After that encounter, I was having second thoughts about whether I wanted to see Jacob again. But until I was ready, I had to be more discreet about my presence in the lectures and made myself scarce in the other lounges. It seemed he did not want to see me, too. Otherwise, he would have already found me, despite my best efforts to hide. Or maybe I was getting better at hiding?

"Are you sure you don't want to go out? Tonight's the last night. Fedor invited us – you specifically. It's your chance to talk to your idol, man," Jaxx persuaded as he dried his hair with a towel. He just came out of the shower, and it was a good thing he was already wearing his pants. I looked at him, not answering.

"Offer going once, twice, going –"

"Okay, okay, I'm coming," I groaned and begrudgingly dragged myself out of bed, which I made my home for the past couple of hours.

"Don't worry, if you don't find it enjoyable, we could always skip. Grace is walking tonight at the Covent Garden, and there's an after-party somewhere," he wiggled his eyebrows.

"Grace. Get over her, man," I said tiredly.

"I am. I told you, I'm done with her," he chuckled as he checked his phone.

"Then why are you still meeting up with her?"

"I didn't say I was. I said she had a walk and if you like, we can go to the after-party. Which part of it said I was meeting with her?" he was now tousling his hair, though his eyebrows still slightly bunched in the middle of his forehead.

"It's implied, of course. Who else are you going to the party with?" I leaned over the bathroom jamb, arms across my chest.

"Uh, other women? What do you take me for, a nobody?" he cocked his brow and paused his movements as he threw me an incredulous look through the mirror.

"Not at all. Just an egotistical dick," I chuckled before heading inside for my shower.

"Okay, let me rephrase that for your stickler ass. There is this fashion show going on tonight. We could go to the after-party, if you're interested," he shouted so I could hear him behind the closed door. "Happy?"

"Yeah, whatever."

My pulse was racing while I showered as my thoughts drifted to the huge possibility of seeing Jacob again. He was working for the Fedor Pancecoff, so it would not be a surprise if he were there. But then, one does not usually bring their staff around during these conventions unless he was more than just an employee.

London evenings were fairly cold during this time of the year, so I made sure to pick light but warmer clothes. I did not want to regret being ill-prepared if Jaxx decided to take another "walk around the block" to sober up because we might end up walking around half London again. So, I took my trusty gaiter and shoved a pair of gloves in my coat pocket as well.

Dinner went well. We hung out with the other guys from the convention, including Fedor, who brought some of his crew with him. Apparently, they were London-based, and they were part of the team that organized the entire meeting. However, Jacob did not join them. Fedor told Jaxx he was busy with some things at the office, but he gave me a sidelong glance as he spoke.

Jaxx had discreetly left us by the time we entered one of the Irish pubs. He sent me a message saying he's out to meet a 'friend.' That would probably mean he was already out partying with Grace and the other women. It was already close to midnight anyway. Perhaps their party was already in full swing somewhere in London.

Being alone did not worry me. The hotel was close by, and I was confident I could go home walking, even if I staggered. And Jaxx could very well handle himself.

"Ace," Fedor took the empty seat at the bar beside me. "Did you enjoy the convention?"

"Absolutely," I grinned and engaged him in small talk about the highlights and what I found interesting, avoiding the mention of Jacob's name at all costs. But I should have known that he actually wanted to talk about that.

"So, what is the deal with Yakov?" he grinned, but his curiosity was more than innocent.

"What do you mean? There's no deal," I chuckled, trying to hide my nerves. My heart raced at the mere mention of his name, even if it were in Russian.

"He told me he worked for you but resigned. Something to do about you," his gaze was now sharper though the smirk never left his face.

I was taken aback. What was this guy playing at? Jacob did not resign because of me. It was because of Beau. He was being blackmailed, and he could not take it any longer.

Beau. Fucking. Montevideo. The Admiral.

The empty black eyes.

The blood pouring out.

Shit. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I held my breath. I mentally counted as I exhaled slowly.

"That's not what he said in his resignation letter," I tried to sound nonchalant. He threw his head back and laughed heartily, making me slightly annoyed and unnerved.

