[A/N] Massive, massive spoilers for Chapter 4 of LDOD. Do NOT read until you've finished at least Deadly Life Part 4 of Chapter 4. Also, just a warning, this one does get dark. Take care of your health and do not read if it distresses you.

Yuu

Agh. I'm still thinking about how awful that party was, and it's been a week. All I could really do while everyone tried to have fun was stand in a corner sipping fucking juice. Azumi and Tozen took pity on me and tried to talk to me, but my thoughts are all out of sorts. We had to witness a third execution. And it took a long time, too. Monokuma is a sick fucking bastard for making us sit there and watch a friend die for something like an hour. I shudder. I can't sleep. Tozen's the only other person awake, but he's in the kitchen and I'm just pacing the damn hallway where Bisque– where he and Joanie– I sigh involuntarily and shut my eyes.

I hear a cheerful giggle and my eyes fly open. A familiar face is zooming around, stretching his arms out like an airplane. "H-Haruto? You're alive! How is this even possible?!"

"Shhhh!" he bids. "Close your mouth!"

"What?"

A more feminine, hushed voice pops up right near my ear, and I flinch. "Do you want him to hear you talk to nothing? Wouldn't that be troublesome?"

"Sayuri. Figures you made it out, too. So where are the others? Hachi? Nari? Keiji? Joanie?" I demand, tone cold. I'm not ready to hear anything she has to say yet. Not after the way she tried to gaslight me.

"We told you to close your mouth! We can hear you just fine if you think what you wanna say," Bisque insists.

How? How is any of this happening?

"We're not here. Not physically, at least," he answers me. I look down and notice that he has no shadow.

Holy shit. Holy shit!

"This would be your first time seeing spirits, huh, Yuu? Startling, isn't it?" Sayuri leans in close to me, and I take a few steps back.

My question stands, though. Where are the rest of the dead participants?

"Visiting some of the others, perhaps? There really isn't any way for us to tell, huh, Bisque?" He shrugs in response to her.

Bisque, why are you visiting me and not Azumi? She was clearly anguished about losing you.

"Yeah, I know. I feel super duper bad for Mom. But she has people to take care of her, y'know? Tozen, and Ren... you get it. You're alone, and that felt super sad!" I grimace. I was already thinking about that already– my two closest friends and allies are dead, and I don't feel confident that I can start over and win companionship again.

"How could we leave you be in this state? When you're too petrified to take any action? You want to survive, yes, Yuu? How do you expect to do so like this?"

I don't want to talk to you, Sayuri.

"What can you do about it? You don't know how to make me leave, right? Besides, if you tried an exorcism, that would look really strange, wouldn't it? Won't you let me try to make this right?"

I internally sigh. "Fine. Whatever. I guess I'm stuck like this for a bit."

"Good! We'll be around now and then. Bye bye, Yuu! And close your mouth!" I blink and they're gone.

Okay, this is weird, I know this is weird. Ghosts aren't supposed to be real. I'm a skeptic, all those ghost-hunting videos are just exploitative bullshit. And yet– I mean, I see them, I hear them, they talk just like themselves. We have a hell plushie. We have a HIVEMIND of hell plushies, actually. Are ghosts really so out of the realm of possibility?

I guess I'm being haunted.

...

I wash my hands aggressively, grape juice-soaked gloves resting next to me. Tozen's sudden outburst following his long stint of overworking... this feels out-of-character for him, but maybe he really IS volatile... Nobody's that selfless.

"Aw, Yuu, did you risk your gloves to protect my journal?" she croons. I scrub even harder.

I'm angry at you. Go away.

"If you're so cross with me, why did you go looking for it in the first place? You even made sure to read it in private, right? You really did care about me, huh?"

I did. Not so sure I still do. I take out the plug and dry my hands. They hurt a bit.

"That's rather cruel of you considering it's your fault, isn't it?"

WHAT?!

Tozen interrupts her. "U-Um. I can tell you what I was cooking... if it would make you feel better for me to nap."

"Sure. Just write down the instructions somewhere and leave it on the table. I'll put away the journal and scrub my gloves clean."

"Where was I? Oh, yes. If you had paid more attention while you were cooking, this wouldn't have happened, right? If you hadn't just let me take your food to Keiji, if you'd only cared enough to bring it to him yourself?"

That's not fair. You know you would've guilt-tripped me by asking why I didn't trust you. Besides, you would've come up with some other way to feed him that parsley.

"If I'd missed my first chance, it would be much harder though, wouldn't it? Joanie would've protected that boy with all her might if she caught wind that something was amiss." I squirm under her stare.

