Important A/N

---------------------------

"Oh especially the uptown funk cover. That one is my favorite" Kim says, sitting all poised like she's a descendant of Queen Victoria herself

"Right Amelia?" She looks at me

"Uh yeah" I reply without paying a single ounce of attention to the conversation because my stupid mind won't stop turning it's gears.

I'm sitting here, motionless, and my brain is frozen and there is no one to thaw it.
My eyes are fixed on my fidgeting hands, and I desperately try to move a muscle. To laugh at one of his jokes, to hit him because of making fun of me, but I can't.
I just can't.
Q: Why does it matter to me so much that he doesn't know the new me?
A: I don't want him to know me now because I know he will be disappointed.

I check the time: 2 hours to go for the dinner.

"Okay, I'm gonna go get ready" I announce as I get up but Mason stops me

"Hey, where are you going? You take like half an hour to get ready. Sit down" he nudges me

"Not anymore. I take a lifetime now" I try to crack a joke but he doesn't laugh.
Doesn't even lift a corner of his mouth and it weakens me a little inside.
I walk away.

I know, I effing know, it's a little thing but it means so so much to me and him.

I decide not to think about the dinner for I don't want to inflict more torture on my poor mind.

I know the dinner is going to be weird.
I take out a pair of black ripped jeans and a white t- shirt.
I hop in the shower and stay there for almost an hour, trying to wash my worries away so I can wave them goodbye as they go down the drain but sadly the only thing I say goodbye to is a bunch of my hair

They say hair loss is a sign of stressing too much and I snort, what stress? I think they mean it's a sign of life because according to me, life a.k.a stress.

I come out of the shower, change my clothes and curl my hair into place. I put on makeup and match my outfit with black heels.

I see a scarf lying on the other side of the room and as if on bloody instinct my feet take me over to the scarf. It's been so hard to not just go there and wrap it around me and change into some more comfortable clothes and shoes and just take of this makeup and just be...me.

I sit down on the edge of the bed and hold my head in my hands.
This is the first time in a year that I've thought like this.
I knew it. I knew that I was bringing this on to myself. I'm the one who is responsible for feeling like this. I knew exactly how I would feel if Mason was back. I didn't want him to come because of the same reason that I didn't want my mom or grandma to come.
God knows which part of the stupid little Amna crawled into me that day and I said yes. I felt hopeful that day.
Stupid stupid me. Always being optimistic. Well it's not actually me being optimistic, it's her, it's that part of me that I've been trying to get rid of.

"Amy it's about time, get here!" Kim shouts from downstairs and I get up and check myself in the mirror once more, honestly, to a third eye, I would look pretty hot but to me I look like cow dung.

I walk down the stairs, the stupid Amna crawling in again and hoping that Mason looks at me the same way he did when I first went to his place

"Everyone ready?" I say as I enter. Mason looks at me and his eyes hold an emotion that I can't put my finger on but one thing is for sure, it isn't the same way he looked at me before.
Maybe it's even more.
His eyebrows raise to his hairline and he clearly sucks in a breathe.

Then, unfortunately, He catches my eye and tries to smile and it's gone.
The mesmerizing effect that I had on him for two minutes is gone.

Rose clears her throat
"Trouble in paradise?" She says and I shake my head.

Mason gets up
"Ready ladies?" He says and all of us nod.
"Okie dokie. I'll be outside waiting" he says and just before leaving he turns around and says
"Oh and broccoli, the radio will be ready" I nod wordlessly.
The radio, of course.

"What did he mean by that?" Kim asks, curiosity getting the better of her.

"Curiosity killed the cat you know" Rose says

"It's okay. It's just that.." I scratch my forehead, feeling uncomfortable
"We always used to sing with the radio back when we first met" I complete

"Oh, so it was kind of 'your thing'"Rose says, making air quotation marks

"Ssshh" Kim bumps her elbow with hers

"Yeah it was" I say and smile at the memory which seems so distant, like it was another lifetime.
We hear my car's horn and we run outside.

"You know I can't drive so you should've been here soon" he pouts and I laugh before sliding into the driving seat.
As I enter the car, I see that the radio is actually switched on.

As soon as everyone is inside I step on the gas.

--------------------------

Mason, Rose and Kim sing with the radio the whole way.
Mason keeps urging me to sing but every time I deny

"I think I have a sore throat" I say.

We both know I don't.

In almost 15 mins, we arrive at my favorite restaurant.
I kill the engine and all of us go inside.
Kim and Rose are ahead of me and Mason is walking beside me.

"Glad to know you still love food" Mason says

"Hmm" is all I'm able to utter.
We go inside and the waiter greets us

"Hello miss Amelia" he says while smiling politely

"Hello Fred" I smile back.

After a while, he comes back and notes down everyone's orders before looking at me.
"Your usual Amelia?"

"Yes please" I say and hand him the menu

"So you're a regular here too" he says and I nod.
I can only imagine what his reaction would be when he sees what I order.
After a few minutes Fred arrives with our orders.
Mason has ordered a hamburger, Rose has ordered shrimps while Kim has ordered a sandwich.

"You're gonna eat that?" Mason says, pointing towards my order. I look at it and flinch inside

"Yeah" I say putting up a fake smile
"They have the best Caesar salad" I say and stuff some of it in my mouth.
I dare to look up at Mason and he just nods while mumbling
"Of course they do".

