I sigh in relief when I saw the black Fortuner on the way. They are 30 minutes late! Akala ko hindi na nila ako sisiputin. I ran towards them, hindi ko na hinintay na kuminto sa harap ko, hindi naman sa excited, pero kating-kati na ako umalis. Aya opened the door for me in the passenger seat, I entered there in a flash, baka may makakita pa sa akin.

"Oli, are you serious? Sa bar ka talaga mag-aaya. This is a miracle, dahil dati hindi ka naming maaya and now ikaw pa talaga ang mag-aaya sa amin!" Aya told me, she is in her crop top dress and heels, naka make up din. It is the same with my other two friends, they seemed so prepared for this night. Compare to mine, I just tucked my white shirt in my short jeans and white sneakers. I know their hidden agendas, I know later on I will be alone and all of my girls are on their own prospects, I didn't go there to flirt or make out. I want to drink myself out, until I forgot all the things happening to me these days. Fuck it!

'So, ayaw niyo?"

"Of course not. Iba talaga ang nagagawa pag broken hearted e, pero ok lang yan girl, dahil natauhan ka na." Dagdag pa ni Fina na nasa passenger seat. Her dress kind of revealing, it has so low neckline, and the dress seem so short, dahil hita na lang ang nakikita ko mula sa likuran.

"Bar will be perfect! Madami kami irereto sayo." Leigh says while her eyes keeps on the road, she is on her white tank top and jeans. Sinasabi na nga ba! I know their prospects, idadamay pa ako. Lalaki na nga isa sa mga problema ko, hindi ako interesado.

I lazily listening to my friends whines, masyado silang natutuwa at nag-aya ako mag-bar, at bakit hindi rin, libre ko pa! I don't care how much I will spend. I don't care kung hanapin pa nila ako uli sa bahay, basta ako gusto ko muna magpakawala. Gusto ko muna mawala sila sa isip ko I hate to see pity in their eyes! I am not even sure if it is really pity or disappointment. Bakit pa nila ako pinabalik kung ipaparamdam nila sa akin iyon, I'mbetter off alone again kung ganoon lang uli. Lagi naman, I endure the pain all by myself, sarili ko lang ang sasandalan ko sa huli, well I have my friends though.

"I just want to forget my problems for a while guys, kayo lang naman ang maasahan ko." Even if they act like bitches, I can really lean on them, they know all of my problems and struggles. I just met my girls during college, nauna nga lang sila nakatapos. Our friendship does not end, when they graduated. Lagi-lagi pa rin nila ako sinasama sa lakad nila, pero lagi ako tumatanggi. It is just bar isn't my cup of tea. I don't believe that alak will make you forget your problems, here I am stupidly trying my luck.

"Baka naman, kapag nakita tayo ng Kuya Allen mo." Umiling ako, I remember the first time na sumama ako, that was the first cool off with my ex, nakarating pa kay Kuya Allen. Nasermunan pa kaming tatlo.

"Its fine, ako bahala dun." The hell I care kung sugurin man niya ako, I think he will understand this time. He was busy with her new girl Lara, ayoko makaabala, dahil dapat na rin siya magkaroon ng partner in life.

I fixed my high ponytail and took the last glare on the entrance. Yes I am sure what I am doing, ngayon lang naman. One of my ways to cope up with my fucked life. Hindi ko alam kung kalian ako magpapakatino.

My girls excitedly pull me in the club. I instantly covered my ears to the sound and the flashing lights make me dizzy. Pwede sa iba na lang kami pumunta, like their condo? They noticed me stiffened, kaya pinantayan nila ako, tapos si Aya inalalayan pa ko.

"Masasanay ka din girl, lets go!"

We positioned ourselves in our seats. Aya instantly ordered some drinks and chasers. Napalunok na lang ako nang makita ang inorder namin. Its fine though, balak ko din naman magpakasabog this night. Only this night, I wish to forget all the pain, all their disappointments from my family, my loathe to my cheating ex, yes especially him!

I almost gave myself in to him, mabuti na lang at hindi ako bumigay sa gusto niya sa kama. I gave everything the love that I can give na halos wala na akong maitira sa sarili ko. Kahit na sabihin nila, that guy is no good to me, pero I still go love him in three years! I never believed to my family and friends, I chose him because I thought he understand me, he genuinely loves me. The thing that I never felt to them. Yung tipong pinaparadam niya sa akin na proud siya sa akin despite of small victories I have. Akala ko may karamay na ako, pero ilusyon lang lahat. He took advantage my loneliness. Iba ang gusto niya, they are all fucking right. Sobra akong nagpakatanga.

