I will always be the one to love you first

Haley Yvian Rian Consunji - Demitri

They found out and the confrontation was too intense.

Of course, as expected, my father was so disappointed in me. He couldn't even look at me in the eyes. He tried to slap Tita Hera, my mom's cousin, but mom got in the way and instead, the slap landed on her face. I whimpered with that thought. Nasaktan ni Daddy ang Mama ko dahil sa akin.

Galit na galit sa akin si Tita Hera, even Uncle Hades couldn't even look at me. When we got home, my siblings noticed that something was wrong and because of the high emotions, my father blurted out what happened and now, even Hunter and Heath can't look at me.

They all hate me.

They all want nothing to do with me and so I left the house.

Hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta. I kept driving around while crying. It's been two hours since the confrontation, Perseus was calling me nonstop, but I don't want to talk to him. I don't even want to see him. Kasalanan ko rin naman. I should've ended this before. Ang daming chances na maaaring kong tapusin ang kalokohan namin ni Percy, pero hindi ko ginawa. Mas inisip kong masasaktan siya, mas inisip kong masisira siya, pero hindi ko naisip na masasaktan nang ganito ang mga magulang ko.

I was so proud of being Helios Demitri's daughter. I want him to see that he can show me off. Alam kong napakaraming pinagdaanan ng Daddy ko, and I want him to see that in the end of it all, I would be his reward, but this happened. This is too much.

I found myself sitting outside a convenience store. Tears were still falling in my eyes as I drown my loneliness in a bottle of water that I bought inside. Hindi ko alam kung makakauwi pa ba 'ko. Kung kaya ko pang harapin ang mga magulang at mga kapatid ko. I was supposed to be the good one in that bunch but damn it! Talagang nasa huli ang pagsisisi.

"Haley..." I wiped my tears when I heard that familiar voice. I looked up and saw my voice of reason—si Theo Calimbao.

He was wearing a formal attire—suit and tie. He looked mesmerizing. He looked as if he just got out of a magazine photo shoot. But while I was staring at him, all I could think about is how much I needed his protective arms around me. I need comfort and for years, he's been providing that for me.

"What are you doing here? I got your text and I was worried. What happened?" Hindi na ako nag-isip pa. Tumayo ako at yumakap kay Theo. Wala akong pakialam kung pinagtitinginan kami ng mga tao sa loob ng convenience store, o kung biglang tumaas iyong kilay noong guard ng 7/11.

Theo was caught off-guard, but he hugged me back immediately. I buried my face in his chest and cried like a little kid that lost her favorite toy. I felt his hand caressing my back, trying to give me the comfort that I am looking for. I sobbed loudly.

"Where's your car?" He asked softly. I looked at him, Theo wiped my tears. "Come on, I'll drive. Where's your car?"

"There." I pointed at our left side. Kinuha agad ni Theo ang kamay ko, agad ko rin namang ibinigay sa kanya ang susi ng kotse. He opened the car door for me and then he jogged around to open the other door so he could get in. Inside the car, I was still in tears. Nanginginig nga ako. Tuwing pumipikit ako ay nakikita ko ang mga pangyayari kanina, iyong kung paano nasampal ni Daddy si Mama, kung paano sinampal ni Tita Hera si Daddy, kung paanong walang nagawa si Perseus nang hatakin ako ni Daddy palayo sa kanila. I was crying so hard. I know that what my father did was for the best, pero masakit pa rin. Alam kong dapat nang tapusin ang lahat sa amin ni Percy, pero masakit pa rin. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko. Nasasaktan ako talaga. Kasalanan ko naman ang lahat ng ito.

"W-where are you taking me?"

"In my place," sagot niya. "You're tired. You need to sleep, Hals." Theo managed to smile at me. My heart melted. I am always thankful that I have someone like him. "You don't need to tell me anything if you don't want to."

"Thank you." I reached for his face and caressed his cheek. Theo smiled at me again.

Kung kanina ay ang ingay-ingay ng isipan ko, ngayong nandito ako kasama si Theo ay parang nanahimik na ang lahat. I was biting my lower lip while eyeing him. I suddenly wondered where he came from. Bihis na bihis kasi siya. Did I interrupt an important event? I sighed. Theo tends to do that. I always tell him not to leave if he's in the middle of a family dinner or a meeting with his father.

