The door was acting out again. I jiggled my key in the lock while making a mental note to call my landlord again about this issue. When I finally managed to open it, I went straight to the fridge. I didn't drink enough after Susie's outburst. I just resumed driving around, drowning in my own thoughts.

A neon sticky note with Lea's handwriting caught my eye.

Dean was here looking for you. Your phone is dead. Are u ok?

I removed the note from the fridge door before grabbing a soda. I switched off my phone after the phone call and didn't plan to turn it on again for some time because I had enough drama. After the absurd and exhausting morning, I needed a warm shower and bed.

Once in the bathroom and standing under running water, I moaned as the water pressure massaged my back, feeling my tense muscles slowly loosen up. Yet my head was still full. Too full. Every cell in my brain screamed, demanding me to stop throwing a fresh wave of thought as it was very close to exploding into pieces.

But I couldn't stop. I kept thinking, processing, and making sense. My mind was a ball of tangled thread, which I couldn't find where it began or where it ended.

What my mom did hit where it hurt because we used to be very close. She was the person I ran into when I found out Dean didn't return my feelings. She was also the person who listened to my never-ending jabber about my first boyfriend, Ethan. I even confided in her when my first sexual encounter didn't go well. That was how much I opened up to her. It had shifted a bit since I moved out in my sophomore year. Still, finding out that she had been hiding her problem with Dad for years made me feel somehow betrayed.

I had to admit that leaving my mom's house like I did this morning was childish. I should have said something to her before taking off. But for now, I'd let my anger get the best of me.

I turned around and looked up, welcoming the cascading water onto my face. The image of my mom's eyes coated with agony rushed back into my mind once I closed my mind. My chest clenched. Maybe I shouldn't have left, after all.

When I finally got out of the shower, a pounding on the front door reverberated through my small flat. It was easy to guess who was now at the door, judging from the lack of civility. I quickly put on my shirt and my shorts, wrapped my hair with a towel, and jogged to the door.

"You could have just knocked, you know? I would've heard you fine," I said.

"I did." Dean shrugged. "You didn't hear me."

I shrugged and leaned on the door frame, arms crossed over my chest. "Why are you here, Dean?"

"Checking on you, of course."

"Now, you can see I am fine."

"Where have you been? And your phone is off."

"I just drove around to clear my head," I said. "A girl can have her alone time, can't she?"

He ran his fingers through his curls. "Jane called." He glanced inside, expecting to be invited in, but I didn't budge from my spot.

"Yeah, I know you came this morning. Lea left a note." I looked down at the wet spot on my shirt, caused by my dripping stray lock. "Why did Mom call, by the way? What did she say?"

"She wanted me to make sure you're okay."

"So, she told you what happened, huh? That I ran away like a child?"

"Kinda." He slipped his hands into his pockets. "If you want to talk about it, I can stay a bit."

Apparently, Dean didn't know about my conversation with his girlfriend this morning, but I didn't want to go there right now. "I needed to be alone, Dean. You know I'll call you when I'm ready to talk. You should learn to treat me like a big girl."

"I know." He sighed. "I guess it's something I will never learn."

You can't just order him around whenever you need him. Dean has his own life. Susie's lines played in my head like a broken record, and it was exhausting.

"So, did Mom tell you what we were arguing about?"

"Well, yeah." He nodded and looked down. "I'm sorry, Jen."

"Me too." Tears began to form in the corners of my eyes. It took everything in me to keep myself together since I didn't want him to see how much mess I was in now. "Shit happens. Sometimes there's just nothing we can do."

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?"

No. "Yes." I propped myself from the door frame and stood straight up. "Thanks for checking up on me, though."

His eyes were still fixed on me, seeming unsure of what he wanted to say before he finally nodded. "You know I'll be here when you need me, right?"

The line was a mantra. For the first time after so many years, I wanted to run into his arms like a little Jen seeking comfort from the big Dean.

If you still care for me and Dean, I am begging you, please leave us alone.

"Yeah. Thank you," I murmured.

Dean took a step forward. "Come here." He pulled me into him, hugging me firmly while gently stroking my back. His warmth enveloped me instantly, easing up the heaviness in my heart, and his scent felt like home. I sighed into his chest.

Dean's embrace radiated a string of confidence that helped me turn off the constant chatter in my head. He always had this effect on me. I wish we weren't in this shitty situation.

"I'll leave you alone for now," he said before breaking the hug. "Take your time."

***

I woke up to a sticky, hot Friday morning. No, it was the chime on my phone that brought me back to consciousness. Who would text me this early? Waking up to a text for two days in a row was just annoying. Shit. I forgot to reply to Brad.

But when I saw Mom's caller ID on my phone, I frowned and opened her message.

Mom: I hope you're not mad at me anymore.

Without thinking twice, I dialed her number.

"Hey, mom," I croaked when she picked up.

"Hi, sweetie." Her voice sounded unsure.

"I'm sorry I just took off yesterday. I should have said something before I left."

