Maya's hands tightly gripped the sink in the toilet as she leaned over it heaving. Nausea clawed at her throat as she tried to force down the bile. Her stomach contracted violently and chunks of partly digested food were propelled out. Hot tears streamed down her eyes, her throat burned and her face turned white with sweat coating her forehead. 

She turned the tap on and let the cold water flow washing away the vomit. Her breathing elevated as she dry heaved with nothing left in her stomach. She cupped some water in her hands and splashed it on her face and stared at her reflection in the mirror as droplets of water fell in the sink.

A knock sounded on the door making her look up.

"Maya, are you okay?" She could distinctly hear Zayan's voice as if he was very far away.

The door opened the next second and he walked in. Her face flushed scarlet due to embarrassment but she had no strength in her to ask him to leave. 

He came forward and pulled back her hair from her face as she breathed heavily.

"You're burning," he commented as his fingers brushed against her forehead. 

"Leave me alone." She pleaded, her knuckles turning white as she gripped the sink too tightly.

Zayan collected water in his hands and helped her wash her face and rinse her mouth. She felt too weak to retailate. The cold water helped relax her nerves.

He turned off the water and glanced at her face in the mirror. He stared at the dark cicles beneath her eyes and her eyes specked with red. She looked so weak.

He helped her walk out of the washroom and lead her towards the bed.

"Do you need water?" He questioned as Maya closed her eye lids shut, trying to collect her strength.

Seeing her nod, he poured water from the jug on the bed side table. Bringing the glass to her mouth, he held it as she took a small sip.

"Maya?" She looked up as she heard Areesha and her mother walk inside the room. She had come over for lunch today. "Is everything alright?" They had been chatting over tea when Maya had suddenly left the room in a hurry with her hand clamped on her mouth.

"Its nothing." She smiled slightly, as she took the glass in her hands and chugged the water down. It soothed her burning throat. 

"Beta, you look very pale." Her mother in law commented, taking a seat next to her on the bed.

Areesha glanced at her mother and a meaningful look was exchanged. Her mother smiled brightly with a knowing look in her eye. 

"I know what it is, but we need to be sure." She began slowly, making Maya stare at her in surprise. 

"I think you are expecting." Seeing her blank face, she elaborated with a suggestive smile

Maya's eyes snapped towards her in a shock. The older lady's eyes were twinkling as Maya processed her words.

She coughed out the water she was drinking making Areesha thump her back in amusement.

What?  Her eyes snapped towards Zayan and she averted them almost immediately. She could feel her cheeks flushing as she opened her mouth to speak, but no voice came out. She stared at her mother-in-law, the older woman's eyes twinkling with hope and joy.

"N-no." She shook her head. "It's not like that."

"You should take a test, Maya." Areesha suggested, not wanting to let go of the hope.

"Its not possible." She said seeing her smile gradually fade away. "It's probably because of the season changing."

"Oh. Never mind, it's Allah's work. Don't worry." Areesha's smile had faltered a little. The few moments of hope had suddenly been shattered. She wanted all the happiness for her brother.

The air suddenly seemed different to Maya as if she had broken everyone's happiness. She met Zayan's eye but quickly looked away not wanting to see what he was thinking.

"Whenever Allah wills." Her mother-in-law said. "May Allah bless you both with wonderful children."

Maya couldn't say anything as she heard Areesha and Zayan mumbling 'ameen'. She couldn't meet anyone's eye.

***

After Areesha had left the house was quiet again. Fawad had come to pick her up but he hadn't stayed for more than a few minutes. He was supposed to come with Areesha for lunch initially but he hadn't made it as an important meeting had come up. 

Maya didn't believe his excuse for a second. It was her brother they were talking about; the same person who could make time for her above anything. 

Their greetings had been formal too; he had only politely asked how she was when Areesha had told him that she wasn't well. Gone were the times when he would scold her for not taking care of herself and insist that she visit the doctor for a complete check up.

Maya had decided to cook pasta for dinner.

Her mother-in-law was praying in her room and Zayan was in the lounge working on his laptop. The silence in the house was eating her up.  More than that, it was her own silence that was eating her from the inside. She had always been the talkative person who couldn't stay quiet for long.

She wasn't sure if it was all in her head but she hated this feeling of disappointing everyone. Had she known of all this before, she would have never agreed to get married in the first place. She hated being the reason of someone else's misery. She was aware that Zayan wanted children too but she was disappointing him. 