Then my family, specially my father na walang ginawa kundi sitahin ang pagkakamali ko, yung mali lang naman ang nakikita niya. Even if I graduated with honors, won over contests, being dean's lister hindi pa rin niya nakikita iyon. I always ended up behind my sister's back kahit nagkamali pa ito. Yes they really do accept me, but still being ended up compared to my ate, she always does better, she's always right, na kahit nagkaanak ng maaga (I have nothing against it.) nag-aaral pa din, may work na, madiskarte and the like.

Yes, they have accepted me in our house, the moment I broke up with my ex. But everytime I see their eyes. Yes much clearer that it is disappointment of what I have become. Noong pinagbubuti ko ba, nakikita nila, they still considering me their disappointment.

Nakakainis sabay sabay na ang lahat.

I glanced at my shot glass, hindi naman bago sa akin ang lasa ng alak. I have been drinking occasionally, kapag may occasion lang sa bahay. Malimit patikim tikim lang saka hindi naman mga hard drinks ang mga iinom ko. Napapikit ako nang gumuhit iyon sa lalamunan ko, masama ang lasa, pero pwede na.

"Oli ayos ka lang?"

Tumango lang ako, saka uminom ulit. I lost count of how many shots I have. Now I understand kung bakit kahit masama ang lasa nang alak, madami pa din umiinom, the feeling of being high is so good. Mas lalo masarap magpakawala, instantly lumakas ang loob ko.

Napangisi ako sa naisip, what if I try to do what these girls are doing? Is it great? I guess kasi ginagawa nila. Maybe I feel good too, kaya din siguro madalas akong ayain noon.

Lumagok uli ako nang baso saka agaran na tumayo, medyo nawalan pa ako ng balance, kaya umalalay sa akin si Aya.

"Are you fine Oli, mukhang lasing ka na girl."

Umiling lang ako. "No no, kaya ko pa Aya. Hindi ako mahina, iinom pa tayo." Sumalok ulit ako ng Cuervo, then took it with one straight shot.

OK, I will take advantage of the night! I will do whatever I want! Walang kung sino ang pipigil sa akin. Just in this point of my life to feel good. One night lang, wala na akong pakialam kung sino ang first ko. I look at the crowd in front of us, where everyone carelessly dancing, no matter how sensual or wild it is.

Fucking urge wants me to try this one.

"Wag kang pumunta diyan Oli, baka hindi ka makauwi ng buo." Pag-awat nila sa akin. Tumindig akong humarap sa kanila. This is my night so why not.

"Come on girls, teach me your moves." Pinilit kong maglakad ng tuwid, the alcohol makes me so dizzy, and everything is like swirling and kind of blurry. Lakas ng loob ko yung pumipilit sa akin.

"Oh my baby Oli, bawal ka diyan!" Pag-awat pa sa akin ni Fina. "Pang sa amin lang yun ."

Oh dear, I am not a baby anymore! I show my most devilish grin. Too late girls! I already went to dig in to the crowd and search for the stage.

"Ok girl! Tandaan mo na lang yung ginagawa namin."

"Wag ka pa-easy to get!"

"Dalaga na ang baby girl natin."

Kumaway-kaway pa sa akin ang tatlong maria. Whatever!

"I am Olivia Janelle Alvarez, I am looking for someone who I can spend my night with. Sisiguraduhin ko na hindi kayo magsisisi." Mabilis akong bumaba until a guy in a dress shirt and jeans approached me, agad niyang hinapit yung bewang ko. Hmm Aggressive. Better.

"Hello Handsome." I positioned myself much closer to him, yung halos maramdaman ko na yung hininga niya. Damn what I am doing. I clung my both arms to his neck. "Maybe we can search for somewhere private."

He grinned. "As you wish princess." He huskily said, which instantly makes me shiver, it kind of start to arouse me on how hoarse his voice is. I stared into his hazel eyes, staring him lustfully. He has as good pair of eyes which makes me on.

