I shut the door behind me and take a huge breathe.

Beads of sweat trickle down my forehead despite the air conditioner being switched on.

Today was...overwhelming in more than one way.
It just reminded me of how things used to be.

On our drive back home I noticed something:
Mason was particularly excited when we were passing a carnival.
I asked him if he wanted to go there tomorrow and his response was:
"A carnival. That's perfect"

It was just a deja vu of what I said when he told me about the carnival we went to five years ago.

Man! That carnival! One freaking day that is imprinted on my mind forever.

But there was something different about the way he said it, like he got hit with an idea.
Sure, there was no light bulb on top of his head or something but I know him.

And I know deep down that this idea is going to be something I'm not going to like.

I sigh again and walk over to my bed.
I open my phone and scroll through Instagram, snapchat and laugh when I see that Fatima sent me a snapchat of her and mama dancing to the radio.
I miss them so much and that includes papa.

It's funny, really, all my life I couldn't wait till I was grown up and then maybe I could live with them.
I yearned for them.
Now that I'm an adult, I still yearn for them.
But I can't, I can't have them here. I can't have them telling me that my experiences shouldn't define who I am, because they do. The past two years have shaped me into the loathsome person that I am today and I can't get out of it, maybe I don't even want to.

I lock my phone and rub my temples.
What the hell?
Why the hell is everything reminding me of my weaker, more stupid, more naive, previous self?

I see a notification on my phone.
It says:
YouTube: Mason Rogers uploaded a video - One Woman Man (cover)

How did he upload a video when we just came back?

Are you legitimately asking that question?

Yeah.
I sometimes surprise myself by how dumb I am.

I swipe right and close my eyes as his voice fills my ears.

He is so good at singing! And I love that he's happy with what he's doing.
The way the lyrics just flow out of his mouth and the little crease in his eyebrows while he tries to focus on the song.
I just missed him so much.
I've probably said this about a thousand times but I still think it's not enough.

And who else do I miss?
I miss myself.

I absolutely hate admitting this but I want to go back to who I was.
The only problem is, the walls I've built around myself are so thick that even I don't know how to break them.
I've become so used to this new me that I don't even remember what Amna was like.
I don't even freaking remember what being actually happy is like.

I am only a little bit close to being happy when I'm with.....Mason!

Effing hell!
It's like my life is a circle and everything keeps spinning back to him.

Without even realizing it, he's breaking down the walls I've been building for the past year.
Without even realizing it, he's crawling back into the space in my heart that I filled with so much effort and pain.
Without even realizing it, maybe I'm letting him back into my heart.

But this time seems so different. We're both a bit mature than we were 5 years ago and I'll never look at any guy and not think of.... bad people.

One day with him led me into thinking so many things about him, I can only imagine what the future holds.

I clear my throat and look down at the video which has ended.

I scroll through the comments and laugh at all the girls swooning over him.
A certain comment catches my eye
"He definitely has a girlfriend. The rumors are true!"

I'm not going to lie, I have heard the rumors but why does a comment ignite fire in every single vein in my body?
What if Mason actually has a girlfriend?
I mean I never really asked him so maybe that's why he didn't tell me?

I think I should probably ask him.

I step out of my bedroom and walk to his bedroom, right across mine.

I enter without knocking, because why not do what he does all the time?

As soon as I open the door I shout "OH MY GOD DOES MASON ROGERS HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?"

He jumps out of his seat in shock. He quickly shuts the book in front of him and covers it with a pillow.

I think it's the same book he bought when we stopped by the bookshop near the carnival today.

He carried it to the car with so much discretion and never showed me what it was so I have decided not to question him about the book
I have more interesting questions.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" He says, his face still shocked.

"You do that all the time." I roll my eyes.

Even though I shouted like I was excited and all, the entire reason of asking this question was curiosity and to put a stop to the fire in my stomach.
I plop in the bed across him and he sighs.

"I did have a girlfriend" he says. I clear my throat and nod.

That didnt help.
At all.
He can't have a girlfriend.
That's just wrong!

"Wait did you say did?" I say.

Yeah I'm not that dumb.
One point for me!

"Yeah. Umm I did have a girlfriend but we ended things before I came here" he says, his eyebrows creased.

Amazing how correct the person in the comment section was.

"Do you need a talk?" I say although I know exactly which situation it's going to land me in.

Maybe I can tell him!
I mean, he's my best friend, right?

He looks at me with a look in his eye, which takes my breathe away. He is looking at me likes he knows me, like he really knows me.
It's the look I've been craving to see in his eyes ever since he came here.
I can't even begin to describe how it feels when he looks at me like that.
How freaking happy this makes me.
To know that to him, I am still me.
This makes me feel like 5 years never passed, I never left America. I never grew up.
Nobody looks at me like that anymore.
Nobody. And that hurts me.

"I was hoping you would ask me that" he chuckles lightly and I smile weakly in response.

He lies down on the bed, his head lying where my feet are and I lie down too, so that my head lies where his feet are.

"You know those relationships where you just don't feel right but you can't just end things because it's not reason enough. Sometimes you feel like you belong with that person but sometimes the relationship feels-"

"-Arranged" I cut him and he nods

"But she was amazing. She knew that I thought that there should be a purer relationship between a man and a woman than just making out and doing stuff within the first few minutes"
I dig my nails in the palms of my hand.

Is he saying what I think he's saying?
That he never did....umm...okay let's not go there. I'm not interested in his sexual life.

Why not?

"She sounds nice" I smile.

Bah! I mean she really does sound nice but her mention makes me see red.

"Yeah but she wasn't someone I could fall in love with, you know. She was more of a friend."

He tilts his head, our eyes lock and I smile reflexively, again

"However, I do know someone who's gorgeous. She understands me and I could probably even fall for her" his words bring me out of my trance.

My mouth drops open.
Now who is this witch?

I notice a mosquito on his foot and I slap his foot

"Hey! What'd you do that for?" He looks at me, wide-eyed.

"There was a mosquito" I shrug and grin evilly inside because I know I hit him hard.

What?
I am angry! He can't just like another girl now!

"Anyway, who might that-"

"Do you have a girlfriend?" Rose barges into Mason's room and I slap a hand on my forehead in frustration.
Couldn't she have chosen a better time?

"Oh did I interrupt something?" Rose asks

"Nope. Nothing much. Just me and Amna making out. You know, the usual" I glare at Mason and he laughs

"Yeah that happens like everyday. No big deal" Rose shrugs

"Now would you please answer the question" Kim speaks this time

"He did have a girlfriend but he doesn't anymore" I say and Kim nods.

I get up and join them at the door
"Good for you" Kim murmurs and I hit her shoulder.

"Why do you look so relieved that he doesn't have a girlfriend anymore?" Rose says and I glare at her.
At least Kim had the decency of murmuring.

"Because I'm happy that my best friend got out of a relationship he didn't feel good in, a relationship that didn't benefit him. I think I know what that feels like" I say, my words come out harshly then I intended them to.

My eyes widen.
Shit!
Kim and Rose look at me sympathetically because they know what I'm talking about but Mason on the other hand looks befuddled.

What. Did. I. Just. Do?

I murmur a quick sorry to Rose and leave

I think I just gave Mason an idea of what happened to me.

And I don't like it.

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Hi everyone, I think we all can guess what happened to Amna now. Maybe.
Vote if y'all are ready for a bit of 'Captain Broccoli' romance in the next chapter 😏