DISCLAIMER: The following content may be disturbing for some readers. Read at your own risk.

I want to cry but I can't,

I want my eyes to fill with tears

and wash away my pain.

But I do not deserve these tears.

Their watery trail a mark of those

who have been hurt,

betrayed,

broken

by others.

But I, Oh I am the villain in my own story.

I am the inflictor of my own pain.

I do not deserve to shed tears as I suffer.

I do not deserve to whimper in pain.

And maybe that's why I no longer feel,

I no longer feel like losing a part of myself as I slash through my skin,

and watch the red of my blood.

The red thins as it mixes with water

washing away all sensations.

and I stare and stare and stare.

But I do not cry.

I do not shed tears.

This is my punishment,

Because unshed tears are much more painful

and unheard screams are much more agonizing.