Cooper: I currently have 7 empty notebooks and I have no clue what to put in it. Suggestions?
Cole: Put spaghetti in it.
Cooper: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone except you.
Cody: Put spaghetti in it.
Cooper: I am currently taking suggestions from everyone except for the two of you.
Callen: Put spaghetti in it.
Cooper: I am no longer taking suggestions.

***

XJ: Would you take a bullet for me?
Allen: I would do anything for you.
Allen: Except eat mustard, that stuff's nasty.

***

Kalvin: Are you sure you're okay?
Bentley: Yeah, it's just these onions...
Kalvin:
Kalvin: Those are potatoes.

***

Theodosia: How come when I have fun, it's considered 'wrong'?
Schuyler: Teddy, when you have fun, people die.

***

December: Young man! If you roll your eyes one more time-
Michael: *starts rolling up a napkin with a bunch of letter i's scribbled on it, looking back at December with a grin*
December: Okay, that's it. You're grounded. Forever.
Michael: I thought it was pretty funny.

***

Callen: I know we don't always see eye to eye on things.
Cole: That's because you're too short.

***

Xavier: What have I told you about comparing Tommy to the devil?
Nico: That it's offensive to the devil?

***

Kalvin: Look at the butterfly Bentley.
Bentley: *picks up the butterfly and eats it, running away*
Kalvin, chasing him: NO, NOOOO!!! BENTLEY! BENTLEYYYYY!!!

***

Callen: *trying to reach something from the top of the fridge*
Ari: Do you need me to get that for you?
Callen: *gasps* HOW DARE YOU INSULT THE VERTICALLY CHALLENGED!
Ari: *laughs* Okay then..
Callen, moments later: *defeated sigh* Help meee

***

Khalin: I have something to tell you.
Presley: *looks at her watch* Um, we should hurry up, but okay babe.
Khalin: I'd like to know if you really, really like me.
Presley:
Khalin:
Presley: Babe, we've been dating for 7 years and we're getting married in 10 minutes.

***

Christian: Hey, whatcha doing?
Theodosia: Plotting for world domination.
Christian, completely unfazed: Cool, so what do you want for dinner?

***

Zaida: Cariño? What're you writing?
Michael: A fanfic.
Zaida: About what?
Michael: You and Cember.
Zaida: W-What? W-Why?
Michael: Cember told me to. I'm getting paid.
December: I TOLD YOU TO KEEP THAT ANONYMOUS IDIOT-

***

[Christmas time]

Ari: *holding Callen up so he can put the star on the Christmas tree*

***

Bentley: I LOVE YOU KALVIN! L-O-V-E!
Bella: Is he okay?
Bentley: LA LA LA LA LOVE YOU KALVIN
Kalvin: He got his wisdom teeth out earlier.
Bentley: I AM IN LOVE
Kalvin: *sips wine*

***

Michael: Hey, can I play?
December: Uh, this is probably a little advanced for you.
Michael: Aw, please?
December: Okay just don't blame me when you-
*GAME OVER: MICHAEL'S TEAM WINS*
Michael: That was easy.
December: *is both shocked and slightly impressed*

***

Cole: Hey Cooper, do you think I can get this egg in the jar without cracking it?
Cooper: No.
Cole: *throws egg and it hits Callen*
Cole:
Cole: I guess you were right.

***

Xavier: IT'S TIME
Eclipsa: For...?
Xavier: HALLOWEEN! *throws decorations everywhere*
Eclipsa: But it's only Sept-
Xavier: Halloween time. *puts witch hat on Eclipsa's head*

***

Bentley: *made a cake for Kalvin's birthday but drops it*
Kalvin: *laughs until he sees Bentley crying and spends an hour comforting him*

***

Dawson: I'm home!
Michael: Get your butt over here!
Dawson: A 'hi' would be nice.
Michael: Hi, now get over here!
Dawson: Okay, okay I'm coming! What happened?
Michael: *sniffs and points to the movie on tv* HE JUST WANTED TO SAVE THE DOGGY! *is drowning in tissues, chocolate, and five blankets*

***

Bentley: There's no i in team but there's one in chicken nuggets.
Kalvin: So you're not gonna share?
Bentley: I'm not gonna share.

***

Cody: What're you reading?
Cole: A book about things I love.
Cody: That's a photo album of Jules.
Cole: Oh what a coincidence-

***

Callen: My boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss him on the lips, what should I do?
Cole: Punch him in the stomach and then when he leans over, kiss him.
Cooper: Tackle him.
Cody: Dump him.
Adri: Kick him in the shin.
Ari: NO TO ALL OF THOSE, JUST ASK ME TO LEAN DOWN.

***

Some person: Oh look! It's Eliza!
Alex: Oh no! She can't see me like this!
Person: Like what? You look great.
Alex, mortified: *takes a deep breath* I'm wearing cool socks.

***

Waiter: So what would you like to drink?
Oakley: Can I have a milkshake with two straws?
Willow, blushing: Aw, that's so-
Oakley, putting both straws in his mouth: Watch how fast I can drink this.

***

Theodosia: Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.

***

Harmony, about Lennie: As the older sister of a five year old boy, I can name all of the dinosaurs age none of my coworkers.

***

Allie: YOU DONE MESSED UP A-A-RON!
Eren: That's not even how my name is spelled-

***

Angelica: It's impossible for you to say the word "bubbles" angrily.
Tommy:
[15 minutes later]
Wylie: Can someone please explain why Tommy has been screaming "bubbles" angrily on the roof?

***

Eclipsa: You promised me you wouldn't get me bees again.
Xavier, from a distance: Just open it.

***

Indigo, about Lena and Asher: My daughter is being tested for the gifted program at her elementary school and my son thinks his toothbrush is haunted.

***

Theodosia: A cute thing I tell my kid when we see a dead dear on the road is: "looks like Santa lost his temper again".

***

December, about Candy, Michael, Angel, and probably others: I wear a clown mask to sleep in case of my kids has a nightmare and comes to sleep in our bed.

***

Tommy: Ox just said the word "prototype". When I asked it what it meant he said: "my sisters are prototypes" and I was too scared to ask what he meant.

***