After giving him a present..... I really did hold back myself..... I wanted to hug and kiss him. Very bad.

So, I just quickly came out of pub and drove away.
He didn't even follow me out.
Well... who would follow a trash like me.

He seems really happy with that Kris guy.
And that guy ... seems to be treating Baekhyun well.

It is quite funny to found myself useless after all.

Were you happy... all those times when you were with me?

I want to ask him that.
And .... At least..... I want him to answer yes..

*Phone Ringing*

Caller ID - Dongwu

C - aww?

D - where are you?

C - in car

D - then drive to here. I'm still at bar.

C - so?

D - come hereeeee it's very early to go back home

C - ......... okay... coming

<End Call>

I should get drunk everyday and absent school so that school will kick me out Soon.
I don't think I can face him ever again.
Then, I can move to another country and start studying again.

Or go back to Italy?
I don't feel like living with them yet....
Where should I move to?
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"Chanyeol! Here!!" Dongwu calls me out as soon as I walk into the bar

Well, he wasn't lying this time.
He is alone and not using drug I guess.

"See.. I don't have girls or drug today"

"Yeah yeah whatever."

"Make him same as mine" he orders the bartender

"So... why are you you always look like you are out of the world these days?" Dongwu asks

"I'm out of the world ... mentally"

"Why? Your parents?"

"No"

"Thennn??? Did you secretly get a girlfriend without telling me?"

I wonder what will Dongwu reacts if I tell him that I'm into Baekhyun... and that I'm very.... Very broken down because he left me

"You know Byun Baekhyun right?"

"Yeah.. that gay prick"

"He left me"

"Huh? What do you mean he left you? That he stopped following you around?"!

"No.... We dated...but he left me now..."

"D...dated? Ya... your jokes are going too far.... How come Park Chanyeol dated a guy ?"

"Yeah Dongwu! I... park chanyeol... is now heartbroken because he left me. Okay?! I like him... no.... I think I love him"

"H...haha.... Are you drunk? You would be really embarrassed if you hear these tomorrow"

"I'm serious. We dated for a few weeks.... And I still... I still want him.... I feel so fucked up..."

"W..wh....."

"You don't need to understand me.. or accept me... you can look down on me to tell everyone now that I don't fucking care. I am not even gay but I fucking need him and .... I need him by my side...."

"I thought... I thought he's with that 3rd year foreign guy..."

"Well... may be he is now... I guess"

"I.... Wow.... I am... really surprised...."

"More like shocked huh"

"Haha... yeah..... I.... I won't tell anyone.."

"I don't care about that... you may or may not"

"I'm serious"

"Well... thanks"

"Oh boy.. what a handsome face you got here." One girl comes and sits beside me

How grossed.

"Are you alone? Shall we go somewhere private?" She says and clings her hands around my arm

"If you are going to say those words... at least try to look pretty"

"What?!"

"You are not even pretty as him so Fuck off.. ugly bitch" I say and shakes her hands off

"What the..." she says

"Ya! What did you say to my sister?" There are like 3 bulky and ugly guys stand behind her

After that... I was dragged out of bar ... and beaten up and punched
I didn't want to fight back...
I feel like getting punched and be wasted.

I deserved this..
I deserve pain.
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The next day,

He is the last person I wanna see in this  but... here I'm... unluckily and coincidentally meeting....

"Wh...why were you beaten up ... this bad? What happened? Did you apply anything?" He says  and takes a step towards me but.... I  step back....away from him.

"D...don't mind me..." i say "have a nice day then" and quickly walk away from him...

Haaaaa.... I really didn't want him to see me in this stage ...
Fuck the lecturer for making me to come today.

I'm so tired ... urgh...
I should buy more alcohol and go back home.

I won't be coming to school these days anymore.
It will be better...

Nah... it will be best.
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—————————————————

From that day, I stayed in at my house
All I did was.... Watch random movies... drink, smoke and drink again.... Eat some snacks And smoke and drink

I even sent Jjareu to pet care Center ... because I'm afraid I won't be able to look after her a lot.

I'm not capable of taking care or looking after someone... I guess.

I can't even look after myself yet. Properly.
Haha... what the heck I'm even saying....
All useless.

The truth is all these days... there haven't been a second I don't think about Baekhyun.
My house... without me even realising... is full of his traits.

I can see him here and there....
Why didn't I realise it when he was here?

I was so stupid.... Or blind....
Or too drunk in the self pride or what fucking ever....

I don't even recall when I started to have feelings for him.
When was it?

I think love is very..... dangerous.
In a small time.... Even self without noticing....

Very... scary....
What scarier is.... I'm losing him

*Clangs*

I quickly get up from bed.. 
what the..... I heard something broke ...
Is Uncle here?
Jjareu is not here so... is that uncle?
He won't probably break things that clumsily

I go downstairs to check
Ah... my head feels like it is spinning.
And I feel like throwing up.

I look around the living and no one is there... so I check the kitchen.....

"........Baekhyun?!"

"Oh... sunbae! Did I wake you? I'm sorry I break a plate. I will buy you again. And wait a minute... I'm making a porridge"

He looks so busy and a porridge?

"W..why are you here?"

"Because you didn't come to school for days.. and thanks god you haven't change passcode yet."

"I mean.... Why are you even worried?"

"Sunbae.. why don't you go lie down? You are sick.. you know that? I checked you earlier and you were groaning in bed because of high fever. Thanks god I stopped by"

"Go back.."

"Come eat then. I am not sure about the taste but you should eat something to take medicine.. how are the bruises? Thanks god they are gone"

"Baekhyun.."

"I will request school to extend your leave. Let's go to hospital tomorrow." He says and walks towards me ....

As he grabs my hand and pulls me gently to dining table.... I can't... just resist him...
I can't shake his hand off mine...

I can't tell him to leave anymore.

"Here.. spoon and blow in it first.. okay?" He says and sits beside me.

Why is he staring at me ? It's awkward....

I blow on the porridge and put the first bite in my mouth.....

Wow...............
He's.... Very bad cook.

So.... Salty.

"How's it?"

I nod and say "It's perfect"

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