Dear people doubting my identity,

I know that genderfluid is my identity, so it doesn't matter what people think of it because labels are relative and everyone has their own definition of the word but identifying as genderfluid by itself is just annoying to me at times because the same conversation always happens and it ends up with me enraged and thinking that I am sometimes a boy, sometimes a girl and sometimes neither and it doesn't really matter what you think just call me they/them because I really don't want to argue with you right now about how I'm faking it or looking for attention, because trust me if I could choose I would be straight and cis and the perfect Christian girl my parents thought they raised so I kindly ask you to shut up about who you think I'm supposed to be because obviously the person who has spent their whole life trying to figure out who they actually are and only gained enough confidence in that one label close enough to describe them in the past few months to proudly tell you my gender and not my biological sex when people ask me "Boy or girl?" Doesn't know anything about themselves and instead the person that they only just met knows more about them than they do. It always happens with you.

I have spent my entire life trying to know who I am and then you show up and obviously know me. But, can I tell you something? You don't. You are not inside my brain.

You do not understand what it's like to not even be called by people transgender even though you identify with that term because it only means that you are not the same gender as you biological sex but people believe transgender either means mtf or ftm.

You don't know what it's like to have panic attacks because you can't figure out if you want to be a boy or a girl, and you haven't been exposed or any other genders yet in life so you're just so confused as a little 6 year old scared to ask their mother in fear that they were being dumb.

You have never had a pain in your chest when called the same gender as your biological sex or called by the name you have been told is yours, that you don't like calling as your own.

You don't know about needing to wrap your breasts up in bandages or wear 6 sports bras at a time because you don't want people to see the 2 noticeable clumps of skin of your chest that people think means you're a girl.

You have not been in the position where church is every Sunday and girls wear dresses, boys wear suits and that's how it's always been noting else is "church attire". Where you are thought that God loves everyone, no matter what, and then hear people chanting about who God hates years later.

You do not know the pain I am feeling right now to know that you can, now, not be in the military. It's not like you would even make it into the military in the first place, you're 5 years too young to join and you're overweight. But still. Your dream job, as a child, was to work in the coastguard and now you know that childhood dream cannot be completed in the future if you wanted to go back to it because your mind doesn't agree with your body on what gender you're supposed to be.

You have not experienced the bathrooms. Oh, the bathrooms. Every Trans persons nightmare. When you're Female To Male or Male To Female its a not-so-simple simple question of do you go in the bathroom of your biological sex or do you go in the bathroom for the gender you identify with? Or, what if you're someone with more than one gender(genderfluid, genderflux, bigender, trigender ect.) What bathroom do you go in then? Do you go in the one for you biological sex or the one closest to whatever binary gender you're feeling? But then what if you don't have a gender that day? Or, what if you don't have a gender any day?

Dear people who are doubting my identity, please shut up. I say that in the nicest way possible. Be quiet. I am not who you say I am. I. Am. Me. If I say I am not a girl one day, I'm not a girl that day. If I say I'm not a boy one day, I'm not a boy.