"Kim I don't wanna do this!" Rose slams the grocery list on the table

"I went last time!" Kim slams her hand on the table too

"Ask Amna to go!" They both yell at each other and I just stare at them, my spoon still half way through my mouth
They both stare at me and I shrug

"You never asked me. I love going grocery shopping" I say and eat my cereal, feeling a lot like Michelle tanner. They both just sigh and sit down to complete their breakfast while I laugh lightly.

"Good morning ladies" Mason enters the kitchen

"Good morning" Kim and Rose say in unison while I give him a smile and he winks back.
God, I hate it (love it) when he winks.

"Hey do you wanna go grocery shopping" I casually inquire

"Yeah sure" he shrugs

-------------------------------

"Mason I'm leaving without you if you don't get down here right now!" I shout from downstairs

"Geez woman, hold your horses I was coming. I was just talking to Brie" he says and I glare at him

"Mason Rogers! How dare you talk to Brie alone?" I glare and he shrugs

"You talk to Fatima alone" he says and I pout. He does have a point

"Tomorrow you can talk to Fatima while I talk to Brie. Deal?" I cross my arms

"Deal" he gives me two thumbs up and we leave for the grocery store which is not too far.

During the car ride he plays the radio and suddenly little things starts playing. I smile, remembering the last time we listened to this song together. I remember what I said:

"I'll never hate myself"

I think those were my exact words. Where did I go wrong?

I sniff, trying to hold back the tears but it's like I have opened a gate that can not be closed. They gather in my eyes like they're reclaiming their territory. I try to freeze my brain, to stop it from reminiscing everything that I put myself through, all the moments of unhappiness I caused myself. I pull over, not being able to see clearly because of the tears.

"Amna is everything alright?" Mason asks. I nod and then laugh over my stupidity like a maniac. He probably thinks his best friend is nuts.

"It's just that the last time we were in this situation, in a car, listening to this song, I was different. Everything was different" I say between my tears

"I hate myself like this" I whisper. It's like a scared confession which I have made to myself many times, saying it out loud makes it ten times real.

"Oh Amna no. You're an amazing person. Remember what you told me when we last listened to this song? You said you would never hate yourself."

God! He knows me so well.

I sniff and try to calm myself down. I lift my head, ready to face his disappointed expression but am instead met with respect. How does he respect me when I can't do it myself?

"You're not nuts." he tells me and I laugh

I guess you haven't lost your telepathical connection.

"And you will be okay, love" He says the 'L' word with so much ease that my mind lets it in without thinking of it as an invader. Yes, even the word 'Love' had become a scary invader to me.

Hearing him call me 'love' brought me back to the time I put Henry down, telling him that this word was reserved for someone who actually loved and respected me. Funny how times change!

------------------------------------

"I've got the milk. Did you get the butter?" I look at Mason

"Yes ma'am" he replies

I'm feeling much better after my little meltdown in the car. I honestly have no idea what happened to me. Normally, I wouldn't have cried in such a situation but only God knows what came over me.

Going a little forward I remember asking him to bring me my shampoo
"Did you get my shampoo?" I ask

He slaps his forehead

"Oh no I forgot I'll get it" he rushes to get the shampoo and bumps into someone coming back

"I'm sorry" I hear him say and the girl says it's okay.

That voice. I know that voice. Oh my god, please don't let it be her!

I turn around to take a look at the possessor and sure enough, it is her. Ashley Johnson!

"Oh it's quite okay" she says to Mason, twirling her hair, putting on her best flirting face. Mason just stares at the floor and comes back.

"Here. I got it. I just wanted to ask if you use this one you know because I don't know if you've dyed your hair a different color under there" he laughs and I would've laughed too if only I wasn't so angry right now.

My eyes are still stuck on her and then I see something which makes me clench my fist. He snakes an arm around her waist and she just giggles.

"Earth to Amna" Mason is snapping his fingers in front of my eyes but I can't seem to take my eyes off of these sorry excuses of human beings. Mason looks at what I'm looking and I think he realizes why I'm so angry

"Is that..?" Mason looks at me and I nod

"Jamaal and his dumb bimbo" I say through gritted teeth.

"Amna lets go please" he tells me but by this time it's too late. Jamaal has already noticed me and I will not turn away. Why should I? It's him who's wrong not me. I will face my fears. I am Amna Ahmed and I will not let this overpower me.

"Well well well if it isn't the famous Amna" Ashley, my first 'friend' says, twirling her red hair around her finger.

"Well well well if it isn't..I'm sorry what was your name again?" I say while tapping my finger against my chin.

"Who's that, sweetheart?" Jamaal points towards Mason and I clench my fists tighter at the word 'sweetheart'

"Your fiancé?" He completes his sentence and I take in a deep breathe. Mason opens him mouth to say something but I beat him

"For once in your pathetic life, you're right" I smile sharply at Jamaal and Mason looks a little confused before joining in.

"You see Mr. whatever your name is. You lost something beautiful and I got to be the luckiest man" Mason says and I smile genuinely. If only I could tell him what he means to me.

