Present day

What the fuck. What. The. Fuck.

I've been in the bathroom for the past four minutes. I couldn't be in that classroom for too long sitting next to him. Since it was the pretty early in the period and Mr. Way's bathroom policies are pretty strict as it was covered in the syllabus, "need to use the bathroom" was going to be a weak excuse so I stuck my copy of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest right back into my bag and asked Mr. Way if I could grab my book from my locker. Forgot it. And you know what? It's probably going to take a while to open my locker with having a new combination and all. That'll buy me five more minutes.

I'm pacing in the big stall of the bathroom. It smells heavily of cleaner; almost headache-inducing. Actually, the headache isn't the cleaner's fault. I just... fuck, what the fuck.

My hidden sexuality clashing with my real life was a lot, but this? This is too much. This makes it too real. Before this summer my concerns were clear. Change is scary. And I've been trying to convince myself that that hasn't changed and it worked, but seeing him again has just reminded me that that's not true. I hate this fucking city and I wouldn't say that I hate all the people in it or my school, the majority of them just make me unsettled whenever I'm around them; I don't exist with them, I only watch them exist with each other with their life issues that only have relevance in this public school bubble. Being consistently unsettled is tiring and it wasn't until this summer that I actually felt what it was like to not feel internal dread weighing on me all the time. That time felt sacred; what I did then and there felt sacred. Him being here— that part of me being here— isn't right. That fantasy does not belong here in this shitty hellhole— it's not right. God, and fucking San Diego. How could I ever forget?

I feel like I'm going to pass out. Jesus, everything just hit me at once when I saw that face. Those eyes and pink pink lips and— no. No, no, no. Not here. The plan still stands; no fucking this up, just one more year, and I'll be out of here and then— and only then— will I indulge in whatever. God only knows how rotten pleasure turns in Vegas. Indulgence is abusive.

The door to the bathroom opens and I hurry over to the toilet so it doesn't look like I was just standing around in the stall for no reason.

"Uh, Ryan? Is that you?" Goddamnit, I should've remembered that he's not one to passively deal with situations. Also, - if I'm being honest now - my exit wasn't the smoothest.

"Um... I'm trying to go to the bathroom," I lie panicked by his sudden presence, back in my life and in this restroom.

I hear the muffled echo of Brendon shifting his weight and can tell that he has his arms crossed right now. "Well, you might want to try a bit harder because you're standing up and you aren't facing the toilet." I shut my eyes and wish with all my heart that this isn't happening, but lo and behold I am still hiding in the bathroom stall of my high school from the boy I spent the past two months trying to forget, who I thought was 700 miles away from here only 12 minutes ago.

He steps closer to the stall and sighs, "Ryan, I was very obviously the reason you left class—"

"Brendon, come o—"

"When you saw me you turned visibly white and you had your book on your desk," he tiredly interrupts, almost sounding jaded, "listen, I'm pretty fucking surprised to see you, too. This is a weird situation and I think for the sake of both of our survival through this school year we should talk or something."

I am very literally backed into a corner and don't know what to do; I'll take a look at him and either fight or flight, but there are only so many boy's bathrooms in Clark County High.

Brendon suddenly scoffs, "Fine, just fine. Be a little bitch and hide from me." He's stomping off towards the exit. Shit, I don't know what I want but I don't want him mad at me. I quickly open the stall door and hurry over to him, grabbing his wrist as he's about to open the bathroom door. But I grabbed too hard and he swings around, nearly running into me, and there it is. Goddamnit, I'm such a fucking idiot; I should have just stayed in the stall. I mean I'm just looking at him with his deep chocolate brown eyes, the frustrated wrinkle in his hooked nose, his plump frowning lips, and all the light little freckles that are barely visible scattered across the rest of his face. But within seconds the angered expression has left his face and we're just here.

I try to not shake as I say, in almost a whisper, "I didn't mean to make you mad, seeing you just really cut me off guard," it's very hard to focus on apologizing with him only five inches away from me, "I didn't— I needed to collect my thoughts." He's not looking at me in the eye anymore though; he's looking down at my lips. Ahh no, please don't do that. Shit.

