Deceit took a sip of his tea, sighing softly. It was nearly noon, and he had yet to be bothered. He blew on his tea gently, cooling it. Sun poured through the curtains, painting the room with a warm fall glow. He looked over at the clock on the wall. Why hadn't he been bothered yet? Not to complain, but Remus was usually up around this time, prancing around the room while shouting whatever he could think of to irritate Deceit. He looked at the clock again. He was going to have to look into this, wasn't he? Because a nice morning was just too unusual to be enjoyed.
    He finished his tea off and put the cup in the sink, knowing he'd never get around to washing it, but Logan would probably get it on one of his visits to their side of the mind.
    He walked up the creaky stairs, heading to Remus' room. Hopefully, he'd just be asleep, then Deceit could return to his morning and actually appreciate it. He looked at the door outside Remus' room. Well.
    Some classical music played softly, and a soft glow of light leaked through the bottom of the door, shadows moving through it. He sighed and opened the door slowly, praying to whoever was listening it wouldn't be anything too weird.
He blinked. It was too weird. Way too weird. Pictures of Logan covered the walls and ceiling, some were falling off and drifting to the floor. Some were generic profile pictures likely taken by Patton for some special occassion, some were family pictures with everyone else cut out, and some were blurry and had clearly been taken without the logical side's knowledge. Remus was dancing around the room in a fashion much too upbeat for the music playing, holding a rag doll with his arms outstretched, dancing with it.
Deceit rubbed his eyes. "Remus, what is going on?"
Remus looked at him, then bounded over, holding the doll in Deceit's face. It was a rag doll in the general fashion of Logan, with blue buttons for eyes, black marker resembling glasses, a crooked tie, and a small plastic Crofters jar sewn to his hand. Small tuffs of stuffing were sticking out of his head, arm, and stomach where the fabric had torn.
Deceit stared at it. "This explains nothing."
Remus pulled it back to himself, holding it close to his chest with his arms crossed over it. "He's my friend Deedee!"
Deceit frowned. "Since when?"
"Since I showed myself to Thommy! He said I don't bother him!"
Deceit sighed softly. "He might not exactly have meant it in a friendly way..."
"How else would he have meant it? If he didn't like me he would have said I bothered him, so I would stay away, but he said I don't bother him, so I don't bother him, so he likes me, so that means we're friends!"
Deceit sighed. "Well, if you're alright, I'm going to go back downstairs."
Remus smiled, toothy and wide. "I have two friends Deedee! You and Logan!" He gasped. "I need to think of a nickname for Logan. Lolo? Logy? Octilo?" He ushered Deceit out. "Go, I have thinking to do!" He slammed the door shut, and Deceit stood there for a minute, dumbfounded.
He went back downstairs, sighing softly.

Ever since Remus had decided he and Logan were friends, he'd been near unbearable to deal with.
He constantly talked about Logan and what they'd been doing as if Logan were the fucking sun or something. But Deceit had watched their interactions before, and Logan didn't seem anything but indifferent to Remus, perhaps a bit amused. That was certainly better than how the other three treated him, but friends...
Logan might be the sun, he was certainly the center of Remus' universe.

Deceit sat next to Logan on the couch. Logan had his nose buried in a book, as per usual. Deceit took out his phone and began scrolling.
Remus bounded over to them. "Dr. Frankenstein!"
Logan sighed softly and shut his book. "Yes, Remus?"
Remus smiled and knelt on the floor, crossing his arms on Logan's lap and resting his head on them. "How hot would coffee have to be to melt someone's teeth?"
Logan rolled his eyes fondly. "Were they frozen beforehand?"
Remus thought for a minute. "No. They're a normal mouthy temperature."
The corners of Logan's mouth turned upwards, then returned to his normal measured expression. "Around three hundred degrees Fahrenheit would melt dentures, I imagine it would be around the same for teeth. Two hundred Fahrenheit would cause cracks in teeth."
Remus smiled. "Thanks!"
Logan nodded. "Please don't heat up my coffee."
Remus jumped up and cupped his face, staring into his eyes with an intensity that could burn through steel beams. "I would never try to melt your teeth." He promised solemnly.
Okay, now Logan was sure to push him away, with Remus being so close and intense-
Logan smiled fondly and pat his head. "I know Remus."
Remus nodded and stepped back. "I'm gonna melt Virgil's though!" He chirped, running to his room.
Deceit looked at Logan. "You're not going to stop him?"
Logan shrugged. "I doubt he'll follow through. And Virgil's been a bit harsh this past week anywho."
Deceit gaped at him. Logan tilted his head at Deceit, then returned to his book.
"Would you consider Remus your friend?" Deceit asked, for the first time thinking Remus may be correct.
Logan nodded. "He is rather friendly, and I would say I enjoy his company."
Deceit looked at his phone. Of all the friendships he'd thought possible, that was not one.
Well then.

