Lying on my bed

Pausing the webtoon I was reading as a thought came

And now I feel hollow.
And dead inside.
And I don't know what to do.

Have you ever felt so alone that it hurts?

... I'm no stranger to loneliness.
I've been a loner since, like, 6th grade.
I adapted to the fact that no one liked me.

Yeah, it hurt. 
But I figured out how to live with it.
I was fine with my life.

But... Now...
I'm alone again.

It shouldn't bother me, right?
I've dealt with this shit before.
I know how to handle the pain.

But yet...
This... This is a new pain.
The sort of pain of which your mind is thinking about, all the time.
The sort of pain that makes you hug your small, stuffed black puppy, your mind filled with memories of who has its counterpart.
The sort of pain that makes you wish, wish as hard as you can, that you could see the one you waited for.

Is it so wrong for my heart to cry out in pain because of this crippling loneliness?
Is it so wrong to wish for happiness?

Is it so WRONG to just want to see what the future would had held if that one event hadn't happened over the summer?

That one life changing event that told me that I wasn't worthless.

... I know.

It's... It's wrong to wish for happiness.
I can't wish for things I don't deserve.
I can't wish for that magical happy ending when all I've ever done is hurt others.

... I'm selfish.
Wanting things that I don't deserve.
Wanting the world to bend, just a little, so I can taste happiness again.
Wanting to drive all the way up there, just to experience that perfect feeling again.

As
The
Tears
Fall

I wished for a better life, but I didn't deserve it.
I wish my tears would stop, but I know it's my pain to bear.
I wish I could just see that one person, but I know that this is my punishment.

My soul cries out for help
But no one can hear me screaming into the void

No one is coming to help me
For I am just a worthless
NOBODY