I didn't feel like updating for some reason, but I couldn't not update. Your response in the last chapter was amazing.

A huge shoutout to @Queen0226 for taking her time to comment. And also a huge thanks to everyone else who voted and commented.

Please don't be silent readers. Can you imagine how a single vote or comment of yours can make someone feel so good? It doesn't hurt to press the little star button. If you can take the time to read the chapter, I'm sure you can spend a few more seconds to vote and comment too.

Enjoy.

****

Maya was walking up and down the bedroom with worry gripping her. Her heart drummed against her chest and her pulse sounded in her throat. Her gaze faltered on the clock every other minute, but time was passing at an excruciatingly slow pace.

She slumped down on the bed, her shoulders drooping and she face buried in her hands.

Her eyes riveted back to the clock ticking away. Another hour had passed and Zayan still wasn't home. 

Where was he? He never did this. 

She had called his office and they had informed her that he hadn't even come to work today. Then she had called him multiple times and his phone just went in voicemail. After a while he had messaged her saying that he might be late. That was all.

She hadn't even told Mama yet, not wanting her to worry or think that Zayan didn't share anything with her.

She was getting restless by every second that passed.  Where was he? Was he alright? Doubts started to creep through her mind.

Why was he late and why wasn't he picking his phone either? He wasn't at office so where was he so busy? He should be alright if he could message saying he would come late and his phone battery couldn't have died either. She counted each possibility after the next but nothing seemed likely.

What was he doing then? Was he... was he with another woman? Her eyes widened at the thought and she discarded it as quickly as it had come. That wasn't possible. But didn't men have desires and needs? She knew them well. After all she had nearly been a victim of a man's disgusting desires too. She muttered astaghfirallah under her breath. How could she doubt him?

But the again, it wasn't like she provided him with anything like that even though she was his wife? Didn't men resort to extramarital affairs because their wives couldn't fulfill their needs?

Her heart beat wildly in her chest. If Zayan ever resorted to anything like that. it would be er fault too. 

No. Zayan wasn't like that. 

But wasn't he a man too?

She shrugged that disgusting thought away and her eyes wavered to the clock again. Another five minutes had passed yet it felt like a whole hour had passed.

Her heart was racing as if she had run a marathon. There was a nagging feeling in her that something bad was going to happen. She heaved a loud sigh trying to hold onto reality and discarded the useless thoughts.

She glanced at her phone on the side table and picked it up. With trembling fingers, she redialed his number for the upteenth time. She held it to her ear in anticipation and almost growled in frustrstion when the operator's voice sounded in her ears. She resisted the urge to throw the phone across the room and got up from the bed feeling restless.

She ambled out of the room and her legs carried her towards her mother-in-law's room. She collected herself and inhaled a deep breath before knocking on the door softly and peeked in.

"Maya? What happened?" Mama asked her in surprise, looking up from the magazine she was reading.

"I-Mama... Zayan still isn't home." She said in a small voice, as her eyes travelled to the clock. It was quarter to twelve. "He messaged saying he would come late and he didn't even go to his office today."

"Ya Allah." She exclaimed, smacking her hand against her forehead. "Why is he doing this to himself?"

Startled, Maya asked, "What happened?" She didn't look surprised, rather she looked disappointed.

"Don't worry. I'll talk to him when he comes home." She said. "Go to sleep. Don't worry about him."

"But- He.. he's never done this. Is everything okay?" She asked feeling stupid asking that. Wasn't she supposed to know that being his wife? But she wasn't his wife. They were merely living in the same room, somewhat sharing a life but without any emotions involved. 

"Don't stress yourself beta." Mama said patting her shoulder, affectionately. "Go sleep. You look tired."

Even if she had no feelings for him as every wife would, she was still worried for him as a human. After he had done so much for her, that's the least she could do instead of being nonchalant about him.

She nodded slightly feeling at ease. His mother would know whatever it was and if she wasn't that worried, she ought not to be either.

She bid her goodnight and went back to the bedroom.She flicked the lights off and lay on the bed, pulling the comforter over her.

Her eyes felt drowsy and her body screamed for sleep. She yanwed widely and snuggled in the pillow. Utter exhaustion and fatigue soon drove her into an uneasy sleep.

It was after some time when the sound of the door creaking jolted her from her sleep, making her eyes snap open. When her eyes adjusted to the dark, she could make out Zayan's silhouette as he closed the bedroom door shut, its clicking resonating through the quiet room.

He glanced towards the bed, and let out a loud sigh. She quickly closed her eyes, feigning sleep.

