"Dean?" It took me a few seconds to gain composure from Dean's outburst. "What's going on? Why do you sound pissed?"

"Answer my question, Jen."

"I..." My head still had trouble catching up. "Wait, where is this coming from? Did Eric say something?"

"So, you two are keeping a secret from me?"

I blinked at his accusation. "What crawled up into your butt and died? What secret are you talking about?"

"Are you guys dating?" He ignored my question, but at least he sounded calmer.

"Yes. No. I don't know. We just agreed to hang out during summer break. Nothing serious."

"What do you mean by hang out?"

"Huh?" I looked at my surroundings to ensure no one was within hearing distance. But the sidewalk to the Assessment Center was as empty as a graveyard. "Hang out as in hang out, you know."

"Hang out as in boning each other?"

"Are you for real asking me this?"

He groaned. "Fuck! I knew it. This is dumb, Jenny. This is a fucking dumb move."

"Why are you acting like this? What the fuck is your problem?" I ask, my hand digging into my bag to retrieve the building keys.

"My problem is Eric making a move on you, and you, like always, let any guy walk into you easily. Way too easy."

I froze, almost not believing my ears. "What did you just say?" My voice was dangerously low.

"Shit. It came out wrong. I mean, you don't know what kind of person Eric is, Jen. He is a dick! He dates girls for fun."

My jaw clenched. "And? What's wrong with that?"

"No, you don't get me. Back in high school, he kept track of how many girls he'd fucked and bragged about it to the rest of us. And you would be no different. You would be just a number for him."

My heart drummed against my ribcage as my fingers curled around the keys, the metal digging into my palm. "And what's exactly your problem again?"

"You're clearly not listening. Can't you see that you're just another game to him? When he's done with you, he will toss you aside and move to the next girl! He doesn't care about your feelings!"

"And you care about my feelings?"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Of course I care! Hence the warning about Eric! We all know how this is going to end. Haven't you learned the pattern?"

Trying to control the tremble in my hand, I held my breath as I pushed the key into the keyhole. Our conversation escalated fast, and I didn't want to be outside and risk people listening to my phone call. "We are not having this conversation, Dean," I growled as I strode inside.

"Jen, I'm just trying to look out for you."

"I can take care of myself, thank you. But since the cat is out of the bag now, get used to the fact that I'm seeing Eric and I'm going to sleep with him. So, just back off, Dean!"

"This is exactly why I can't back off, you know. You always attract assholes and willingly walk into their trap without realizing it," he replied. "First, Ethan. Did you know what he did? Did you know what he said about you behind your back after the breakup? Did you know people laughed every time he joked around about the night he took your virginity?"

My breath hitched in my throat at the memory. I plopped down on my desk. "Please stop."

But he didn't. "Then came Tom. A person who treated you as a filler during his runaway years. Did you know the actual reason he moved back to his town? Because the love of his life wanted to have a second chance with him. Then he just dropped everything, including you, only to crawl back to her."

Dean's words were like arrows hitting my chest. "No, that was not the reason. He found a new job. You don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, I know damn well what I'm talking about. I knew people who knew people, and words went around, Jen," he said. "So now you know why I act the way I do. You tend to keep falling for assholes who don't even know how to treat you the way you deserve!"

My head spun. As much as I didn't want to believe him, a part of me wondered if he told me the truth. I knew Tom never put me as his top priority since we agreed that my study and his job came first, but learning an actual reason behind our breakup stung me, nonetheless. Ethan was another story, I knew he was trouble even when I was head over heels with him. So yeah, maybe Dean was right. Maybe I was that dumb.

"I'm sorry I have to break the news to you like this, but I want you to see my points." Dean's voice turned raspy. "I'm also an asshole, Jen. I'm no different from Eric, Dan, Nathan, or maybe Ethan, but I know I won't drag you into any of my games. Because I do care. You're like a sister to me."

Since our conversation at the dock the day he said goodbye, I'd been wondering if he'd truly seen me as a sister, like he often claimed, like I'd always believed. But hearing me directly from his mouth, my cynical mind took over. "A little sister you nearly kissed, huh?"

"What?" He paused for two seconds. "Jen, I... Shit. It was...I don't even know what got into me. My mind was all over the place because of what happened with Ma, with all of us, my problem with Susie, and all this temporary moving-out rush. I wasn't thinking straight."

"So if I didn't stop you, would you stop?"

Another pause. It was longer this time. "Yeah, I would. I'm so sorry, Jen. I promise it won't happen again."

His reply hit me harder than I was prepared for. Of course, there was nothing between us except for a sibling-like relationship. I was so stupid to think otherwise. Had I never learned?

The almost-kissing was just a mistake.

I was just a random chick who happened to be there in his moment of weakness.

"I need to go. I'm at work now," I said, feeling exhausted all of a sudden. "And I meant it when I said back off."

"Jen–"

"You know what? We both have a lot on our plates at the moment. Maybe we should slow down with this back and forth."

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"I want you to leave me alone. Goodbye, Dean."

I stared blankly at my screen, even though I had hung up the phone call for some time. The conversation left me feeling humiliated, confused, and hurt. Not only because of what happened at the dock, but the entire talk showcased how dumb and clueless I'd been with every single choice I'd made in the past. I couldn't even blame Dean for it, because what he did was to protect my feelings. My fragile feelings.

A part of me expected Dean to call again after our abrupt goodbye, but my screen stayed off.

A tear rolled down my cheek, and I didn't even know what it was for. Was it Dean's subtle rejection? Or was it me pitying myself for dating assholes? Or was it my decision to push Dean away? I wished I'd known how to unravel my intertwined thoughts.

All I knew was that from the very moment, I would fight my own battle and fix my own mistakes.

***

Not feeling hungry, I stuck my sandwich in the fridge before setting the coffee machine on for Mr. Watson. It took me a while to stop crying and feel a bit lifted. And now I was in urgent need to fix my appearance if I didn't want people to notice my somber mood because I must have looked like shit.

The argument I had with Dean constantly bounced back into my head, trying to sneak in and messing with my composure. I did everything in my power to block the negativity, but heaven knew I tried. After a while, my head was spinning again because my mind went around with no beginning or end. I needed it to stop.

Footsteps in the corridor pulled me out of my train of agony. Mr. Watson was here, and I hadn't fixed my appearance. Shit.

I grabbed two coffee mugs out of the cupboard and placed them next to the coffee machine, praying he wouldn't notice my puffy eyes.

"Good morning. Coffee is almost ready," I greeted as Mr. Watson's footsteps reached the pantry door.

"Good morning, almost noon," Blake replied.

I froze for two seconds before turning my head sideways. "I thought you were Mr. Watson."

"It sounds like someone is not very happy to see me."

"No, it's not that. I wasn't expecting you," I replied as I kept my back to him. "You came to see Mr. Watson?"

"No. Thomas has something urgent to handle. I'm helping out today. And I sent you an email about the initial changes to the test details, but you haven't replied. So, I thought I'd come down here to check."

"You're right. I haven't checked my emails. I was...distracted. I'm going to look at it now," I said, pivoting on my heels and striding to the door, but Blake didn't budge from his spot. His figure blocked the doorway.

"Jennifer? Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" I flashed him a smile. "I need to go to the bathroom real quick before starting with the preparation."

He moved aside, but his eyes never left my face. "Did you just cry? What happened?"

His deep voice was so gentle, too gentle, and it nearly broke the last string of my balance. A stinging sensation pinched my eyes, followed with my blurry vision. No, no, no, I can't cry now.

"Can I at least know you're okay?"

"I will be," I croaked and scrambled out of the pantryroom. "Just give me several minutes, then I'll be ready."