The days went by in a blur, and before I knew it, I was driving my mom's car, heading to Sam's family cabin. He offered to take us there himself, but we politely declined since he'd done enough by getting the cabin ready for our short getaway. And in all honesty, I just wanted to be alone with Mom right now.

After missing a few turns, we finally arrived at the cabin forty-five minutes later than the estimated time of arrival on GPS. Luckily, the cabin keeper still patiently waited for us to help us settle in, even though we were quite familiar with the house. At least we got a few hours of sleep before waking up to the summer sun.

Like a pair of zombies, we roamed around the kitchen to check supplies in the kitchen cupboard. To my disappointment, the coffee machine didn't work, and it had become the reason of my grumpiness. Starting the day without coffee was like having sex without foreplay. Dry.

When I opened the storage room under the stairwells, I whistled. "We have everything here. Damn. Is Sam planning to open a store or something?"

Mom chuckled. "Seems like he was staying here for some time last spring."

"Can't blame him. It's peaceful here." I grabbed boxes of mixed-nuts cereal and coco pops. "When does he start working at your agency?"

"Next month." My mom opened the fridge. "Let me see. We have milk, plain yogurt, and peach-flavored yogurt."

"Plain yogurt."

We sat at the small table in the middle of the kitchen room, devouring our breakfast. The room was furnished with a pinewood kitchen set, which gave a distinctive earthy scent. It always brought back the memory of those happy moments in my childhood.

"Have you guys finalized the divorce papers?" I asked casually. Despite the super long list of questions I had for her, I had to control myself from being too noisy. She hated being pushed.

"The paper is ready, but I'm going to wait until Ka...Dean's mom's condition is better."

"What does she have anything to do with it?" I tasted the bitterness on my tongue. "It's not your problem, is it?"

"I prefer not to ambush your father while he has a lot in his hands right now. I don't want it to be used against me later," she said, pouring yogurt into her bowl.

"What do you mean?"

"Something like taking advantage of the situation where he's in no condition to make a fair judgment."

I scoffed. "Like he's been making a fair judgment."

"It's more for a technical reason," she replied, ignoring my remarks. "We still need to negotiate for our joint ownership of properties and other financial settlements. I want it to be done smoothly, with clear heads from both parties."

"Okay. I get that," I mumbled as I mixed the cereals into my bowl. "Do you want to keep the house?"

She shook her head. "No."

I wasn't prepared for this answer. A little jab hit my chest as I visualized the house being sold to a stranger. What if Dad decided to take the house and lived there with her? Would I ever want to set foot in that building again? Could I?

"What do you plan after the divorce, then? Where are you going to live?"

"Okay. I've been holding back a tiny piece of information because it would've raised your suspicion." She put down her spoon and folded her arms on the table, her eyes focusing on me. "I bought an apartment."

"A... What?" I opened my mouth and failed to close it again.

"It's a small one, nothing fancy. Two-bedroom apartment and it's just enough for us if you decide to live with me." She smiled. "Closer to my work, excellent security system, and it has a pleasant terrace. We should stop by at the apartment when we drive back."

We resumed eating in silence, drowned in our thoughts, but I knew we were both pondering the same thing. This situation was like a gigantic alarm bell that woke us up from our long-pleasant dream. Now here we were, all awake and forced to face our reality.

"What do you want to do after this?" my mom asked once we finished eating.

"Let's go canoeing. We haven't done it like forever. I'm not sure if Sam still has her, though."

"He does. He told me she's ready by the dock," she replied before grabbing our bowls and bringing them to the sink.

I quickly cleaned up the table. "I'm going to have a quick look."

Eagerly, I strode to the back porch and was welcomed by a pine tree grove with a narrow passage in the middle, which led to the deeper forest. The musty and earthy odors hit my nostrils, prompting me to close my eyes and embrace them. This mixed scent of the pine trees and decaying organic compounds in the water was somehow calming; the very thing I missed about this place.

Sam's cabin was located on a hidden shore of the lake, closer to the hills and surrounded by a pine-tree forest. While most visitors hung out on the other side where they could do fun water activities or some sand sports, the peace and tranquility of this place always won me over. The cabin was nothing big or luxurious, but cozy enough to snuggle in while enjoying the natural ambiance.

I sauntered to the other side of the cabin, headed to the dock, and carefully climbed the wooden stairs. Everything was still the same as the last time I came here a few years back, except for the worn-out color of the wooden floor. The rail jiggled as I made my way to the water, but my eyes focused on what I was looking for. And there she was. Luna Canoea.