"Akin siya pwede?" Agad akong natigilan. Sino naman to, dahan dahan akong lumingon sa pinaggagalingan ng baritonong boses na iyon. A guy in a hood, kaya hindi ko maaninag ng mabuti ang mukha niya. Masama ang tingin ng lalaki sa kanya, paano istorbo.

"Who says, sa akin siya lumapit." Impit akong napahiyaw nang bigla niya akong hatakin. Damn! Dahan dahan naman! Medyo nahihilo ako.

"Sa akin na siya malapit, sorry ka na lang."

"Wag mo akong subukan." Nakipagsukatan ng tingin si Mr. Hoodie sa kanya, akala mo uubra, mas matangkad naman sa kanyan yung isa.

"Hindi ako natatakot sayo" Matigas niyang sabi. Hmm mukhang matapang a. Pwede na rin, sana umubra siya.

Maya-maya pa may dalawang lalaki na humarang doon sa lalaking iyon. I guess kasama nitong naka-hood. Aba! May pa back up pa to. Umirap ako sa kanya, kaya pala matapang, may kasama. Hatak hatak pa rin niya ako sa pulsuhan, hanggang sa makalabas kami sa bar.

"Hindi ako sayo ok?" Mabilis akong pumalag sa kanya. I will go find my friends, uuwi na lang ako.

"Ok, you are welcome Oli." Wait, wait alam niya pa pangalan ko. Bakit Oli pa?

"Huh? Paano mo naman nalaman name ko, hindi ko naman sinasabi sa'yo. Stalker ka no."

"Pinagsisigawan mo kanina."

I can feel my cheeks turn red. I am started to get to my senses and to realize na sobrang nakakahiya ang pinagagawa ko. I just did sell myself to bunch of those hungry predators. What will this guy will think about me, hindi naman ako ganoong klaseng babae, tulak na lang siguro ng sobrang pagkalasing. Yeah, really thanks to him, kung hindi sa kanya baka kung saan na ako pulutin. Pero sana huwag niya akong husgahan.

I am fucking drunk, still in pain, it is still worse. Nandito pa din at ang sakit sakit! Why do I need to endure this pain for a long time? Do I deserve this. Yes I am a rebel against to my parents, pero hindi ako masamang tao! I have my reason behind that.

"Hush Oli, don't cry." Agad kong pinunasan ang mga naunang tumulong luha saka hurap sa kanya.

"Hindi mo naman ako hinusgahan diba?"

"Oli, naiintindihan kita." Wala pang anong sabi, lumapit siya sa akin at niyakap ako. Instantly I felt safe inside his arms, the warmth beneath it makes me feel at home, that genuine care as the way he hold me, the one I longed for. Hugs indeed a good thing, Doon ko na binuhos lahat, yung luha na kanina ko pa pinipigilan. Wala na akong pakialam kong mabasa ko pa siya ng luha ko. Kahit papaano kumalma ako, nawala ang sakit.

Pero ha, kung makaintindi sa akin parang magkakilala kami. Ok na yun, baka parehas lang kami ng hugot sa buhay.

I found us a spot nang bumalik ako, also looking for my friends, I wonder where they are. Maybe into their prospects, pero di bale, may kasama naman na ako. I gave my shot glass and the bottle of Cuervo to him.

"Halika usap tayo."

"Sorry, I don't drink Oli."

I twitched. This guy is impossible, how come he does not drink. Kahit pa mga teenager my bisyo na, imposible siya wala. Huwag niya ako pinaglololoko. Pinilit kong inabot yung shot glass sa kanya.

"Sige na, kunyari ka pa. Hindi kita i-ja-judge." Umiling pa rin siya, firm to his answer.

"Ikaw na lang Oli, enjoy."

"Ikaw din, uubusin ko to." Inilayo ko yung bote ng alak sa kanya. Ayaw mo edi wag.

"Oli,dahan dahan lang. Ayaw kitang iuwi na ganyan kalasing."

Umiling lang ako. No way! I will not come back to our house, hindi na ako babalik. Mas gusto ko pa dun kay Tita Maris, or maglakwatsa na lang.

"Pwede mo ba ako samahan, just this night. Naghahanap ako ng kasama, not for night one stands ha."

He chuckled, bakit ba? Masama ba  maging sigurista. Atleast I am putting a border between us. Pinagsisihan ko na yung ginawa ko kanina sa stage.

"Hindi kita pagkakatangkaan." Paniniguarado niya.

"Good."

