Maria has been in the house for a week.

She couldn't stop cleaning.

The mirrors, floors and the countertops were so shiny and spotless I was close to shielding my eyes everytime I come in.

I asked if she was okay.

The answer was always yes.

I didn't believe her.

There was something off.

Something she didn't want to tell me.

I asked Henry to find out.

He was sitting on one of the pool chairs with Maico on his lap.

Rico was running around sniffing the bushes when I went to join them.

Maria was upstairs, vacuuming.

"Henry, is your Ate okay?" I sat on the opposite chair.

"Depressed siya, Ate Kyle."

"Kaya ba she couldn't stop cleaning?"

"Oo. Ganyan talaga si Ate kapag may gumugulo sa isip niya. Dati, kapag nag-aaway kami, uuwi ako at makikita na ang ayos-ayos ng bahay. Ang sahig, sobrang kintab at dulas kasi nagfloor wax siya. Tapos ang mga cabinet, kulang na lang alphabetical ang pagkakasalansan ng mga groceries kasi inayos niya."

"How can we help her then? Does she need to see a doctor?"

"Naku. Hindi masyadong naniniwala iyan sa doktor lalo na kapag may kinalaman sa utak. Baka magalit pa iyan sa'yo."

"But what if depression gets worse?"

He stopped stroking the top of Maico's head.

"You mean baka magsuicide siya?"

I nodded.

"Don't worry, Ate Kyle. Tinanong ko na din dati si Ate tungkol diyan. Hindi naman siya suicidal. Takot kasi siya."

I wasn't convinced.

"What if she's different now?"

I saw worry in Henry's eyes and immediately regretted what I said.

"Kausapin mo na lang siya, Ate Kyle. Mapapagod din iyan sa kakalinis."

"What happens after mapagod siya?"

"Matutulog naman siya. Magpapahinga."

His answer convinced me that Maria has to see a doctor.

I wanted to bring it up but I couldn't find a way to talk to her without upsetting her.

Not only was she cleaning a lot.

She was also cooking up a storm.

In the days since she resigned from her job, I was always bringing muffins or banana bread to my staff.

They were even teasing me that I was trying to make them fat.

When Mommy Chato asked about Maria, I confided that I was concerned with what's going on.

She advised me to give Maria time and space.

I mentioned about seeing a doctor.

Mommy Chato was cautious.

She told me Maria might not believe in seeking professional help.

Just like most people.

"We embraced a lot of Western ideas but sadly, seeing a psychologist or a psychiatrist was not one of them. Not only because of the cost but also because of the stigma attached to mental health issues."

The opportunity came one night when we were getting ready for bed.

She was sitting in front of the dresser absentmindedly brushing her hair.

I stood behind her and asked if we could talk.

"Sure." She placed the hairbrush on the dresser then turned around to face me.

I sat on the edge of the queen-sized bed, twisting my fingers, nervous as to how to bring up the subject.

"Kumusta ka na?"

A smile formed at the corners of her lips.

"Bakit ang seryoso mo, Kyle?"

"I'm worried about you, Maria."

"Bakit naman? Okay naman ako."

"I know you said you're okay,"

"Pero may kasunod na but ang sasabihin mo di ba?"

I nodded.

"But since you quit your job, you've been cleaning the house as if you're waging a war on dirt and dust."

She laughed but I could see the questions in her eyes.

"Diretsuhin mo na ako, Kyle. Hindi mo na kailangang magpaligoy-ligoy pa." Her tone turned serious.

"Maria, I'm worried that you are trying to deal with the issue in a nonconventional way."

"Anong issue?" She frowned.

The lump in my throat felt bigger.

Mommy Chato's warning came to mind but there's no way out of this now.

Maria was waiting for my answer.

"Serena."

She didn't answer.

"We haven't really talked about what happened. I am afraid that you are trying to bury your emotions in cleaning and cooking."

"Eh anong gusto mong gawin ko? Tumunganga?"

Oh boy!

There was a part of me that was saying I should stop before this gets out of hand.

Maria is upset and there's no sense in talking to someone who is emotional.

I was thinking of putting off the conversation but Maria spoke again.

"Kyle, bakit hindi mo sabihin sa akin kung ano talaga ang gustong mong sabihin?"

"You're upset. I don't think this is a good time."

"Sinabi sa akin ni Henry na kinausap mo siya."

Shit!

This wasn't unexpected but I was still shocked.

"Tinanong mo daw kung dapat akong magpadoctor. Bakit? Sira-ulo ba ang tingin mo sakin?" She yelled.

"I didn't say that." I tried to keep my voice down.

"Eh bakit mo ako ipapadoctor?"

"Because there are some things I can't help you with, Maria." I couldn't hide my anger anymore.

Since she stopped working, I feel like I was walking on eggshells around her.

Maria was still cheerful.

She was still taking care of Henry and I.

But I sensed she was holding something back.

There was that faraway look in her eyes or she would suddenly stop what she was doing as if she was distracted by something.

"We went through a lot that day. Do you know how scared I was when I saw Marcus point a gun to your head? I thought if he pulled the trigger and something happens to you, I would probably kill him too."

She turned silent.

"I wanted you to see a doctor not because you're crazy but because I was dealing with my own fears too." My heartbeat slowed down when I said this.

"I've been seeing a psychiatrist since I was a teenager. After I learned about mother's depression, I blamed myself for what happened to her. I know my mother loves me but there was always this question if she regretted giving birth to me. I told you she was ambitious. It took years for me to accept that I wasn't a mistake. That I didn't ruin her life or her ambition because she had me. Do you understand me now?"

Maria stood up, kneeled in front of me and cradled my head in her arms.

"Kyle," I felt hot tears rolled down the side of my neck.

We held each other in silence.

When I spoke again, there was none of the anger that was seething inside me.

"Maria," I raised my head and looked directly into her eyes.

"I don't want to lose you. That day with Marcus hit me really hard. I've lost one of the most important people in my life and I don't want that to happen again because of someone's mad obsession. I know you are struggling not only because you left your job but also because you cared about Serena. I only want to help you in the way I know how."

"Pasensiya ka na, Kyle. Akala ko kasi, iniisip mo na nababaliw na ako."

"Not everyone who seeks professional help are crazy, Maria. It's just that these people have the tools and the skills to help you deal with these things. We went through crazy shit that day but we can't keep pretending things are okay."

"Naiintindihan ko na. Pero bigyan mo ako ng time na pag-isipan ito, okay?"

"Okay. When you're ready, we will go."

That night, the two of us talked some more.

She mentioned that she was deeply hurt that Serena only saw the part about Miranda paying her and not the part where she sacrificed her own life.

"Ang tanga ko. Ni hindi ko man lang naisip ang sarili kong kaligtasan. Ni hindi man lang pumasok sa isip ko na kung mapatay ako ni Marcus, maiiwan ko kayong dalawa ni Henry."

"Don't be too hard on yourself." I stroke her back.

She didn't say anything.

In the darkness of the room, I knew it would take a while for her to get over her pain.