please don't read this if you're uncomfortable with/triggered by the mentioning of mental illnesses, suicidal tendencies and such.

also, i am not trying to romanticise mental disorders. i just found out for myself that it helps a lot to be with someone who can understand and doesn't judge you for moodswings or random fits of panic, because they know what you're going through.

hinata stood in the lobby of the institution, his gaze wandering over the inviting colours on the walls. despite that, it felt wrong for him to be here. he was okay, he knew it. so why was he here? "hinata shouyou?", someone asked. he turned around to face a man clad in a loose sweater and dark jeans. his brown hair was tied up into a bun and a warm smile was displayed on his lips. hinata nodded. "yeah, that's me.", he replied. "azumane asahi, i'll be your advisor, or caretaker, for as long as you're here.", the man introduced himself and pointed at a large bag on the floor. "i'm assuming that this is yours.", he said. "yes, that's mine." azumane heaved the bag off of the floor. "great. let me show you to your room. you can make yourself at home first and then we can discuss your schedule for the upcoming week." he motioned hinata to follow him and so the boy did. they passed a large room, filled with tables and chairs. hinata assumed that it was the dining room. they climbed up a flight of stairs and walked through a door. above the doorframe he saw a sign. rooms 1.01- 1.15. 15 rooms on one single corridor. he wondered how many rooms there were, when azumane stopped. he pointed at the door labeled 1.10. "from now on, this will be your room, hinata.", he shot the boy a compassionate smile and unlocked the door. azumane led hinata into the room and dropped the bag on the floor. "i'll be back in two hours. then we'll have half an hour to talk about your daily routine and the house rules before you'll be having dinner. until then, please think about any questions you may want to ask." azumane took his leave and hinata was left alone in the room that would be his home for quite some time.

the lack of colours bothered him. the room looked way too naked for him. the walls were painted light yellow, at least it seemed like they were. it might as well be the sunlight dancing on a white surface. in the corner stood a small white bed, the sheets also white. everything was white, he noticed as he looked around the room. the only thing that stood out was the carpeted floor. it was of a dark red colour. it reminded him of blood. oh, maybe that's why i'm here, he thought, a dry chuckle passing his lips. because i tried to kill myself.

~

"did you understand that, hinata?", azumane asked after he had finished explaining the house rules. no running. no yelling. just like at school, hinata wanted to say. instead he nodded. "i guess." azumane was still smiling at him. "good. any questions?" - "nope.", hinata answered. "alright, then come on. it's time for dinner. follow me. and don't forget to lock your door." azumane grabbed his clipboard and hinata did as told and they walked back through the same hallways as earlier until they stood in front of the dining hall again. azumane flipped through the pieces of paper and after a few seconds turned back to hinata. "you'll be sitting at table 5, over there on the left side.", azumane pointed at the table and lightly shoved hinata into the direction of it. "the staff doesn't eat with the patients, so i have to leave you on your own now. but i'm sure you'll get along with the others." and with that, azumane walked out of the dining hall.

hinata trudged over to the buffet, consisting of different kinds of bread, salads and so on. he filled a plate with a range of different foods and trudged over to the table azumane had assigned him to. he was met by two pairs of eyes, curiosly looking him up and down. he slowly sat down and the first one to speak up was a boy with spiky brown hair. "hey, you're new here. who are you?" hinata froze for a second before looking up from his plate. "noya, let him at least get used to this situation for a while.", a boy with curly brown hair scolded the 'noya' guy before turning to hinata. "sorry about that. he's always like this. scared off a few people before. i'm oikawa tooru, room 1.08. and this guy here-", he pointed at the boy with the spiky hair, "-is nishinoya yuu, room 1.37." oikawa smiled at hinata. "if you don't feel like telling us who you are yet, that's okay." hinata shook his head. "no, uh, i'm hinata shouyou. room 1.10.", he blurted out hastily. "oh, we're neighbours then.", oikawa stated. three other boys approached the table. one of them with longer hair, which seemed to have been dyed blonde in the past. the second one had jet black hair, one strand hanging straight down his forehead in some kind of v shape. and lastly, a significantly taller guy with grey hair. "hey, you're quite late." the raven haired guy glared at oikawa. "i know, shut up, oikawa." he looked at hinata. "who's that guy?" - "you know, you could be a bit more polite, kageyama.", the boy with the dyed hair grumbled. "that guy is hinata shouyou. how about you introduce yourselves properly?", oikawa retorted.

