Don't SPECULATE anything on this chapter.

Alec woke up feeling throbbing in his head, last night was one of the worst night he had, the look on his mother's face and the disappointment by his father's words triggered him. He felt vulnerable, useless, feeling his existence somehow is a burden for his family. As he lay his head on his pillow he looked out to his window, the birds are chirping on the tree outside, the sky is blue, it's just another beautiful day.

Although he couldn't help but feeling irritant that somehow his life is ending, the world didn't. He was angry too that people will not stop living after he's gone, his family won't bother to mourn his death after what he did last night. He thought.

He sat up looking around his own room, noticing it might need some cleaning later, he sighed. The house is quiet, too quiet for his liking. There's no sound of his mother waking him up like usual, preparing his breakfast like she always did and his siblings bickering over who should drove today.

He looked at the watch on the nightstand, it shown almost ten in the morning, he slept in. He peeled his blanket off from his body and get out from the bed. It took him minutes to decide what he should say if he met his mother later, or anyone and explained his behavior. He could feel his legs are better minus the bruises form but he's definitely not limping anymore.

He pulled the door knob and walked out from his room, his feet paddled on the hard wood floor as he head himself towards the kitchen. No one, literally no one is there. He wanted to call out for his mother but he kept his mouth shut and decided to look around for some more.

He reached the living room and as he assumed, no one is there, he walked towards the staircase and looked up as he gripped the banister, hoping someone is here and he's not home alone. He took the steps slowly and climbed to the top, he was breathless when he reached there so he stopped and leaned for a while.

He walked towards his siblings room first and pushed the door one by one and found it empty. He sighed looking around Jace's room that clutters with his shirt and boxers all over the floor. He cringed at the messiness he had, glad that he didn't share a room with him.

He stood in front of his parents room dwelling with his decision whether or not to knock or called. He chose knocking first and when he waited for few seconds for an answers, he was disappointed by the silenced. When he opened the door and find it empty he could feel his heart broke into pieces.

Why would he bothered thinking whether or not his family is going to be miserable with his death if they already start living their own lives as they do now. Alec could feel tears fell on his cheek as he swallowed his throat dryly. He closed back the door and headed back to his room. He sat in silenced for a while before decided to take a shower and head out.

He didn't have his car so he decided to walk, he let his legs wander wherever it likes and with his mind buzzing with lots of thoughts, his legs kept going and the next thing he know he was at the park.

The weather isn't cold but it isn't hot either, his black shirt and black leggings hugs his body perfectly with his tall build frame. He saw people jogged around with their dogs, couples walking hand in hand and some vendor were selling food that Alec finds it intriguing but chose to keep his appetite for later.

He walked further into the park and walked on the trail that leads to the small stream inside the park. He used to come here after his run couple of years ago before everything happened. He remembered it well, the call, the yelling he got from his mother for sneaking out and the crash after.

He sat back against the tree by the river side watching the stream passed each seconds he's there.

"You'll never tasted the same river water and once it passed, it won't return back, just like time in our lives. If it passed, then it passed, there is nothing you can do about it. You can chase it till your heart content but we have to faced it, it's faster than us and the harder we chased it, the more likely we fell into the stream and drown."

The voice of his favorite teacher, Ms Watson echoed in his ear. He learnt that quote few months before the accident, it was in English and he loves the subject so much. He found it ironic that he was chasing the best time of his life that he ended up shortening it. If only he didn't sneak out and go to the party, his mother won't caught him and they both won't be driving back together and his mother won't be so distracted in teaching him lesson in responsibilities that made them crashed onto the truck.

Sometimes he wished that if ever he did died that night, it would make things easier. His family won't suffer with pending bills from the hospital. His parents won't have to work so hard and spend all of their saving just to make sure he survived. Sometimes he wished that he could end it just for his family sake, be done with it.

He couldn't figure out how long he was there, he didn't have his phone nor a watch and he could see the sun starts to set higher and he could feel the heat rising. He raised from his seat and dust off the dead leaves from his pants before he starts to walk off.

As he came out from behind the tree, a person collided with him and accidentally pushed Alec's body to the ground on his side. "Shit I'm sorry!" The person said and when Alec looked to his side to face the culprit, he was stunned with none other than the boy who kept popping in his life. "YOU!" They both said at the same time groaning in frustration.