Zayan shone the screen of his phone and made his way to the washroom. The lock of the washroom door clinked. Maya groggily reached for her phone and peeked at it with one eye open. It was nearly one in the morning.

She sighed, feeling somewhat at ease and closed her eyes tightly wanting sleep to engulf her in its peace again. Her eyes opened again after a few minutes when the washroom door opened and Zayan walked out.

She kept her eyes closed, not wanting him to know that she was awake. She wanted to bombard him with questions as to where he was and why he had ignored her calls, but she just felt she didn't have the right to and he might not like it.

The bed dipped as Zayan lay on his side of the bed. The fresh smell of his shampoo invaded her nostrils.

She peeked her eyes open but couldn't make out his expression in the dark. She blew out a breath and curled on her side, wanting sleep to lull her in.

She stared at the dark void of the bedroom and slowly her eye lids grew heavy and fluttered close. As her consciousness ebbed, her mind went into free fall, melting into a heavy, mind- numbing, lethargic sleep.

Before the clam darkness of sleep could take full control over her body, she felt something brushing her cheek.

Startled, her eyes snapped open to see Zayan inching close to her. All traces of sleep vanished from her eyes as she stared at him with baited breath. Was this another dream?

She almost flinched when the warmth of his fingers spread through her cheeks where he caressed her skin. Her once relaxed body stiffened and her breathing labored more.

Was this a dream?

Why was he touching her?

She closed her eyes tightly, wanting to escape this reality. She tensed further when she felt his warm breath on her skin as he leaned in towards her. He pressed his lips softly to her skin, making her heart slam in her chest. She waited for him to move away so she could breath freely once again.

He didn't move away and just settled his head near her pillow and sighed deeply. She didn't know what to do. Her heart beat had increased and she felt a little scared. What was happening?

She peeked open her eyes slightly and saw him staring at the ceiling. He was still too close to her than her liking but she didn't want to move away in case he thought that she still didn't trust him at all. She did trust him but his actions today were just confusing her. He had never done this before.

His body turned towards her as he stared at her. She stared back at him with her eyes wide open as she waited for him to move away with baited breath.

"You're awake?" He said softly as he stared at her in surprise. She wouldn't even have heard him if he wasn't that close to her.

"Sorry, I woke you up." He murmured in a low voice as he bought his hand to her face and brushed the strands aside and tucked them behind her ear.

"Sleep." He said softly and caressed her hair making her body stiffen. How was she supposed to sleep when he was so close to her? Why was he touching her this way all of a sudden? What did he want?

"A-are you hungry? Shall I bring dinner?" She asked trying to find an excuse to move away.

"No." Zayan said shaking his head. Involuntarily, he grasped her hand preventing her from leaving. He couldn't let her leave too. "Don't go."

Maya stared at him with wide eyes as her hand twitched between his but she didn't pull away. Sweat collected on her palm and she wanted to pull her hand away from his grip but she didn't need to when all of a sudden Zayan left her hand and inched away from her, as if she had electrocuted him.

Zayan stared at her with wide eyes. What had he been doing? 

She wasn't Leya, he reminded himself. Did he think his Leya was back as he had kissed her? No. He had accepted that she had left him.

It was this very day after all when she had departed from this world. This day, three years ago, she had left him.

His throat clogged with emotions as her pale face in the hospital bed danced in front of his eyes for the umpteenth time today. He swallowed deeply. Just when he thought his tear ducts had ran out of tears, another drop of tear dripped from his eye and slid down his cheek and moistened the pillow. The ache in his chest and emptiness in his heart wouldn't go away whatever he did.

"Are you sure you aren't hungry? You shouldn't be sleeping on a empty stomach." Maya said feeling confused. Zayan felt a pang of hunger as his stomach grumbled. In his grief, he had forgotten to eat anything.

"What's for dinner?" He asked in a rough voice after clearing his throat, removing all traces of crying.

"Well we had palak but if you want me to fix you anything else, I can." 

"No, you go to sleep. I'll do it myself." He said hurriedly. He needed to get away from her to get his emotions straight. He didn't know what kind of solace he had been seeking from her and whether she could even provide him that. He hadn't been thinking of Leya when he had touched her that way. It was purely on instinct and he was surprised at himself too. She wasn't like Leya in any way.

She had a different feeling. She smelt different, her touch was different and even her personality was very different from Leya. He didn't look for Leya in her. Leya had left him.

