Marjorie (Marge) Eileen Dursley was a woman of high society. She was a good, noble woman who did her washing on Sundays. She wasn't a church go-er, by anyone's standards but she did consider herself to be within the moral boundaries of society, polite society, that is.

That considered, Marge was a very accepting woman and that was the reason she had supported her kin in his decision to divorce the putrid Petunia and her freaky family.

What Marge wasn't prepared to accept however, was his marriage and courtship with a witch. 

At first, of course, Marge had not known and could be forgiven for thinking Dolores was a nice, respectable lady.

That all changed when she'd visited unannounced one day and had happened across Dolores doing some witchcraft  or as she liked to call it, "funny business".

Marge had left in a hurry and hadn't dared to come back. This would mark her first return and she was returning with a plot of vengeance.

It was at this moment Marge's train of thought was interupted by her train. 

It had reached its destination and subsequently, so had she.

Upon stepping off the platform, Marge immediately recognised her darling brother, Vernon. As usual, he was waiting for her. This time he was dressed in a casual shirt, casual jeans to match and a fetching tan coat Marge remembered gifting him some years back. 

Marge also noticed with sadness that Vernon seemed to be having trouble sleeping. The more Marge looked, the more upset she became. If her calculations were correct and they almost certainly were for she had seldom been mistaken when it came to Vernon, her brother had lost weight!

"Vernon!" Marge exclaimed, wrapping her arms around her sibling. 

"Oh, Marge," Vernon wept. "It is so good to see you."

They broke apart soon after, with Vernon offering to carry Marge's overnight bag.

"Where's Ripper?" Vernon asked as he deposited Marge's luggage in the tailgate of his Vauxhall Vectra.

"I..," Marge paused, trying to think of an excuse. She hadn't wanted to bring her dear Ripper along, lest he be bewitched. She'd once happened across Cujo on late-night/late night TV, and did not fancy the idea of her Ripper meeting a similar fate.

"I left him with Ted. He ate a dodgy steak the other night and hasn't been right since. I didn't want to spend my time with you and... Dolores cleaning up dog sick," Marge explained with a regretful smile.

"Ah. Right you are," Vernon agreed sympathetically. 

From there, the drive was reasonably quiet. They made small talk until they were five minutes from Vernon's current residence, stuck in traffic. 

"So, Petunia tells me you're having a child..." Marge vetntured with faux flippancy.

She watched as Vernon's grip on the wheel tightened and his entire being seemed to tense. 

"Yes," Vernon agreed, through clenched teeth, offering no elaboration.

"Is there something wrong, Vernon?" Marge asked with clear concern.

Something must be the matter, Marge's inner voice barked.

He never missed a chance to boast about Dudley...

"Yes.. well no. Truth be told, Marge, I haven't a clue what I'm doing. I left Petunia. I left Privet Drive. I've given up my job and she... Does nothing. She spends most of her time with Peppa-!" At Marge's confused look, he offered an explanation. 

"She's our neighbour, of sorts. She's very fond of Dolores. And just recently," Vernon continued.

 "We've found out our child's a half pig! I haven't the foggiest idea as to how this came about. You and I know our family doesn't have any pig DNA, she says the same about her's so I'm at a standstill. I don't know what to do or who to turn to, Marge."

As her brother poured his inner most turmoils into her glasses of brandy and sherry, Marge's mind was whirring at seventy miles per hour (MPH). She had an IDEA. 

"Vernon," She began. "I've got an idea, do you wanna hear my idea?" 

Vernon looked at her and said, "I've got an idea.. I wanna hear your idea!"

A/N:

Can I just take a moment to say; Vernon Dursley is the biggest simp known to humankind. He locked his nephew by marriage in a cupboard simply because his wife wanted it. Say what you will about Vernon Dursley but he was a faithful and loyal husband. I'd imagine quite a lot of people would be off at the first mention of magic and eccentric professors.

The strange "idea" dialogue comes from the linked video.

Have a wonderfully spooky Halloween and if you don't celebrate Hallowe'en, I hope you have a great, spectacularly comfortable weekend!

P.S You may find spelling mistakes.