Let's take a break from your regularly scheduled program to see the characters in this book answer some of your questions :)

I'll be listing each question in character order, I hope you enjoy!

(Also, keep in mind these questions take place after John was kicked out)

To John

Where tf were u be honest
Where did you go for the two days you were fricken gone?

"Uh, well, I guess Alex knows now. I was with Carrie, and we really did lose track of time but.. yeah."

If u fuck up one more time I swear I will dismember you and set ur grave on fire

"I feel a little uncomfortable. I know what I did was wrong, but I'm going to try and fix this, I swear."

Why are you such a buttface?

"Um.. I don't know?"

I hate you, congratulations. How do you feel?

"I'm sorry! I really am! I know I fucked up, okay? I feel terrible." 

Bro u better fuckin sort ur shit out rn, be fuckin nice to ur bf or i will confiscate him istg

"You're going to.. confiscate him? I mean he already kicked me out of the apartment, so you can't really confiscate him anymore." 

Uhhh *insert screaming here*

"I feel not so safe right now.. And I don't even have Peggy to protect me right now.. Shit-"

To Alex

Hello, ur cool, friends? I won't kill u i swear

"Well, as long as you promise not to kill me. I am looking for a new roommate right now, though.." 

Baby, John doesn't deserve you. Why haven't you fricked him over yet?

"I don't want to think about him, I'd rather just let him do whatever or whoever the hell he wants and get over it."

hey hon you ok? would you like me to be ur hitman? ill do it for free sweetie

"Thanks, but Lafayette already offered. Killing him won't solve anything."

To Peggy

I worship you 

"Wow, uh, thank you! That's new, usually Eliza or Angelica get all the attention."

Can you stop breaking the wall please?

"What wall? I haven't broken any walls.. Oh! Are you talking about the one I punched in my house? I didn't know it would leave a hole!"

To Carrie

*insert middle fingers and name calling here*

"Um, okay, kind of rude."

What the frick do you want with John you-

"I just want to be a supportive friend. He's going through a lot right now, and I think I'm probably the only person he can talk to right now." 

Why would you tell Alex that he and John wouldn't work out?

"I just didn't want it to end the way it did. I've been in a relationship like that before.. with Francis.. and I didn't want that for John." 

How did you get out of the torture chamber?

"I''m sorry.. Torture chamber..?"

If you were to die suddenly, how would you want it to happen?

"Really odd question, but something quick and painless I suppose. Why do you ask?"

Do you know John is gay? Do you see how much of a bitch you are being? John will never convert back to straightdom as long as Alexander Hamilton is alive. And you better not get any ideas or Lord help you-

"Woah, woah, who said anything about 'converting' John? That was never the plan, I love John for who he is, I wouldn't want to change anything about him. You didn't know he was bi?"

To Francis

The fuck did u not take Carrie to prom u stupid

"Because I had to do a lot of college forms, and I forgot about it honestly. Looking back at it though, I don't regret it. Imagine spending senior prom with her."

Why do I suddenly like you when I've never liked you in any fic I've ever read. Like ever. Why?

"I'm not really sure what you mean by that, but uh, thanks? I try to stay on people's good sides."

Get a fucking personality

"Uh, okay? My bad I guess.."

Fr tho, how do you feel about Alexander?

"Alex and I are really good friends. At first I thought he was pretty attractive, but I'm not the type of guy to try and pursue anything, he was taken."