A meeker voice fades in afterwards. "Um... I won't go blaming you for all of it, but I do think you should take some responsibility for my death, too."

Bisque? Why? What did I have to do with your situation?

"You should've tried harder to make amends with everyone. You were too scared to try and make things better, and because of that, Joanie felt like she had to do something so stupid and dangerous!"

I– I was scared. I'm always scared. I'm in a death game–

"It's selfish. Just a tiny bit. They're all in the same position you're in." I wince as I return Sayuri's journal to its proper place.

"Not quite, Bisque. Doesn't everyone else have someone they can rely on? Doesn't it make sense for him to be vigilant? In fact, shouldn't he be more inclined to watch his back than he already is?"

What do you mean?

"Nari killed. I killed. Even this sweetheart over here killed, yes? Who's to say that nobody is plotting out another murder as we speak? And, given that your only friends are ghosts, isn't it likely that their intended victim would be you?" My heart plunges into my stomach, and I start to feel a little sick.

"Hmm... I see your point. I still think it's super mean of him to be so untrusting, but I guess he kinda has to."

Why are you here?! Just to shame me?

"To protect you!" Haruto reassures, giving me that sad look that always makes me feel like a giant asshole.

Sorry. I shake my head, eyes closed, and then, as abruptly as they appeared, they're gone.

...

"Happy Birthday, Yuu!" Haruto cheers playfully. He's wearing a party hat.

How did you know that?

"We can read your thoughts, remember?"

Ugh, that's creepy. But thanks, I guess? I don't want to celebrate.

"Aren't you wise? You don't think anyone would actually want to bother throwing anything together for you, do you?"

Sayuri, why are you acting so cruel? You weren't actually like this.

"How would you know? How do you know any of my actions or words were legitimate? How do you know I was a good person? How do you know YOU are a good person?"

Oh, I know I'm not a good person.

"Then wouldn't it be better if you just let the dancers kill you?" Haruto offers. I curl up deeper in my bed, pulling the covers over my head.

"That's outside the realm of possibility for you, right? How could you ever sacrifice yourself for the good of the group? Especially a group that wants your head, right?"

"Especially a group that's always teasing you. Always laughing at you. We get it, don't worry." I can't see Bisque, but I feel like he'd try to pet my head if he had the power to move things. "I just kinda wish you were nicer... they're good people. They wouldn't have it out for you if you were sweet and happy like me."

I feel tears slip down my face.

"Azumi didn't steal anything from your room whilst meditating with you, did she?"

I ALREADY CHECKED THREE TIMES. SHE DIDN'T TAKE ANYTHING, YOU BITCH.

"Hey! You don't have to be so mean to her! We're just trying to help you!"

"YOU AREN'T HELPING AT ALL! WHY ARE YOU SO MAD AT ME?!" I beg. I don't have to worry about keeping my mouth shut in here– the doors are soundproof. A flicker of a thought crosses my mind– what if I really am I going crazy, just like Kana and Monterio said?– but I shove it aside. It's too scary. Even if I was going crazy, how could I ever tell anyone? They'd want to kill me even more than they already do.

"That's right! You can't trust anyone in here, right? Not the people who embarrassed you... nor the people who snapped at you... and especially not the people hiding secrets from you. So, what are you gonna do about all of this?"

"I'm never gonna go to the playground. I'm gonna pretend I never heard those messages and act like everything's okay."

"Someone else will try to kill you eventually," Bisque says. I pry my covers away and see his eyes filled with worry.

"What are you going to do about this, Yuu?"

"I... I don't want to hurt anyone!"

"That's so unfair! You already hurt so many people! You don't just get to play the good guy NOW!" His fury is alarming, and I recoil.

"What are you going to do about the people who want you dead, Yuu?"

I hum the Happy Birthday song, trying to distract myself, and at last, they leave me alone. The stuff they said doesn't go away so easily, though.

...

I'm panicking. There was no weapon. There was no weapon anywhere on Kana's body. Oh my God, Oh my God, there's blood pooling in her mouth, Holy shit, Holy shit, I don't think I can save her, I think she's dead. I'm a murderer. I'm a motherfucking murderer! Kana, I'm sorry, Kana, I'm sorry! Monterio, I'm sorry, I killed Kana, I killed your soulmate, I– I crumple to the ground, knees thunking on the plastic play equipment.

"Do you really think any useless apologies could ever make up for what you just did?" Bisque accuses.

Nothing I could ever do would ever make this better.