Sam named her after his first cat in his childhood. It was a recreational tandem canoe built of aluminum and painted in black. Luna Canoea used to be paired up with Bubba, Katherine's red canoe, which was nowhere in sight right now.

Dean and I used to hop on Sam's canoe the first thing upon arrival every time we visited this place, with Brian and Katherine not far behind us. Instead of helping the other adults settle in, Katherine was always the crazy one who dove right into fun stuff with us. Not that I minded. With her, things were always exciting.

"I'm ready when you are," my mom's voice echoed from the porch, bringing me back to the current moment.

I tilted my head to her and smiled. "Let's go."

***

We canoed not far from the cabin area. Firstly, we just wanted to check out what might have changed in its surroundings. Secondly, I was just that lazy bastard who didn't want to put extra effort into paddling further. I blamed the coffee machine for that.

We stopped at the bank of the lake with shallow water and big stones lining along the side, blocking the path to the woods. This was the spot where Dean, Brian, and I used to chill during our stay. We even learned how to smoke here before agreeing that cigarettes weren't our thing. The memory brought a smile to my face.

After securing the canoe, we jumped into the water, letting the coolness tickle our calves. I trudged to the biggest stone where I could lie down while Mom stayed in the water, hands on her hips and enjoying the view. Once positioning myself in my favorite spot, I closed my eyes and let the afternoon sun caress my face.

"Mom, can I ask you something?"

"Yes, of course, sweetie. I know you have a lot of questions," she replied, the sound of splashing water in the background. "As promised, I'll try to answer everything."

"That morning when you and Dad talked in the kitchen, you said I didn't need to know everything. Was it about Katherine?"

She sighed audibly. "Yes."

"But why? I will figure it out eventually."

"Well, the plan was you'd never find out." She walked in my direction while mindlessly kicking the water, hopped on the stone, and sat next to me. "I didn't see the reason why everyone should know all the details, since your dad and Katherine had agreed to stop seeing each other and put it all behind. Well, your dad made her agree to it. She took it badly at first, and that was the day you saw them in the parking lot. But she knew she had to agree."

"So, it was really him. I knew it," I muttered under my breath.

"Yeah." She took my hand and wrapped her fingers around mine. "I'm sorry we lied."

I opened my eyes and studied her face. The sadness in her eyes was evident, but she smiled more than the last time I saw her. "I'd forgiven you even before you asked for it, Mom. I'm just trying to understand why you did what you did. It feels like there's something else going on between you, Dad, and Katherine."

My mom looked down at our joined hands. "It was supposed to be a clean breakup. Katherine was about to move back to her hometown and start fresh. Your dad and I were going to proceed with the divorce, using other believable reasons to convince everyone to avoid unnecessary pain for all of us." I was about to open my mouth, but she quickly added, "You adored Katherine, and likewise, she loved you like her own daughter. And I wanted to keep it that way. Also, it would probably affect your relationship with Dean and Brian if you found out. So, I did what I thought best at the time."

"I don't get why you needed to protect my feelings all the time. Dean did that too." I frowned. "Am I that weak to you?"

"No, you're not weak." She shook her head. "I think it's just a maternal instinct in me. No moms would want to see their kids get hurt, you know. But now I know it was a dumb move."

"But Dean surely didn't have that kind of instinct, did he? He's not my mother."

"When Dean found out about James and his mom last year, he was furious. I knew he was going to tell you straight away about what he'd discovered because it's how he is. So, I talked to him and tried to make him see my points. He reluctantly agreed with one condition, that this had to end for good."

Learning about the fact about Dean, a pang of guilt crept into me. I'd been so pissed at him that I didn't give him a chance to explain. I thought he was purposely disregarding me and playing this whole 'big brother' complex all over again.

"But why Katherine? Among seven and a half billion people in the world, why does it have to be her?" I mumbled.

"After the divorce, Katherine's gone through a lot. Her separation from Sam broke her and the closest friend she had after Sam was your dad. She began to confide in James on a regular basis, and that was how it started. Katherine became emotionally dependent on him, rather in an unhealthy way. And James..." Mom paused, trying to find the correct words for it. "He'd always had this soft spot for her since before I met him."

My chest tightened, and my heart beat faster as if I was the one who was being betrayed.