On such occasions, men look for others. She was so scared of that too. However twisted that may sound, she was scared of being the reason Zayan would do that.

She chopped the onions on the cutting board. Her eyes were watering but she wasn't sure if they were tears or the onions stinging her eyes.

"Maya?" Zayan stared at her shocked.

"Huh?" Maya looked around surprised. When had he come?

"Your finger is bleeeding." He said putting the glass of water he had been drinking on the shelf.

Maya's eyes snapped back to the onions she was cutting to see them red with the blood dripping from her finger. She stared in shock at her finger bleeding profusely. She hadn't realized that she had cut herself. She pressed it with her thumb as the pain started to register.

Zayan quickly held her hand and took her towards the sink to wash off the blood.

"Where's your mind?" He almost snapped at her as he opened the tap and water cascaded down her fingers.

Maya stared at the blood getting mixed with water as it drained down the sink. She didn't know what she been thinking. She hadn't even realized cutting her own finger with the knife. Her entire being was hurting, that she hadn't realized that she had hurt herself with the knife.

She stared at the cut. It was quite deep. She pressed it with her finger and rushed out the kitchen.

"Maya?" Zayan called after her feeling confused as she ignored him.

She rushed to the bedroom to fetch an ointment and bandages. She rummaged through the dressing table's drawer where such things were usually kept.  

Zayan came in after her and stared at her trying to open the ointment with one hand as blood gushed out of her cut.

"Let me help you." He said taking it from her hand. She didn't protest and quietly handed it over.

Holding her hand gently in his own, he cleaned the gushing blood with cotton and lightly applied an ointment.

A tear escaped her eye and fell on her lap before she gritted her teeth trying to keep her emotions inside. 

"Does it hurt a lot?" Zayan asked as he gently wrapped a bandage on her finger.

She closed her eyes trying to calm herself. She tried to swallow against the tears but it didn't work.

"I-I'm sorry." She stammered between sobs as she tried to bit her lips between her teeth. She didn't know why she was crying and she couldn't control herself. 

"What are you sorry for? Don't cry like this." He wiped the tears away from her cheeks as she shut her eyes tightly, feeling embarrassed for crying in front of him. His fingers came to her lips as he gently freed the bottom lip from her teeth.

Maya's eyes snapped open as she stared at him and wet her lips with her tongue. He hesitantly moved his hand from her face 

"For everything. I'm sorry I came in your life." She looked in his eyes. "I wish you hadn't come to the hospital that day. Whatever was going to happen should have happened."

"Maya, don't. Don't you dare say that." Something inside him clenched hearing her utter such things.

"No, I mean it. I wish you hadn't saved me that day. I don't care what could have happened but at least I wouldn't be in your life now. Then I wouldn't be harming you as well. I'm sorry." She said sincerely, staring into his brown orbs.

"Stop it." He said squeezing her hands. He hated the way she was thinking. "You are not harming me. What are you sorry for?"

"I know that everyone wants you to have your children. You want that too. And I- I respect that. But I'm not ready for that." She blurted it all out.

"You're upset because of what happened at lunch?" He questioned, as the pieces fit together. He could see where she was coming from.

"No." She let out a bitter chuckle. "I'm upset at myself."

Before Zayan could reply she got up from the bed pressing her bandaged finger trying to sooth the dull throbbing.  Even though it was a small cut it hurt like hell.

"I'll finish cooking." She hurriedly said and wiped her face with the back of her hand. Without glancing at him, she rushed out of the room.

Zayan followed her to the kitchen. Why was it so hard for her to open up to him? Wasn't he doing his best?

"You can go rest, I'll finish cooking." He told her, ignoring their early conversation.

"I'm okay." Maya replied as she washed the knife she was using earlier, careful of her bandage not getting wet.

"You're not okay, Maya. Go rest. I'll handle this." He insisted.

Maya turned to glare at him. "What do you want?" She almost snapped. "I'm fine, I said."

Just because she had cried in front of him didn't mean she was mentally unstable. 

Zayan closed his eyes and let out a sigh. He stared at her flushed cheeks and dark circles. She looked weak.

"What are you making?" He said instead, letting the matter drop, seeing her trying to cut the capsicum with her bandaged hand.

"Chicken pasta." She replied as she chopped the capsicum into thin slices on the cutting board with much difficulty.