"I take it back, I'm not sorry." The boys said smugly. He was wearing a white shirt with his black jogger pants that covered up till his knees, he wears the black nike air max shoes Alec loves so much and his ear were plugged with earphones which he took it out and placed them on his shoulder. Even his simple attire screamed money, Alec wonder how he pulled it off looking handsome in his simplest attire.

"Among all of the people I could run into, why it had to be you." Alec said as he rolled and tried to get up from the ground. "Ha-ha." He said mockingly his fake laugh and Alec rolled his eyes up. He didn't have the strength to fight this guy today, he's not in the mood for any of his sarcastic comment.

He dust off his pants again from the dirt and his black shirt are ruined with the smeared under his arm, he sighed dusting it with his palms, "You ruined my shirt." Alec mumbled and Magnus stared at him with a scoffed, "That hideous thing? All I did was making it better, suits your style." He said and Alec shot him a glare before shaking his head.

"What do you mean by that?" Alec asked stepping closer towards Magnus, he could see how Alec clenched his fist on his side in anger. Magnus scoffed not intimidated by his action at all.

"What? Your mommy couldn't afford to buy you a new shirt?" Magnus mocking him in his attempt baby voice. Alec had it, he shoved him hard on his chest causing Magnus to stumble on his feet but able to steady his posture after. Alec walked passed him leaving him chuckling at his victory while he walked angrily out from the park. Why that kid is always disturbing him anyway, why isn't he at school either? Alec questioned as he stomped his way in anger.

As he walked away from the park he noticed a quite familiar car, black, sleek and definitely smells of revenged. He smirked seeing his opportunity as he walked towards the expensive mobile making his way around it.

He hated to damage something for his own pleasure but this guy deserves it by calling him poor. He looked around and noticed no one is at the parking area but him, so he took a rock on the ground, size as big as his three finger and held it firmly in his hand. He inhaled sharply and exhaled his breath before he did his dirty deed.

"What the fuck are you doing?" A voice appeared behind him and he smirked, he turned holding the stone in his hand with his masterpiece on the side of the car. He heard him gasped as he went to inspect the damaged. 'I'm an asshole' written along the side of his black Audi. He turned immediately and grabbed Alec's wrist in his that still hold the rock in it, "You ruined my car!" He screamed at Alec's face and he smiled on how the table's has turned.

"Aww, what's wrong? Daddy couldn't afford you another one?" He said mocking his earlier voice with his and that made him even more furious. They fought over the rock in Alec's hand but accidentally knocking the window on the back side causing it too crack. "NOO!" Magnus screamed and Alec dropped the stone on the ground.

"You did it yourself, I didn't do anything." Alec said defensively trying to walk away but Magnus grabbed his arm and slammed his body on his car side. Alec gasped on the pain on his back as it touched the metal, "You will pay for this!" Magnus said and Alec sworn he could see how cold his eyes get. He was slightly afraid at his sudden aggressiveness but decided to remain calm.

He grabbed Magnus hand that fisted his shirt and pulled it off harshly. "You deserves it." He said and walked away. He could heard him swearing behind him as he paced a little quicker and run from the scene, he is so dead if his parents found out about this.

He walked around for another couple of hours before he could feel pain on his chest increasing. He didn't take his medication this morning, he didn't even eat breakfast and the only thing he ate was an energy bar he grabbed on the counter before he left the house.

He entered his home noticing his parent's car are both at front and he gulped in fear. How do he faced his parent's now knowing he only did nothing but creating trouble anywhere he went. He turned on the door knob and cursed it for being unlocked. He sighed, rubbing his painful chest hoping it would go away not increased with his thumping heart beating in fear.

He closed the door quietly hoping they were all upstairs but he was wrong when he heard his mother yelled behind him. "Where were you?!!" For two years he didn't heard his mother yelled at him, perks for being sick but today was different, today she is different.

"Out." Alec said shortly not wanting to create more scene but the look on her face in disbelief her own son reckless attitude made Alec wants to change his answers and tell her the truth. "Where did you go? We were worried about you. I came home from the store you aren't home." Robert asked calmly and Alec felt the tone of his voice, he wanted to remain calm before his own wife blow up.