I remembered one time when he missed his own speech because I called him crying, nag-away na naman kami ni Perseus noon at nasaktan niya ako. Theo was so mad at Perseus that instead of him comforting me, I was the one who did all the comforting until he calmed down. Noon ko lang napansin na nakasuot pa siya ng school uniform. I remembered about the speech thingy, and I was so guilty. He could've won that day, but he ditched it just to come to me. Hindi iisang beses niyang ginawa iyon, kaya nga kanina, hindi ko alam kung tatawagan ko ba siya. But I really need him.

"Where were you?" I asked in a soft tone. Theo was looking at the road, he was so focused on driving, but he answered me. 

"Dinner with the family," mahinang wika niya. My eyes widened. Sinasabi ko na nga ba, but of course, he left because he received my message.

"You didn't have to come, you know."

"It's fine. I find it boring though. I was there with mom and her friends and their daughters and sons. I didn't have the patience for it. I'd rather be somewhere else." I smiled to myself. I know that's just an excuse. Ang tagal na naming magkaibigan ni Theo. Since Grade 10 at hanggang ngayong nasa last year na kami ng college ay magkasama pa rin kami. We didn't enroll in the same university. Theo is taking up Political Science in UP, after graduation, he is set to study in UP College of Law. I am in Ateneo, taking up Business Management, and after this, I want to study abroad for my masters, but I have no idea if my father would still allow me.

After a while, we reached his building. He parked my car and we both got out of it. I was biting my lower lip while waiting for him as he makes sure that everything is okay. Nang masiguro niyang naka-lock nga ang kotse ko ay kinuha niya ang kamay ko at sabay kaming umakyat sa floor niya. Theo wasn't asking me anything. We just stood inside the elevator, holding hands. His thumb was drawing little circles at the back of my hand. I was looking at him, wondering what he was thinking.

Finally, the elevator door opened, and we got out again, still holding each other's hand, still basked in silence, but I love the silence. This is the most comfortable silence I have ever experienced in my life. Theo opened his door and he led me inside.

"Feel at home, Hals. I am just gonna take a shower. You cantake one after me." Sinundanko na lang siya ng tingin. I stood in the middle of his living room facingthe huge glass window in front of me. I searched for the remote of the movingcurtains so I can see that majestic view of the city in front of me.

I gave out a long sigh as I crossed my arms while looking at the city lights in front of me. I even turned the lights off so I can appreciate it more.

If only things didn't end up that badly earlier. If only I was brave enough to end it in a much earlier time, hindi na kami aabot sa ganito. Kung hindi sana ako nagpadala sa katangahan ko. I am starting to tear up again. Ayoko nang umiyak, maghapon na akong iyak nang iyak. Gusto ko lang makalimutan ang nangyari kanina.

"Hals, are you hungry? Do you want ice cream? Ramona told me that ice cream can calm a girl's nerves." Hindi ko namalayang nakabalik na pala si Theo. Nakaupo ako sa sofa habang nakatingin sa mga ilaw sa labas. He sat in front of me. He's now wearing a white v-neck shirt and a lose pajama pants. He looked so fresh. Basa pa nga ang buhok niya at amoy na amoy ko ang ginamit niyang sabon. He always smells so good.

"Aren't you going to ask me?"

"No. I told you, you don't have to tell me anything."

"My father found out." I told him anyways. He just looked at me. Concern was written all over his handsome face. "Ang bilis ng pangyayari, one moment, we were going to the cemetery, the Vejars were there and then bam! My father slapped my mom, hindi naman niya sinadya, pero nasasaktan pa rin ako. Hindi naman mangyayari lahat ng iyon kundi dahil sa akin." Muli na naman akong napaiyak. "He's so disappointed in me. My brothers can't even look at me.

Mom didn't even speak a word to me when we were driving home. Hindi ko alam kung may uuwian pa ako, Theo." Napahagulgol na lang ako. Theo moved closer to me. He enclosed me in his protective arms for the second time that night and he let me cry in his arms. He never said anything, he never judged me, he just offered me the warmth that I need.

"You could stay here as long as you want, Hals."

"My heart is shattered, and I can't even blame anyone because it is my own fault. Dapat tiniis ko na lang si Perseus. Mas mahalaga naman talaga ang mga magulang ko. I hate myself, Theo. I hate myself!"

"Shhh! Shhh!" He hushed me. He cupped my face and made me look at his eyes. "Listen, Hals, no matter how much you hate yourself, I will always be the one to love you first, alright? I am your voice of reason and your best friend – even if I cringe every fucking time I say that – I will always be the first one to love you. No matter what, despite of, or even in spite of. I will always love you. Don't hate yourself, Hals. From mistakes, we learn and I do hope that you learn something from this."