ARABELLA CASPER

It took a while but once I finally got him to sit back down on the couch and relax did I finally decide to take in his presence. His body looked more toned and defined, as if in the short time we've been apart he's been working out. His muscles strained against his t-shirt even more so then they did before, his stomach looked more toned as his t-shirt was stuck to his body with sweat.

His dark tattoos against the contrast of his muscles made me wonder just what he's be doing since we've been apart. Something felt different now that we were together again. It was as if a magnet was hovering over us, trying to bring us closer together. My mind was going a mile a minute but somehow, with this boy sitting in front of me, I let myself relax in this moment.

"I'm not mad at you for shooting him. Not after what you said in the note" I began.

"Yeah but, Arabella.."

"I'm not done" I said making him bite his lip and nod.

"Sorry"

"I'm worried for him. The thought of him dying scares me to no end. He's my brother I don't want him to die, but I also do not agree with what he has done in the past" I said.

"I've done some bad things myself" he said quietly.

"Yes you definitely have, but so has he. What he did that day was unforgivable just as much as you keeping everything from me was" I said.

"I'm sorry" he said.

"I knew you were different, I knew that you lacked something in your life. You needed love and support in a world of weakness. Everything you do, is based on how you were taught. My brothers were taught to never back down from anything, never let anyone walk over you. You were taught the same thing, maybe not exactly but similar. Your father without even knowing taught you how to grow a shell, how to build up these walls that will never be knocked down. The difference between our fathers is that, mine was tough love yours was merciless" I said.

"There is to a certain point I can only blame so much on my father" he said.

"I definitely agree, but there's somethings Harry that are completely out of your control" I said.

"I know"

"What you did tonight, was not a bad thing, well maybe but not in my eyes. You had to do that, there was no other way" I said.

"It doesn't feel that way"

"It should"

"I feel like every time I do something and you forgive me, it's out of luck" he said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I've done so much to you, and when you don't do anything after the fact, I feel like just by luck I got away with it" he said.

"There's certain things that a person can get so mad over. It's killing me not knowing whether my brother is dead or alive, but it's also killing me knowing that for all those years you were blamed from something you didn't do" I said.

"But I did do it" he said.

"Not intentionally, if it wasn't for my brothers jealously my father would be here today" I said.

"Why does it feel like your trying to make an excuse for every wrong I make" he said.

"Every bad has a good intention" I said.

"I was not obsessed with you" he said.

"I know that" I said.

"You can get me tested or anything, I promise" he said.

"I don't need pointless test results to prove that you love me" I said.

"So what?" he asked.

"I think regardless as to what happens you need to get help" I said.

"What are you talking about" he asked

"I'm not saying to put you in a mental hospital, I'm just saying that maybe you should get a psych evaluation or go to a therapist" I said.

"No" he said, shaking his head.

"I think it would help you, at least so you can get somethings off your chest" I said.

"I don't need a fücking stranger, I have you" he said.

"I'm sure that I cause some stress in your life" I said.

"You do, but I signed up for it" he said making me raise my eyebrow.

"I think it would be a good idea" I said.

He held my gaze for a moment before sighing in defeat but agreeing.

"Fine, it go do something" he said making me smile a bit.

"Thank you" I said quietly.

"Why are you trying to help me?" he asked.

"I still care about you" I said.

"I thought you said that we are broken up" he said.

"I did, that doesn't mean that everything you have done is wrong" I said.

"It feels like right now everything is okay, but tomorrow you're going to make a 360 and hate me again" he said.

"I know, it's not fair to you that I keep pushing and pulling you back and forth" I said.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked.

For a moment, he got me. Why am I doing this? Why am I fighting for a boy who lied to me, killed me father, shot my brother, and did so many unforgivable things to me? Why do I continue to throw myself in this loop with him and hope for a different outcome then the past if the same things keep happening? Why am I even sitting here talking to him, when I could be at home with my family?

Oh that's right, it's because I am in love with him.

"I fell in love with you, I didn't fall in love with someone who is one way towards this group of people and different with me. I fell in love with a man who yells, and cusses, and burns down houses when he's mad, and strangles his brother on a balcony at 3 in the morning, and allows me to get put in a mental institution" I said.

"You fell in love with my bad" he said quietly, his shoulders slumping a bit.

"I did, but I also fell in love with someone who speaks the truth, who paints his emotions, who forgives his brother who was manipulated to abuse him, who saves me from months in prison for slapping a gang member. I fell in love with your good and bad. It doesn't matter how bad you get, I will always love you" I said making him swallow hard.

"I don't want you to leave me" he said.

"I don't want to, but we need a break" I said.

"Please don't" he begged grabbing my hand in his.

"Harry, we need some time apart" I said.

"Please, you can't leave, not like this" he said.

"Harry.."

"You were the only one to stay when times got bad, don't be like the rest of them" he said making my chest ache.

"Harry.."

"They always leave me, don't end up like them"

I took a deep breath and looked at him. His eyes were so wide and scared and his lip was taken tightly by his teeth in nervousness. I thought about it for a moment before looking back at him.

"It's too much, Harry, it's all happening too quick" I said.

"You don't need to make a decision just yet, I just need you to be with me" he said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I need you to live with me again. I need you sleeping next to me, I haven't slept at all" I said.

"It's too much" I said.

"I'll be good, I promise, I won't even kiss you" he said making me sigh.

"If I stay, what will happen?" I asked.

"I will make things better" he said.

I thought over it for a minute. If I went back with him to the house, or better yet the new one, I would be back to how it used to be. He would leave for work and I would sit back in the house and wait. But at the same time, It may help for us to figure each other out and see how we can work again. If I go home, I will be locked back in that house, if I stay here, we may just drive each other to the brink of insanity.

"Fine, I'll stay" I said making him smile.

A/N:
well that's cool, again I don't have much to say so thank you for the love and support!