"I said I was out." Alec said like a rebelling teenagers he used to be, he walked passed them both and before he had a chance to escape them he was pulled by his mother towards the living room. "Sit!" She demanded and Alec rolled his eyes before slumping on the couch with dirt covering short and pants.

"Explain yourself." His mother questioned crossing her arm around her chest, "Nothing to explain, I'm an adult, I can go as I pleased." Alec said not bother to keep his eyes at his mother. He heard her gasped towards her rude comment and he knew how disappointed she is right now.

"What is wrong with you? This isn't you, why are you behaving like this?" Maryse asked and Alec kept his eyes on his dirty finger and kept his mouth sealed tight. "Answer me!" She yelled again and Alec flinched at the loudness of her voice, still keeping himself quiet.

She was about to say something else before her phone rang and she was interrupted by it, she somehow lost his train of thoughts on yelling some more. She huffed in anger before grabbing her phone from her handbag in the kitchen leaving Alec with his father.

"Alexander, please tell me what is going on." Robert try to coax him in being open about his feeling, Alec still kept his gaze down in his hand and his mouth didn't even mutter a word. "Alec please, I'm trying to help here, please tell me what I can do." Robert pleaded and Alec's gazed looked up to his, he was sitting on the coffee table facing him on the couch with his hand on Alec's shoulder.

He was about to say it, he wanted to tell him how much he is sorry for the way he's acting yesterday and he take it all back and he wanted to keep his family stronger like they used too. But before he could, his mother came back into the living room still has her phone plastered to her ear, "You scratched someone's car!" She yelled and Alec was taken back by her words.

The bastard called his mother? He questioned in disbelief, but as he was about to say something else his mother interrupted. "Magnus' fathers on the line furious on the damage you have cost his son's car! Are you happy Alec? Putting our family in more trouble!" Maryse screamed and this time Alec couldn't hold back his tears, he stood from the couch looking straight into his mother's eyes, "He deserves it!" Alec screamed at her and tried to escape the living area.

"ALEXANDER GIDEON LIGHTWOOD, come back here this instant!" She screamed again still holding her phone in her hand. Alec couldn't fight it off, he was at verge of crying his eyes out but his mother is siding with the boy she barely knew.

"Alec what did you do?" Robert asked and Alec looked at him with pleaded eyes, "Like I said, he deserved it. If you guys care enough to listen from my side of the story, maybe you should asked him what he did to me!" Alec screamed again and this time, he had enough. He turned on his heel before heading to his room and slammed the door before he locked it. He could hear his mother pounding on the door angrily but he refused to obey her.

He went to his bedside and pulled out his earphone and secured it in his ear before blasting the music volume to the max, shutting the outside world and his mother's yell behind his door. He lay on his side hugging his body while his tears run freely against his will.

It felt hours, maybe days since his last outburst. When he looked outside it was dark, his room is even darker without any sign of lights. He turned on his night light and the room brightened a bit better. He rubbed his swollen eyes and saw the clock is about three in the morning. He could feel his chest growing tighter but he chose to ignore them.

He walked to the bathroom relieving himself and after he stood by the sink facing himself in the mirror. He still in his dirty clothes so he took it off followed by his pants leaving him in his briefs. He eyed his frail body in the mirror, scars from the accident clearly on his chest. He trailed his fingers on them and the slightly swollen upper chest where his device located on his left chest. He could feel it hard under his skin and in years he grew to ignore it being there.

The pain strikes his chest again and this time a bit harder and made him gasped. He placed his palm on his chest as the pain continue to assault him. He opened the cabinet that contained tons of his medication that he's usually taking. He took one bottle for the pain and uncapped the cover before placing two tablets on his palm.

He eyed the tablet and the bottle in his hand for quite a moment before he decide something he will regret later in his life. He tilted the bottle and emptied all the content into the toilet bowl before grabbing another. One after the other he emptied all of it inside his toilet bowl and flushed them away.

He witnessed his cruel intention on ending his life quicker by flushing all the remaining pills into the bowl and let it swirled around before disappeared. The empty bottles are scattered all over the bathroom sink as he tossed it there.

