Sunday passed by with a dull feeling in my chest and it was too stubborn to leave me.

Mom had been nervous with her preparation for a big presentation tomorrow, and I was supposed to join her in the living room, preparing for my final test, but my brain refused to function. Seeing that there was no point in trying, I picked one of her novel collections before heading to my balcony. Maybe a little distraction helped.

Blake texted on Sunday night, telling me he was home but I didn't know what to say to him. I was still pissed, not just at him, but also at myself. I didn't know how everything became this messy. If he gave me more information about the meeting, I wouldn't have misunderstood him. If I didn't accuse him of lying, he probably wouldn't have snapped. If he didn't bring up Dean to justify himself, I would've tried to see his points. But alas, none of these happened.

I shouldn't have swallowed Ashley's words without checking with Blake. Instead, I let it get into me and allowed my anger to speak for me. Jealousy had an ugly face, no doubt about that. I wish I didn't let the alcohol take over.

I left my mom's apartment on Monday morning, ready to start my week. Dean gave me a lift since he also had to drive to campus for his early class.

"Do you feel better?" he asked as he stopped in my driveway. It was his first attempt to start a proper talk after I hopped on his jeep. Dean was never a morning person.

"Yeah."

"So, everything is good with the lover teacher now?"

"Um, we haven't talked again, but I will need to worry about my presentation now." I picked up my bags from the car floor, not in the mood of talking further about my problem. I opened the passenger door and turned my head to him, "Thanks for driving me back, Dean."

"No worries." He ran his fingers through his hair before rubbing the back of his neck. "Call me when you need a lift."

"Okay."

I was glad that it was my last day assisting the laboratory class. Now I could fully focus on my final test and what would come afterward.

Dean popped up at my laboratory door to offer me a lift. It had become our little routine since I was car-less. He stayed back a bit after his last class on Wednesdays, then we left campus together once I was done with the laboratory around forty minutes later.

"Two days to go before the final presentation, hé? How nervous are you now from one to ten?"

I rolled my eyes as I opened the equipment room. "Don't remind me, please."

"I don't need to. It's always lurking over every corner of your mind anyway."

"Shut up or get out," I shouted from inside the room, making Dean cackle with satisfaction, but then his laughter died down abruptly.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice rigid.

"I need to speak with Jennifer."

I froze. That voice.

"I'm not sure if she wants to talk to you."

Since Blake texted on Sunday night, he hadn't contacted me again. He must have gotten the message that I was still too angry to talk, or maybe he also needed time to think this through. The thing was that as much as I hated him for how he made me feel, I missed him miserably.

Slowly, I stepped out of the room and found Blake standing at the laboratory door. He looked defeated and sad. His dark eyes were sunken, and the arrogant demeanor that always adorned his face left no trace. His stubble had grown a little longer than usual, framing his clenched jaw.

"Jen, do you want to talk to him?" Dean asked.

Yes. No. I opened my mouth but closed it again.

Sensing my indecision, Blake urged, "It won't take long because I have a dinner appointment soon. I just need five minutes. Please?"

A part of me wanted to deny him but the pleading in his eyes clouded my mind. "Fine." I gave in.

Despite my answer, Dean didn't budge from where he was sitting now. He was still busy sending a death glare at Blake while Blake looked at him with a stoic expression. The three of us were rooted in our spots, no one initiating to move first. After another moment of glaring contest, Dean finally stood up and turned to me.

"Do you still want me to take you home?"

"Yes. I'll be down in ten minutes," I replied, not missing a frown on Blake's face. See, I don't drive now and I'm his friend. Have a test of your own medicine.

"I'll be at the lobby then," Dean said before striding to the door. When he walked past Blake, their shoulders bumped. It was either Blake didn't bother to scoot away, or Dean purposely tried to provoke him. I let out a relieved breath once Dean disappeared into the laboratory corridor.

After I locked the equipment room, I turned around and found Blake already a few feet away. He took his distance, and my heart deflated when I noticed it. I leaned back on the door and crossed my arms over my chest, waiting for him to start.

"How have you been?" Blake asked.

"Okay, I guess. And you?"

"I've been better." He stood stiffly while looking down at the floor. "I came here to apologize about what I said to you. You're right. I should've told you the details in the first place."

