CHAPTER WARNINGS: ​​​​​​mentions of child abuse, Shoto steals from a shrine.

______________________________________

Never once in his life had Shoto stayed awake passed 11 o'clock -Endeavor had kept him on a strict sleeping routine since he was five- but now, as he turned his attention away from his ceiling and to the clock on his wall, he stared down the hands that indicated that it was about 3:30 in the morning.

He couldn't sleep, couldn't be bothered. His mind raced with thoughts from yesterday, the conclusions he came to.

Endeavor wasn't a Hero, his father had barley made any effort to change, he was still just as much of a cruel annoyance than he'd ever been, with the added bonus of bragging rights with being the Number One Hero, now.

His classmates were always so excited to see the man, some of them looked up to him, which Shoto didn't understand. How could you admire a person who was as openly cruel to fans as he was privately cruel to his family?

At least All Might was kind, despite his naivety.

​​Shoto remembered the anger he had at the beginning of the year, how much he had despised his own Quirk, how much he had despised simply existing.

He remembered how Midoriya helped him, helped him see that he didn't have to be angry.

But why shouldn't he be allowed to be angry? His childhood, his siblings childhood, his mother's sanity, it was all taken away by a man who couldn't get passed his own ego.

Shoto was allowed to be angry.

He was allowed to hate his father, he was allowed to despise him for what he put them through.

He could only think of one other family member who thought the opposite.

Blearily reaching for the phone on his nightstand, he opened it and went to his text messages, reaching her contact.

Shoto:

-Hi, Fuyumi. I know it's late to ask, and that you're probably asleep, but do you think we can talk tomorrow? I can drop by the house after school if that's okay?

with the text sent, he closed his phone and put it back, turning on his side to face the wall, his eyes still refusing to shut.

He really hoped he could get to sleep soon.

~~~

"Todoroki."

Shoto's head snapped up from where it was drooping onto his desk, blinking back the sleep in his eyes as he tried to stay awake again.

He looked up at Aizawa at the front if the classroom, bleary eyed and squinting.

"If you're going to sleep, I can send you to Recovery Girl. Sleeping there is better than sleeping in class."

Shoto's eyes felt heavy and achey, indicating that he wasn't very well rested, and he felt the beginnings of a migraine coming.

He shook his head, pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes, trying to rub the sleep out of them.

"No, I should be okay, I'm sorry."

When he pulled his hands away, he blinked at the white spots dancing in his vision, struggling to see the chalk bored with his blurred eyes.

"I hope so. Alright, let's move on."

Shoto tried to tune into the lesson as best as he could, but his brain felt too fogged, and his ears were ringing, and he was falling asleep again-

A loud alarm blaring through the room had Shoto snapping awake and practically falling out of his chair.

Shoto scrambled for purchase on his desk as the room flashed red, a robotic voice coming through the speakers.

"Villains have attacked training ground B! All Hero Students change into your suits!"

Ah, right, it was a training day.

Wonderful.

~~~

Shoto trudged tiredly behind his group of classmates, as well as Class B, as they were brought to the training grounds.

His head was pounding, his mouth felt like cotton, and he was pretty sure he'd pass out if he so much as sat down.

"I guess even the best of us can't resist rebellion, Golden Boy Todoroki looks like he's about to topple over. Typical Class A, thinking they're too good to stay awake during training."

Shoto glared over at the person that said that, meeting Monoma's mocking gaze and narrowing his eyes.

Shoto was about to attempt a weak retort when gasps came from all of his classmates.

Looking up in curiosity as to what caused such a reaction, Shoto felt himself freeze at the sight of flames.

From the back of the group, Shoto met the calculated blue gaze of his father.

Letting out a shuddered breath, Shoto tried not to let his nervousness show.

What was he doing here?

"Today, Endeavor will be watching over your training, giving critiques, and telling you all if you need to improve. I'm sure you won't need it, but having an active Hero is sure to boost your morale." Aizawa said monotonously from the front.

