They're all dead.

The Ladies speak of it in desperate, mourning tones. Some say they're going to start wearing maroon and stay in it until the war is over. Cloudy moonlight from the window overcasts the candlelit gathering.

Blankly, I stare at them as they discuss it. The shamans are destoryed too. I should be rejoicing, but I can't. All those soldiers are dead.

I thought Alaar was going to murder the shamans himself. I really thought he was going to kill them himself.

I get up without speaking and wander away, out of the meeting area and to my bedroom. I never meant for innocents to be harmed. I just wanted the shamans to stop.

I curl up in my bed, pulling the blankets tight around me. It's my fault the Morineause will lose the war. It's my fault if Leavi gets hurt or if we all die, and it's my fault all those poor soldiers were torn apart by ravens.

The shamans always spoke of that shaav in such reverential tones. I thought they'd never use it; they knew that to splinter their will into so many ravens at once would deprive their own bodies of their souls. Somehow, Alaar must have convinced them to empty themselves in order to murder all those men.

A sob shakes my shoulders. The price of my revenge was the destruction of an army.

How dare I play as Death?

* * *

I wake to the agonizing snap of a spell broken. It slams my chest, and I curl into a ball, nose hot with blood. Alaar must be dead. In the utter darkness of my bedroom, it's impossible to tell what time it is. I'd bet it's the set of the full moon, though—he waited until the last minute to finish his orders.

I've accomplished my goal, to the detriment of everyone here.

Foggy-headed with guilt, I push up. This doesn't have to be the end of everything. Aster might not have listened to me before, but now he can't hide behind his reinforcements, and I doubt we have enough time to last until the Retran army arrives. We can end this war.

I cast on my dress before I leave. I don't know if it's a new day, and I don't care. Mourning is warranted. The piece is now dark red and simple, with detached maroon ribbons to thread through my hair. I leave it down, only braided with the simple fabric. You don't flaunt yourself when so many people are dead.

I step into the hall and call to a page. "Can you—"

I shouldn't bring this to Aster. He hates me. He'll hate me all the more when he realizes the ravens were the product of the shamans, that I didn't kill them soon enough.

The page watches me, eyebrows up, reminding me of another girl in this castle.

My smile is forced. "Sorry. Never mind."

"Yes, milady." She frowns and leaves.

I've seen Leavi following the Retran girl around, but I need to catch her alone. I find a window and stare out over the castle's garden area. The bare branches look hopeless in the cloudy winter morning. Maybe if I hurry, she won't have left to work yet. I head for the infirmary.

When I arrive, the door is already open, and I step in. The room is overcrowded once more with men, a few maids scurrying around to help.

Not wanting to bother the old physician or his helpers, I try to skirt the chaos and head for the stairs. A familiar-looking girl steps in my way.

"Can I help you with something?" Her voice jogs my memory. She's the one who stopped me the night I stole the shaudacerise. Shades. No doubt they realized I had broken into a cabinet. I don't think she recognizes me yet, though. The darkness must have blurred my features.

I pitch my voice a little higher than natural. "I know the girl that lives upstairs." I shift. "I wasn't trying to interrupt. I just wanted to see her."

"She has a job, milady."

"Is she gone already? I won't take long. Please, I didn't mean to get in anyone's way."

Her lips twist, but she steps aside. Grateful, I go up, passing through the living room to knock on the door I saw her come out of before. "Leavi? Can I come in?"

The door opens, and Leavi's hair wisps into her face. "Idyne? What's wrong?"

I bounce on the balls of my feet. "We need to talk." Frowning, she lets me in, and I close the door behind us. "If you could end the siege, would you do it?"

"What?"

"If you could end the siege, would you?"

The color drains from her cheeks. "Of course I would."

"Good. I want that too. But you have to convince Aster of something for us."

She turns away, fiddling with her bag. "Aster and I don't talk anymore."

"What?" Some of my desperation leaks into my voice. This plan can't fall apart that quickly. It just can't.

She glances toward me, mouth tight.

"Leavi, he won't listen to me. Please."

"You really have a way to end the siege?"

I nod earnestly.

Her gaze finds her feet, and she mutters something under her breath. When she looks back up, her eyes are clear and determined. "Alright. What's your idea?"

I sit on the edge of her bed. Then my eyes close. I can't explain the plan without explaining that I understand how the Kadranians work. I'll have to admit to her—the girl who was nice to me when she didn't know me, who was afraid of me but hasn't thrown me out yet—that I used to serve the people who threaten her life. Who cares what Aster thinks, but Leavi doesn't hate me yet.

My eyes open, and her worried ones watch me. She looks so much like my sister. Grief twists with sharp determination, like a decaying rose wrapped in thorns. I couldn't save her. But I can save Leavi from the mess that I made. What she thinks of me afterward doesn't matter.

"When you met me, I had just run away from the Kadranians."

Her foot stutters back a step.

I cringe. "I—" She doesn't move. "I left. I didn't want to serve them. But I know how they work, so I know how to stop them."

"It was you, wasn't it?"

For a terrifying second, I know she's accusing me of those soldiers' massacre. But she has no way of making that connection, and my brows draw. "What?"

"Aster all but told me. But I didn't want to believe it."

The accusation in her tone sets me on edge, and I lean back. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You murdered the Man from the East."

I stare at her. Horror fills her face, and the voices laugh at me. "She won't listen to you, murderer."

I cross my arms and look away. There's no sense in denying it. She knows it could have been no one else. "I did no different than the soldiers on the wall."

"He was helpless!" she protests.

I push up. "He was a sadistic—" She flinches, and despair grips my soul. My tone softens. "It doesn't matter what I've done. All that matters is that you stop them from breaking in here and killing you all." My voice cracks.

She eyes me warily, jaw set. My eyes burn, and I fight not to let it show. I got what I wanted, and now everything else is falling into the Inbetween, and it's my own fault. But she nods. A truce.

My arms wrap around myself, voice unsteady. "Okay, then." She hates me now. But it doesn't matter. I don't matter to her—but the castle does, and I tell her the plan I gave Aster. "And you don't have to worry about the shamans anymore either. What they did to the reinforcements killed them."

"But what do you mean 'remove their leaders from the problem'? Do to them what you did to the Man from the East?"

"Look," I say. "If the Morineause decide they can somehow tie them up and carry them into the dungeon without anyone noticing, then that's great for them. But this is war, Leavi, and they wouldn't hesitate to kill the rulers here however they have to."

Her gaze drops, and for a second, I swear she's watching something other than the floor. Slowly, she pulls her hair up. "I'll pass the message along, but I can't promise what will happen."

My arms tighten, and I nod. "Okay." She takes the door handle, and I step forward. "Leavi."

She watches me.

"They're ruthless."

She tenses but just nods. The door opens. "Goodbye, Idyne."

I drop my arms and walk out. "Goodbye." As I go through the hall, down the stairs, and out the infirmary, I can't help but feel like I just lost the only person who was ever nice to me without wanting something in return.

And I can't even blame her.