OK, LOVE YOU BYE
001, BELLY FLOP!

I PUSH MY BACK AGAINST THE SEAT OF CONRADS PASSENGER SEAT. I don't like long drives, and I never have done — but this particular three and a half hour journey every year I allow myself to put up with.

The sun that sits in its full bloom heats the skin of my arm that is rested in the small ledge by the passenger side window, I feel the excitement bubble more in my stomach at each little landmark that as a kid I memorised to plot exactly how far we were from the summer house, from summer ( as unfortunately , google maps didn't exist for me until two years ago) — a trunk full of summer clothes that I either tucked away when we got home last year or brought in preparation for this year.

I meet the glimpse of the sea, the waves as they crash against the cliffs — the boats both big and small become less like dots on the horizon the further that my brother drives — the one who seems less enthusiastic for summer than he usually does, and has been contributing nothing to the conversation except a momentary speech about how much he hated yellow sour patch kids on our first gas station pit stop when I tried to offer him a handful of them.

I turn to face said older brother, his face all stern and serious which of course it should be when driving but it's been like this for the last three months. When we watch tv, when we eat dinner together, he always looks so tense . Fingers clenched over the steering wheel, turning paler by the second.

I linger my eyes from his white knuckles to his face, " do you know mom wants me to be a deb this year?" I ask and he gives a small nod of his head and a hum. He's not listening, not even trying to and he hasn't for a while now.

I turn away , and instead look ahead " apparently, there's this fascination of getting me in a ball gown, must be because she rewatched little women again." I try to joke, yet another hum as I just nod and push my head back.

" or maybe it's because I don't think I could handle the responsibility of being a deb next year- you know? With the whole teenage pregnancy thing."

It's a lie ( obviously, I haven't kissed a boy in months never mind hit any other sort of base with them) — but Conrad is oblivious to it all, has been since spring where he's taken up a permeant residency in his own little Connie world.

There's a momentary pause, he hums and then after a few seconds I hear a screechy ' what!' exit his mouth and he's slowed right down and is now looking at me like I've grown another head.

" you're telling me you don't want to be an uncle connie?" I laugh, and he shakes his head and his shocked expression turns back to stone sternness and he mumbles " you shouldn't joke about things like that, it's not funny el."

I roll my eyes, when did he become so serious? And more importantly, when will be become normal Conrad again?

I reach for the middle console where his phone sits plugged in, I exhale and grab my own from my pocket.

" No! No more One Direction!" Conrad swats my hand away with the one that isn't steering the car when I reach for his phone which is plugged into the auxiliary.

I scoff " connie, come on I was gonna play Stockholm Syndrome- you love that one!" I whine slightly. Mostly because I'm tired from the lack of sleep my nerves about returning back to Cousins gave me last night and the early start today but a little bit because my big brothers being weird ( well, weirder than I'm use to).

" well, can I put something a little bit more cheery on?" I ask, as he grumbles " Conrad, this music is literally giving me depression."

Cousins beach is our second home, it has been since I was born, the history of the Beck beach house has predated even me. We come every summer, come rain or shine — no matter what is going on back home in Boston we leave it behind for three months ( but in some cases it is unavoidable).

There's photos of us as kids, all five of us and most of the best ones are taken there, on the dock — and the memories that belong beside them are even better.

He gives in and I play something more joyous ( but still adding Stockholm syndrome to the queue) as I put the phone down as we enter the town. Small costal town, thrives off of second-homers like us alongside tourists. Although, we've been coming here for so long we're still treated as if we're local.

My smile widens and my adrenaline kicks in when we reach the house. The drive where the car my mom and Jeremiah drove down sits in the gravel.

" we're here! We're here!" I grin, playfully hitting Conrad's shoulder as he groans " yeah, I have eyes elle." he hums. The car has barely stopped before I get out and am running into the open doorway. Conrad too gets out car but with significantly less enthusiasm than me.

It's just like we left it, all the furniture, the paintings, the only thing changed is the vases of flowers that sit around the house ( yet, they're still the same flowers). The only thing that ever changes is the people inside the house — that feels even more real this year above anything else.

" we're here!" I call out, and walk into the kitchen where a few bags of groceries sit unpacked. I turn back and notice my mom stood in the doorway, she notices me and smiles at my smile.

" is it just me or does it get more perfect each year?" I ask, and she steps in and closer to me.

The palms of her hands pressing against the skin of my cheeks that have become rosey from the summer heat as I look in the blue eyes that are a direct reflection of my own.

" I'm glad I gave the magic of this place to at least one of my children." she grins, and I grin and our noses scrunch in the way that they do because I got the best of my moms genetics ( which is the majority of it all, and if it wasn't for the logistics of science I'm sure I would be a direct double of her).

There's a crash, and I peer over moms shoulder and notice Conrad and his attempt at trying to bring all the bags at once — he gives me a look

"oh, don't worry Ellie I'm alright with the bags." his tone is sarcastic, I look at mom as she gives me a look that means that I should help my brother. I exhale and move towards to begin helping my mellow dramatic brother.

Dragging my suitcase up the stairs, wheeling it towards my room — opening the door to the same colour palette of pale blue and white that I've had since it was redecorated when I was eleven. The window seat that looks over the view of the yard and the beach ( and is located by the easiest way to sneak out of the house as I learnt a couple years ago).