Boost morale? The only thing Endeavors critiques will be boosting is Shoto's insecurities.

Tearing his gaze away from the man, Shoto watched as Sero bounded to his side.

"Roki, can you believe it? Your dad is gonna be watching us train, aren't you excited?"

"Ecstatic." He pushed out through gritted teeth and a huff.

Before Sero could voice his visible confusion, the shitty sperm donor that was his father, spoke.

"Don't be nervous just because I'm watching you all. Treat this as any normal training session, I want you all to do your best." His eyes landed on Shoto at the last bit.

Shoto felt the phantom pain of burns that had once littered his body, that had healed without scaring because his father didn't want physical proof that his masterpiece was being hurt.

Taking deep breaths as he seethed, Shoto was once again reminded of his revelations yesterday as he watched Mineta ogle at Asui out of the corner of his eye.

Disgusting.

Snapping out of his hateful thoughts, Shoto tuned in as Aizawa explained the rules of the training today.

Two unknown students from each Hero Class had been picked at the beginning of the day to be the villains, and it was the rest of the two classes job to find out who they were, all the while solving an attack.

The villains could also attack whoever they wanted, so long as no one got seriously injured.

Well. Today was going to suck.

Everyone fell off into groups of four, all the while suspicious of who the villain could be.

Shoto was silently watching as Midoriya muttered to himself about possible suspects when Aizawa approached him.

"Todoroki, can I see you for a moment?"

Casting his teacher a confused look, then a wary glance to where his father was watching over everything, he nodded and followed Aizawa away from everyone.

"How much sleep did you get last night?" He asked immediately.

Shoto sucked in a stuttered breath through his nose, gripping his biceps from where his arms were crossed.

He didn't think Aizawa would confront this, no one had ever noticed when he was exhausted.

Shoto flickered his gaze away for a moment.

"I... Not alot. I think I fell asleep somewhere around 4:00 in the morning."

Aizawa raised an eyebrow.

"Why?"

Shoto subtly bit the inside of his lip, chewing on it.

He couldn't exactly tell his teacher that he was thinking of all the ways Hero society was messed up to hell, how his father was an abusive man who shouldn't even be calling himself a Hero, how much he seemed to relate to some of Stains ideals -minus the murder.

So, he stuck with the simplest option.

"I just had alot on my mind. There's a death anniversary coming up in my family, and I got lost in my thoughts last night."

Shoto didn't feel bad for not telling Aizawa the real reason, because his excuse was just as true.

The anniversary of his older brother Touya's death was coming up in the next few days, and he could see the way it had affected his sister when he had visited last weekend.

She had said that Natsuo was equally as unprepared for it, although he wouldn't be home to grieve with her.

Shoto didn't remember much of his brother, nevermind the fact that he was six when he died, but also because he was sheltered from his siblings at such a young age.

All he could remember was blue eyes eeriely similar to their fathers, and the fact that Touya had hated him.

He wasn't sure why then, but he thinks he knows now.

Well, that's enough guilt to last him a lifetime.

Aizawa nodded in understanding, his stoic gaze turning as sympathetic as it could.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Are you going to be able to function enough to train? If not, you can go back to the dorms. After training is over everyone will go back, anyway."

Shoto casted a wary glance towards Endeavor. If he knew that Shoto was considering skipping out on training, he'd surely be mad.

But, Shoto didn't care about what Endeavor thought anymore.

Turning back to his teacher, he nodded, letting out a quiet "okay."

Aizawa nodded, resting a hand on his shoulder and gently guiding him away, before stopping and turning his head.

"Vlad, watch over everyone. I'm taking Todoroki back to the dorms."

That got Endeavors attention as well, seeing as the man was approaching the two with large steps.

Shoto stiffened almost immediately, and he ignored Aizawa's concerned glance.

"Is there something wrong with my son, Eraser?"

