Freshmen

January 15, 2017; Harry

-

Louis Tomlinson is coming to my house in less than an hour!

Louis Tomlinson is coming to my house in less than an hour and I have not done anything to make myself or my room look presentable.

I can't show mum this side of me, because I know she'll recognize that I never was this into making the house look this good whenever Louis came over.

It's different now that I realize I'm in love with him. It just is.

Once he's inside, past my mother and siblings, and fed with enough pretzels covered in chocolate to last him a lifetime, we settle into my bed to watch a movie.

This never used to make me this nervous, sharing a bed with Louis. We never really questioned it at sleepovers or hangouts before; it's too much trouble to pull out blankets and a bed to just have to put it back a day later, so we keep it simple.

Except now, I'm kind of regretting that because with Louis's thigh touching mine the way it is plus his hand that keeps accidentally falling into my lap rather than his I can't concentrate on whatever movie we're watching.

Luckily, a few minutes after I have to divert all concentration left over to making sure nothing pops up unexpectedly, Louis pauses the movie and turns to me.

"H, we need to talk."

"Okay, then talk," I say, trying to lighten the mood from that serious comment.

He has other ideas, though. "No, like, seriously. Probably the most seriously we've ever talked before."

"What's going on, Lou?"

He sighs, takes a deep breath, and looks at his hands while exhaling. Louis pulls the sleeves of my sweatshirt tighter into his palms.

"I'm gay," is all he says. No giant coming out speech that leaves us both in tears, or a card, or anything remotely Louis-like. Except, those words are the most Louis-like thing he could've done.

We're both silent for a full minute (I watch the clock; Louis watches the wall) before I speak.

"Okay. Um. I'm not good at this, Lou."

"Good at what? Being accepting? Because if you're not cool with this, I'm fine. I mean, I'm not fine, that sucks, but, like..." He trails off, so I jump in.

"No, I mean... I'm not good at coming out."

Louis looks up from his hands in surprise. "What do you mean?" He asks tentatively.

"Uh. I'm gay too. Or bi. I don't really know. I just like guys. A guy." Just had to add that last part, didn't you, Harry?

Luckily, Louis doesn't focus on that. He focuses on hugging me instead. It's kind of awkward, what with my laptop, unknown movie still paused, sitting between us, but it works.

And really, I don't know what comes over me, but when he pulls away from the hug rambling about how nice it is to be accepted by the first person he's ever come out to, he just looks so cute and I just can't help myself.

So, yeah, I kiss him. Of course I do. Impulsive teenage put into an intimate position with the boy he's been dreaming about? It's obvious what's going to happen.

Once he comes to his senses and pulls away, I turn around on my bed, immediately regretting everything.

"Louis, I'm so sorry," I say, once I've gotten my head straightened. I turn around to confess everything, but Louis isn't there. And my door is open.

I run downstairs and ask my mom where he went, but she just knows that he said his family needed him for something urgent. And to avoid further questioning from her, I run back up to my room.