It was a man, dressed in regular street clothes, who asked me to tell him everything I knew about the Slenderman. I quit the ruse, and explained everything, including how I was faking my own insanity to the man. For the first time, I had someone actually believe me, that's an incredible feeling. Moreover he told me that I was going to be out of there as soon as possible.

The next day, under the ruse of being transferred to a new asylum, I had my death faked, and instead I became a part of a secret agency started by the German's in world war two to learn everything we can about the slenders and deal with your kind however we can. Mostly it just means manipulating the media enough so that people are aware of slenders, but still question their existence. We've pretty much given up on accomplishing anything else "

She looks up at sexual ofenderman, who was still leaning over the table and looking up at her, but now HE looked dumbstruck.

"You're... KIDDING ME! You actually got away? But you don't seem marked."

"Great to know those fifty or so chemical baths I took paid off." She says feebly, her eyes glassy and unfocused. She looks exhausted, like telling the story had taken a lot out of her.

He shifts his head to one hand, the other resting on the table, as he looked at her for a moment, as if he was searching for the right words to say in this sort of situation. He eventually settles on

"You reeeeeeally need to get laid."

"Is it too much to ask that we keep things professional?" she thinks aloud as she rubs her eyes in frustration and to wipe away the tears that had threatened to accumulate

"Come on gorgeous, there's no need to act all professional around me." His voice sounding less cocksure and more empathetic now, like he was trying to comfort her.

"Encouraging you is the last thing I want to do." Her tone hard and laced with hate.

"Hey, I'm gonna be one horny mother fucker no matter what you do. The question is, how much fun are you willing to have with it?" his attitude coming back as fast as it had left.

"Let's just get on with the interview."

"I'm all yours tonight babes, ask away." He says while leaning back into his seat.

She thinks for a moment, figuring it would be best if she tried to verify some of the agency's information on the creature first, starting with "What's your name?"

"Sexual-Offenderman." He says without hesitation, and with a hint of pride.

"Do you have any other names?"

"How about sexy fuck-beast?"

"So it's just Sexual-Offenderman then." She says while writing down in the small notebook on the table.

"Well hold on, I never said that."

She looks up at him, pausing in her note taking for a moment as he continued

"You can call me Smexy if you want."

"Smexy?"

"You know, cause of all the smex. It's a nickname some girl I know came up with that I'm starting to like. I mean, it's not like my name really rolls off the tongue that well does it?"

She jots down something and asks

"Is there anything you want besides sex?"

"Does it count if it has to do with sex?"

"I suppose not."

"Hmmmmm..." he strokes his chin thoughtfully, then suddenly raises his hand as if he were about to say something, then decides against it with a "No, that's no fun unless you do it naked. Hmmmmm..." with a snap of his fingers and sudden realization he answers "I want a theme song."

"A what?"

"You know, some song that when you listen to it, you can immediately go "Yeah, that's his song alright." It doesn't need to have words to it; I just want something that I can hum. After all Slendys got like twenty of his own songs, why can't I get one?"

"... Is there anything else you want?"

"Why? You looking to make another deal?"

"It's more for future reference."

"Ooohhhhh... so you're looking for some cure all way to deal with me once I escape from this sorry little trap you people have put for me?"

".... Yes."

He smirks. "Well I did say I was gonna be honest with you, so honestly, it depends on the kind of day I'm having. Some days I just want a piece of cake and a hug, other days I feel like keeping twenty people chained up in a basement while I have my way with them"

A slight look of worry flickers across her face, but she quickly switches back to a more neutral expression as he continues,

"But I'm a reasonable fun loving guy, (most of the time.) I'm pretty much good with whatever."

"So is that why you agreed to this interview? You didn't have anything better to do?"

"Now you're getting it."

He looks over at the menu above the counter thoughtfully, Saying "all this talk of cake is giving me cravings. Wonder what kinds of deserts this place has."

"Why did you choose to meet here?" she asks, snapping him out of his train of thought as she continues.

"Do you really think it's wise, meeting in such a public place like this?"

He sits up in his seat. "Well I don't know about you, but I'M on my way to a costume contest." And he continues sarcastically "I spent so much time on it, I just know I'll win first prize for my Slenderman costume."

"Wait, so are you saying that you pretend to be slenderman? You don't have any problem with that?"

"Babes if you still have to question whether or not I would do something then you really need to get with the program."

"....Why?"

"Why not? He is the famous one? And on top of that, you know how easy it is to put on a suit and hit the town? All you have to do is say "I'm wearing a Slenderman costume" and you can go wherever you feel like in plain sight. And just for laughs? There's always the option of actually going to the costume contests. All those scantily clad cosplayers all looking to get a piece of the Slenderman?" He gives off a disturbing, inhuman chuckle.

"He might get all the fame, but I get the benefits. Like this one time, there was a guy in a Wookie costume..."but she cuts him off with

"I don't need the details."

He looks disappointed at not being able to tell his story, but lets her continue with the questions.

"What do you think was your biggest influence?"

His face breaks into a broad smile at the question, saying "Gotta love the Japanese. Not even I'm that creative when it comes to what you can do with all these tentacles of mine."

She quickly changes the subject

"How long have you been around? We know Slenderman is at least a century old."

"I'm not nearly as ancient as that old fart Slendy, but I've been around a few years."

"How many years?

"I dunno."

"So how did you, happen?"

"HA H HA HA! This is why I love you people. Sitting across from an honest to fuck monster, and still the biggest thing on your mind is the birds and the bee's.

Well here's the facts as yours truly understands them. Course I could be wrong, I mean it's not like any of my brothers are too keen to be in my company. But from what I can gather Slenderman can turn half dead people into Slenders."

She starts jotting down notes like her life depended on it.

"So I figure this is how it plays out. He finally starts getting lonely or sick of his lot in life and decides to make a brother, but let's just say things didn't turn out quite the way he wanted. In other words, he made Splendorman.

HAH! Of all the things that could have gone wrong, he had to end up with a cheerful, happy go lucky clown of a slender.

But he must have tried to give the weirdo a chance, since Splendy always so chummy with the guy whenever I saw them together, and Slender certainly tolerates the guy more than he does the rest of us, so they must have spent some time together. Although I'm positive that Slenderman still tried to kill him at one point or another, but he failed. Turns out Splendorman can get these, episodes. Never seen it myself, but if it's bad enough to make the big bad boogieman in the woods leave Splendy alone, then it must be one hell of a psychotic episode.

So since his first try was such a hilarious failure, he went and tried again, but that only made Trender, so he stopped making slenders after that. You know who those guys are right? Being the secret government agency supposed to keep track of us."

"We know of Splendorman, but not this, "Trender" you speak of. But I'm curious. If the Slenderman only made two other Slenders, then how.."

"How am I here?" He butts in, "Easy. I was made by Splendorman."

"Wait, Splendorman? Made you?"

"Shocking isn't it? Funny how that works out. Besides Slendy himself, Splendorman is the only brother who knows how to make more slenders. And man, did he make a bunch of slenders, gave them all these ridiculous names too, although im really not one to talk am I?" he says with a smirk "But I think my favorite had to be Suspenderman."

"Because he wore suspenders?"

"Exactly. Course Slendy wouldn't have any of that. He killed most of those clowns Splendy made.

Not sure if he liked having all these new slenders to kill, but he never seemed to make an effort to stop him from making more so I have to assume so, but when splendy made me, well...

He really didn't make any new Slenders after that." An evil smile splitting back over his face.