Flashback

I couldn't remember much.  I heard ringing and buzzing in my ears as I laid against something cold and slightly damp.  Cobblestone?  Am I on the ground?

I was unconscious but my mind was trying to figure everything out that had just happened in the past five minutes.

Something was approaching.  Multiple things, it sounded like.  What was it?  Suddenly I'm lifted and my body feels almost weightless.  Like I'm floating on a cloud and I'm just a feather.

I want to see what's going on, to get a better understanding, but my eyes betray and stay sealed shut.

There's voices, of course I can't tell who it is or what they're saying.  Again, more than two it sounds like.

Things went quiet for a bit but started to pick up again when I didn't feel light anymore. Something was rattling next to my ear now.  I was slowly losing my patience, I just wanted whatever that obnoxious noise was to stop.

Then something started to burn.  My skin was tingling and burning horribly.  What the hell?  What's going on?

Pain.

Pain.

Pain.

So much pain.

What the fuck was this?

After what felt like forever, everything was numb. Am I even alive at this point?

Flashback End

It's been a few days since my visit back home.  Tamara was the same, not surprised there, my dad, and Quincy.  (Dog's name) was still super cute.  Glad he hasn't changed one bit.

Sometimes I worry he'll forget about me after too long.  I already hear about how much he misses my presence.  Dad said he sleeps on my bed every night, not making any messes in my room and just being a good boy overall.

I love that boy.  Nothing will change that.  He'll probably be the only boy I'll ever love, which I'm fine with anyway.

Today we were finally getting some action.  Our squad is heading out to a forest to train in a different environment.  I was starting to get bored of the same scenery and obstacles at HQ.

As we arrived to the forest, we got into small groups to work with. Assigned by our captain, of course.

I was partnered with Conny and Eren, two easy opponents. We warmed up with a few punches and kicks then moved on to sparing.

I don't understand why we do all this nonsense. Shouldn't we be fighting Titans instead of playing karate with our squad?

As much as it was pointless, I tried to make the best of it by actually participating. I noticed a few other groups were slacking off either the whole time or after two rounds.

Why are they even here if they won't respect their orders in training?

In the midst of my thoughts, Conny swung his fist right at my cheek, completely blindsiding me. Now on the dirty ground, I was looking up, a bit dazed, at the shaved headed punk.

"Hey! You're not supposed to attack your partner when they're not mentally here!"

I cursed, gently touching my probably bruised red cheek with a hiss.

"Get your head in the game, (f/n).  That's what we're here to do, right?"

Conny mocks with a smirk.

I only roll my eyes and move over so him and Eren can have a turn together.

Conny I love you, but I hope Eren kicks your scrawny ass.  Maybe I'm a hypocrite though.

After hours of training and barely any water breaks later, it was time to head back to HQ for dinner. Which would be about a twenty minute walk. We get a lot of discipline for being mostly responsible soldiers.

I know exactly who comes to mind but I won't mention any names.

During our hike back to HQ, our Captain Levi rode by, demanding we walk faster.  Most of us groaned, the rest replied with a yes sir.  I on the other hand, looked right back up at our Captain, nodding.

We barely made eye contact but when I caught a glimpse of his grey eyes, his frown deepened and he turned his back to me once again before snapping his reins and speeding up ahead.

There was such a heavy presence surrounding him.  Or maybe it was just humidity.  No, it couldn't be.  The weight felt oddly familiar and friendly.  Kind of shocking considering the Corporal is quite moody.

Turning my attention to Jean who was beside me, I elbowed his arm to talk.

"What?  Wanna be shoved?"

Jean smirks playfully at me.

"Not right now, no."

I shake my head, chuckling lightly.

"Let's ditch dinner and chat somewhere."

Jean looks at me like I've lost my mind.

"Ditch? Not when it's potato soup night!"

I laugh again and sigh, letting it go.

"Alright, we can eat. Maybe in the morning then. Unless you feel like breaking the boys in girl's dorm after night rule. What a dumb thing."

