We headed back to the cabin when it was almost time for dinner. After successfully pushing Luna Canoea back to the water, we slowly paddled while enjoying the lake's tranquility. The water on this side was always calm since the pine trees blocked the wind from the hills.

We sat at both ends of the canoe, with me taking the front seat. I wanted to wait until we were back inside the cabin to continue my twenty-one questions, but I couldn't stop the urges.

"What happened after Katherine and Sam got divorced?" I asked, looking sideways.

"After she left Sam, I was forced to face my worst fear once again," she replied, her soft voice traveling over the sound of water gurgling around our paddles. "Especially when she turned to James for comfort. I started to close up to protect myself, just like what I did back then. Luckily, I have my work this time to focus on, to keep me sane. James assured me nothing was going on between him and Katherine. He was just helping her the way she helped us during my depression. That was until one day he came home and confessed that he and Katherine kissed."

I sucked in my breath, feeling my heart bleeding at the betrayal.

"He begged for forgiveness and promised it would never happen again. He said he would stop all contact with her since helping her turned out to be a mistake. But I told him to do exactly the opposite."

"What? Why?" I tightened my grip on the paddle, halting the blade movement and causing the canoe to change direction.

"I don't know if what I'm going to say makes sense to you. But I'd been living with the fear of losing him to her for far too long. When the day finally came, the fear started losing its grip on me. Despite how much it hurt me, I felt oddly relieved because the fear wasn't just something I'd created in my head. It was real.

"I told James to go and be with her because I didn't want him to go through one more day with me while pondering how life would've been with her, especially since she was single again. There was only one way to find out."

"But that's crazy!" I exclaimed, swiveling in my seat to face her. We practically stopped paddling now.

"That's what he said, too. However, after a series of long talks, arguments, and screaming matches, I still didn't want to change my mind about it. He got very pissed." My mom closed her eyes as she took a deep breath, and I knew the worst part was about to come. "One night he came home and told me he'd slept with her and challenged me if I was happy to hear that."

My eyes stung and my vision became blurry. "Mom," I whimpered, wishing I could go to her and hug her without risking the canoe to tip.

"I told him that was exactly what I wanted to hear. It was my ticket to set me free. I know I was being selfish. I could see I'd hurt him so badly, but it just needed to end. And I promised myself this was going to be the last time he dealt with my messed-up mind." She frowned. "If you were in my shoes, carrying this feeling for more than twenty years until you didn't know anymore whether it was real or just an imagination, you would probably understand why I did what I did."

I wiped off the tears on my cheeks with my arm. "Have you guys thought of seeking some help? Something like a marriage counselor, maybe? It might help you think differently. I mean, in a good way."

"We did it once back then. It was the continuing program for my depression treatment. Did it change how I think and see myself? No."

Silence took over. We sat there floating on the water, drowning in our thoughts. It baffled me that, behind her perfection, she had been in so much pain all this time. But I was darn sure that my dad loved my mom all these years. I might've been dumb about marriage and commitment, but I knew what love looked like. I could see it clearly in his eyes.

"Katherine and Dad," I say. "They don't work, do they?"

"No, they don't. They were seeing each other briefly before James called it a day. He didn't know Katherine was carrying his baby until the bleeding. It was an ectopic pregnancy, so the baby wouldn't stand a chance."

At this point, I wasn't sure what to feel about the pregnancy. Despite the relief that the baby was never born, I felt horrible for harboring resentment towards an innocent creature; my supposed-to-be half-sibling.

I turned around and moved the blade outward to change back the direction. As we silently started paddling again, I shot my last question. "Do you still love him?"

Mom didn't reply right away, and I didn't dare to breathe. "Yes, Jenny. I still love him," she replied finally, "but I can't see myself loving him without hurting myself. And for once, after a long while, the heaviness in my heart is being lifted. I feel more alive now."

Staring blankly at the swaying water in front of me, I murmured, "I guess the saying 'love hurts' is true, after all. I hope this is the best decision for both of you."

I heard her mumble. "I hope so, too."

We stopped paddling when we were close enough to the cabin dock, letting Luna Canoea sail slowly toward its usual spot. We made some push and pull with the paddle to bring the canoe into a parking position when I caught a tall figure standing on the dock.

"Is that–"

"Dean?" Mom finished my question.

"Dad sent me to deliver this for you guys." He patted the box he was hugging.

My eyes widened in disbelief. "He asked you to drive for two hours only to bring a coffee machine?"