"Of course, he would not tell you he resigned because of you," he wiped his eye as he came down from his laughing fit. He sighed before turning a tad bit serious.

"But it doesn't mean that it was not because of you," he sipped his beer before boring his dark blue eyes in mine. They were clear yet wild, and a deep blue like the Pacific Ocean. They looked like Jacob's, only darker and choppier.

Too stunned, I must have stared too long because he cleared his throat when I offered no reaction or reply to his statement.

Jacob. How was he? Would he grace us with his presence tonight? Do I want him to?

Fuck. My heart raced faster and thumped harder it was causing an uncomfortable ache in my chest.

Wait. I could have sworn Fedor's eyes were gray in all of his photos and during the time at the stage. Why was I seeing Jacob's eyes? Was he fucking with my head? Without so much as a thought, I squinted and blurted out the question.

"Why do you have blue eyes? They were gray in all your photos on the internet." He laughed again as if everything that came out of my mouth was a joke.

"You're one the few who noticed after all this time," he raised his bottle. "Cheers to that." I absentmindedly clinked my glass against it. "My eyes are grayish-blue. I wear contact lenses which somehow change their color."

"Now, if only you were just as perceptive and a dimension less dense with other things going on around you."

"I will pretend I didn't hear that." I brought the bottle to my lips as he chuckled. My hand now shook visibly. I took another deep breath, one after another, but the ache only got worse.

"Back to my question. Why did he resign? Or better yet, why did you let him go?" he asked again, and my back stiffened. The graveness in his voice sent a chill down my spine. I shut my eyes and prayed hard that Fedor would move on to the next topic, but luck was not on my side. An anxiety attack was, though.

You know you've watched too many movies wherein the bad guys are Russians, and their thick accent reminds you of imminent death or some big heist going bad somewhere across the world. And before I could block the images in my head and the dread veins, my chest started constricting. I shut my eyes as I held on to the bottle with both my hands as if my life depended on it.

Beau. Thud.

The Ace of Spades. Thud thud. Skip.

Jacob. Thud. Skip. Thud. Thud. Thud.

Oh fuck, no. Please don't do this to me. Not here, not tonight. I begged the visceral reaction my body was mounting.

One to twelve... deep breaths...

It took me only eight deep breaths this time to relieve the squeezing on my chest, a record high for the amount of pressure I felt. However, it had been a breath to many since I hadn't needed to count for a while.

My eyes snapped open when I felt a strong hand prying my fingers off the bottle. I find Fedor's brows knitted, his eyes trained on my hands, but he didn't say a word when he saw me staring. I immediately withdrew my hands as if burned and turned away. After a few more seconds of awkward silence, I cleared my throat and took out a few bills.

"It was nice meeting you, Fedor. But I think I will take my leave now," I stood up, leaving him speechless.

It was regretful that there was so much left to talk to Fedor about. It's just that Jacob should not have been one of them. I was interested in technology while his interest was on my ex-employee, the same one he had hired and put head-to-head against me.

Puffs of white formed after each huff, the cold wind burning my ear and cheeks. The hotel was farther than I had anticipated, but I needed the long walk to calm my nerves.

Annoyance started to build up when I realized Fedor was questioning me about his precious 'Yakov,' replacing the disquiet inside my head. Did he doubt what Jacob told him? Was this his due diligence doing a background check on his man?

Would he fire him if I told him some other lie and made Jacob look like a horrible person? Or did he really want to just gossip? Did he care for the guy or for his firm? I'm betting he was worried about his firm. If he did not trust the guy, he should not have hired him!

Due diligence, my foot. I did not care if he was my idol –ex-idol – he was a jerk.

The elevator bell brought me out of my irritation haze as it stopped on my floor. Finally, I can spend the rest of the night peacefully in the confines of my room. Dinner was fun, and so was the rest of the evening until that Russian genius, whom I was looking forward to chatting with, decided to broach an off-limits topic. It was off-limits even to my friends, but the entitled geezer thought it would be all right. Inconsiderate asshole.

"Honey, I'm... fuck," the last word died on my lips when I saw Jaxx and his friend inside our shared hotel room.

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