Jean snickers at my comment, neither of us not noticing that the Corporal had heard us chatting.

"You two brats need to shut the hell up. Fifty laps around HQ tonight before you get any dinner."

He snaps, earning our attention.

Well shit.

Jean groans which got him an extra fifteen laps. I really had to keep my composure before laughing at him. What a nut.

Time Skip

"(F/n)? Can you hear me?"

*thump*

"Are you even alive?  Hello?"

*thump thump*

"Please don't make me go get Hanji..."

*thump... thump, thump*

"Finally!"

Jean exaggeratedly sighs out, pinching the bridge of his nose.

I blink a few times, staring at his long pale face.

"What...?"

I whisper, my lips sticking together from being chap and dehydrated.

"You just stopped running your laps and decided to stare off into space!"

Jean semi yells, causing me to flinch from my frozen stance.

"Space out...?"

My brows stitch together, confused.

"Uh... spaced out?  Y'know like... not doing anything for a period of time?  Ever done it?"

"No- I know... I just didn't realized."

My voice quiets down, turning my gaze down towards the dirt of the ground.

"How long?"

I glance back up towards him.

"Not sure, maybe like five minutes?"

The (shorter/taller) male shrugs.  I only nod, pretending like that was nothing when in actuality it was.  I never space out for that long... at least I think.

Jean should know I'm not allowed to freeze up in my thoughts for longer than a minute or two...

Flashback

I had to have been only twelve years old probably when I had my first real freeze. They're pretty rare, but still happen.

I was out in the busy square with my dad and Tristan running an errand for the shop. We were just finishing grabbing the last of supplies we needed for the next restock when we started to hear gossiping on the way home.

I remember walking past this one certain man, most likely in his late sixties. He was telling some other civilian that a Titan had breeched the wall and broken through an outer wall in Maria.

Sounds ridiculous, I know. These walls have been up for 100 years and nothing of the sort has ever occurred.

After hearing that, I paused and thought about it.

Is this real?

My mind asked, forgetting everything. My subconscious laser focused on the idea that an actual Titan has broken through one of our walls and was endangering humankind.

I didn't realize my dad and Tristan were far ahead of me, not noticing I had stayed behind.

The street was getting busier and I was in the way. Townsfolk pushing their way past. Simple nudges and the occasional "sorry" eventually turned into shoves until I was knocked to the hard ground.

Probably landing on my back or side, maybe even my face. I couldn't tell. All I could see was everyone else's feet as they shuffled along the crowded street.

So why exactly did I freeze up?

'Like to know the same thing, hm.

The thoughts spinning through my head were unclear, but this specific one stood out.

The people around me were running in fear. Screams filled the small town, reaching every side of the wall. Debris flying everywhere, striking anyone in it's path without mercy.

Then Titans swarmed in through the streets, grabbing the first innocent person it saw to claim as victim.

By the time my dad and brother had noticed my absence, they had to push their way back against the rough crowd, all heading one way.

Like swimming against stream, they managed to shove past the people and find me being trampled on the path. I was being stepped on or over, frozen still like I was trapped in a giant piece of ice for years.

They picked me up, getting my attention with no success.

With wide (e/c) eyes, lips parted, I finally spoke out,

"Run."

And after that, that's all I could get out.  Each time louder and more frantic until I was practically screaming for everyone to run.

Of course, our wall wasn't in the line of danger. Yet, at least. The two tried shutting me up, dragging me back to the shop as swiftly as they could before the entire village was on panic mode. My dad didn't want the reputation of pulling his young daughter out of the streets for startling the city of a potential threat that could have been false anyway.

They said it took me at least ten minutes to snap back into reality after returning home. The things I saw weren't real. At least for our wall. But they were what was unfolding in the unfortunate Shiganshina Distract.

Ever since then, my family's made it a rule to get my attention or pinch me back if I didn't speak or blink for a minute. I don't blame them. I'd probably be freaked out too.

Especially after the danger I let myself get into that day many years ago.

