Review 99 // Jeremias Joseff Claudio
Here is a review for kriston-
My comments will be in bold
Basics and grounding
Alright, I see a lot of ocs with no set universe and I'm cool with it, just make sure that it still works and flows correctly.
Character information
This is pretty well done and I'm impressed with the detail put into his design. I also like the sound of his personality but be careful it doesn't contradict itself, especially with the sweet but cold thing. It can work if he's cold at first and then becomes sweet but otherwise that doesn't quite work.
Apart from that, these are really good and we love a good ghost boy.
Relationships
These relationships are thought out and work, I'm just not sure what the later relations are to him. Friends? Family? Love interest? Just a little more information on their connection to him a would really add to this.
Backstory
Sweet jesus that's a lot of info. Okay, for the most part this is pretty good however the bit about him lacking guilt and being slightly sociopathic should probably be included in his personality and definitely goes against the gentle aspect, so fix that.
Other
This is a pretty interesting ability and as long as it follows the established rules then it should be fine.
Stats
Stats are balanced so they're fine.
Final thoughts
This character is pretty good and I really like him, just a few corrections here and there with some detail could really add to this character and make him more believable.
Apart from that, really good job!
*My critiques are simply at your request and to help improve your character. It is not my intention to cause any offence and you, of course, do not have to listen to what I've said. This is all just a bit of fun and I apologise if I have done any kind of damage*
Bạn đang đọc truyện trên: AzTruyen.Top