I thought dreaming of you would always be a good thing.
How even tho I couldn't have you in reality the fact I could still see you in my dreams would be wonderful.
Despite the longing, I would feel every single time after awaking I hoped it would be enough.
Being able to watch you laugh and feel your skin once more pressed to mine is a sad token that I grasp tightly.
I thought dreaming of you would always be amazing..
~
Silly me I should have known it would only add more heartache.
Not being able to touch you in person or hear your voice except in the empty echo of my mind feels like a fresh heartbreak every time. Some may say not being able to let go is crazy, how you should realize they aren't coming back that it's over. Move on and allow yourself to grow to heal or you'll always be hurting.

Yet they don't understand that every day I try and try to move forward. I try getting your smile which has been burnt into my brain from haunting me. I try forgetting how it felt to be called yours. I try every single day to move on for myself but dreaming of you seems to be stopping that. These dreams are ones I can't control they creep up out of nowhere when I think everything is going good. I'm starting to realize these dreams of you that I held so close are now starting to break me even more. They hurt and reopen the still-raw wound every single time..
~

But I won't ever ask them to stop. Even tho at times I hate dreaming of you I never want it to end. Despite the tears that cover my cheeks as my mind replays it on repeat I don't want them to finish. It's my only way to hold you and I selfishly can't give that up...

Darling I dreamed of you again this morning awoke in tears heart heavy like I have many times before. Only after this dream, I didn't want them anymore.