Flashback End

Heading back to my room after finishing my laps finally, I waved to one of my other mutuals, Mikasa. Her dorm was across the hall from mine. Sometimes I would pass her but most days not so much. She must get up a lot earlier than I. Or later, who really knows.

A mysterious one, she is.

I decided not to have dinner even though Jean insisted I join him in potato soup night. I honestly couldn't stomach anything else but water after my freeze.

I need a better term for that, huh?

It's a normal thing though, dunno why. I usually just feel super full or nauseous after them. Can't help it, like most things in my life.

I really didn't feel like bathing but all those laps left me filthy and it was not gonna sit well with me later.

So I just forced myself to grab my night clothes and head for the baths.

In the bathroom, I washed off, just letting the lukewarm water engulf me.  I enjoyed just sitting in the pool of warmth.  The water reminded me of the sea in my comrade, Armin's, book.  Something felt calming from it so I did it just about every night.  It was a good time for me to let my thoughts head whatever way they wanted without anything else bothering me in the moment.

Tonight's bath thoughts were wondering why I had another tug towards the corporal.  No... it wasn't my heart.  It was something else.  Something was pulling me closer to him and I couldn't put my finger on it.

Whilst running my hands over my soaked face, I felt a tap on my shoulder.  Instantly turning towards it, I saw a young girl's face right in mine.

And lord help me but I could not control the shriek that left my throat.

Instantly cupping my mouth and staring back into this girl's green eyes, she giggled and put a slender finger up to her own pale lips.

"Sorry!  I didn't mean to scare you!"

She chirps, clasping her hands together near her chest.

"W-What are you doing... in here?!"

I breathe out, suddenly remembering my state and sinking lower into the large bath.

"I couldn't help to visit again!  Besides, you're the only one who can actually see me!"

This girl... oh I've seen her a few times before!

"I know you... don't I?"

I ask her, moving a stand of wet hair off my cheek and behind my ear.  (If it's long enough)

"Yeah!  Well, kind of!  I've been around before!  We met awhile ago- kind of..."

She trails off.

"So... sneaking up on me in the bath seemed like a good time to check in again?"

I lighten the situation, pulling my towel over from behind me.

"Yeah!  Well- no, I didn't know you were... anyway I wanted..."

Flashback

"Please... please!  At least show me to her room?!"

"Sir, she's in critical condition.  I'm afraid we can't take any visitors at this time."

"This has to be a mistake... it has to be!  Is she even going to make it?!"

"I can't answer that myself, unfortunately.  I'm sorry sir.  Please just wait here until I'm given further notice."

The man finally obliged and sat in one of the old, barely leather seats in the cool room.

The night was chilly and skin biting, drafting into the small square room he stayed in.

Hours went on with no news.  The sun would be rising any moment now and nothing had updated.  Was she forgotten...?

Her family was worried sick. The unknown was petrifying to them.

Flashback End

Waking up the next morning, I was a bit early. I sat in my shitty bed and just took the time to watch the sun rise. Most mornings I don't get to. But I always loved to watch them. They were so... unique. Amazing, actually.

Cheesy, but I really enjoyed the serenity of it all. I guess that's another one of my traits coming out.

By the looks of it, it'd be a fairly warm day. The uniforms are fine until it's unbearably hot. Or when us ladies start menstruating. Clearly females weren't thought of when the uniforms were designed.

Enough about us being cranky for a week, I had to get up and start my day.

And I couldn't start my day off right without bumping into none other than the man himself.

Commander Erwin. That tall pole.

"Sorry commander, sir!"

I salute before being waved off.

"Apologies are mine, I take too wide of strides."

He mentions, leaving right after. I never realized but man he can be awkward sometimes. Maybe he's got a lot of work piling up on him and human interaction isn't an everyday thing for him. Wow that'd be kinda nice...

Wait, why's he in the girl's dorm hall?

Back on route to breakfast, I ran into Jean! This time not physically, but I saw him.

"Hey pony boy!"

I call out with a wave.

He immediately turns around and makes a face at me.

"How could you flake on potato night! Are you a potato hater...?"

