People say that there are two types of anger.
One is the anger where you cry and your voice shakes. This anger shows that you care and are still hurting.

The other type of angry is when you are plain angry and there is a stiffness in your voice, that anger is when you know you're done with their shit.

Right now, quite expectedly, it's the first type of anger.

Just as I saw Mason I froze.
I didn't know what to do.
Was I imagining things?
Was my mind playing tricks on me?
But he seemed so real.
I could reach out and touch him, maybe even hug him.

But I didn't do any of that.
I ran to my room and shut the door behind me.

My body slid down to the floor and I realized that he was here.

There is a volcano erupting inside my body. I'm happy that he's here, I want to hold onto him and never let him fade away. But then again, there's a recurring sadness inside me, it's almost like this sadness is a part of me now.
It keeps knocking on the doors of my brain like an intruder and I try to push it back but it keeps breaking in, and I always succumb to it.

The doorknob turns and I take a deep breathe, knowing who it is and bracing myself for it.

He comes inside and sees me sitting beside the door.
He too closes the door and sits beside me

Moments pass and none of us says a thing. We just stare ahead, towards the window and beyond, where the stars are twinkling and the moonlight is bright, indicating that the world is so much bigger than what is going on in an apartment in some stupid street of Canada.

I cogitate on whether to speak or not, whether to break whatever kind of uncomfortable silence this is and accept the cold truth.

"You are a brave man, Mason" I whisper

Maybe my whisper is just enough for him to break down because that is what he does.

His shoulders shake with what can only be described as heartbreak in the form of tears.
To believe that this vulnerable person in front of me is Mason Rogers, my Mason, is harder than I anticipated.

"Mason please stop. It's okay. She loved you" I comfort him

"No she couldn't, Amna. I'm the worst son ever" he says, his voice breaking again and I shift to sit in front of him.

"And who says that? You?" Not a chance" I sigh
"Mason please look up" I plead with a very soft tone, like I'm talking to a little child.

He hesitantly looks up and I see that he hasn't slept in days. His eyes are puffy, his nose is red, his whole face is blotchy, yet, for some weird reason that is beyond me, I still find him attractive.

"Mason she loved you. You were her son and you were a very good son. Even the strongest people break down in situation like these, it's okay" I comfort him

"Like?" He asks

"Oliver Queen" I say and my eyes quickly widen.
What is freaking wrong with me? Oliver queen?
Literally?
That's the best I could do to comfort him?
Give him an example of a non existing vigilante?

"Why do you care? You weren't even there" he says and his words hit me like an arrow, no pun intended.
Of course he is taking out his anger on me

There are a few moments of heavy and guilty silence.

"The ceremony was beautiful" I tell him and he widens his eyes at me

"How do you know?" He asks, another set of tears already forming in his eyes.

"Because I was there. Brie helped" I said, my tears still flowing as well.

"Brie must hate me" he says again

"Nobody hates you, you idiot!" I almost shout and he laughs somewhat sarcastically and I sigh before continuing

"Because it's just grief you're going through and I've learned that grief is only the love we cannot give. You know, it gathers in the corner of our eyes, in the lump in our throat, in our heart. Grief is just love with no place to go"

"Why did you come back?" I ask

"Fatima. I'm sure you know your parents are in America for holidays. She came over to your aunt's and then came to talk to me but could only meet Brie. Then Brie called her again and asked her to come and talk to me. She and Brie both convinced me that coming here was what I needed to do. So here I am" he tells me and I gasp.
I thank Allah for the amazing family I have and smile.

"Do you hate me?" He asks.
The worry etched across his face seems like it's trying to reside their permanently.

"Why would I hate you? In fact..." I pause.

There is something eerily gorgeous about how vulnerable we are in love and yet that vulnerability is our greatest strength and right now my love for him won't be his weakness but his strength.

"I love you" I say and his eyes almost pop out of their sockets

"But I'm terrible. I was with my mom through it all and left her when her condition got so bad. How could you love me? Ever?" His voice shakes

"How could I love you? How could I not love you would be the appropriate question! How could I not love the person who was always there for me?
Mason you are one person in my life that I could spend the whole day with without getting bored. You are everything I have ever wanted. The day you left and you said I love you, you took something from me, some part of my heart, Mason and I don't want it back because I realize that that part belongs to you.
Everything about you is perfect for me. Everything about the most caring person in the world is perfect. I don't even know if I should say this or not but I cannot wait until I'm with you.
Until I can spend every single moment of my life with you. I absolutely hate the fact that we aren't married because if we were. I would've kissed you right now"

We both laugh and I silently wonder how my conversation just shifted to marriage in a matter of a few seconds.
How the word was so easy for me to say.

"I'm not an easy person to fall for and I never thought anyone could fall in love with me and yet you did. Why or how is still a mystery to me. I love you very, very much. Dammit I don't even know how I'm talking right now. I just want to cry, which I am, and just....God.." I finally say, pouring all my emotions out and only then do I realize how cheesy I sounded but honestly I do not care right now.

I finish my rant and look up to see him smiling at me and for a moment I'm reminded of a quote by F.Scott Fitzgerald :

"It was only a sunny smile and little it cost in the giving, but like morning light, it scattered the night and made the day worth living"

"Oh Amna" he runs his hands on his face
"You've got no idea what you just did. God damn it, this is surreal.
I love you too. I love you so damn much that every cell in me can feel it. You changed me and I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. We really are in the same page about the kissing scene. Ugh, I don't even want to look at you, it kills me.
I want you to be mine, no scratch that, I need you to be mine and I don't care how long it might take, as long as I know you're doing it with all of your heart. You might think it's difficult to fall for you but I did and it was as easy as ABC. I've never done something more simpler than falling in love with you" he looks at me with such a stare that I can feel my insides melting and I can sit there and stare at his eyes right now and forget the world.

What did I ever do to deserve a guy like him?
But then it hits me.
It's not that easy.
It's never that easy for me

"You aren't even Muslim" I whisper and another tear makes it way down my face.

That's my life. Always unfair.

"But that's the point" he says and I look at him, utterly confused

"Remember when you took the Quran which I was studying for you?" He asks and I nod, another wave of affection for him hitting me.

"I bought another one for myself as I loved reading it. I began reading it more frequently when mom got too sick and when she died. I did nothing but read the Quran. It provided me comfort. I felt peaceful inside when I read it and so I decided that I loved nothing more than Allah. So I converted" he finishes.

I look at him and sigh.
The heights my love for him have reached are impossible to touch.

We just stare at each other, crying and smiling at the same time.
Did I just actually confess my love for someone and have them reciprocate it?
Did I just become the luckiest girl alive?

"I really hate to break this moment, Amna. And before I say this, I want to remind you that I love you" he uncomfortably shifts and I start to panic.
"I'm- I'm not in a place in my life where I'm ready to get married. Not right now. But I have every intention of marrying you, I promise. I'm not playing with you" he says and looks at me like he has just confessed to murder.

I laugh, like a true laugh which originates from my stomach.

"It's okay, love. I know you're not playing" I reply

This is life.

It doesn't get perfect, nowhere near it but it does get better. Better than where we are today and then maybe we can work towards perfect but for right now, better is all we want.

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I'm literally gonna cry because I'm going to miss writing this book so much. This book is a very big part of my heart.

Next stop: Epilogue

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Also, the epilogue might be late so bear with ya girl.

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