OK, LOVE YOU BYE!
003. my beautiful girl

THE RAF OF LAUREL ISN'T SOMETHING IM EXPECTING TO WALK INTO. me and Seth deliberating even just spending the night in the car, but alas as I creak the door open to reveal an angry Laurel ( a sight that you don't ever want to see) — a scoff leaves her mouth.

The other four turn and look at me, Conrad slouched on one of the benches. The rest look like dogs with tails between their legs.

" and where the hell have you been?" Laurel asks her attention focused on me, and I look to Seth.

" Seth dropped me back, there wasn't enough room in the Jeep for all of us." I explain with one of the smiles that usually smoothes things over but this time doesn't seem to work .

I feel Seth inhale, " I wasn't drinking Mrs Conklin-" his choice of words make me wince slightly.

" it's Miss Park." she corrects him in a tense voice, I turn to look at him with a tight semi-apologetic smile. He didn't know. Having onto encountered Laurel in small talk and polite conversation when he was here.

Me and Seth walk to join the others. Tails between our legs in a similar fashion. I cross my arms as I sit by Conrad.

" I hope you realise this night could have ended a lot differently if your family wasn't your family." She tells us.

We all look at each other, nodding our heads at her words " we're sorry Laurel." I hum, offering a soft smile which she gently returns.

" Just..go to bed guys." she tells us, everyone beginning to disperse.

I look up to Seth as he begins to walk towards the door he only entered a few moments ago.

" Seth." she says as she looks at him, he looks slightly embarrassed as he nods his head " thank you for getting Ellie home safe."

His eyes flicker from her to me, lips gently curving into a smile as he watches me " of course."

And then he slips out the door. And I stand up, walking towards the living room — breaking up from everyone else who heads to the staircase by the kitchen as I notice my mom.

The soft hue of the light in the living room lights up her face, one of the crocheted blankets covers her as I walk over. Sitting on the small area beside her where she isn't lying.

" what's all that shouting?" she's tired, beginning to sit up yet doesn't seem to get enough strength to.

My hand extending to grab ahold of the one she holds out for me " Laurel's mad that we went to a party."

she hums, as I exhale " and that the boys got picked up the boys for drinking." I must admit I say that quieter as she begins to fall back into her sleep. I smile and move to push back some loose strands of her hair that fall in front of her eyes.

" I'm going to head to bed." I tell her and she nods,

The hold on my hand tightens as I look to my mom who smiles gently through closed eyes at me " goodnight my beautiful girl."

I smile as I lift our hands and press my lips softly to the back of her hand  " night mama." I say it in the same way I have done ever since I was old enough to form the words.

Getting up as I notice Laurel, her smile soft yet looks more sad than usual — I walk over and give her a side hug, cheek momentarily resting on her shoulder.

" I'll make sure she gets to bed." she tells me, like she can tell I'm worried about it. But I shake my head

" don't worry, she looks peaceful enough." I tell Laurel who strokes my hair " night Ellie."

I smile as I walk away, following the steps of the others only moments ago. My eyes heavy as I walk towards my closed door — hearing the rustling inside. Thinking it's just belly who has decided she'll sleep in here tonight.

But as I open the door. The petite figure of my brunette friend is replaced by the outline of Seth which the street light outside my window illuminate.

" what are you doing-" I attempt to yell at him
through a whisper as I cross over to the window. Swift to close my door before anyone, especially Conrad sees.

Seth smirks and continues to climb up to my window. Flashbacks from last summer hitting me like a ton of bricks.

" what are you doing?" my smile uncontrollably wide as I look at the boy telling to me quiet through whispers as he scales the side of the house to reach my room.

I step back as he climbs in, landing on the floor as my brows furrow at him. He stands up and walks over to me, his lips littering kisses over my cheeks and any exposed skin of the top half of my body that my pajamas don't cover.

" Seth!" I laugh as he looks at me, " I've missed you." he tells me and I shake my head.

" you were literally here all day." I tell him, because he had — we watched eachother all day, not a word ushered except the pleasantries. Me from the pool and him from the grass.

He shakes his head, still peppering kisses over my body " different, I was here but I wasn't here with you— two completely different things Fisher."

The words he says make my heart flutter as I draw him closer, pulling him towards the bed. Kissing continued on top of the sheets, only halting when I reached for the buttons of his shirt.

He pulls away, not far. Our foreheads pushed together as he looks at me " elsie, we don't have to-" he says and I smile.

" I want to." he looks at me as a little bit of doubt clouds his face.

Whispers  " are you sure?"

I nod, smiling at him " never have I ever before."

He's gentle, with his mouth, with his hands, with his words. Lifting my top over my head. Looking at the sight before him. Taking off his own clothes with less delicacy that he did my own.