His face goes stern as he approaches me. I let out a lighthearted laugh and shake my head.

"No, sorry about that. I wasn't hungry for dinner. I'll make it up to you on the next potato soup serving?"

I offer but I could already sense he would decline.

"That's only once a month or so. Let's just eat now and forget the time you left me alone to fight for the soup against Sasha. I think she likes them a little too much..."

He cringes, probably recalling the events I missed. Well... actually he was. I saw it. Just now. In my head.

"I bet."

I nod, laughing as we walk towards the mess hall.

When we sat down, my stomach did not hesitate to make it a known fact that I was starving. Jean just snorted at me, rolling his eyes.

"Even your gut is mad at you. Still can't believe you pulled that move. It's shameful."

"Look, if this is gonna be a running joke, it's not that funny and getting old."

I look up at him. He just shrugs and chuckles.

"All right, I'll drop it. What are you doing for training?"

He asks, stealing a small bread crumb from my plate.

"Same as everyone else, ...why?"

"Just curious."

"Jean."

I drag out, tilting my head. I didn't even have to ask. Something was on his mind. And it wasn't anything too light to forget about.

"What's got him in your head all of a sudden?"

I hum, keeping my voice low.

"Y-... I don't know."

He sighs, wiping his mouth off with a napkin.

I, again, didn't need to ask. But doing so just felt more natural for Jean and that's all I wanted. Sometimes I hated being able to know what was to come next in conversations. How I wondered what that feeling of the unknown felt like.

"I guess just the fact that it was always us sitting and training together almost every day. Now here I am, in a completely different regimen with someone else."

Ouch. That kinda stung. But I can't blame him, I understand.

"Yeah..."

I nod, taking another bite of my mostly stale bread.

"Some people... were just not meant to be around forever. Sometimes they're here for only a small portion... whether that be a few weeks. And some are here for a lifetime. It's tough not knowing who will be around for what period."

Jean nods along to my words, looking down at his sparse plate.

"And even though you only got to know him for a little while is still something. You got to impact each other's lives at least! Imagine if you two never met. The thought that you knew him for a short time is better than not at all, right?"

Jean looks up with a small grin on his face.

"You're right. Always right. How did you end up talking to this loser again?"

He laughs dryly. I only roll my eyes and let out a sigh.

"Can we stop being serious and just go back to being dorks again? What happened to the potato soup insults huh?"

Flashback

"We're here to see..."

"Sorry... but she checked out this morning."

A woman at the desk replies, looking up at the trio.

"Checked out?  What do you mean?"

"She just... checked out?"

The woman makes a face, flipping through papers on her desk.

"But- she wasn't supposed to?  Not yet at least."

The oldest man looks down at his children beside him.

"I'm sorry but if she's not here then I'll need you three to step to the side."

The woman with a tight bun in her hair sighs, waving them off.  A couple behind them steps up and they begin to chat.

The man from before was puzzled, turning to look out the window.

"Did she leave by herself?"

He steps back up to the desk.

"Yes, now please, sir.  You need to wait your turn."

The woman was starting to get agitated.

He nods and waits a second before sprinting back towards the rooms.

The receptionist and a few bystanders snap their attention towards him, shocked.  Security notices and takes off after him.

The running man spotted a door coming up to his left.  It barely open.  He took the chance and went in, quickly shutting it before the security would round the corner he just took.

Letting out a much needed breath once he heard them pass by, he had walked into a dark empty room.

Before he turned around to scan where he was, a small cry came from the other side of the room.

Face softening, recognizing it belonged to a child.  A very small one too.

He turned around fully and strode over to check on the noise.

Flashback End

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

『Word Count:』3,320

OMG THIS IS MY LONGEST CHAPTER WOW!!! Only by like 90 words lmao but still

I missed you guys and I missed writing sm omg I hope people still read this cuz I'm so excited for this book's plot :')

Speaking of, sorry this chapter was kinda all over the place. Like always. I got too excited about writing and getting this chapter done lol

Anyway, I love you guys. I hope you have a good day or night!

~AlpineBreadStick