I fall back onto the blue quilt, it feels good to be back. It feels great actually.

But...It's not summer yet, not really. Summer actually begins when I hear the crunch of the gravel under the conklin's car come up the beach houses' drive. And like always, my ears perk up like a dog who has severely missed its owner, a year long hiatus of being in the same room as one of my bestest friends and generally my favourite people in the world. I drop whatever I'm doing ( literally whatever) and in this case it's me sitting up and ditching the gaggle of bags belonging to me that sit on the second floor landing and back down the steps.

"they're here!"

My legs don't stop and my family knows me well enough to not get in my way when it comes down to this, has even caused many scrapes and bruises over the years.

I run through the already open door where Jeremiah is talking to Steven and my mom with Laurel.

" bells!" I call, noticing the raven haired girl turn and smile with the same excited smile that I am at her. She barely has any time to respond before I wrap my arms around her — squeezing her tightly.

" Ellie!" she squeals with equal excitement, it's been like this since we were little — not remembering a single summer we haven't spent together. Best friends since we were born, only born a few months apart ( minus the year's difference in our ages) . We are sure that our parents planned this, moms more specifically ( they haven't admitted to their master plan yet)

But she's Belly and I'm Ellie and it's always been like that. Most times growing up we slept in one another's rooms, summer was a three month long sleepover for us. Performing routines for everyone ( the moms enjoying it more than our dads and brothers), sneaking downstairs in the night to eat ice cream, the traumatic summer of 2016 when we mourned the breakup of One Direction (we still don't talk about it).

" I've missed you!" I say, and she laughs " I've missed you too idiot!"

Ellie and Belly back again for another summer in cousins. She looks different, but from the number of face time calls we've had with one another since last summer her new contact lenses and brace-less teeth are less of a shock to me than they will be everyone else.

Eventually, Belly becomes engaged in conversation with Jeremiah and I shift around to face Steven Conklin - the boy who I married and divorced in the summer of 2011, and who was my first kiss in 2018 ( although I'd never tell him that, would feed his ego too much to know he was the first ).

I smile and run towards him " Steven!" his arms are already open for me to jump into.

" Ellie, jeez you look so much different than last year." he comments, my feet touching the floor again as I playfully pose as he laughs.

" in a good or a bad way?" he rolls his eyes at my question " bad obviously!"

I playfully whack his arm, "asshole."

He fakes being hurt and I throw back my head and laugh, but when I look back at him he gives me a small smile " no, but you look good el."

I smile again, nodding - mouth opening to answer him before Laurel Conklin aka, my moms best friend they were little and my godmother and technically the other person who raised me pulls me into a hug from the side.

" Ellie, my beautiful girl." she hums, and I lean into the hug " Beck, I can't believe all our babies are growing up so fast." Laurel says to my mom who I can see watching us from my peripheral.

Their babies, that's what they call us — we will be in our thirties coming here for the summer with our own families and our moms will still be calling us 'their babies'.

" these two graduating and off the college next year. Laurel hums, silently gesturing between me and Steven who share a small smile " Conrad starting at college this year."

The two moms venture inside the beach house, still talking pridefully about their children and I look around — feeling slightly giddy at the fact that summer is actually back. Feeling the breeze from the sun that mixes with the salted scent from the air. This is paradise, simply heaven.

When I reenter the world as it stands, I'm positioned to look at Belly and Conrad through the gaps that Jeremiah and Steven's bodies who converse around me let me see — she's only been here less than five minutes and is already all flushed, her lips spread apart in a smile, and he's finding any way to touch her. Just like every summer then.

She's in love and he's oblivious ( like they always have been).

" hey, hey guys guys-" Steven says, looping one arm around me and the other around Jeremiah's shoulders as we close in towards Belly and Conrad.

" I mean I-I don't know about you but I.." when he fakes looking at the time on a nonexistent watch that sits on his wrist — I look to the brunette in front of me and begin to mouth ' run'

But she's too enamoured by merely the presence of my older brother to even take notice of it " well I-I think it's time for a Belly flop!" Jeremiah joins in at the end.

The futile effort of Belly trying to exit the conversation, escape the same fate she meets every time summer starts. And despite my own attempt at ushering her into the house by blocking off Steven's ability to grab her, it was still rendered useless.

She screams and tries to run, my brothers being the ones to grab her — Conrad the top and Jeremiah the bottom half, meanwhile Steven lifts me up most likely for my attempts at rescuing belly.

" let me down Steven!" I say as the top half of my body is flipped over his shoulder and my hands hitting on his back " in a minute Ellie." he tells me.

I don't realise it's happened until there's a thud in the pool and I scoff " I swear to god Steven, I will give you an atomic wedgie if you don't put me down now."

And knowing I'm a woman of my word, my feet are soon firmly planted on the grass by the pool. Looking as Belly pulls Conrad into the pool and the boys beside me fall into amusement. As I smile, the warmth of the sun spreading over my face as I watch them.

Summer. It's finally here again.

AUTHORS NOTE.

happy first chapter !!!
vote & comment if you enjoyed xoxo