"Moved on pretty quickly didn't you?" Jamaal looks at me, not being able to answer Mason

"You moved on while we were in a relationship. I think I'm doing fine" I reply

"Oh I would still love to complete the task I left unfinished after class" He smirks and my heart drops to my stomach.

I shiver, the memory of his hands roaming my body makes me sick to my stomach. My hands tremble and I search for something to hold onto to stop my head from spinning. Tears force themselves out of me and I feel like I could break down right here, right now. Every single gross thing that he did to me comes back to me, hitting my brain like a sledgehammer, shattering every hope I had in humanity. I want to scream at him, tell him that it still hurts. That every part of me still feels dirty. I want him to know that sometimes at night I can't sleep because I want to take a shower again and again to remove the memory of his hands on my skin. I want him to feel what I felt when my neck bled because I couldn't stop scratching the place he kissed. I want him to suffer, to rot in the depths of hell.

Hold on. Fight back. You're strong. You're strong.

"Don't you fucking dare talk to my girl like that or I will beat your filthy ass until you are begging for your life." Mason warns Jamaal and my eyes widen. This is the first time he has ever cursed, in front of me at least and this is the first time he has threatened to beat someone. And what I saw beneath his shirt is prove enough that he will have no problem beating Jamaal into goo.

Hold up! MY girl!
He doesn't like me too does he?
Oh you stupid narcissist, he doesn't!

The both of them stare at each other with fire in their eyes until Jamaal turns away. Mason takes our stuff to the counter and we leave the grocery shop as soon as possible. I'm still in a haze and Mason says nothing. Halfway towards the car I stop in my tracks.
"What happened?" Mason asks me but I just run back inside

"Hey Amna!wait!" Mason says

"I've got a fist, he's got a nose, you can do the math" I say and run back inside to do what I always wanted to do.

I run through alleys before finally finding them. I run towards them and Jamaal turns to face me when Ashley taps his shoulder. Without saying any word, I gather all my strength and punch him hard and Ashley gasps. He raises his hand, I assume to slap me but I catch his hand and twist it, making him wince. I instantly remember the time I winced when he kissed my neck. I close my eyes, my nails digging into his flesh.

"You will not touch me again. Ever. You filthy pig" I seethe out and he frees his hand from my grasp
"You hurt me Jamaal and you hurt me bad. You knew, you fucking knew that I wasn't every complete, that I had emotional problems and when you came into my life.....it felt like my life was finally normal. Little did I know that you wouldn't glue me back together, you would shatter me more. Do you remember what you said to my parents? I will never hurt Amna, she won't shed another tear, not because of me. Well guess what? You gave me the worst heartache. And thank you Jamaal, you taught me that my tears aren't my weakness. You two are so perfect for each other, it's like a match made in hell. Ashley, did you tell him that you slept with his best friend or shall I do the honors?"
Jamaal's eyes widen and I just shake my head, wiping away my tears.

"You bitch" Ashley says through gritted teeth.

"Save it, Ashley. You and I both know this isn't the half of it" I snap back and she immediately shuts her mouth.

"You know the man you just saw me with? He's not my fiancé. His name is Mason and I love him. He did something you never could, he cleaned up your effing mess. Actually, no, he didn't glue me back together. He taught me how I should glue myself back together. He gave me the confidence I always needed. " I pause, letting that sink in.

"I know you know that someday I'll forgive you. That's just who I am. Unfortunately for you that day is not today. Meanwhile, the both of you can take comfort in the fact that you achieved your goal and you really hurt me. I, on the other hand, will take comfort in the fact that karma is a righteous bitch" I say and Jamaal actually looks taken aback.
I nod to myself and walk away, smiling. I ascertain, that I will not go back to being who I was, I will become a new person. Someone who is stricken by their miserable past, someone who is cheery with her sad thoughts, someone who is jealous of girls who live with her parents, I won't be that person anymore. I will be someone who will be cheery inspite of her miserable past, someone who will not get jealous of little girls living with their parents instead I will pray for them, that they have a happy life. I will accept my past, I will be a whole new person. A person who I am happy with.

"Woah tiger! How does it feel?" Mason asks and I jump up and down

"Amazing. So amazing in fact that I would kiss you if I could right now" I say without thinking and stop dead.
Oh dear God, don't I have an amazing record of speaking without thinking!
I am such an idiot. Mason clears his throats and we head back to the car.

This time I play the radio and alphabet aerobics starts playing.
Mason's eyes widen when I start rapping with the singer
"Wow! You can rap the whole song?" He asks

"Indeed I can" I grin
Without him asking, I give him the answer of how?

"I've had a lot of time on my hands" I wink at him and he smiles.

The rest of the way we sing songs like we always did and I feel like I am already halfway to my destination of being satisfied.

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Shit is about to go down!!! Can you guys believe that only 7 chapters are left (including epilogue). I'm sad *sniff*. I'm going to miss my Mason!
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