"No, I'll warm it up for you," Maya said quickly. If she was nothing what a wife was, the least she could do was these small things for him that were her responsibility as his wife.

She pushed the comforter away from her and swung her feet off the bed. She shuffled her feet into her slippers and hurried to get out of the room.

She was glad that she hadn't reacted badly when he had touched her and she managed to stay calm for once. He was her husband after all. Despite all of that, she was very shaken and confused about it.

"Do you want to come outside or do you want me to bring the food here?" She asked, feeling awkward. No one would think they were husband and wife talking. It was so formal. But she was glad. She didn't want any other relationship with him either.

"Here is fine." He said in a small voice and she nodded.

She made her way to the kitchen and turned the lights on, lighting the dark place. Se wished she could turn a button on and bring back the light she had lost in her own life. She shook her head at herself. When did she start having such thoughts?

 Walking to the fridge, she took out the lunch box in which she had put the palak. She thought for a minute and put the palak back. It wasn't good to eat at night before sleeping so she decided to make him a sandwich. He wasn't that choosy about his food except that he hated boiled eggs and cereal as far as she had noticed.

She took out the chicken spread and spread it on the bread with a knife. She put the sandwich in the griller and filled a glass of water. 

Once the sandwiches were done, she put everything on a tray and carried it to the room.

Pushing the door open with her foot, she flicked the lights on and put the tray on the side table.

She glanced at Zayan and saw his face buried in her pillow as he lay on his front. Was he asleep already?

"Zayan?" She called put his name but he didn't respond. She bit her lower lip and shook his shoulder slightly.

"Hmm?" He asked turning towards her as his eyes turned into slits and he shielded them from the light with his hand.

"Your food." She said placing the tray in front of him as he sat up and rested his head on the bed rest. He looked so tired.

"Thank you." He said as his eyes adjusted to the light and he glanced at the tray in front of him

He picked up the glass of water from the tray and chugged it all down in one gulp. He hadn't noticed how parched his throat was.

Maya smiled slightly as he took a bite of his sandwich but her eyes widened when she glanced at his red rimmed eyes.

"Your eyes look so red." She blurted out. He looked like he had been crying.

"Maybe because of the shower." He said with a small shrug after he chewed the bite and swallowed it. She didn't need to know that he had been crying like a pathetic person.

Maya nodded and bit her lip. Was she allowed to ask him where he had been? The doubts she had been having creeped up her mind again. What if he really was doing something like that? She looked away and stood up from the bed.

She went to the washroom and shut the door behind her. Opening the tap, she cupped some water in her hands and splashed it on her face. 

Why was she thinking like that? She needed to get rid of these stupid thoughts. She had no right to label him. He was punctual in his prayers and even recited the Holy Quran often. She had no right to doubt him like that just because of a silly thought. She was acting like a typical, nagging wife.

She glanced at her reflection in the mirror and took off her pony. Brushing her hair with her fingers, she piled her hair into a messy bun and secured them with the pony.

She was about the open the door when Zayan's clothes from earlier caught her sight. She took them off the hook they were hanging on and on instinct, she brought them close to her nose and sniffed them. 

They just smelled like him with a hint of sweat. She had never paid any heed but now she realized that this is what he always smelled like.

She shook her head at herself for entertaining such ridiculous thoughts. Why would he have a woman's perfume on his clothes? He wasn't like that. She opened the door and carried his clothes outside.

She placed them on the bed and took the belt out of his pants and hung it in the closet.

Zayan glanced at her and smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry, I forgot to take them out." He said in an apologetic tone.

"It wouldn't be the first time." She quipped without thinking. Once she realized what she had said, she gasped. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't..."

"Hey, what are you sorry for?" Zayan said, after getting over his surprise. She had really stopped being the sarcastic person he used to know her as. "I know I'm kind of messy."

"Not kind of. You are very messy." She said rolling her eyes and unknowingly Zayan smiled at her teasing.

"Thanks for the sandwiches by the way. I really was famished and I wouldn't have made anything myself." He said sincerely. It felt good that for once someone was there to take care of him. Even though she didn't harbor those kinds of feelings for him, she still did those little things for him, but to him they were very big.

"It was no problem." She said waving it off and he smiled weakly. It was hard to smile on the outside when you were breaking inside.

"C-can you turn the lights off? Its giving me a headache." He said and fell back on the bed. He pressed his thumb and forefinger on his head trying to relieve the blistering headache that his crying had induced.

Maya nodded and turned the lights off. 