It felt strange the first time, but it felt right. Like two puzzle pieces which just slotted together. He held my hand, before, during and even after as he lied on his side using his other hand to support himself.

I notice his eyes that watch me, as I smile at him with a slight bashfulness.

I turn my head " what?" I whisper. That's how we speak, too much attention on us and this would be ruined before it had even started.

" you're so beautiful." he hums, " feel like an idiot for how long it took me to notice it."

" yeah, you are kind of." I say and notice how he laughs, his face cowering into my shoulder as I softly laugh. He soon pulls away and kisses my shoulder blade, before he kisses my chest and finally my lips.

" but now I've noticed you." he hums, his eyes scanning my body again " I don't think I can ever notice anything else again."

It's soon that his hand sits on my waist, immediately closing the space between us " god El, you looked so hot tonight." he hums and I feel his lips on mine for the first time in months. It feels nice, it feels familiar as I shake my head with a smile on my lips.

I turn my head towards the door that is still slightly open " you can't be here! my brother would kill you!" I rephrase as he shakes his head. Continuing to kiss him and despite the knowing I shouldn't, I do.  " Laurel would kill you."

" I'll be quiet, you're the one that I worry about." He says and my stomach flutters as I shake my head. Wanting to just loop my arms around his neck as I guide him towards my bed.

But I don't, instead they sit flat on his chest as I gently push him away. Knowing if I didn't now, I wouldn't.

" Seth no." I say, as he looks at me. Lips downturned as he looks at me, pointing between us.

" what's wrong with this? we did this a lot last summer."

I shake my head " a lots changed since last summer." I tell him.

He looks at me, the small amount of light that comes in from my window clings to his face as his eyes stare me down, " fisher-" he exhales.

" do you remember how you left it? do you remember telling me that we couldn't do this to Conrad? That you prioritised your friendship with him over whatever we were that summer."

He shakes his head " it's complicated for me ok-"

A scoff leaves my lips " and you don't think it was for me?" As I sit on my bed and he retracts to the ledge of my window.

" he's my brother." I exhale, lifting my hands to palm my face " he's my best friend too and I love him." I tell Seth who I watch as his face falls.

" there's something going on with him, ok? since the spring he's been not him." I say. It's cryptic but it's the only way I can explain it.

I gesture between me and Seth like he did only a few seconds ago " and I can't to this to him, not right now. Not when I'm just a fuck after a party or a booty call for you."

He stands, walking over " you know I don't think of you like that Ellie." he tells me.

And I scoff " yeah well our relationship last summer says different." I tell him and watch his face fall.

Seth exhales, knowing he can't fight it because it's true. It was fun at first. The sneaking around, the kisses in corners of rooms and hiding my phone from belly when he'd text me from other side of the room.

But when it's watching girls throw themselves at him at parties and him letting them despite whatever loyalty he held to me ( if any). The thrill of it all wears off pretty quickly.

After a silence that makes nausea grow in my stomach, I look to Seth " I think you should go." I tell him.

I can see the conflict in his eyes. That he wants to stay. And I want him to stay to, to stay here and then tell Conrad everything tomorrow. Confess about last summer and despite whatever way Conrad reacts, he'll say he's not going anywhere. Not in my life or his own.

But instead, he stands up. Nodding his head as he turns away and faces the window

" night Ellie." he says, still with his back turned as I softly hum a " night Seth."

And then he's gone. I pull down my window just in fear that he'll change his mind and I don't think i can stomach this conversation ever again. Never mind twice in one night.

I finally change, throwing my clothes into a pile on the floor that I'll sort out tomorrow morning but the sooner I forget about tonight the better.

I walk down the hall. I open the door to her room. She lies in the bed, the light from her phone illuminated her face as I close the door and walk closer.

" budge up." I say and she huffs slightly although is more than complying as I creep in the left side of her bed as I have done since I was a kid.

We lie there for a few second before I turn over to my side so I'm looking at her  " so how was your first cousins party?"

She laughs " oh, I tripped in front of Conrad and got a black eye." Turning onto her side to look at me as well " you?"

The boy I like is my brothers best friend and I think I still like him.

I shrug, " could have been better." I tell her.

I find silence in the comfort that sits between us. It's not long until she flips to her side and her cheek is rested on my shoulder and her arm around me. I smile, missing the feeling of this for the last year. Missing her.

" love you bellybutton ." I whisper as she smiles taking my hand and intertwining it with hers,

" I love you too ellie welly." she speaks at equally a quieter volume.

ELLIE SPEAKS 🪄
Seth Santiago, I love & hate you at the same time

vote & comment