganito. Sometimes I feel so envious, kasi kahit wala ako, they managed to be happy, na parang wala ako doon sa mundo nila.

Madalas kong kasama na lumabas sila Tita at Kuya Allen, kaso sa malapit lang, like Zambales and Manila. Tita does not want to travel a lot dahil madalas siya nahihilo sa biyahe.

Pero hindi naman iyon ang kina-iinggit ko, from where I am standing, I can still hear their laughs, their happy laughs. I can sense that they are genuinely happy, unlike me. The way that they are together and no ones gone behind. Katulad ko.

But it still gives me a little hope dahil kasama si Papa na humanap sa akin. Sigurado naman ako si Tita Maris ang may pakana noon. Pagbalik ko, balik na naman sa akin, pagagalitan lang niya ako. Hindi niya ako papakinggan.

Nagulat na lang ako nang maramdaman si Leon sa tabi ko. Mukhang kanina pa siya nandito, he does not intervene my thoughts, he just let me. Nang mapansin niyang nakatingin ko sa kanya, he just release a sympathetic smile.

"Magiging ok din ang lahat sa'yo Oli.:" He assured.

Sana nga mabilis na maging ok ang lahat. I don't want to be drown in sorrow. For years, sawa na ako. I just want to be happy kahit saglit lang.

"Salamat." Sagot ko.

We are still walking downtown, still approaching some crowd. Hindi na kasing dami nang kanina. Maya maya nang kaunti, I can see again the burnham park.

"Let's go?"

I gave him a bit glance and smile. "Sige." Since ok naman ako. My excitement levels is at its peak again. Kalimutan ko muna ang mga nasa isip ko. Since I am here at Baguio, gusto kong mag-enjoy. I don't know what to do first, if I go boating, I go biking or just plainly walking here in the park. Burnham park is so wide, feeling ko kasi yung Burnham park yung biking at lagoon area lang.

Since lagoon yung pinakamalapit sa amin, iyon ang una naming pinuntahan. Along the walkways, pine trees are lined up, as well as the different bushes and flowers are all around. Gusto ko sana pumitas, kasi mukhang bawal yata. Aside from it madami ang nagtitinda sa streets, mangoes, souvenirs, and kung anong anong mga accessories. Naisipan kong bilhan ang mga kaibigan ko nang kahit keychain lang.

Nga pala, wala akong pera.

"May gusto ka?" Leon asked, seems he noticed I kept on looking sa mga keychains. Medyo nahihiya naman na ako, free foods and clothes is enough for me, baka may masabi pa siya.

Umiling ang ako. I didn't tell any word, magpumilit pa si Leon na bilhin a ng keychain para sa akin. Next time na mapunta ako dito, I really go buy some souvenirs for them.

As we nearly approach the boating area, I can see some people happily rowing the board, may family, which is hindi ko na dapat pang kainggitan. I should enjoy, and some couples too. Mayroon din akong nakita na couple na sasakay din sa parehas na boat naming. Then in the same boat with ours, I saw a couple, the girl seems so excited to ride, her smiles almost reveals all her teeth, while her man assist her to the boat. In this exact same boat where I dreamed to be with my ex when we have a first boat ride in Baguio. I finally agreed to travel with him, basta sa Baguio. That should be next month, kaso he cheated with me.

Pero ok na rin dahil mas napaaga pa akong pumunta ng Baguio, libre pa!

Please Oli, huwag mo na isipan yang ex mo. He is in your past, hindi na dapat iniisip. He does not deserve any of your tears, care and thoughts.

"Ayos ka lang."

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. "Ok lang ako, let's go to the swan na."

Yes I can do this, hindi dapat ako paapekto. I should create new memories, especially to the things where I can remember him. Hindi sa lahat ng pagkakataon kailangan kong magpaapekto dito. I have things to deal with, I still don't know how to move forward.

Leon paid for the rental fee, and we just have a 30 minutes to ride with a boat. Gusto sana ni Leon, 1 hour, kaso hindi kaya kami mapagod doon. I removed my sneakers, dahil iyon ang adivise sa amin dahil mababasa yung paa namin. I carefully went inside the boat, umatras pa ako dahil mukhang mahuhulog pa ako. He went inside first, nang makatayo na siya sa akin nakalahad na kamay niya sa akin.

"Ako bahala sa'yo."

Ngumiti ako sa kanya. Since kagabi, I became his responsibility. I am forever thankful that he bring me in my dream place. I am glad that I am with Leon, because when I am with him, kahit naiinis ako sa kanya. I felt much secure kahit na kagabi lang uli kami nagmeet. That feels so weird for me.