"Okay." I nodded. "I'm sorry for accusing you of lying, too. I should have asked you first."

"That would've been handier yeah, but I can see where you came from. I didn't mean to be secretive about the weekend outing. It just didn't come up in my head to give you the detailed info." Blake slipped his hands into his pockets, still looking down. "And what I said about you and Dean was a dick move. I should've cleared up the misunderstanding between us instead of making it like it was a competition on who was more in the wrong."

I shifted on my feet. "About that, you need to know that I never asked you to change anything between you and Daphne. But please understand that this is a sensitive case for me. I have to say, the way you reacted makes me think that what I feel about her isn't a valid point to you. Like my feelings don't matter. Like I don't matter."

"I'm sorry I made you feel that way. But you do matter. You matter so much to me; you have no idea. I even go against my own rules for this." Blake rubbed his face before pinching the bridge of his nose. "I don't know what came over me that afternoon. I guess I was just frustrated with...everything."

"What do you mean?"

"Work, my business, us." Blake shrugged. "My resignation isn't going well, I'm demanded to stay longer due to the research collaboration. Meanwhile, a new problem keeps on coming as the launch date is approaching. Nothing major but enough to give me a headache."

"I thought you wouldn't leave your teaching job."

"That's what I thought, too. But with this situation, it's become overwhelming to carry on with both jobs. I want to focus on establishing my Center for now, and come back to a teaching job in a couple of years or so. We're still negotiating." Blake sighed. "But on top of it, you're leaving. It hits me harder than I'm prepared for."

"Oh."

"I know I haven't told you any of these because I needed to process this alone. And you also have been so stressed out with your presentation and stuff. I didn't want to add more problems to your head."

"I wouldn't mind. I prefer you to share more, though. You're being distant is killing me."

Blake stared at me for several seconds before shaking his head. "You're confusing me, Jennifer."

"I am?"

"You don't want us to be exclusive, yet you're doing this. What we're doing sounds more like a couple in a relationship than a simple hookup. Do you even notice that?" he asked, his eyes boring into mine. "For a moment I thought you were changing your mind and opening up to me. But then, you casually dropped the news about your leaving. It threw me back and realized that what we have was completely casual, that we had no future. I know I said I would take what I could take, but now I don't know what you're offering me exactly."

"I..." I tried to find the words to reply, but I couldn't because he had his points. No matter how hard I tried to deny it, what I felt for him was nowhere casual. My craving for him had become stronger over time, and it started to get dangerous.

"What are we doing, Jennifer?"

"I don't know, Blake." That was the most honest reply I could give him. "But now I know I'm being unfair to you. I just want to make the most of it while we still have time. Because I don't know what will happen after my presentation. I don't even know if I pass the test, if I get the job I want, or if I end up staying here. Everything still feels so dark and I have no idea how to fit us in it."

"I totally get that. I can't blame you for doing what you're doing now because I made so much worse decisions when I graduated back then." He smiled weakly. "But this is also the reason I'm closing off. I think I'm just protecting myself from getting hurt when you leave."

"I'm sorry," I whispered. My hands fiddled with the laboratory keys as silence took over. "I understand if you want to call this off." My heart ached as the words left my mouth.

Blake frowned at my words. "The problem is that I can't stop seeing you. I don't want to."

Once my brain managed to take in his every word, relief washed over me. I bit my lower lip. "Me too."

"We're in trouble, aren't we?" Blake chuckled weakly, trying to lift our sour moods but failing miserably.

It was when my phone buzzed.

Dean: Your ten minutes are up.

Me: Okay

"I gotta go," I said, slipping my phone back into my jeans pocket.

"Alright." Blake nodded. "Sorry, it took longer than five. I just wanted to apologize and wish you good luck for Friday."

"Thank you."

"We'll talk more this weekend?"

"Maybe. I don't know. To be honest, I can't make plans yet. My life stops on Friday afternoon. I'm not sure if I will be celebrating passing the test or licking my wound because I need to retake it."

