natalia: laura what do you want for your birthday
emilia: don't say sword
samantha: or any bladed weapon
emilia: or any throwable weapon
smirnov: weaponry is out
emilia: that really covers our bases
laura: excellent. i can practice with weapons of opportunity
laura: i would like a cheese grater, 1000 ball bearings, and a can of hairspray
emilia: points for creativity i'll see what i can do
natalia: oh here we go
smirnov: i want to join. may i also have a cheese grater?
natalia: we're all going to die
lucie (also holding a cheese grater): OF FUN

(every law enforcement agent buys laura a birthday present. it's either because they genuinely care about her, or they're hoping to bribe her to be less violent. she's not sure.)