I dunno, I guess that this is kinda a vent? I dunno at all.

Everything hurts, all the time. I dunno why though. And lately I've been having dreams, and it just feels so scary. I used to never have dreams unless it was a special day, I guess? I dunno. Maybe it's because I've been catching up on sleep? I still somehow feel tired all the time.

When I was younger, my parents would argue a lot. And yes, I've seen and heard some things that a person shouldn't hear from their parents. Well, anyway, if they were arguing or avoiding each other while I was asleep, I'd instantly wake up. Then... experiences. I soon learned how to pretend that I was sleeping. I still pretend to sleep. It's a useful thing to know how to do.

Maybe I'm remembering these things because my dad moved back in, my mom and I know that we dislike each other, and honestly I've been a wreck lately. I always try to make other people feel better, but I hardly pay attention to my own feelings. I kinda just push them aside, or I drown in them. I dunno, it just seems like I'm carrying my own emotional baggage while other people dump their emotional baggage onto me. Then again, I want to make people happy. Of course, I can't do it if they aren't willing to put their own effort in.

I haven't seen my counselor in a while, and really, I miss him. I always felt better after therapy. I wish that I could go to therapy every single day. That would be so nice... but no. It's either every two weeks or every three weeks, and by that time I've already gotten distressed and anxious about something, maybe I had hallucinations, and I decided to take an all-nighter. I just can't win.

I try to do all of these different things to make me happy, but low and behold, am I happy? Sometimes. Usually, I'm scared. I'm stressed. I'm angry. I'm crying. I'm suffocating. I don't know what to do anymore. I know that suicide and self harm isn't the way to go, so don't worry about me doing that. I'm too much of a pussy to do it anyway. I'm too much of a pussy to do shit. I'm too much of a pussy to tell my parents how I really feel. I'm too much of a pussy to tell my mom to fucking STOP. Please, just stop. Stop being annoying to the point that I leave the room. Stop being angry and breaking things in front of me, because it only makes me more fearful. Please... stop...

This is stupid. I'm stupid.