Footsteps approach me... and...

"Sunbae?"

"He's awake?"

"Nae... sorry. He is back to sleep after talking with us. I didn't call you because Jun was still there."

"Ah... okay... I will just wait"

"You can go in and watch him. Jun went back because he had to take things and also Kris went back because he has some things to attend at school"

"Okay...... I will stay by his side until that ... I mean Jun comes back"

"It's okay. I will just let Jun come by tomorrow after school, I can't promise tho.. Stay with him till then. And... talk things out, sunbae" Analyn says

"I will..... and... thank you"

"Told you right. If Baekhyun is happy." She says and leaves

I quickly went into his room and he is still sleeping soundly.

I sit beside his bed and.... Hold his hand gently....

"Why.... Why are you so difficult to love?" I mumble and kiss his hand

".....sunbae..."

"S...sorry.... Did I wake you up?"

"No... it's okay..." he says as he slowly remove my grip on his hand

"How are you feeling?"

"Better... a lot... this hospitalisation is all an extra.."

"We.... We all were worried... and.... I'm sorry..."

"It's okay sunbae... it was an accident. And I just run in between you two..."

"It hurt... right?" I say and about to touch his lips which was hurt from my punch

But he backs away.

"Baekhyun ya....."

"Sunbae.... That....."

"Can't we.... Can't we talk about it after you discharged? Can't I take care of you now?"

He slowly shakes his head as I can see him tearing up a little and he says "Shall we just... pretend like.... Nothing really happened between us?"

"What? No! I ... I can't Baekhyun ya..... I like you..... let's take things easy... hmm? Let's start again.... I ... I don't know how to love a guy.... You know this is my first time dating a guy..... and I don't know... I d....."

"Can't you.... Can't you just see me as me?"

"What are y..."

"I'm just.... Me... sunbae.... Can't you just see me as me and not as a gay guy? Can't you just love me for who I am? Why is it so difficult for you?"

"Baekhyun ya.... Of course .....I like you.... For who you are..."

"You know that's a lie"

"B..."

"I want to be loved.... Sunbae.... Not because of sex is great and we have a chemistry in bed... I want to hold your hand in crowd, talk with you and eat lunch together at school.

We would go to movies and even if we meet someone at school, the relationship that we don't need to hide.... I want to know more about you and tell you more about mine... rather than sitting side by side and using our own phone while we are not having sex....

Lock me up I don't care if that's the way of you loving and being possessive.

But I want someone who could hold me proudly in the crowd. And that can.... Never be you."

"I....."

I couldn't say anything..... because I didn't know how to change myself...
I'm not ready for things that he wants

But .... But I still can't let him go....
I need him....

"Baekhyun ya.... I need you... more than you think."

"I know... sunbae.... You like having sex with me"

"What? No!"

"Then what do we have? Like what memories do we have? Except for sex?"

"I......."

"Can you leave now, sunbae? And.... I don't ....I don't want to see you again....."

"Are you going to that Kris guy now?"

"It is not your concern anymore... isn't it?"

"I bought that bracelet for you... the day after you said you wanted it.. at that mall...
I bought it....but I couldn't give it to you because the day I was going to give you....

You were already wearing it... you said he gave you.
I.... I am always late. I really don't know how to get you.... And by the time you became mine.... I really didn't meet any girls... but thing continued to happen and caused you many misunderstandings..."

"Because that's who you are sunbae. I can't force you to change..... but they are all in the past. Let them be.

Let's stop.... now."

I wonder if Baekhyun ..... always looks this cold to me...
He was not right?
How did he used to look at me?
His warm..... eyes... are gone.

"I..... rest for awhile .... Your friend will come back..."

"Nae..."

"I will... contact you.. and... i am sorry for hurting you"

"....."

He is not even... looking at me anymore....

'I want someone who could hold me proudly in the crowd. And that can.... Never be you.' - Baekhyun

That .... That can be me....
Just.... I'm not ready yet...

Why can't you... understand me?

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———————-Baekhyun's POV——————-

"Oh... you are awake.." kris comes into my room

"Kris.... I thought you will be busy today."

"I'm.. but I quickly did those things. And I knew you would be alone so... brought dinner"

"Wowwww... you the bestttt" I say

Kris opens the food boxes and cups and gives me chopsticks and spoon

"Did someone come here?" Kris asks

"Imm... chanyeol sunbae"

"Oh.... So..... hmm....."

"I told him that.... We should stop... now"

"Is that so?"

"Imm..."

"Baek"

"Nae?"

"I.... Am not stepping back this time. I'm serious"

"....... Kris..."

"I'm not forcing you so don't worry"

"Imm..... haha... krissss why do you look so serious ... come on... smileeee" I try to brighten up his mood but.... He's not smiling

And everyone is so tensed.... Because of this accident.
I know Jun left because he is mad at me.

Why am I the only one who is causing all those problems?

Ah... I hate the hospital.
I wanna discharge soon.

"Doctor said you can discharge tomorrow." Kris says "and the hospital bill was paid by him."

"Him?"

"Yes. Park chanyeol"

"Ah...... I.... I will pay him back"

"As you wish. Have the soup before it went cold, baek"

"Okay..."

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The next day, I discharged from hospital and went back home.
And.... Shockingly, my mom is at home.
She started crying when she saw me and .... Things got worsened.

That, mom and Jun been planning to move us to another place.
Because mom said she doesn't want me to stay here any longer.... In the same building as sunbae.

I couldn't keep up with any of these things.
My head hurts.
And..... I'm not .... Happy at all.

Why everyone is making decision in my place?
I already stopped things between me and sunbae.

And.....

I really hate to see them over-reacting
And this is the first time, I am annoyed by Jun.... Or Mom.

And, Jun even asked the medical recommendation letter from hospital and sent it to school.
To prevent me from going to school for a week.
With medical letter, school granted me a long leave.

I'm afraid.... I'm afraid if mom went to meet sunbae.... And .... Talked nonsense.

She will just hurt him more....
That day, sunbae already looked hurt and sad.

'I bought that bracelet for you... the day after you said you wanted it.. at that mall...
I bought it....but I couldn't give it to you because the day I was going to give you....
You were already wearing it... you said he gave you.
I.... I am always late.' - Chanyeol

He... bought it....?
I just can't understand him.
He hurt me... care me.... And hurt again.....

And act like he likes me for real.
He kisses girl .... And how many girls.... Did he interact while he was with me?

I can't trust him anymore.
That's why.....

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Tomorrow will be 30th chapter.
Thank you for reading up till now!
And sorry for lacking in ways 🥺🤎
See you all tomorrow!