"Exaggerating." Blake shook his head as he stepped closer, towering over me. His hand reached a lock of hair that fell on my cheek and he tucked it behind my ear. Slowly, he leaned closer and pressed his lips on my forehead, urging me to close my eyes to savor this moment. This proximity, his scent, and his lips against my skin were all I needed now. "You'll do fine. I know you will. I cleared all my schedule so that we can celebrate your victory this weekend."

"I always forget how optimistic you are."

"You should've got used to it by now."

I stood dumbfounded. My mind went blank but my eyes caught their lips' movement. The professors were talking to me, yet my brain couldn't register any single word, except for "congratulations on passing the final test".

I didn't care if I got an A- instead of a full A, or if I had to do a little adjustment to my thesis before submitting it to the student administration because what mattered the most was I had completed my degree. My freedom.

I called my mom and dad to share the good news. They must have had a hard time listening to my high pitch squeal the whole time. Once I got off the phone call with my parents, I texted Lea and Dean, with excessive emoticons and exclamations. There was still one more person to share the news with, but I wanted to do it differently.

Ten minutes later, I was standing in the faculty parking lot, leaning on Blake's black Mercedes. It was a risky move since I might bump into someone who knew me and recognized the car I was leaning on, but for now, I didn't care. I was graduating anyway.

When two men were approaching, I recognized Blake's voice right away but I didn't know the man next to him. He was probably a client. Blake's eyes immediately caught me but he didn't look surprised, or if he was, he didn't show it. After they talked a little bit more, they finally shook hands and parted. Blake turned around and his lips curled up into a big smile.

"Congratulations."

I tried not to grin. "How did you know?"

"Do you think I still can't read you after knowing you for almost a year?" Blake's car beeped. "Get in, so I can congratulate you properly."

Once inside, Blake pulled me to him and smashed his lips against mine. Not wanting to play slow, I opened my mouth and he took the chance to deepen our kiss. I shamelessly groaned, missing this moment as if I hadn't kissed him for months. When we pulled away to catch our breath, Blake rested his forehead against mine.

"Congratulations, Jennifer," he whispered.

"Thank you."

He tightened his arms around my waist. "Fuck, I miss you so much. I hate fighting."

"I know. We still need to talk more, though."

"We can do that tomorrow. Tonight, we just need champagne and good makeup sex."

And so we did.

It was our second round climbing our climaxes together. He lay flat on his back while I was riding him with my hands roaming over his abs and his chest, feeling every inch of him. His eyes were glazed with lust, burning into mine as he stroked my hips, up to my breasts, and then my shoulder blades. He cupped the back of my neck with his palms and pulled me to him. We both groaned when we locked lips, followed by him starting to move under me, taking control. Blake didn't let go of my lips as he picked up the pace, and I began writhing uncontrollably in his arms before I screamed into his mouth, shouting his name.

"I can't move. Give me a second." I fell on his chest, feeling relaxed. Too relaxed.

Blake kissed the top of my sweaty hair, chuckling. "You're not falling asleep while I'm still hard inside you, are you?"

I laughed lazily. "Maybe."

He tipped me over and caged me underneath him. He started to move again at a steady pace, his hands gripping my hips in place. "What are you doing to me, Jennifer?" he grunted. "Why can't you stop messing up with my head? Why is it so hard to shake away your effects on me?"

"Then don't bother trying," I replied, extending my hand to caress his face. His stubble tickled my palm. "I'm also done fighting this. Fighting my nonsense."

Blake stopped pumping into me. "What do you mean?"

"I've been thinking about what you said last Wednesday. And you're right." I brushed his lips with my finger. "I don't think what we're doing is a casual hookup."

Blake frowned for a few seconds, his eyes searching my face. "Are you going to give us a chance?"

"Do I have a choice?" I whispered.

"So, you're...staying?"

I smiled at him and nodded. "I'm going to give us a try, yes."

Blake leaned in and kissed my fingers on his lips. "We'll figure out something. We will find the best job in town for you. We'll make this work."

I chuckled. "I thought you said we'd talk tomorrow. Now, shut up and fuck me."

Without waiting to be told twice, he began to move his hips again, pulling us back into the ocean of lust. Feeling the building sensation in my core once again, I started to moan at his every thrust, urging him to piston into me with full force.

Once we both groaned into our climaxes, Blake leaned down and kissed me tenderly. "I'm officially fucked. I think I'm falling for you."