Zayan closed his eyes tightly trying to get rid of the memories. His throat felt raw with emotions. In the dark, he let another tear leak from his eyes.

He pulled at his hair in frustration. Whatever he did, he wasn't able to move on.

He wanted her back. She was his wife. His Leya. How could she have left him?

He bit back another sob and turned to his other side, feeling uneasy.

When would sleep come? He wanted to get lost in its oblivion and never face the harsh truth again. He wished he could stay in his dreams forever. It had been years without her, but he still wasn't able to move on.

Time had taught him to live without her, to live in her memories. But time hadn't healed his pain. It was still intense. 

He didn't have those suicidal thoughts anymore as he used to but he still wished she was with him. He had somewhat accepted everything as Allah's Qadar.

"Zayan?" 

He was startled put of his thoughts when he heard Maya. He slowly turned to her, ignoring the ache that ground his temples.

"Are you okay?" She asked softly. He seemed uneasy as he kept turning his side and the whole mattress moved and she wasn't able to sleep either.

"No." Zayan blurted out the honest answer before he could think. His eyes widened and he opened his mouth to speak but he knew the damage was done. He never wanted to tell her that he still couldn't move on, despite being married to her. He already felt guilty enough as it is.

"Does your head ache a lot?" Maya asked and he heaved a sigh of relief. She hadn't taken his answer for anything else.

"Yeah," he said and winced, his brows furrowed tight with pain. "Can you please give me a painkiller?"

"Painkillers aren't that good for you, you know." She said, her medical side kicking in. "There's a herbal oil I use, do you want it?"

"Yeah," he mumbled, running his fingers through his hair, trying to relieve the ache pounding in his head. 

 Maya reached out and flicked her bed side lamp on and rummaged for the oil in her drawer.

"Here." She said extending the bottle towards him, once she found it. "Do you want me to do it?"

Zayan nodded and closed his eyes as another wave of pain shot through his head and he felt like his head would break in half. 

Maya poured a few drops of the medicine on his forehead and rubbed it. The smell of the menthol medicine invaded his nostrils and he sighed.

"Why does Allah take away out loved ones?" He thought. Maya's fingers stilled on his head and his eyes widened as he realized he had said that out aloud.

"What?"

He shook his head. Now she would know he was thinking about Leya. 

"We all have to die one day." Maya said thoughtfully after she had comprehended what he had said. She had a fair idea of what he could be thinking of. A father was pivotal in a person's life and Zayan and Areesha had lost their father.

"This world is temporary and no one is here forever. We all are here for some time and when the time is over, Allah calls us back. We belong to Him." She added, hoping she could be of some help to him.

"You're right." Zayan said as his belief strengthened.

"You know, I've heard that Allah calls His most beloved to him first. And those who suffer from the death of a loved one are being tested. Allah never tests anyone more than they can bear." She said, adding the last part for herself. 

Allah never tests us more than we cannot bear. He loves us. And He wants us to be strong so He tests us. We should ask Him for strength, she thought.

A silent prayer left her lips for Zayan. She prayed that Allah helped him through everything. He had done so much for her after all.

"You're right. I really needed to hear this." He said and a genuine smile graced his lips. Her words reflected the turmoil she was going through too and he realized that he was not the only one being tested. Everyone is here in this world to give their own test. 

He knew all of this already but somehow, hearing this from her, strengthened his faith. Sometimes, all you need is a reminder that pushes you back on the track.

"Do you feel better?" Maya asked as she put the lid back on the medicine.

He nodded, feeling a little surprised that his head wasn't throbbing with the same intensity as before. The dull pain was still there but he could live with that. She had really healed his headache.

"Thanks," he said sincerely as he glanced at her in the dim light coming from the window. 

"You don't have to say thank you for everything," Maya said, feeling embarrassed. That was the least she could do as his wife. She already felt so guilty that she was a burden on him. 

An unwanted burden.

She was married to him and even though there were no romantic feelings between them, he still had rights over her as her husband.

It scared her so much that she didn't give him those rights. Maybe that's why she had thought that he could have an affair with someone. She knew that wasn't true but she still hadn't mustered up the courage to ask him where he had been the whole day.

 ***

Don't expect Maya to be perfect. She has flaws like we all do, so please bear with her. 

Hope you enjoyed.

I'm so sleep deprived. My eyelids are drooping and all I want is sleep. My school finals and externals exams are coming up and I just don't know what to do. I have so little time and so many exams. 

Remember me in your prayers!

The next chapter will be whenever I want... 😂

How about 300 comments for this update?

Salam.