(This is already out on a03 because i wrote sm else for that
Tw:
Past csa
Throwing up
Sick childeren).

Alex sits down on his bed. He looks in his mind for some of the few fond memories he has.

He doesn't like the search, but the memory makes him smile

"Are you sure this will work out?" A younger Alex mumbeld. He should be around 15/16. Not that you could assume he was older than 12 because his growth like any child was dependent on proper care and god knows Kat didn't provide that.

"Yes! I just need to get this thing off and then we can finally see each other after school" a younger Viktor said, sounding more confident. As soon as they removed the rusty old grid, he climbed inside.

Alex tried to catch him which semi worked. "I got you" he mumbles. "She won't come down during those hours. I somehow convinced her to let me move claiming it'd…. Help her goal."

Alex bites his lip. But he kept playing the memory despite the weird moment

"I am glad.'' They said, holding his hand tightly. "You are quite lovely, you know?"

A faint blush, but a blush nonetheless shows on Alex's face. "It's nothing. You wanted to come here, i just helped you"

"I wanted to make sure you are fine. After all, you are my best friend. I care about you a lot."

Alex's face heats up even more at his sweetness.

"I am glad we are at least together in this" They smiled at him. "I'd be lost without you." He squeezed Alex's hand.

"You are the only person to make me forget about her. It's like when I am with you nothing bad can happen"

Viktor smiles even brighter. "I will make sure that when we are together you won't get hurt."

"I promise you the same. Whatever happens, I will protect you."

Alex didn't want a declaration of love. This promise of safety was one and so much more.

"Thank you. I will make sure to never forget you, Alexander."

"Even if we are seperated for years?"

"Even then. I will never forget you."

Suddenly it was all bearable. The constant physical pain, the headaches, the terror constantly plaguing his life. It for just a minute felt less just because he knew someone cared for him. Even the icy cold felt just a little warmer. Which might have to do with Viktor having cuddled into his side. He smiled fondly, resting his head on the olders shoulder.

He for once didn't feel like a pig raised to slaughter, but rather a person that's appreciated and loved. "I think I am safe." It wasn't a typical love confession but it worked. But just to add, Alex whispered: "I love you."

"Love you too."
And with that they dozed off, dreaming of being different people who had different lifes where they weren't tyrannized by horrible people.

The memory made Alex feel silly. It's a fond memory of his past, a rare thing. He feels quite comforted by the reminder.

It doesn't fix things, he still feels dozens of hands everywhere and a kind of dirt sticking to him, but it helps. It's almost numbing. Like someone wrapping an injury and putting numbing cream on it. It doesn't fix it but it helps a lot.

He looks at his phone and Mori seems to have flooded it with voice mails. He doesn't hold what happened against them. He never could. They were just clueless.

He clicked on one. Moris monotone voice plays. "I am so sorry, please forgive me, I never meant to make you cry." They sound genuine, even if monotone. He knows they are. He quickly texts them it's all fine, wanting to stop them from guilt.

He decides to think about his past a tad more, always the calming memory in his mind. It's an odd coping but it's the by far healthiest one he tried. As Well as someone having to be able to speculate Kats behaviors and he heavily doubts the others would be in a better state. He feels a bad sense of pain but he is going to make the past useful to him.

He starts to think about her. Kats habit of referring to him as a doll is the first one and it makes his stomach twist. But someone in the group has to think about it and he doesn't want the others to do it.

And if he ends up in his personal hell again, he wants to drag Kat in a form of it as well. Not literal hell, Alex isn't religious and sure as heck doesn't want to kill her. But to get her to prison where she can think about her actions. Or just a place without any poor kids.

And just with that thought he throws up.

He was a child. An innocent pure child. A poor little child.

He hates her. He despises her so much. His blood is threatening to boil over from hatred. It's not violent anger, Alex isn't a violent person.

He feels alone. Not because he hates Kat, he is pretty certain Porter and Mori would bash her head in if they could. Well Porter would probably not go as far while Mori would kill her.

Not to blame them. But to give them the option he needs to accurately guess what she does.

He knows she loves showing off. Whatever it is, she has shown it off. Be it a person, possession or even a skill for her children. She will show off. He could visit her, get her to show off. No, Amy guards areas then probably. They tend to go to sleep together out of habit so they could break in around that time? Assuming their sleep places are where they always were, which he'd have to test. He has to visit her prior to checking it up anyways.

He gets a call, which he answers without looking.

"Are you ok?" Porter immediately says after Alex picked up.

"I am… fine i guess. I am not hurting"

"Alex, i feel like you might've dumb plans because the last time I used that excuse I died of blood loss"

Well, that explains why Porter feels so inhuman to him despite almost glowing with life.

He is a ghost.

"I am very sorry for your loss."

"Of what? I am still the same man I was before I died. My human life was filled with pain, so it was like an escape to die. Not because I am no longer disabled, I still am and would never want to change that, but I don't have the same pain as I did as a human. I didn't change as a person, I just died. I have healed from what the human Porter experienced. I am perfectly happy, not a human but just a happy being. I am just Porter, just like I was as a traditional human. The biggest issue was explaining to my dad and Emily that they please don't go angrily yell at the vampire who caused it."

"That's… a really powerful way to think. I never heard something like that."

"I am glad to have shared this with you. But back to you. Please don't do anything overly stupid without telling me. Also, I think I have an idea how to help your walking pains. Emily needed a cane for some years and was around your height so it should work. Also if you still want to do the stupid thing I cannot stop you, but at least tell me what so I can pick you up."

"You are not going to like it."

"Alex, I am the farthest thing from being able to read your mind. Spit it out"

"I wanted to check if my memory was reliable and I doubt anyone else would like to visit Mother."

"Alex, have you perhaps gone insane? That is the most stupid, self sacrificing idea I have heard in the last 25 years and I am only 21. Getting most of us out alife in the final mission will be hard enough! I can't believe you'd come up with that idea! It's dangerous especially because of your history with that bitch. I trust you. I don't trust this wrench one bit."

"I need this for the plan I work on. I need to make sure it's all perfect."

"As stated, have you lost your mind? Alex you can't just… don't do it?"

"I doubt that.''

"I will drive you, and you will not stay longer than 2 and a half hours."

"Yes Porter. Anything else?"

"I know your relationship to your mom isn't my business in the slightest. I seriously just worry for you, i don't want to force you into anything"

"I understand. I joined this on free terms. I would die for this"

"Yes, however, dying is pretty unpleasant. Avoid blood loss. I will take you tomorrow after work?"

"Sure."

"I will sleep now then, and you should do the same"

Alex doesn't sleep. He cleans up, and then plans tomorrow even more.

Katherine isn't predictable even with all he knows about her.

He needs to be one hundred percent prepared before entering hell.