"It's okay, sweetie. I understand why you were mad."

I opened my mouth and closed it again, not knowing what I wanted to say next. Saying I wasn't mad anymore would be a lie because my disappointment with the situation was still heavy in my chest. But was this Mom's fault, though?

"Listen, Jenny. I understand completely that this is too much to take in. I don't blame you." My mom paused for a few seconds. "I know my decision upset you. But you need to trust me when the time comes, I will tell you everything."

Her line poked at the sore spot again. I really didn't need to hear this right now. This is not about you, Jen. She needs you, the voice in my head reminded me.

"Okay," I muttered, rubbing my face. "Let's talk again later. I need to pee and wake up a bit."

"Yes, of course. Talk to you soon, sweetheart," she says before ending the phone call.

At least I didn't throw another drama or childish attitude. Or maybe it was because my brain wasn't fully awake yet. I groaned as I scrambled out of my bed.

As summer approached, Lea and I usually spent more time on our tiny balcony during our morning routine. Not today, though.

After weeks of beautiful weather, we finally saw the first drizzle in June. The humid air had been lingering since yesterday, which contributed to my crappy, sleepless night. Once the petrichor hit my nostril this morning, I knew the rain had started falling.

I sat on the dining chair, sipping my coffee while listening to Lea's rant. I considered it lucky that Lea woke up frustrated by the situation at the bar. That made it easier for me to divert her attention from my problem.

"Maybe they just need a bit more time to learn and to get used to the work pace," I said. "As you said, they've never worked at the bar before."

"It has nothing to do with that." She rolled her eyes. "They're just lazy bastards. Period. I know I was given the task of helping them settle in the first two weeks, but I'm not supposed to clean up their mess every fucking day!"

I glanced at a rattling noise in the window as the rain poured heavily. It has been raining cats and dogs in the past few hours. "Maybe you can talk to your supervisor?"

Lea scoffed. "Like it's going to make any difference. Gal doesn't give a shit. He's been resenting me because of the offer."

"Offer?" I asked. "What offer?"

Lea wrinkled her nose, a sign that her brain was changing gears. "Right. I've been planning to tell you about it. A few days ago, Mr. Harrison had a proposition for me."

"Oh?" Her reply piqued my interest. "Mr. Harrison, as in Garry's father?"

"Yes, the very man. So, he's willing to pay for my bartender school if I sign a contract to assist Garry in setting up a new bar in a new city." She took a sip of coffee before continuing, "It's something like the mixology program I showed you last year, the one I've been wanting to take. So, I can go to school in the morning, then handle the bar in the evening and on weekends."

"Oh wow! It's a great opportunity, Lee!" I squealed.

"I know, right? I'm still gathering some info about the place, just in case. But to be honest, I'm not sure if becoming Garry's assistant is something I'm looking forward to."

"Why not?"

Lea sighed. "I think he's having an attitude problem. Not sure exactly what's going on, but that boy is super moody lately. PMS-ing girls have nothing on him."

"He seemed to be just fine last week in the nightclub."

"I know, right? But after that point, he started to act like an ass." Lea brought her mug to her mouth again, drinking the last bit of her coffee. "There's a rumor going around at the bar about his situation with his dad. They're not really on good terms at the moment. But Garry never talks about his personal life. So, I don't know." Lea stood up and walked to the sink. "Mr. Harrison gave me two weeks to think it through."

"You should take it," I said. "I would."

"As much as I want to, I'm not gonna dive headfirst into the water. This school costs me a two-year contract. Twenty-four months of being stuck with Garry." She paused, chewing her lower lip. "Honestly, I don't know if he's just acting up around his dad, or this is how he actually is."

"Wow, it doesn't sound like you at all. I mean, without diving headfirst." My remark earned an eye roll from Lea. "It's a golden opportunity, Lee. I doubt that this type of offer would come twice. Garry shouldn't be a reason for you to hold back your future. I believe you can handle him just fine."

Lea leaned at the sink, staring blankly at the window while taking in my words. Our silence was replaced by the sound of the dancing downpour against our window. It was rhythmical, repetitive, and hypnotizing, making my mind wander, envisioning the things that would change in the near future.

First, my parents' separation. The decision wouldn't change my relationship with them, but the way my mom handled it did.

Second, backing off from Dean's life. I knew my existence in Dean's life was a threat to any girl he dated, but Susie showed a positive reaction. Little did I know that it didn't last. I wished she would've been different. Hence, the only thing I could do was steer clear. As much as it hurt me, Dean deserved a chance to have a steady relationship.

And the last part was Lea's new promotion. She hadn't accepted the offer, but I knew she would. She had to, even though it meant she would move out.

These three human beings had been the layers of protection during my transformation from a lil Jen to a full-grown Jen. My mom with her mature perspective, Dean with his protective nature, and Lea with her sharp objectivity. My metamorphosis was nowhere near done, yet my cocoon already started losing its protection, layer by layer.

***