Huminga ako ng malalim. Good thing when talking to strangers, they will not judge you easily, if they will, hindi naman iyon gaano ka-big deal, dahil hindi mo nga kilala. I just felt this comfort to tell everything to him.

"Do you know how pain I have right now. Gusto ko lang naman makalimot." Unimon ako ng kaunti. "I am from a heartbreak, my ex cheated on me. Imagine actual ko siyang nahuli na may kasex, nagkasala pa ko ng instant dahil nakapanood pa ako ng live, alam mo sobrang kadiri." Sabi ko with matching nginig pa. Then my loathe rises when I remember the scene, when my fucking ex was on top of a girl. Sino ba naman kasi hindi magigigil if someone cheated at you. Yung tipong gusto mo silang saktan! At the same time, ni hindi mo sila matignan dahil nandidiri ka. Then this Leon keeps on laughing, ano bang mali sa kwento ko. Nakakatawa ba na nagpakatanga ako? Ayon sinamaan ko ng tingin yung kausap ko.

"Sorry, go on."

" Tapos sabi pa ng balasubas sorry. Lalaki ako at may pangangailangan din.Like saan naman ako nagkulang diba?Binigay ko lahat ng pagmamahal ko sa kanya, sobra pa nga e, pinaglaban ko siya sa lahat, Is that my fault kung ayaw kong ibigay iyon sa kanya? Kailangan ba ipilit."

Naging seryoso ang mukha niya this time, titig na titig sa akin. "He should respect that, if he really loves you. Mabuti at walang nangyari sayo."

"Yeah, kung hindi isa lang ako sa mga babaeng—" Damn! Hindi ko masabi.

"My friends and family are right all along. They were staring like, I told you so Oli, you wont listen. Talaga nga naman kasi nagpakagaga ako, imagine I have been desperate for love and care na akala ko sa kanya ko mararamdaman, mapanlinlang!" Sabay padabog kong inilapag ang baso. He does not mind, hindi man lang natinag kung halos mabasag ko na yung baso. He just listening to my whines, hindi na kumibo, hindi na natawa.

"Paano naman kasi ako hindi magiging desperada, my family does not show, any care for me. Lagi akong left behind, lagi si Ate ang magaling. When I want something ang damot nila, pag si ate sobrang generous nila. Alam mo sa maniwala ka sa hindi, I was very good student, lagi binibigyan ko sila ng mataas na grades. I strive so hard to reach their standard, para sabihan nila ako na proud sila, na masaya sila everytime I gave my medal to them, but still not worthy to them. Kaya yun, nawalan ako ng gana ibigay ang best ko, hindi rin naman nila nakikita, lagi pa din akong palpak, kulang pa." Napayuko na lang ako at doon na bumigay. I am crying for the 3rd time this night. Reminiscing all those moments, everytime they compare me to Ate, everytime I don't reach the first place, everytime na may isa akong mamali sa exam, everytime na lang they can always see my mistakes, no matter how much I work hard.

Hay ano na lang iisipin sa akin ng kausap ko, I don't even know his name, kung makapag-open ako.

"You are already enough Oli." He smiled and held my left hand.

Napangiwi ako at lumagok uli. "Talaga lang ha, you don't know me boy. Ngayon lang tayo nagkakilala."

Tumango tango lang siya. "Maybe." He shrugged.

"Oo, hindi pa tayo magkakilala, let me. Olivia Alvarez, business management student. Naextend ako e, because lagi ako nagdadrop. Don't ask why." I reached my hand to him.

He smiled, revealing his dimple, which is ngayon ko lang napansin, His dimple makes him cute, saka medyo maliwanag na kaya napapansin ko na yung mukha niya. He has a pair of dark brown eyes and a long curly lash, which makes me a bit insecure dahil pahaba lang lashes ko, I need a curler pa. His hair is brushed up na sobrang bagay sa kanya and that lip is a bit kissable.

Damn, pati ba nama yun. Matindi na nga tama ko.

"Leon, software developer." My eyes instantly widened, bigatin naman tong kasama ko, nahiya ako bigla, mukha naman kasing estudyante.

"Wow taray."

"Sakto lang, I am still starting like you."

Napanguso ako, I am still a student. Still on scratch, buti pa siya may career na.

"May work ka na no. Ako palamunin pa din, minsan raraket, tutor, barista, kasi alam mo yun gusto ko magtayo ng coffee shop."