"A new coffee machine," he corrected before putting the box on the ground and helping us secure the canoe.

***

Dean stayed for dinner. I was glad that we kept the conversation light at the dining table. It was refreshing after having such an emotional afternoon with Mom.

"Are you sure you're not going to spend the night here?" Mom asked as we dove into our dessert.

"Yeah. Ma is discharged tomorrow. I need to sort out some stuff. You know how useless Brian can be," Dean replied. He looked like someone who didn't sleep for days, judging from the dark circle under his eyes.

"You're crazy for agreeing to drive here just to bring us the coffee machine. You could've used your time to catch some sleep," I said, shaking my head.

"I know, but I wanted to."

"I called your father this morning just to let him know that we arrived safely. A little whine about the coffee machine was just a brief update. Nothing more, nothing less," my mom said, chuckling. "It's not like we're going to burn down this cabin if we miss our morning coffee for three days."

Dean snorted. "Please do us a favor and end the misery of this poor old cabin."

"Wait until your dad hears this." My mom laughed. "So what's the plan after Katherine's discharge?"

"Ma wants to fly home. So, we're leaving on Monday."

Mom stopped eating her dessert and gave Dean her full attention. "Isn't it too soon? She still needs time to recover," she said, which I found unnerving. Why would she show concern about Katherine after all of this drama?

"That's what we thought as well. But after the talk with her doctor, it seems doable as long as we're careful. We're renting a wheelchair to make it easier for her," Dean replied. "Dad is helping out."

"I see." Mom nodded. "I'm glad Sam finally came out of his cave. He's been doing much better these past few weeks, hasn't he?"

"Yeah," Dean mumbled. "I hope he can keep it up, though."

"Have a little more faith in your father, young man." Mom got up from her seat, collecting the dishes and piling them up. "And you need to drive back soon. Tomorrow is another long day. You can't afford to get sick right now."

"I know." Dean also got up and scratched the back of his neck. "Um, I want to talk to Jen first."

"Of course. Why else would you trouble yourself driving all the way to this place?" My mom winked at us. "Go, both of you. Just don't make it too late. The boy needs his sleep."

"It's my turn to do the dishes," I said, bringing the rest of the dishes to the sink. "Just leave them here, okay? I'll do it when I'm back."

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it." Mom gave Dean a goodbye hug.

***

After we closed the door behind us, Dean headed straight to the dock, and I followed suit. It was our usual spot to hang out while we watched the sunset. Sometimes we just tossed everything aside and jumped into the water until the warm sun failed to combat the chilly wind from the hill.

"I can't believe the last time we were here was before our graduation," I said, trying to break the awkwardness.

"Do you mean when you flipped the canoe and threw us both into the water?"

I flinched at the memory. It was a spring break in our final high school year when our families had a getaway at this place. Dean's relationship with his dad was at stake at that moment. To avoid a catastrophe during a happy family chit-chat, he dragged me to the dock to spend the afternoon in the water with him.

Inevitably, Dean's grumpy mood got on my nerves. In an attempt to shake off the negative vibes, I stood upright, brought the paddle to my mouth as if it were a microphone, and screamed at the top of my lungs singing "Dancing Queen". I was a little too enthusiastic when I started dancing to the song. The next thing I knew, we were both thrown into the water, gasping for air under the flipped canoe.

"It felt like yesterday." I smiled as I shook my head.

We reached the end of the dock where Sam's canoe was parked. After taking off my flip-flop, I sat on the edge of the decking and dangled my feet.

"So, what time is the flight on Monday?" I glanced up at Dean, who was still standing next to me, staring blankly at the amber sky.

"Two-thirty."

"At least you can consider it as early summer vacation," I said, trying to sound cheerful.

"I wish. It's nothing like a recreational trip, for sure."

"I know."

Dean squatted down beside me; I could sense his somber mood. "I drove here because I still owe you an apology, and I'm not doing it on the phone. I also don't want to do this after the trip because it's going to be some time before I come back."

My head snapped. "What do you mean with going to be some time before you come back?"

"Ma needs me, Jen. And I have no idea how long it will take until she's strong enough to be left alone."

"I still don't get it."

"I don't know how much you heard that day at the hospital, or maybe Jane has filled you in." He rubbed his hand over his overgrown hair. "Ma is not doing well."

"Huh? I thought she would go home tomorrow."

"She is, but..." He seemed to have trouble finding the words to elaborate. He then plopped down next to me, our shoulders touching. "She's been having these issues, which I think she should have checked."