He fell on the bathroom floor staring at the empty cabinet that left nothing but his toothpaste, his toothbrush and his facial cleanser. Tears running like a stream when he realized what he just did and he sobbed on his bathroom floor holding his knees together.

He didn't bother much about the pain that currently pricking his heart but rather the pain of his mother's words. It was more painful than any pain he felt, he knew better than to act this way but he had enough. He gave up in finding hope in his lifeline finding the cure for his illness. He had enough being nothing but a burden to his family. He continued to stay on the cold hard floor before he eventually fall asleep on it with tears soaking his face.

The pounding grew stronger, louder when Alec fluttered his eyes open and aware on his being. The pounding in his head was as hard as his chest. But when he woke up he was met with nothing but silenced. What was the pounding sound before?

He sat up, his face is messed with his tears, pain strikes all over his body. As get up from the cold floor, his chest tightened and made him falls back on the floor hard. He clutched his chest as he kept rocking his body front and back. He breathe in and out remembering his therapist teaching him how to breathe through the pain.

He stood slowly making his way out from the bathroom and grabbed a shirt from his drawer. He raised his arm and felt pain around his back and sides like he had been kicked several times. He raised it slowly cursing the pain that disturbs his activity. Later he put on his sweatpants and he breathed out in relief when he managed to do all of those in less than hour.

He looked at the clock and it shown almost twelve in the afternoon, he slept in again. He felt tired, exhausted actually, his head is pounding, his chest is throbbing and his stomach is growling.

Depressive behavior does make someone goes on hunger strike. He inhaled sharply and exhaled them before pulling his doorknob and headed outside.

He heard clanking, tossing around the kitchen and when he entered, his mother is cooking something or just releasing his anger. She saw Alec walked in and at first she was surprised to see his state. Swollen eyes, paled lips and his shirt is inside out but she decided not to point it out since Alec's behavior yesterday proving her how adult he is.

Alec stood at the kitchen entrance hugging his body as he stared at his mother and she removed her gazed towards the mess in front of her. "M-Mum." He tried to call but his voice croaked, leaving out his inaudible sound but Maryse heard it.

"I'm surprised you still call me that since you decided how grown up you are." She said and a pang hit his chest raising goosebumps all over his body. She's hurt, she won't acting this way if she isn't hurt. Alec couldn't replied to her comment on his action last two days and stood in silenced. "Don't mind me, I'm just a stranger here, serving you as you'd like me too." She said and turned her body around not bother to look at Alec once. 

He swallowed his throat dryly looking down at his feet, ashamed of what he did. He looked up, his mother had her back facing him, he was washing something at the sink so she couldn't see him crying, but he didn't see it either that she also shed tears facing the other way.

"I'm sorry for everything. Thank you for taking care of me all these times." He said and turned back around headed to his room. Maryse turned to tell him that she is sorry too but Alec already had disappeared from his previous stand and she heard him closed his bedroom door after. She grabbed her phone from the counter and called her husband, she waited for him to answer and exactly three rings after he did, "Maryse? Is everything okay?" He asked and he could hear her sniffs, he sighed knowing exactly what happened. "Just tell him the truth. That you are sorry about everything that happened. We love him that much to have him gave up on us that soon." He said and Maryse nodded, knowing he couldn't see it, she answered him, "Okay." She said.

When they both got off the phone Maryse headed to Alec's room, standing in front of the door with her hand raised mid air. She knocked it softly and waited but no answer from Alec. She knocked again.

"Alec." She called softly and still no answer so she twisted the door knob and entered seeing Alec on his bed, sleeping.

She walked further and sat by his side on the bed unable to look at her own son. She kept fiddling with her fingers as she trying to find words to tell him. "I'm sorry too." She said and when she looked, Alec still has his eyes closed and he looked peaceful, too peaceful that when she stared further, she realized his chest isn't moving.

"Alec?" She called, shaking his body and his eyes kept closed. "Alec don't scare me like this please." She said shaking his body even more harder than earlier. His face is paled but when she touched his cheek, he was cold as ice, no breath exhaled from his nose. "ALEC!" She screamed.

A/N: Again, >>> DO NOT SPECULATE ANYTHING!<<<  If I'm strong enough, I'll updated another tonight.