random headcanons

samantha didn't go to school until she was 15, so she cannot do maths at all. in the cult, they were taught to read and write because they needed to be able to read the bible but they were never actually taught to do maths. also everyone in felicity valley is gay so no one can do maths.

agent smirnov is the son of russian immigrants, and speaks with a slight accent so a lot of people ask if he's a russian spy. he always says yes.

(this conversation has happened several times)
agent smirnov: why does everyone think i'm a russian assassin?
samantha: how would i know?
smirnov: but when i'm with you, people still think i'm the most likely one to be an assassin! one of us was taught to shoot american cops when she was seven and it's not me!)

cecilia always talks to her cats as if they're people

aurora's really good at english and art. clover's good at music and art.

clover has been arrested several times but has never called aurora to bail them out because they know rory would kill them. they have called kate and samantha to bail them out.

when kate bails them out, the conversation goes like this:
kate: don't do drugs. drink your problems away like everyone else. that makes me money.

when samantha bails them out, the conversation goes like this:
samantha: you're paying me back.
clover: i'm not paying you back.
samantha: yes, you are. i had to have a conversation with officer bailey. i hate that guy.
clover: i thought you worked with those guys now?
samantha: felicity valley has two police officers and neither of them do anything. i will hate those guys until the day i die.