"I have...a confession to make." I sniffled and looked away.

"I'm actually an assassin who has been sent to kill Kyoya but I can't because he's my friend. For some reason I can only giggle. I'm part Hitachiin, yes that's right we are triplets! And most shocking of all, I'm all of yours childhood crush! Because fuck logic, Tamaki didn't spend his childhood in France. Fuck logic, because you guys didn't meet until late middle school and early high school. And fuck logic because we all conveniently lived in the same place even though you guys are rich. Oh and my real name is Mary Sue but don't call me that."

"You can only giggle?" Honey asked.

"You were that Yuki?" Tamaki asked.

"Hmm." Mori grunted because he can't make words with his mouth hole.

"But wouldn't that mean Haruhi is their sister too?" Honey asked.

"Nope~" I giggled.

"Why not?"

"Because this is a fanfiction, the author can't understand blood relations, and...FUCK LOGIC!"

"No one is mentioning that she was an assassin sent to kill me?" Kyoya muttered irritably.

"IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU KYOYA!" The hosts screamed.

Kyoya muttered profanities that would make a sailor blush.

The host club was closed as per usual in fanfictions. Because what the hell, we can just not host every single friggin day and still be great. Yep.
________________________

"We want you to stop hanging with the hosts." A girl said snootily.

I sniffled. "YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"

"Hell ye I can. Because every fanfiction has the jealous girl who picks on the girl who takes over the Ouran High School Host Club anime. It's like a law to have one. I pick on you with my possy, you pretend nothing is wrong, the hosts find out, and either kick us out or kick our ass." The girl blinked.

"Then why do it if you are trying to spend more time with them but end being cut off?"

"Fanfiction logic bitch."
__________________________
"You said you're a scholarship student right Yuki-chan?" Honey frowned.

"Yep in grades and music and basically everything. Mary Sue Yuki Fujioka-Hitachiin is perfect in every way. Because every Mary Sue Yuki Fujioka-Hitachiin has to be great at everything or she fails at life and has to kill herself." I giggled cheerfully.

"But Haruhi is the only scholarship student in first year since only one slot was open so how are you a scholarship student?"

"Well little Haninozuka, I'm like superior to everyone so they like let me in because fuck logic, this is a prestigious school but they freaking bend over their backs to serve me, Mary Sue Yuki Fujioka-Hitachiin."

"Oh..."
_________________________
"YOU ARE KAORU AND YOU ARE HIKARU!" I announced.

"WOW HOW DID YOU KNOW?!" Everyone cried.

"BECAUSE I, MARY SUE YUKI FUJIOKA-HITACHIIN, HAVE MAGICAL POWERS THAT ALLOW ME TO TELL THEM APART FOR NO REASON WHAT SO EVER!"

"SO COOL!"

"WE LOVE YOU!"

"SIGN MY ASS!"
_________________________

"I JUST *sob* I JUST HATE BEING RICH!" I wailed pathetically.

"Why?" Haruhi spluttered.

"Because every rich OC in fanfictions hate they are rich and want to live like a commoner so I have to too." I sniffled.

"Damn-"

"DAMN RICH PEOPLE!" I shouted over her.

She looked at me befuddled.

"Well in fanfictions they also replace Haruhi and steal her spotlight and lines  so I have to too." I blinked innocently while she stared at me unblinkingly.

"Don't."

"Sorry Haruhi but Harubitch is in town now." I pulled on sunglasses and flipped my hair.

"Whatever you say Yuki-sama."

"That's right because fuck creativity and fucking fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK LOGIC!"