"I'll do it." Zayan pried out the knife from her hand. 

He rolled his sleeves up to his elbows revealing his arms. "Besides, I make the best pasta."

"You can cook?" Maya asked surprised as she watched him cut the capsicum uniformly. She remembered the french toast he had made for breakfast some days ago and it left a bad taste in her mouth. Not the french toast, but the argument they had had after that.

"What do you know about me, anyway?" Zayan said in good humor making her smile.

"Lets find out then." She said as she pulled out a chair and sat back.

"Did you take the medicines for the fever?" He questioned as she prepared the water to boil the pasta.

"Yeah I did." She said as she sipped on the glass of orange juice she had poured for herself.

"Are you okay now?" He questioned glancing at her. "Do you need to go to a doctor?"

"No, I'm fine. I probably caught a cold." She shrugged nonchalantly.

"Maya, are you sure its not something serious?" He asked in concern. There was no compromise when it came to health. He had learned that the hard way.

"You know you're being like bhai now." Maya smiled involuntarily. Seeing his surprised look, she elaborated. "He's the same, you know. He starts worrying over small things too."

"That's because he cares about you," he said softly, looking at her smile. She was different when she smiled. A small dimple showed whenever she smiled, and it was only noticeable if you were looking really closely.

"Did you notice he didn't care today?" Maya asked as her smile turned sad. She felt her heart sink as she uttered it, admitted it to someone else. It was as if his disconcern seemed more real and wasnt just her thoughts.

"Of course he still cares about you." Zayan replied softly as he emptied the packet of pasta in the water and added some oil and a teaspoon of salt to it. 

"You're doing it wrong you know." She changed the topic, ignoring his previous statement. It was so much easier to talk about other things than the issues in her life.

"Huh?" Zayan glanced at her confused. "What's wrong?" She had successfully diverted his attention from her.

"You shouldn't add oil to this water, it will make the sauce slip away and it won't be very well mixed." She commented. "And you should add the salt at the end after the water boils. Otherwise it will take more time for the water to boil."

"Really?" He chuckled. "I never knew that." For him cooking was a simple thing and he had never thought of such small things mattering.

"So who makes the best pasta?" She quoted his previous words, her lips curling into a small, teasing smirk.

"You'll see." He rolled his eyes, a ghost of a smile forming on his lips. "Don't ask me for the recipe later."

"So how did you learn to cook?" She questioned as she munched on a carrot.

"When I was living in England for my studies." He replied shortly as he mixed the pasta and sauce with tongs.

"Why did you decide to become a lawyer of all things?" She questioned munching on piece of capsicum.

"Why, what's wrong with that?" He raised an eyebrow.

"What if you have to fight for a criminal even if he's wrong? What would you do then?" She asked incredulously.

"Well, I'm not a criminal lawyer for one. And even then, I'd study the case thoroughly before taking it up in the first place." He replied thoughtfully. "Besides my mother wanted to become a lawyer when she was young and before she passed away, she used to tell baba about it. So obviously I wanted to fulfill her wish when I learned about it."

"Do you ever miss them?" Maya asked cautiously. "Your birth parents, I mean." She knew she was treading on his personal territory, the one she had no right to but curiosity had gotten the best of her before she could stop herself. One thing had lead to another and she hadn't even realized what she had said before it was out of her mouth.

"Kind of. I mean I wish I knew them, had time with them." He replied as if he was deep in thoughts. "But I am lucky to have Mama and Baba as my parents." 

He smiled tightly as he told her the half truth. He didn't tell her how unlucky he really felt having lost both his parents before even seeing them once.

Shaking his head he turned the stove off and sprinkled some spices and grated cheese over the pasta.  

"It's done." He said as he forked some in a plate and placed in front of her in a professional manner making her shake her head.

Maya forked some pasta in her mouth and chewed it slowly feeling the flavors melt in her mouth. 

"You put oregano leaves in this, didn't you?" She smirked as she took another bite. All the times her mother had made her taste the food she had cooked to check for the spices were paying off.

"Well, yeah." He admitted with a small surprised smile. "But there's another secret ingredient which I'm not telling you." He said as he took her fork and tried it too. It was actually good, he decided.

"Come on tell me," she insisted as she tried to put her finger on what exactly was different in it.

"I'd tell you but then I'd have to kill you." He smiled making her chuckle at the infamous line.