"I had my share, of course," she went on. "Instead of working on my marriage and claiming my man, I chose to close myself up and push him away. I guess I just didn't want to fight for him anymore. I gave up on him."

"Why?" my voice came out as a whisper.

"This whole situation with Katherine brought me back to the dark episode we had in the early years of our marriage. I thought I was over it. Now that it swung back with full force, I wonder If I've ever won the battle."

I stared at her while slowly absorbing every word she just said. "Dark episode? What are you talking about?"

She signaled me to scoot over so that she could lie down beside me. Then she took my hand again, intertwined her fingers with mine, and rested them on her stomach. "When I met your dad, I knew that he and Katherine had a history. I should have been warned, but I was too blinded by love."

"So, Dad and Katherine dated back in college?"

"No, but they'd had a fling before Sam came into the picture." My mom paused and closed her eyes as the sun peeked out from behind the cloud. "Anyway, Katherine was already engaged to Sam when I was introduced to them. I could tell she was so head over heels for Sam, and they looked so happy. James was genuinely happy for them, too. So, I told myself that I shouldn't be worried about his past with Katherine."

"Were you, though?"

It took her a few seconds before replying, "Yes, but I didn't want to acknowledge it. James assured me it was nothing serious, and he was already past it way before we met."

"And you believed him?" I knew I was being noisy again, but I just couldn't help it.

"Yes, and no." She sighed. "Despite what he said about Katherine, I noticed that he cared for her more than a friend would. But again, the three of them weren't just friends, they were very tight like a found family. And if there was something more going on between James and Katherine, Sam would have noticed it. So, I kept saying to myself that my insecurity was one hundred percent on me. It was my own problem to solve. James had done his part."

I squeezed her hands gently to show my support.

"Weeks after the wedding, Katherine and Sam went back from their honeymoon with good news. They were pregnant with Dean."

"Ah, I remember that story. Not long after that, Dad took you on vacation to Japan, and then I was conceived."

"Yes." She tilted her head to look at me, smiling. "After learning about the pregnancy, James proposed, and of course, I said yes. I knew I shouldn't have jumped into a marriage that fast, given how little we'd known each other at that point. But I was young, impulsive, and hopelessly infatuated."

"Do you regret it now?" I asked. For some reason, I held my breath as I waited for her answer.

"Regret is not the word to put it, but I would have done it differently." She paused a little before continuing. "I'd have moved in with him and raised our child together, but being married was another thing. I'd have waited until we were both settled with what we wanted."

Hearing her answer, I began to wonder if I was the reason they were forced to be married, which meant I was also the reason my mom went through all this pain. What if I was never conceived? Would they now end up with different partners and live happily ever after?

"However, we were so ecstatic with the pregnancy and it felt right to just make it official. We then got busy with my moving in and making plans," my mom reminisced. Her voice thrilled, reliving the happiness she felt during that time. "Everything happened so fast. The wedding, Katherine's delivery, and then your arrival."

A grief expression was slowly painted on her face, and I knew instantly where this story turned.

"Then the postpartum depression hit me. Hard. It was the darkest period of my life. I couldn't stop thinking about horrible things, mainly because I was feeling incapable of raising my own child. I felt useless, and the fear about James and Katherine that I'd been suppressing bounced back up, shredding me into pieces.

"I started comparing myself with Katherine. How good she was at handling her baby while I was having trouble connecting with you. She even took care of you during the times I was under the medication. I hated it every time I saw you in her arms, but once she put you on my lap, all I could do was stare at you like you were an alien. I kept questioning if I was enough. If I was enough for James, since I would never be Katherine for him. Or if I was enough for you because I failed to love you as a mother should. I kept wondering if I was enough to exist.

"I began to push James away because it felt like I didn't deserve him. I pushed you away because you kept crying your lungs out every time I tried to cradle you. I pushed everyone away. I was so lost."

I sat up and stared down at her. Tears were pooling in the corners of her eyes, threatening to fall down her cheeks. "I didn't know it was that bad," I said. "I thought it was just normal baby blues. How come you never told me this?"

"Because it was an episode of life I don't want to be reminded of, and it's still too painful to even talk about now." She let out a deep breath. "It took me a year under a psychiatrist's help. The thing was, even after I'd overcome the depression, the question remained: whether I was enough."

My chest tightened, feeling her unspeakable misery. I lay back next to her and hugged her. As I kissed her cheek slowly, I whispered, "You are enough, Mom. You are more than enough for me."