the tall guy leaned down and looked straight into hinata's eyes. "haiba lev. room 2.45. pretty sure that i'm the best person you'll ever meet." - "cut it out, haiba. kageyama tobio. room 2.12, by the way." he sat down and started eating quietly. "kozume kenma. room 3.02.", the last boy said before taking a seat as well.

~

that night, hinata couldn't fall asleep. it was weird to sleep in a bed that wasn't his own. he missed his mother, his sister and the familiar sound of the tree in front of his window swaying in the wind. he heard the ticking of a clock somewhere in the room and the moonlight painted soft shadows on the walls. he cursed the institution for not having proper blinds to shut out every source of light. he wasn't used to this and he didn't like it. the scar on his arm still hurt and itched and he had a hard time resisting the urge to scratch it. he thought back to that day his mother had found him in his room. her sobs still rang in his ears. no, it were his own. why was he crying? he didn't know. he felt like he was being suffocated, choking on air. i can't breathe. hinata sat up slowly, his ragged breathing making every kind of movement harder for him.

he tried to get up, maybe splash his face with water, but as soon as he liften himself up from the bed his legs gave in. hinata's head hit the ground. a sharp pain shot through his skull. his vision became even blurrier as dizziness set in. "i want to go home. i want to go home. i want to go home.", he cried out. his limbs felt heavier with every second. i can't move. the door burst open and he heard someone call his name. "-ata! hinata, what happened?" the person rolled hinata onto his back. he smiled. "i forgot to lock the door. i should have listened to azumane." giggles erupted from the back of his throat, slowly developing into a fit of laughter. "i'm so useless." he stopped laughing and looked at the face of the person. all he saw was brown hair, illuminated by the moonlight. "who are you?", he asked. "it's oikawa. oikawa tooru." hinata felt hands grab onto his shoulders and lift him up into a sitting position. "did something happen?", concern lingered in oikawa's tone as he asked this. too many times had he found himself in a similar position. lying on the floor, bawling his eyes out, knees hugged to his chest. he wanted to comfort the shorter boy. "i don't know.", hinata said. "but my head hurts. everything hurts. and i don't want to be here. i want to go home. i want to see my mum. i want to see natsu. i want to get better. i want to see my friends. and i want to die."

in a matter of seconds, oikawa had thrown his arms around hinata. it hurt to see someone else feel this way. he gently ran his fingers through hinata's hair, over and over whispering that everything would be okay. what else was he supposed he say? he didn't know. he felt hinata's small hands gripping tightly onto the fabric of his shirt while his face was buried in oikawa's chest. it took less than a minute for his shirt to be soaked in hinata's tears. slowly, the desperate sobs subsided until the only thing oikawa could hear was the relatively steady breathing of the short boy and the ticking of the clock. and now he realised that he was sitting in an incredibly uncomfortable position on the floor. he stood up, hinata in his arms. oikawa decided that it would be the best option to tuck him in, and so he did just that. "sleep tight, hinata, you hear me?", he mumbled before he turned away. or at least, tried to turn away. the boy was still holding onto his shirt and his face held a painful expression. it made oikawa's heart beat faster. it actually made him happy, he felt needed. and he knew that he could sleep better when he was not alone. maybe he should just sleep here. yes, he should do that. oikawa climbed into the bed, and before he closed his eyes hinata's arms and legs were already wrapped around his body. it took him a while to drift off with the messy orange hair tickling his neck, but it was so much better than being alone at night.

a/n: there will be a part two, most likely a part three and maybe a part four to this.

requests will only be accepted if you comment on the first chapter or message me!

stay hq!!, minna.