42| Minus


Was that the best I could do? I did not have to use fancy words but 'cause real harm'? What a fucking useless sentiment!

But I was not ready to confess to him, not here, not now. I was still licking my wounds from the bomb that he dropped at the office. I trusted him, and he fucked us over.

"Ace, any game could cause me real harm. Stop pretending that you care because we both know you don't. It's making me feel pathetic that I thought, for a moment, that there was something there," he gave me a scornful glare as the venom in his words sizzled on those things called feelings inside my chest.

The people close by looked at us. I knew that some of them were all ears on our conversation. As much as I wanted to shout to his face that I really do care, it was frightening as hell. The macho people here were just as rigid as I used to be when it came to sexuality.

"Jacob, there was... Look, I really...ah fuck. This isn't the place to talk about it." My confidence plummeted as fear gripped my heart.

If I lay my cards down – pun intended – will he listen or laugh at me? I feared rejection. That would have been the second time I would tell someone they meant something more than just a fling. The first one left me sore, but this, I felt, would leave me devastated.

"Well, don't lose your pretty head over it. I'm finishing what I started. I'm done with this bullshit pushing and pulling. I thought I could be patient with you, but I was wrong. I wanted to stay so bad, Ace. But I can't have you running off to the next girl or guy just because you're upset."

"Wait, why is this suddenly about me? I came here to talk to you about you."

He sighed and shook his head. "I wouldn't be in this situation if you weren't involved."

"What? I don't understand."

"Of course you do, Ace. You just refuse to accept it."

"You're not making sense," I shook my head. This was about that deal in the Blitz. I was not part of it. This had everything to do with that, and nothing to do with me.

"But I'm still asking you. Again. Don't push through with that fight, Jake. Please."

"This is something I have to do. I don't want you to be a part of it anymore."

"Don't fucking drag me into this fighting nonsense. I'm here to tell you not to take on the fight on Wednesday!"

"This isn't simply about a dumb fight, Ace! Open your eyes! You're so good at compartmentalizing things you refuse to see that they overlap and they're all interconnected!"

"What the hell are you even talking about?" my voice raised. I was getting frustrated with all the allusions and vague talks. He was frustrating me. The entire series of events was so god damn frustrating!

"I'm talking about the information leak, about Beau, about your accident, about Brigs. About last Christmas, and last weekend and last Sunday. About us," his voice trailed as he neared the last words until it was almost too soft to hear.

"There wasn't or isn't an 'us' to talk about."

"And clearly, there would never be one either," he chuckled bitterly.

"W-why not?" My throat suddenly ran dry and that familiar pit in the stomach was making its presence known.

"Will the wonders will never cease!" he laughed sarcastically. He gave me a puzzled look, surprised by my question. Even I was taken aback by what I just said.

"Ace, make up your damn mind. It was a simple yes or no algorithm. You've made your choice, and there's no taking it back," Jacob said, exasperated. He didn't look up as he started to wrap his hand again, this time with the grace and smoothness of a seasoned fighter.

"It's true, I have. And it's probably not what you're thinking. But it's not that simple, Jake. There are consequences," I replied as calmly as I could, making sure my voice didn't quiver. I already accepted who I was and what he meant to me. I just could not tell him yet because we were in the gym full of people, for crying out loud!

"My mathematical brain sees it as a simple question that leads to a particular outcome, like an equation. One plus one equals two. If you change that 'plus' sign to a 'minus' sign, then the result is a zero. That's not necessarily a consequence, but rather an outcome of your choice," he gruffly explained. All this time, he still hasn't looked at me. Once he was done wrapping his hands, he turned his back against me, walked inside a ring, and started stretching.

"Life decisions aren't as simple as one plus one," I said. He didn't answer me and continued stretching. I walked around the ring to see his face. My heart was thumping hard both from fear and agitation. We were going to have this conversation, and he was going to face me like a grown-up.

"Go bitch somewhere else. I asked to talk to you weeks ago, but you were always too busy. Now that I'm busy, you want to fucking talk." His voice was strained, and I knew he was almost about to lose his temper as well.

Well, fuck it, I was not going to back down. If he wanted to have another shouting match, then he was going to get it. Unable to hold back, I stepped into the ring and stormed to him.

"Dammit, Jake--" 

He cut me off by swiping my leg from under and I fell on my back, hitting my head against the floor. He immediately straddled me and slammed both hands beside my head. I abruptly shielded my face with my arms and shut my eyes, preparing myself for a beating. 

To say I was scared witless was trivializing the sheer terror that engulfed me and froze me in a fetal position.

But he didn't hit me. Instead, he gripped my wrists and pinned them on the floor beside my head. I hissed as a tearing pain seared through my left shoulder. It felt like it was about to pop out of its socket again. There was still some space between us, so I quickly turned my body to the left as far as I could to keep the damn shoulder in place.

I kept my eyes shut, and my head turned to the side. I was in pain, but it was more than the physical pain of my shoulder and my head hitting the floor. It wasn't even my ego that was bruised.

"Look at me!" he demanded, tightening his grip on my wrists. 

I slowly pried my eyes open as I turned to face him. He was on all fours, glaring down at me, but I did not miss the worry in his eyes as he looked at my shoulder. He bent lower and his eyes flickered briefly to my mouth. My breath hitched as he stopped a few inches short.

"I choose 'minus'," he seethed. "Now, get out."

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