'As if you'd actually care' Shoto thought bitterly.

Aizawa turned to face the taller man.

"It seemed Shoto didn't get much sleep last night. He explained to me that there's a death anniversary coming up for you and your family, so I'm excusing him from training so he can get more rest."

Endeavor casted his eyes over to Shoto in a silent anger that only he could recognize.

"That won't be necessary. He didn't know this relative well, so he has nothing to mourn. I'm sure he'll be alright with training. Right, Shoto?"

Shoto glared at his feet, facing away from the burning man, and stayed silent.

"Shoto."

Shoto seethed, nostrils flaring as he made eye contact with Aizawa in a silent plea for his teacher to get him the hell away from his father before he did something drastic.

Aizawa seemed to understand, his hold on Shoto's shoulder tightening ever so slightly as he moved him forward and away from Endeavor.

"He won't be able to train properly on two and a half hours of sleep. He's going back to the dorms." He said with a tone of finality in his voice, turning away and continuing to walk Shoto out of the training arena and to the dorms.

Their walk was silent, but Shoto could sense that Aizawa wanted to say something.

"Todoroki, are you scared of your father?"

The question made him stop.

He wanted to say yes. Yes, he was scared of his father, had been for a long time. He wanted to scream from the top of a building how bad of a man Endeavor was.

But he couldn't do that, could he? He didn't know if he could if the chance ever came.

"No." Shoto said. "He's just an annoyance sometimes, and I'm too tired to deal with him."

He didn't know if Aizawa believed him or not, but his teacher didn't say anything else, and continued to silently walk him.

~~~

Once in his room, Shoto went to remove his Hero Costume, putting it in its suitcase, then putting it in the corner of his room.

He sat down on the tatami mat that he had forgotten to roll up this morning, now in a pair of black sweat pants and a white shirt.

Grabbing his phone from where he had left it all day, he turned it on, seeing a text from Fuyumi.

Fuyumi:

-Hi Shoto! It's rare that you text me, but sure! We can talk! When do you get out of school? I can come pick you up?

Shoto:

-I'm supposed to be resting right now, Mr. Aizawa's orders, but I can walk, you don't have to go through the trouble of driving all the way over to the dorms.

Fuyumi:

-are you OK? Wait that's a dumb question. You texted me at 3:30 so I'm guessing you didn't get alot of sleep, huh?

Shoto:

-No. To make it worse, dad came to the school to watch over training today.

Fuyumi:

-oh, how'd that go?

Shoto:

-I left. Anyway, I'm gonna sleep now. See you in a bit, sis.

Shoto put down his phone without looking at his sisters reply, laying down and pulling his blanket over him.

He stared at the ceiling of his room, cast in daylight instead of darkness, and it seemed to make sleep come easier.

He didn't have to worry about Endeavor for a bit, anyway. This was as good a time as any to sleep.

~~~

The same video repeated once again, just like the night before, and the same blue eyes were staring at it.

"Ugh, will you turn that off!?" A girl's voice complained, hanging upside down on the torn couch she was on, covering her ears.

"Shut up, you vampire." The man with blue eyes sneered.

"You look stalkery watching that video all the time! He's sixteen, it makes you seem like a creepo!"

The man ignored her, watching as the kid with the green hair shouted that oh so familiar phrase that was now burned into his brain.

"What's your deal with Endeavor and his family anyway? Not like they did anything to you, Dabi."

The man, Dabi, clenched his fists tightly.

​​​​​​'If only you knew how much he did to me.'

Dabi turned to the girl with an irritated expression.

"Would you mind your own damn business for once? My hatred for Endeavor is for me to know and for no one else to find out. Drop it."

"But-"

"Toga. Drop it."

Toga huffed and pouted, crossing her arms despite her upside down position, then uncrossed her arms and moved to sit up properly, keeping her eyes on the laptop.

"What do you think his deal is? Shoto's I mean. Wonder why he wouldn't use his fire at the Sports Festival."