"Don't you see there's no time for this?! The others will find the body soon, and then there will be a trial, right?! Shouldn't you be cleaning the crime scene?!"

WHY ARE YOU GUILT-TRIPPING ME RIGHT NOW?! IT'S YOUR FAULT, YOU'RE THE ONES WHO TOLD ME TO–

My eyes fly open. Oh shit. Ohhhhhh, shit. You aren't ghosts. You aren't evil spirits. You're hallucinations. I made you all up. I'm the only one who told me to do this. I'm the only one torturing myself, and I'm the sole reason that Kana's dead.

"So what? Now's not the time to ponder our substance, now is the time to clean the crime scene! Don't you want to live?! You killed her to live, so why are you hesitating?! Are you just that worthless?! That selfish?!" she hisses.

Fuck off, you damn hallucinations!

"It's just like we said before, Yuu! We're here for you, and we're never going to leave you alone! You deserve this, after all. You deserve it for being so awful to my friends! We're gonna be right here, forever! F-O-R-E-V-E-R!"

I nearly start sobbing, but I force myself to stand. As much as I hate it, they're right. I need to clean this up or I'm good as dead. I cast a glance at the arrow protruding from her chest. Would it even be so bad to die...?

I shake my head fervently. Yes, especially since I killed someone so that I'd stay alive. Why did I do that?! Why did I kill someone to live when death sounds so... freeing now? I sprint out of the playground, relieved at the quietness of my shoes but grimacing at the searing pain from my toes.

...

I eat breakfast. The group is largely ignoring me and sharing light conversation on their own, but Azumi keeps careful watch of me, smiling soothingly. Luckily, I'm able to eat just fine today. The food doesn't feel like sludge. I can swallow, I don't feel like I'm choking from a small bite of rice. I'm still a bit concerned about poison– if these people wanted to be REALLY brutal, they could poison me after I've stopped expecting it– but for the most part, I'm trying to convince myself that they'd have done it by now if they wanted me dead. Tastes fine... tastes better than fine, actually. Tozen's always made really... really yummy food. I cast a glance at Chimon and Fujiko, giggling to themselves, and when Chimon notices me looking, he gives a sharp glare that sends shivers down my spine.

I see Azumi mouth a lecture to him– "Be nice!"– but she turns back to me with an encouraging look. "You needn't worry yourself over him. I can only assume he is going through a lot of pain, but comparing pain does nobody any good. My hope is that you can eventually come to find closure in one another, but for now, I am here. You mustn't fear being friendless."

"They always said that to me," I murmur.

"Pardon?"

"The hallucinations were always telling me they were my only friends. They were always trying to isolate me."

"I am terribly sorry. It must've been ever so frightening."

I half-expect the voices to pop up again, but they haven't been around in a bit. Chimon had told me I'd only have about a week left to deal with them post-trial. "I... They might be gone. I'm a little scared of jinxing myself, but..."

"Truly?"

"They haven't shown up the past few days. They might be gone for good."

"What a relief!" she beams.

"It's almost weird."

"Their absence?"

"Yeah. They told me they'd never leave me alone. Even though Chimon said it was called brief reactive psychosis, and that it'd all stop soon, I sort of didn't believe him. They said they would be around. F-O-R-E-V-E-R."

She gives a noise that's a weird blend of a sigh and a laugh. "My, they spoke quite similar to their real-world counterparts."

"Mhm. And they were relentless, toward the end. It's crazy how quiet everything is now. They were so, so loud."

"Did they ever... scream at you?"

"A lot. And they blamed me for everything. No surprises there, since my brain cooked them up."

She takes a deep breath. "I implore you. In the moments where those notions reemerge– the ones that formed those hallucinations– please remember that you are not your thoughts. You are more than that."

"...Thank you. Oh! Hey! I finished my food! Look, Azumi! I actually ate something!"

"Splendid! You were already quite lithe as it is, so it is wonderful that you can properly nourish yourself once more." Jeez, she's such a mom. She's such a mom that I feel pride flood through me at something so simple.

"Oh? You finished! Want more?" Tozen asks, suddenly pulled out of his conversation by the excitement.

"You know what? Fuck it, I do. I'm hungry, and I'm tired of being scared to eat, and I'm tired of feeling selfish, and I want to enjoy a meal guilt-free for once. Load me up!"

He snickers. "I'll give you a completely reasonable amount of food."

"Thanks."

"See? Your state is improving! It is going to be alright."

"I don't know about THAT. But I can eat now. Things are getting better, little by little."