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                        Home?

Police: Where do you live?

Shay: With my parents.

Police: Where do they live?

Shay: With me.

Police: Where do you all live?

Shay: Together.

Police: Where is your house?

Shay: Next to my neighbours house.

Police: Where is your neighbor's house?

Shay: You'll never believe me if I tell you where.

Police: Tell me.

Shay: Next to my house.

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                     Not Funny.

Gabe: Mom stop making jokes you aren't funny.

Zella: I made you.

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         The Magic Microwave

Faye: Did you get your phone back?

Laurel: No. I'm texting you from the microwave.

Faye: REALLY??!?! You need to teach me how to do that.
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                         Oops.

Issac: Mom where are you?

Jane: I just left Wal-Mart why?

Issac: You took me to walmart with you. -_-

Jane: Oh well shit. Come out front I'll come and get you. Sorry kiddo.
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                      Not Gay?

Remi: Hey mom I've decided I'm coming out.

Livia: Oh honey thats great! I always knew you were gay, I just didn't expect you to tell me over text.

Remi: Mom! I'm not gay. Farrah is gay. I'm just telling you that I'm coming out to see you in a few days. Jesus.

Livia: OH. Oops? I got you and your sister mixed up I suppose. Glad to be seeing you tho.
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                        Smart.

Jane: I'm going to ask you some questions.

Zella: *Suspicion* Okay....

Jane:
1: What's short for William?
2: Q,  ,R, S, T ?
3: Opposite of stop?
4: Opposite of in?
5: I went to the movies     him?
6: What does M E spell?

Zella:
1: Will
2: U
3: Go
4: Out
5: With
6: Me

Jane: Yes of course.

Jane: I thought you'd never ask.

Zella: Wut?

Zella: JANE!
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                     Not Ready.

Hypothetical Boyfriend Of Layla: Babe I'm ready.

Jane: THIS IS 'BABES' MOM. YOU BASTARD. YOU ARE TWO ARE ONLY 15. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF. YOU BETTER NOT GO ANYWHERE NEAR MY DAUGHTER EVER AGAIN.

Layla: Babe I love you but I'm nowhere near ready......I thought you knew that....

Boyfriend: I meant that I was ready to meet your parents.....You wanted that.....

Zella: Please excuse the previous text. That was Layla's other mother. We would love to meet you.
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                Sisterly advice

Layla: Ok So question: How do you politely tell someone you want to bash their face in with a brick?

Shay: I got this.

Shay: One wishes to acquaint your facial features with a fundamental item used to build houses. Repeatedly.

Layla: That was one of the most beautiful things I've ever read.

Shay: Taking AP english all through high school does wonders for my trash talking skills.
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                     Studying

Athena: We need to study.

Gwen: Well fine.

Athena: Say you have ten brownies, and a friend asks you for two. How many do you have left?

Gwen: Ten

Athena: How about if someone forcibly takes 2 away from you? How many do you have then?

Gwen: Ten and a pile of ash.

Athena: *facepalms*
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             Mom of the year

Shay: Mama
Shay: Just killed a man.
Shay: Put a gun against his head, pulled the trigger now he's dead.
Shay: MAAAMAA OHHHHHH

Zella: Oh my god.
Zella: I'll call your mother.
Zella: We'll help you hide the body.
Zella: *Adds jane to the conversation*

Jane: Zella baby. Those are song lyrics.

Zella: .....

Shay: *dies of laughter*
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         If Hercules could talk

Hercules: CHASING TAIL

Jane: GET THAT TAIL

Hercules: ALMOST GOT IT

Hercules: ALMOST GOT IT

Hercules: ALMOST GOT IT

Hercules: ALMOST GOT IT

Jane: Try changing direction

Hercules: OMFG TAIL CHANGED DIRECTION TO.

Jane: THAT CLEVER BASTARD.