Dabi shrugged, disinterested despite already knowing why.

"Does it matter? We're never gonna talk to the kid."

Toga shrugged as a response.

"I saw him a few times during the Provisional License Exam when I pretended to be that girl. He's kinda cute, in an awkward, socially inept way."

​"Didn't need to know that. Everyone you think is cute ends up with their blood in your gut" Dabi muttered.

Toga stuck her tongue out at the man.

He rolled his eyes, turning back to the laptop and closing it.

"Real mature."

~~~

Shoto stood in front of the door of his family estate, hesitating ever so slightly.

Why was he hesitating? It's not like Fuyumi would turn him away, she said he could come over.

He looked for any outward signs that Endeavor was here.

None.

So he was still at the school. Good

Opening the front door, he adjusted the bag on his shoulders and walked into the foyer and was greeted by his sister coming out of a room to the left.

"Oh! Shoto, glad you could make it! I made lunch, are you hungry?"

Hungry? He was starving.

Shoto nodded, following her into the dining room and taking a seat on the floor with his legs tucked under him.

He looked down at the meal she had prepared, shocked.

Soba.

How did Fuyumi remember it was his favorite? He had only mentioned it once in passing, and it's surely not important enough to remember, but she had.

It felt weirdly touching.

His sister sat down across from him, smiling.

"How are you doing? Well rested?"

He nodded.

"Yes. I'm feeling much better, thank you."

And it was the truth. His headache was gone, and his eyes felt less itchy, and his mouth was less dry.

He wasn't in top condition like he should be, but he didn't feel like he was going to pass out at the drop of a hat anymore.

They both ate in silence, save for the occasional question about the others life.

It was when the silence grew uncomfortable that Shoto spoke.

"Can I ask you something?"

Fuyumi looked up at him from where she was looking down at her food, nodding.

Taking a deep breath, Shoto spoke.

"Do you think I have any right to mourn Touya? I know the anniversary is coming up, and I know I don't remember much of him, but-"

A hand reached across the table and grabbed his own.

"Shoto, you have as much of a right to mourn Touya as the rest of us. You may not remember much, but he was still your brother. Did dad say something?"

Shoto stayed silent.

Fuyumi pursed her lips and nodded, pulling her hand away from his.

Taking a deep breath, Shoto stood and bowed.

"Thank you for allowing me to come over, and for lunch, but I should be heading back now before training let's out at school."

His sister nodded solemnly, standing and coming to stand in front of him.

It was a surprise when she wrapped him in a hug, arms tightening ever so slightly.

"It was good to see you, Sho. You'll come by on your next free weekend, right?"

Shoto stood still before returning her hug, although not as tight.

"It was good seeing you too, sis. I'll come by soon. Promise."

She sniffed, nodding again and pulling away.

"Do you want me to see you out?"

Shoto shook his head.

"No, I got it."

Shoto made his way through the house to the front door, passing by the shrine room as he did so.

He slowed down his walk, standing in the doorway of the room and staring at the shrine.

His brothers picture stared back at him.

Warily, Shoto took a quick look around him to make sure Fuyumi wasn't near by before walking into the room and standing in front of the shrine.

He gazed at the picture, his brothers eyes the same as their fathers and his hair the same as their mothers.

Those eyes were so familiar, and not just because they looked exactly like Endeavors. He had seen them somewhere else, on someone else, but he couldn't remember who...

Silently, Shoto grabbed the picture and held it closer.

Yes. He'd definitely seen those eyes before.

Before he could even think rationally about what he was doing, Shoto was shoving the picture into his backpack and retreating out of the room.

This was a bad idea, a very bad idea.

Shoto stepped out into the cold air of November, tightening his jacket around himself and willing his Quirk to heat him up.

He sped walked down the pathway out of the confines of the estate, walking down the sidewalk and to the train station.

Yeah, this was a very bad idea.