"So Mason you're here for vacation?" I ask him, trying to lighten the mood

"Not exactly, I have some work but I'm free for some days before that" he says, his voice holding nada emotion.
I clear my throat and try to talk again

"I could take some days off from my job and I could take you some places" I say and smile and I see a hint of smile on his face too

"Sounds nice" he mumbles.

After we have eaten everyone orders ice cream but me, much to the dismay of Mason.

When the bill arrives, Kim, Rose and Mason argue on who's going to pay while I sit there silently. I haven't got the kind of cash to pay for dinners.

On the way back Mason doesn't ask me to sing along and I don't.
After we reach, we all sit in the lounge talking about how good the food was

"Okay, I'm gonna go in my room" I say and get up but Mason stops me again.

"I want to talk to you" he says and I sit back down
"Alone" he adds and Kim and Rose get up.
They leave after saying thank you.

"So?" I say after a few awkward moments

"You were right" he whispers, more to himself than me

"About what?" I ask

"About you, you really have changed" he rubs his temple

"Told you" I mumble

"Why?" He asks, his voice a bit higher

"Because" I answer

"Because what?" He inquires , his voice lowering.

"I can't tell you" I say and out of the corner of my eye I look at him and watch his face turn red and I feel the knot in my stomach and the lump in my throat.

"Damn you Mason" I mutter
I look up and close my eyes. I hear him get up from the couch.
I open my eyes and see him crouching in front of me

"Why Amna, why? Something terrible must've happened that changed you, I don't see my Amna anywhere. I don't. My Amna didn't take two hours to get ready. Amna didn't wear heels. It's the little things. " he says while putting his hand on my knee

"Yeah well maybe I have grown up"

"Have you?" He asks with so much certainty that not even a derisory part of me dares to deny him

"Don't" I say and jerk his hand of, trying to stop him but Mason doesn't stop

"Amna didn't eat salad, Amna didn't refuse ice cream, Amna didn't hug guys, even if it's me-" he stops abruptly, his eyes widening. Oh he did not just say that!

"Don't!" I shriek, standing up.
My voice being louder than I expected it to be.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have said the last part Amna. I have no right to say that" he says, standing up too

"Hell yes you shouldn't have said that!" I say still shouting

"Amna-"

"Don't call me Amna!" I shout again and this time his face turns red and he shouts back

"Then tell me what's wrong?"
For a few forlorn moments we stand there, our eyes ablaze with anger and challenging each other.
I tear my gaze away and he takes deep breathes trying to calm himself and I do too.
My tears threatening to spill and it's all his fault.
Fortunately, they don't.
But it's still his fault.
I know he's right, I do but he doesn't understand why and I can't tell him.

"Amn- broccoli please tell me, what happened? You can tell me anything. I know that whatever happened, it happened in the past two years because that is when you stopped talking to me" I let him continue without stopping him

"I know that you may not be ready but I want you to know that whenever you are, I'll always be here. I'm going to find out and I'm not going to ask somebody. You're going to tell me yourself. I don't care if you hate me for saying this, but I don't like this new you and I'm going to bring her back. I'm going to bring my Amna back. Not for me or anyone else but for you" he says and I intake a sharp breathe.

"No you're ruddy well not going to bring her back! She's gone! This is me! This!" I gesture to myself and he steps closer to me.
So that my nose is close to his chin.

Why is he so tall?
I step back and stare into his green eyes.
Never have I ever seen him like this, so angry, so irate.

I stare up at him and he stares at me. My eyes rove over his face.
At his eyes, his nose and everything underneath.
Only now have I noticed how much he has actually changed.

How the crease in his eyebrows is a little deeper, how his green eyes look almost black right now.
How much more handsome he has gotten.
How he is looking at me like no one else exists, with unfathomable emotions dancing in those eyes of his.

And I know, he is looking at me too. Noticing every single detail.

I take in all of his face, as if I've never seen it before
Well I'm not wrong, I have never seen him so closely

"I know you enough to know that this isn't you" he hisses and I remember that I'm mad at him

Fighter mode: on

"And how do you know me so well? Because you spent two weeks with me? That too Five years ago? I don't take anybody's shit anymore. Especially not yours. You're my friend, you're supposed to uplift me not degrade me" I reply, my eyes still challenging his

"We spent the same amount of time around each other yet you think that you know me very well. Why can't I do the same? I'm your friend but that doesn't mean I uplift you in every stupid idea of yours. I see it in your eyes and I know you're tired of this. You never took anybody's shit and you were good to yourself. The only difference now is that you aren't good to yourself. You still treat me the same so why would I care?" He steps closer, his cold voice sending a shiver down my spine
"I care because you don't treat yourself the same" he adds and all the breathe is knocked out of my lungs.
My legs lose their balance, quite literally, and he holds my elbow to steady me.
His eyes are still unfathomable

How could he even say this?
Can he read my mind?
Is he a psychic now?

And why the effing hell do I have this sudden urge of hugging him and punching him hard in the face at the same time?

My hands ache to reach towards him.
To hug or to punch is something I'd like to keep to myself, thank you very much!

He then proceeds to leave but he stops mid-way
"I'm sorry for saying-"

"It's okay. Just leave" I say and he leaves.

I sigh and lean back. This is exactly what I've been dreading, the tears are ready to spill, more ready than they've ever been.
He can't do this, he can't just come back and try to change everything. I was doing just fine without him.

There is no way out of this except being strong.
I can't let him change me.
He's going to leave and then I'm going to be left alone, just like before.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I MIGHT not be able to upload for a week or two because unfortunately a torturous process called examination exists in this world!
Also, is everyone just as much in love with Mason as I am? Lol
Please vote and comment