Leon held for the controls, it is like a smaller gearsticks ng mga cars. While I focused my feet on the pedal, tama nga na huwag kami magshoes, dahil malapit sa pedals ang tubig at matatalsikan lang ang mga paa naming. Masakit din sa paa, dahil matigas yung pedals. With some little kicks, we finally ascend slowly, then we pedaled faster as we reach the middle

"Can I try the controls Leon?"

Inalis niya yung kamay sa may handle then iniligay ko yung akain. The handle is still warm from his hands. I sigh and turned the boat to the right, kung saan walang masyadong tao.

"Oli."

"Oli mababangga na tayo!" He hastily held the gearstick and controlled its way to the left, dahil doon naghawak ang kamay naming dalawa. If Leon wasn't alert, we almost crashed to the other boat.

"Naalala ko lang ex ko. We planned to ride this boat noon."

"Kaya pala napili mo dito sa swan ha."

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. "Swan boats are cute! Saka nakakapagod magsagwan" ILeon twitched, not convinced with my response.

"Really." He sighed. "I have a deal with you Oli, since nandito naman na tayo. I want you to have good memories here in Baguio hindi magreminisce ng mga bad memories mo."

"If you are still going to utter your ex, you are paying me a thousand peso. Ililista ko, para pagbalik ng Pampanga alam ko kung magkano ang isisingil sa'yo." Inangat ko yung isa kong kamay para makutusan siya, nakaiwas pa ang gago.

"Hey! Malaki ang one-thousand ang OA Leon, Ok lang naman sa akin kung babayaran ko yung ginastos mo sa akin. I have money to pay for." Masungit kong sabi. Why there is money involved, I am not obliging him to spend money and to bring me here.

"Ok no monetary included. How about pag mabanggit mo pa siya, hahalikan kita."

"Manyak! Gusto mo lang maka-isa. Never Leon!" God! Pigilan lang ako at itutulak ko na itong lalaking ito sa bangka.

"Then that is the deal, I know you will not allow that to happen, pero may warnings, siguro pag nakatatlong sabi ka tungkol sa ex mo, doon pa lang kita hahalikan." He stopped the boat and sarcastically laugh. In his dreams, that is not going to happen. Now I really do hate him, especially how he shows his wiseass grin.

"Hoy tigilan mo nga ako!" Iritable kong sabi, tapos bigla bigla siyang tatawa ng malakas. Matindi na talaga ito.

"Bakit sa cheeks lang Oli.Kalma." He said, while he is still laughing. I punched him right away with his shoulder and gave him an eyeroll. Sa pang-iinis niya sa akin kulang pa yan. Pasalamat pa siya at hindi ko nilakasan kundi sa tubig ang bagsak niya.

Mas nakakainis nga lang, ni hindi man lang niya ininda ang suntok ko. Itulak ko na lang kaya.

"Parang dismayado ka, saan mo ba gusto."

"Whatever Leon. I said monotonously without facing him. I turned my attention on the water, but to my surprise, we are going to approaching a boat.

"Leon mababanga tayo!" I hastily tapped him, he motioned the stick to turn right, but it is too late, we already bumped in a boat. Good thing hindi masyadong malakas ang pagkakatama namin, baka may tendency na bumaliktad pa ang bangka.

"Sorry po." Sabay pa naming na sabi ni Leon.

"Next time, mag-iingat kayo ha, mabuti wala kaming bata dito." Sabi ng isang babae na sa tingin ko, nasa 50's na.

"Pasensya na po talaga." The Lola smiled at us, kumaway pa sa aming nang papaalis pa kami. Mabuti na lang at mabait sila. Si Leon naman kasi, napakamapang-asar. Nang makalayo na kami, agad ko siyang hinampas sa balikat.

"It's all your fault Leon!"

"O bakit ako." He retorted,

"Napakabwisit mo kasi, alam mo ba yun?"

He sarcastically smile. "Gwapong-gwapo ka lang sa akin Oli."

"In your dreams, Pantaleon. Umuwi na nga lang tayo."

We go back to the Laundry shop to get my clothes and back to transient to finally change my clothes. I already felt so sticky. I am still sweating walking in its upside down roads. In addition, I have been wearing this clothes since last night! I feel a little bit gross. Bakit ba naman kasi sobrang biglaan ang lakad na to. 