"Go for it Oli, hindi pa huli lahat." Pag-encourage pa niya. I chuckled out of sarcasm.

I shrugged. "I do hope so. Makatapos nga mukhang malabo."

"Well, nasa sa iyo naman yun Oli kung gusto mo. If you want something go for it, gawin mo para sa sarili mo, not because you want to please someone." Gusto ko yung sinabi niya, kaya napapalakpak ako. This is the best advice I ever heard and it is from a stranger pa.

"Galing, alam mo I take note of that." Paturo-turo ko pa at nilagok ko na yung huling laman ng bote. Yes, directly drinking in a bottle, hindi na kasi talaga siya uminom.

"Thank you sa pagsama mo sa akin ha, ano bang maganda pa-thank you sa'yo?" Agad akong lumapit sa kanya. Teka, wala naman na akong cash, para itreat man lang siya. "Ako na lang, take me." Saad ko sabay dipa.

Napahagalpak siya ng tawa "No, I prefer to touch women who's conscious, baka bigla kang magsisi."

"Hindi ka na virgin no." Hindi siya kumibo at napayuko. He seems shy about it. Ok lang naman sa akin kung sabihin niyang hindi, open minded naman ako.

"Come on, take me." I whispered seductively, then starting to lift my shirt up. Alam ko maganda katawan ko, hindi siya tatangi.

Pero pinigilan niya yung dalawa kong kamay at inilagay sa mesa. Mahigpit na hawak ang dalawa kong pulsuhan.

"No! Its fine dear. Plano ko na yun kanina."

"No Oli." This time, he held my both hands. stared at me sincerely. "I am just here as your friend, wala akong hinihingi na kapalit."

Umirap ako sa kanya. Pare-parehas lang silang mga lalaki na gusto, they just want to get laid. Kunyari pa siyang mabait. This guy starts to get in my nerves! He is really too impossible. Ok lang naman.

"Oli." He authoritatively spoke. I just gave my "now what" stare

"Fine, hindi ko na lang ipipilit sarili ko. Siguro napapangitan ka sa akin."

Aba natawa pa, habang umiiling. Para na akong niloloko nito. Aha so pangit na pala ako ha. Am I not attractive? Mabilis akong tumayo, pero nahatak niya yung isa kong braso kaya halos masubsob na ako sa kanya.

His face is already close to mine, I can almost kiss him! Infariness, may itsura din siya ha, matangos din ang ilong at mas kita ko ang mga matang nakatingin din sa akin.

Agad din naman siyang natauhan at inayos ng upo, I am still in his eyes though

"Oli, darating din tayo diyan. You are not yet ready for that."

Whatever!

Nakahalukipkip ako habang masama ang tingin sa kanya. Ayaw ko siyang kibuin, wala na ako sa mood

"Tell me Oli, where is the place where you want to go, pwede tayo na magtravel na dalawa.You know it might help too. Maybe you can find yourself there." Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin.

"Sasamahan mo pa ako." Pabalang kong sabi.

"Bakit hindi."

"Libre mo ha." Medyo natagalan pa siya sa pagsagot. Sabi na, ano pa aasahan ko sa kanya.

"Sure my treat, iclear ko lang schedule ko."

Ngumisi ako sa kanya. Sige na, hindi na ako maiinis sa kanya. "Alam mo noon pa lang gusto kong pumunta nang Baguio, I never been there pa e."

"Alam ko."

"Paano mo nalaman? Sinasabi na nga ba at stalker ka e." I confront him, please ipapaalala lang niya if nagkakilala nga kami. I hope not, dahil sobrang nakakahiya.

"Hindi a." Sagot niya. That's good, still a stranger.

"Punta tayo now na." I faced him.

"Oli, hindi basta basta gusto mo."

"At bakit? Sabi mo traveling also helps. Saka napanood ko yung movie nila Angelica Panganiban saka JM de Guzman, yung nagpunta sila ng Baguio saka Sagada. Gusto ko din ng ganun. Help mo ko."

Nakatingin pa din siya sa akin, still blinking.

"Lets go to Baguio, I haven't been there, gusto kong magpawasak doon, dahil wala naman nakakakilala sa akin doon."

"Fine Oli, let's go now.

"Baguio here I come!" I shouted before I hastily rode to this car and just having a trip to Baguio runs to my mind.