Brendon opens his mouth to say something but just then the door to the restrooms opens and hits him in the side and out of my hold. The kid who opened the door was some junior I think named Frank. Thankfully he was looking down when he opened the door so he didn't see anything. He looks up quickly though, "Oh shit, man, I'm sorry." Thank you, Frank, you gift from God you.

"No, no, it's okay dude. We were in your way," I grab my things from off of the ground and squeeze past Frank. "Ways probably wondering where I am so I really should get back to class so I'll see you in there," I nod to Brendon nonchalantly and hurry back to class so I can request a seat change. I can't see the board very well from where I'm sitting right now. Yeah.

~~~

Like some cruel joke, I had Brendon in three more of my classes: Biology, History, and Music. We didn't talk for the rest of the day, but he kept looking at me. I'm going to have to deal with that eventually, I know that. Today was weird and I just want to eat really cheap fast food right now with Spencer. We did invite Jon and Cassie but they had to go pick up Cassie's little sister from her first day of school.

So it's back to the same lot as the Denny's for some Jack in the Box except it appears that that specific fast-food chain restaurant has been replaced with another. In its place stands a new Taco Bell. "When the hell did that happen?" Spencer asks leaning over his steering wheel to get a better view, semi-shocked by this unexpected development.

"Huh. I guess they must've moved in while we were in California," I stare right out the window with him, the subtlety in this change-making me feel a little hollow inside. I know it's just a Jack in the Box but— I don't know— it's just gone now. Its never not been there before. "Pretty incredible how we missed this, we were literally just here this morning."

"Well, we came here hungry and tired and left running from the cook and his threatening spatula so I guess our attention wasn't there all the way." We both snort at the memory of this morning. Wow, we're morons.

Spence lets out a brief contemplative sigh, "Well, it's the same building so I think the tradition still stands," his hand lands on my shoulder in a comforting manner, "I also really like Taco Bell."

We walk inside and head up to the counter; I get four Cool Ranch Doritos Locos Tacos and Spencer gets two Chalupa Supremes. We carry our food over to a table in the corner of the restaurant. Partially dashed traditions aside, I actually prefer Taco Bell. I'm especially glad we don't have to eat outside in Spence's car again today because it's fucking hot out.

Once we take our seats Spencer, who has appeared to be very excited since we left school, finally speaks about what I'm assuming has been on his mind, "Okay, Ryan, the craziest thing happened today!"

"What happened?" Somebody else's life events would be really good to focus on right now, especially the events of my best friend Spencer's life.

"Brendon? Brendon Urie?" I slow my chewing immediately but try to play it off as me trying to remember this Brendon Urie person. I can't get a rest today.

"Only know the one," I try saying nonchalantly despite the spike in my heart rate, "What about him?" Feigning ignorance.

"'What about him?' He goes to our fucking school! I saw him in my fucking math class," Spencer keeps smiling at me expectantly. Oh, shit, yeah this is surprising. Act surprised. "Like what a coincidence. We talked a bit which was really cool."

"Wow!" - tone it down - "that's so weird." Okay. "Did he say what the hell brought him here?" I ask a bit harshly but lighten up in time for him to not notice.

"We didn't really get to that since it was math class and you can't really talk much but I did get the chance to offer him a seat with us at lunch tomorrow. He told me he had to sit alone today because he didn't think he knew anybody." I tense up at those words and internally curse my fucking luck. "I mean thought you'd be cool with it; all those times we saw him, y'know, he's kinda like a friend, man."

"Oh— yeah yeah— no I really couldn't be more excited, liked hanging with him," I sputter out.

He chuckles down at his chalupa, "I guess the summer of running into that kid isn't done with us yet, huh?"

"Guess not," I smoothly change to a different topic and we continue to eat our white-people-Mexican-food. Now I really need to figure things out with Brendon. Tomorrow. Yikes