Burnham is way much better at night. They are having this dancing water fountains, omitting different lights, which makes the fountain much more appealing to my eye. Many tourist taking their pictures in the fountain, and yes they are seems so happy with their smiles. Hay, when can I really show that genuine smile?

"Gusto mo magpicture Oli?" Leon faced the camera of his phone to me.

Umiling lang ako. Wala ako sa mood.

"Sayang naman Oli, first time mo pa naman, dapat madami kang remembrance kahit sa picture lang." He even pout his lips, parang bata.

"I don't have a phone remember? Saka I can store memories here." I said, pointing to my head. I took a step near me and move my hand against my head. He even fold my straight pointy finger, and hold my hand.

"Your mind might forget Oli, you should make something to keep them, like this." A flash makes my eyes squint.Hindi ko na natakpan yung mukha ko dahil nga hawak niya ang kamay Bwisit ka talaga Leon.

"Burahin mo yan." Banta ko, habang pilit pa ko pa rin binabawi ang kamay ko sa kanyang pagkakahawak.

Umiling lang siya. Hindi man lang natakot. "Sabi sayo, you need remembrance." At doon na lang niya ako binatawan.

"Saan, Remembrance sayo? Never!" Umirap na lang ako sa kanya. Mabuti na rin at nanahimik. Sasakit lang lalo uli ko pag sumabay pa ako sa kanya. I wish I have a choice to join with, kahit gustuhin ko man na mapag-isa wala naman akong pera. I don't have anything with me not even my phone or ID's.

We continue walking on the downtown, compared kanina mas madaming taong ngayon. Still we can manage to walk properly. Mostly college students, may mga mag jowa pa. I can even notice different schools from their laces. Weather becomes much more chilly, I even hugged myself while walking. Nauuna lang si Leon sa akin. ng kaunti. Maya-maya napahinto ako sa isang bar.

I glanced to the its entrance. Neon lights keeps on flickering, making my eyes squint a bit. Agad na lumapit si Leon, napansin na hindi na niya ako kasunod. Quite impress, ang bilis niyang napansin na nawala ako ngayon ha.

"Oli." Banta niya. I know what he is trying to do. Ayaw niyang pumasok sa loob.

"Halika." Matigas kong sabi. I showed my signature glare to him. Wala ulit akong choice, kailangan ko siyang kasama dahil wala akong pera. Saka kaunti lang naman iinumin ko.

"Oli, umuwi na lang tayo." Kalmado niyang sabi.

Umiling ako. "No." Banta ko siyang tinignan.

"Akala ko ba hindi ka na iinom uli." I sighed. Akala ko nga rin, I just want to drink some, cold weather tempted me to do so. Basta gusto ko uminom uli.

"Kaunti lang naman."

Napailing na lang si Leon nang pumasok ako sa loob. He don't have a choice. I instantly seated to an empty table and hastily called a waiter.

"Oli." Banta niya uli.

"Kaunti lang talaga. I swear." Sambit ko at nilagyan na ng Cuervo yung baso.

I glanced to the glass. Alcohol can make you forget all your problems is a bluff. Problems is still there, it will just make them. Tama nga sabi nila hindi matatakasan ang mga problema. They are still stay within us and it is depend in our ways on how to deal with this. I promised I hate drinking alcohol again, grabe na ang sakit ng ulo ko kanina. Wala din naman ako mapapala, hindi ko rin naman makakalimutan ang problema ko, I guess I just want to feel good a bit.

Kada inom ko umiiling na lang si Leon. As if he can do something to stop me pa. Better join me n lang, kaya I raise the glass towards him.

"Gusto mo?"

"Mag-enjoy ka na lang Oli." I twitched, kill joy talaga. He is so unbelievable, hindi naman ako judgmental. He can drink with me, kunyari pa siya. Malungkot kaya uminom mag-isa.

"I hope I can really enjoy Leon." I said while playing the ice cubes on the glass. He arched his brow as he heard me.

"Alam mo Leon, ginawa ko naman lahat noon e."

Nag-igtig ang panga niya at umiwas ng tingin sa akin. "Ayan na naman tayo." Walang gana niyang sabi at napainom na lang ng tubig.

"Makinig ka." I said authoritatively. He lazily stared back and slouch on the chair as if he has a choice but only to listen to my whines.

Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko para isipin muli ang lahat, ang sakit. Mula sa Pamilya ko, hanggang sa ex ko. Bakit pa kasi ang malas ko, bakit ba ako nasa ganitong sitwasyon. 