"Well, it's your loss then. Whenever we eat pasta, I'll get you to make it." She teased. She added some more pasta to her plate making him smirk at her which she ignored with a roll of her eyes.

She stared at her bandaged finger having forgotten the pain all of a sudden as they were chatting. The pain was still there; it hadn't disappeared magically but it wasn't bothering her as much. It was so strange that talking to him had diverted her attention making her forget the pain.

"Maya? I want to tell you something." Zayan started, still weighing his words, but decided to tell her about it for the peace of her own mind. Maya looked up at him questioningly and waited for him to continue.

"I-I am not ready to have kids either. I'm not even ready to take our relationship to the next level yet." He said seeing her expressions close off. He did love children but Allah knew that he wasn't ready yet. He was a closed person when it came to baring his soul to someone."You don't need to feel pressurized because of anyone, not even me."

"Why?" Maya stared at him in shock as the fork she was holding clattered to the plate. Her heart sank and it was as if the worst of her fears were coming true. 

She was scared that Zayan would view her in the same way as she thought of herself, as tainted. She could feel the tears forming in the back of her eyes and she quickly swallowed against them. She had never realized that she really cared what he thought of her. She looked down at her plate too scared of looking at him. Was that really what he thought of her?

"It's not about you. I promise." He started feeling that he owed her an explanation. "Its all about me." Maya looked up at him hearing that.

"You don't need to lie to me." She chuckled humorlessly. "I get what you are thinking."

"N-no. It's not like that." He said quickly seeing her expression falter. "I just need time to adjust to everything. This marriage was sudden for me too and I need some time to get used to all this."

"Are you sure it's that?" Her tone disbelieving almost cold, daring him to say the truth.

"Maya, it's not what you think." He said as he squeezed her hand tightly in reassurance making her look up into his eyes. "I'm telling you this so that you can be at peace and stop worrying." He was aware of her feelings as to what had happened back at lunch and he wanted to make sure that she wasn't hurting even more because of him.

As much as he had moved on from the past by marrying her he was still stuck into it. He couldn't have someone so close in his life, the way he had with Leya. He had promised himself the day he had gotten married to Maya that he would be a good husband to her. She was his responsibility after all. Allah knew that he was trying his best to be with her, to be of help to someone. To be someone she could lean on when she needed.

Maya nodded as she got up from the chair and placed the plate onto the shelf avoiding his eye the entire time. She didn't know what to think after everything he had just told her. She knew men as impatient and succumbing to their desires so what he had said was quite a shock. She was still trying to figure out if he was telling the truth or not. Why would he lie?

"Maya?" Zayan stared at her back. He got up from his seat and walked up to her making her stiffen. 

It was easy to talk to her, she had that kind of aura but as soon as he had started talking about her she had closed off. It was as if the aura of the room had changed suddenly as soon as he had stepped into her personal territory. He wanted them to be comfortable around each other but this wall between them was preventing that. 

Placing his hands on her shoulders, he twisted her around making her look into his eyes. 

"I don't think any low of you, if that's what you are thinking. No one in my place would think like that, trust me." He admitted as he stared in her eyes trying to read her expressions. "I just need time."

Maya stared at him as if weighing the truth in his words and trying to judge his honesty. 

"Thank you." She mumbled so softly that he wouldn't even have heard her if he wasn't standing right in front of her. She wasn't sure why she was thanking him but she did feel at relief. An odd kind of relief.

Despite the fact that she had told him that all of that was her fault he hadn't thought that way, and she really respected him for that. For someone else to free you of blame that you have put on yourself is really a big thing. She kind of believed him too. It wasn't her fault all that had happened. Just that acceptance brought ease to her crying heart and bleeding soul.

♧♧♧♧

I'm sorry for not updating in this long :( I'm not making any promises for the next chapter either. 

Honesly, for a platform like wattpad where the writers dont get paid for what they do, comments are even more important than the votes and number of reads. We want to know what the readers thought about each and every line. It's utter stupidity to do something for free and still invest so much in it. And writing takes a lot of effort and time. I've edited this chapter only at least 4 times having something new or better to add every single time. So I want to know, what you guys thought about it. Please don't just comment that the chapter was 'nice', write me loooong paragraphs. I'm not even shy of asking this of you, because honestly you guys owe me that.

Till next time, 

Allah Hafiz! Stay happy!