It took me five seconds to realize where the conversation was headed. "Oh."

"We've been calling around. There is one clinic there that probably can help her. She got an appointment slot in two weeks. We'll see how it goes from there."

To be truthful, I didn't care for Katherine at the moment. I was still angry and disappointed with her decision to come between my parents during their rough patch. She was married once. She should've known better and steered clear of a troubled couple.

"The divorce hit her hard, and then this drama with James began. Everything was so fucked up, especially when she found out that she was pregnant and lost the baby in one go. It gave a big blow to her mental balance." Dean paused and frowned before continuing. "But when I thought more of it, she'd been off even before all this mess started."

I felt a faint tuck in my chest, thinking how hard it had been for Katherine since Sam decided to abandon his life as a husband and a father. Maybe some part of me still cared for her, after all. "And does she agree with this clinic arrangement?"

"Yeah, well, we made a deal. As long as she's home, she's willing to try," Dean replied. "The problem is, she's basically alone there. Aunt Brie can help out a little, but they've barely talked in this past decade. So, either I or Brian has to stay with her, at least for a few months to help her settle in. Brian is starting college now, so–"

My eyes widened with realization. "Did you say a few months? Are you going to stay there for months?"

"Yeah." Dean nodded a few times, staring at the water.

"But school starts in less than two months. Can you manage to be back by then?"

Dean shook his head. "I'm taking a break next semester."

"Oh, wow." I gulped. He would be thousands of miles away for who knows how long. What if the new place enticed him? Would he decide to live there for good and get his school transferred? "So, this is goodbye, then?" I asked weakly, ignoring the pinching sensation in my chest.

He nudged my shoulder playfully, saying, "I think it's more like till I see you again?"

I tried to smile at his attempt to lighten my mood, but I failed miserably.

"At least I know I will be back for Christmas," he added, wrapping his arm around my shoulder, prompting me to lean into him. "Hey, Jen, about that day. I'm really sorry you found out before I had a chance to tell you. I swear I was about–"

"Mom told me everything," I cut him. "I know why you did it, and I let it slip for now. But that never happens again. You have to promise me, there is no more keeping secrets for whatever reason, as far as it concerns us."

A couple of minutes had passed, but I didn't hear him respond. I tilted my head slightly to glance up at him. He looked like he was miles away with his thoughts while staring blankly at the horizon. His honey-blond stubble had grown slightly, so unlike the Dean I'd known.

Sensing my eyes on him, he looked down, and our gaze met. From those bluish-green eyes, I could see a glint of emotions that felt foreign to me, yet it poked at the familiar sensation that was long buried in me. Involuntarily, my heart began to pick up the pace as I became hyper-aware of our proximity.

I didn't dare to breathe when he glanced down at my lips. A little voice in my head ordered me to pull away, but I didn't move a muscle when Dean leaned in until our lips were an inch apart.

A flock of screaming geese flying in the sky startled us, and like two school kids getting caught almost kissing in the classroom, we broke apart.

"It's late," I said.

"Yeah, it is," he croaked, clearing his throat. "I, uh, am going now."

"Okay." I jumped up and slipped back into my flip-flop before following her to his car. Silence enveloped us once again, and I forced my brain to find an easy topic to kill the awkwardness. "How's Susie, by the way? I mean, how did she take this news?"

He shrugged. "Not too well."

"Yeah, this must be hard for her," I mumbled. This was hard for me, and I wasn't even his girlfriend.

"She's coming next month and going to stay with us for a few weeks."

"Oh, nice." I was hoping my voice didn't come off too bitter. I shouldn't have brought up Susie's topic after what we almost did just now. It messed up with my head.

"So, this is it," he said as we stood by his jeep.

"Yeah, this is it," I repeated, forcing a smile.

He looked unsure for a second before pulling me into a bear hug. "Take care, Jen. Don't fuck up again next semester, yeah? You need to live a little."

I chuckled. "Shut up!" I detached myself from him. "Have a safe trip, Dean. Let me know when you're there."

"I will." He flashed me his dimpled smile as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Enjoy the rest of your time with Jane here," he said, before turning around and hopping into his jeep.

Crossing my arms against my chest, I felt a sudden chill despite the warmth of mid-June weather. My eyes didn't leave him as he adjusted himself behind the steering wheel, buckled up, and finally started the car. Opening his window, he grinned at me as he drove away. It felt like he took a part of me with him.