Deceit watched the two interact in the kitchen from the living room. He'd formed a bit of curiosity of the two's friendship, mostly wondering what the fuck their dynamic even was. Logan seemed to be cooking something, and Remus was standing next to him.
"What if I had a hundred tongues?"
"You could have ten thousand tongues and it would make no difference. The Kraken is not particularly well known for being made up of human tongues."
"But would it make me look like one?"
"In my opinion, no."
Remus thought about it. "What if they were dicks instead of tongues?"
Logan considered it. "I suppose it would depend on their arrangement if we are still considering ten thousand. Minus the testicles, of course."
Remus nodded. "Of course."
Deceit rubbed his eyes. He had to be dreaming, or nightmare-ing, this wasn't a real conversation.
Logan smiled at Remus and handed him something. "Your food is finished."
Remus took it and grinned. "You even included the extra garlic!"
Logan nodded. "Of course."
Remus' eyes began to water. "You're the best friend ever. You're the only one who's nice to me..."
Logan leaned against the counter, holding a jar of Crofters. "What about Deceit?"
Remus shrugged. "He's kinda nice, but he stands me more than likes me. You like me."
De frowned, but then again it was mostly true.
Logan smiled. "I am fond of you Remus."
Remus smiled and hugged him close. "You're my best friend!"
Logan smiled fondly and tentatively held him back. "I'm honored."
Remus sat back on the counter, pouring some of Logan's jam onto his food, then eating it happily while swinging his legs.
    Logan took a bite of his Crofter's. The two ate together in near silence, Remus occasionally asking some odd and slightly disturbing question and Logan answering without missing a beat. Remus would glance over at Logan every so often, and then Logan would meet his gaze and Remus' eyes would dart back to his food, then Logan would tilt his head but then shrug it off as nothing. Then Remus would ask another question to break the silence and Logan would laugh softly before answering.
    Deceit put his face in his hands. Remus liked Logan. And not as a friend. So that's why the obsessive behavior had been increasing as of late. He sighed softly. He hadn't even thought Remus capable of developing a crush, and it had to be Logan? Of course it did! Deceit was going to be nursing Remus' broken heart for weeks after this...

Deceit took a deep breath of the steam coming from his tea. Remus had given everyone, even Logan, strict orders to stay out of his room around a week ago, and Deceit had been more than happy to comply. Remus had only been coming out of his room around once a day, and even Logan hadn't seen much of him. And on the rare occasion he did exit his room, he was covered in things like glue, glitter, some questionable red liquid, or something of the sort.
Deceit finished his tea, sighing softly. He went to put his cup in the kitchen but stopped in the doorway. Remus was bent almost halfway over, arms outstretched and holding something out to a baffled Logan. It was red and somewhat shaped like a heart, with glitter thrown haphazardly over it and some glue with glitter stuck to it hanging from the sides. White lace was glued to the edges of the heart sloppily, with uncut ends hanging off of it. Something Deceit couldn't quite read was scrawled on it in dark green crayon.
"Remus, I'm not quite sure what to say, this is quite unexpected-"
"Say yes."
Logan looked at him, mouth hanging open.
"Say yes. Say that you'll be mine forever and ever and ever and if anyone ever tries to get between us I have full permission to rip their lungs out and use them as balloons for the funeral." His hands trembled slightly. "Pretty pretty please say you love me too."
Logan paused, taking a moment to comprehend what had just been said. He held his hands up slowly, then took the heart from Remus. He studied over it carefully, taking note of every little detail. He smiled softly at it, however sloppily it had been made, and his hand briefly traced the letters of whatever had been written on it.
    Remus looked up at him, eyes wide. Deceit could tell how desperately he needed Logan to say yes, even if he hadn't been listening to Remus ramble on about how great Logan is for months.
    Logan met Remus' gaze and smiled. "I love you too." He said softly. Remus shot up, looking at him. "Really? You promise?"
Logan nodded, smiling happily. "I promise Remus. I've been too afraid to say anything, so I'm very happy you decided to confess."
Remus grinned and leaped into his arms, hugging him tightly. "I love you!"
"I love you as well."
Remus jumped up and down happily. "Mine! Mine mine mine, always and forever, not Virgil's, not Roman's, not Patton's or Deceit's or anyone else's! Mine! We're gonna be so happy, I'm going to be really good, and nice, and only say weird things sometimes. Mine!" He looked at Logan. "You are mine?"
"Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?" Logan asked, suddenly shy.
Remus huffed and crossed his arms. "Obviously! That's why I confessed."
Logan smiled and nodded. "I'd love to be your boyfriend."
Remus beamed and hugged him again.
Logan admired the card after Remus had stepped back. "This is lovely Remus."
    Deceit raised an eyebrow. How the hell was that lovely? Roman did always say Logan wouldn't know beauty if he had it's child (of course, this was in reference to Logan saying he thought Eddie Redmayne was more attractive than James Mcavoy, but that's beside the point). He decided to go back to his room, having had enough of those two.
    And even after low-key stalking them for a couple of months, he still didn't know what the fuck their dynamic is.