"Masakit Leon na maramdaman mo na nag-iisa ka. Yung leche kong ex na akala ko pinapahalagahan ako, pero may ibang pakay. Pinagtaksilan pa ako. Sa parents ko pa, lagi na akong ikinukumpara, kaya nga I always aim to be top 1 Leon. Kasi iyon ang gusto nila. I never experience na pirmahan ni Papa yung card ko. Like top 2 is  the worst thing ever, na hindi ako matalino." Ngumiti lang sa akin si Leon, he look at me with full of sympathy. 

"I'm so sorry Oli, kung may magagawa lang ako." Umiwas siya sa akin ng tingin at yumuko. He wipes his eyes, ni hindi man lang siya tumingin sa akin.

"Leon, wala yun." Bahagya ko siyang tinulak. "Ako nga dapat mag-sorry, grabe ang pangungumpitensya ko sayo."

Doon na siya tumingin uli sa akin. There is his smile again. "I understant Oli. Ayos lang, ikaw naman ang valedictorian doon." 

Pati tuloy ako nahawa na sa ngiti niya. "Deserve mo din Leon no, magaling ka."

Natawa tuloy siya, tapos napainom ng tubig. "Wow ha, after all what happened Oli. First time yan a. So we are bati na ba?" Inilahad niya yung kamay niya sa akin. 

Pasimple ko siyang tinignan. Mabilis kong hinawakan ang kamay niya para makipag-shakehands. Mabilis ko din na binitawan. 

"Ok ok, friends kung friends."

Napahilot lang siya ng sentido niya at natawa uli, parang baliw. "Parang napilitan ka a."

Ngumiti lang ako sa kanya tapos nagsalin uli ako ng alak. Out of nowhere I think of something. SInce we are already friends.

"Leon, am I not enough?" He sighed and seated straight, then stared with me with wonder.

"You are already enough Oli. Hindi ako magsasawa na ulitin until you realize it. "

I sighed. "I don't know, how will I, feeling ko kasi hindi talaga, nagawa akong ipagpalit ng ex ko, My family does even noticed me. Saan ba ako nagkulang? Pwede ka naman maging honest."

He smiled and hold my hand. That smile I knew its genuine, but I has full a sympathy, lalo pa at alam na alam niya ang situation ko. "I already saw it. You don't need to prove yourself to everyone. "

Agad kong hinawi ang kamay ko sa kanya at humalukipkip. "Binobola mo lang ako Leon e."

He just chuckle and drink another glass of water.

"Alam mo mahirap kasi pag walang nakakaappreciate sayo. Sobrang hirap Leon, na sa sarili mo lang ikaw kakapit. Kahit nga sarili ko hindi ko na makapitan."

I pointed his finger up. "Sa taas o, pwede kang kumapit sa Kanya."

Napailing na lang ako. "Naniniwala ka?"

Mabilis siyang tumango. "Oo naman, kahit minsan nahihirapan ako, naniniwala ako. Lahat ng struggles natin part ng buhay natin niya." Seryoso siyang tumingin sa akin. "And your worth ikaw lang makakakita niyan."

I gave him a sad smile. Sana may ganyan din akong perspective. Leon is nice, even his family is nice. Glad his parents really raised him well. Kahit gusto ko naman maniwala, hindi ko naman nararamdaman.

"Dami mo naman sermon Leon, di ko maasorb."

Napangisi na lang siya at ginulo na lang ang buhok ko sa ulo. "Yan nalamon na ng alak ang systema mo."

I shrugged. "Gusto ko na lang makalimot Leon, hanggang kailan pa ba ako masasaktan?" I wiped the first tear from my eyes, kanina ko pa pinipigilan to.

He does not tell a word anymore. He is just looking at me waiting for any word I utter or movements I make. I just stay still, letiing my tears fall now. I really don't care what he thinks right now, I just want the pain to end, basta makalimot.

Leon sympathetically smiled let my head rested on his shoulder while I letting all my tear out. He does not even mind if his sleeves is almost wet with my tears Suddenly, I can feel his warm arms wrapped on my shoulder, and again I feel safe.

"Di ka talagang iinom?' Sambit ko habang inaalok sa kanya yung baso.

"Nope, I need to take care of you Oli." He said softly, and gently tapping my shoulders.

"Ok solo ko itong alak." Sambit ko at inilagay ang huling laman ng bote. 

He pat my shoulder and smiled. Tuloy pa din ako sa paglagok ng alak.

"Akong bahala sayo. Ok?"