"Episode 46 - Why did I turn out to be crazy."  

"Sometimes." I shrugged. Moving towards, she put her kind hands on my tattered skin.

"What do you mean Gabe?" She rested her head against the floral headboard.

"Some of us, we get high from the adrenaline and no matter how many times we say oh, this is the last time, it never is." I tried to explain. "So many have lost their family because they just couldn't let the life go. Some gets lucky and gets out but me or my team mates, we knew that deep down, we all knew the only way we'd leave is by a bullet."

Her gaze softened, looking almost sympathetic. That's the last thing I had expected her to be.

"Why is that?" She honestly wanted to know without any judgement.

"I guess some of us are just crazy." A nostalgic smile touched my lips. "Some of us get so deep into it, we can't adjust to the normal life here. I certainly couldn't that's why I joined Joel's private security team. I thought he'd have jobs overseas or something but Capone came along. Money was good both ways so why not."

"You were done doing good for the country and you wanted back what they took?"

I stared at her, amazed at the fact words that she spoke. She understood me and I couldn't wait any longer. I drove in for a kiss. She pushed forward her tongue and I swiped mine across her. The electricity that shot through my body ignited a fire within me. The desire and obsession for her always there, simmering under my skin.

I pulled away quickly, needing to tell her the truth. My hand remained in her hair, forehead rested against hers while out breath mingled between us. My heart was pounding so loud in my chest, I feared that she could hear it.

"I'm a killer Elena. I tortured a lot of people. I may have killed innocent people and chalked up to collateral damage but that's who I am. When we leave, I need you to know that I'll have to do things to make sure you survive. I don't want you to get scared because I'd rather die before that."

She jumped into my arms, engulfing me in a tight passionate hug. Feeling her heart beat against my chest.

"You still don't know everything about me Gabe. I hope you don't regret when you see the real me." She buried her face in my neck and whispered in a solemn voice.

"Never." I promised. "You're my obsession Elena, how can quit you?" My throat tingled, chest tightened with an unknown feeling. I'd never experienced it before in my life. The moisture in my eyes seemed absolutely ludicrous because I wasn't sad. When I was young, I'd cry because I beaten or missed my parents but this is didn't understand.

This over whelming feeling nearly chocked the life out of me. She on the other hand, sniffed and I wished I could reach inside and know feel what she was feeling. I couldn't stand it when she was upset.

"I'm sorry if I upset you." I stroked her pretty hair, inhaling her floral scene that I was obsessed with.

"No, it's not you." She leaned back bringing her face in front of me. I could see her trying to mask the pain with a small smile and I hated it.

"Then what is it?" I kept running my hands up and down her body.

"The fact that I can finally think about a future without wanting to die is exhilarating." I gulped, tightening my hands around her arms, a reflex to make sure she didn't slip away into thin air.

I sighed, bringing her closer to place a kiss on her forehead and speak with my lips brushing her hair line. "No one is going to hurt you ever again." I wounded my arms around her until, pulling her in against my chest. She rested her head against my shoulder, nestled her nose against my neck.

I held her in my arms, stroked her hair and back until she fell asleep. The small rocking motioned seemed to calm her and when I was sure that she was out, I placed her on her pillow, tucking her in my bed.

When I went to move the laptop, the screen lit up again to her parents' face. I quickly deleted all the history, not the armature way. The way Jake showed me once which cleared it form the history.

That reminded me. I went over the closet to get my phone that I left in my pocket. I had already disposed of the cell in one of the trashcans in the city and bought a new one, just in case. I used my normal phone to text Jake.

Me: Bro, whatever I.D.s you have, just get it to me.

I didn't wait for him to respond before turning off all the lights but I made sure to leave one on in the corner.

When I returned to bed, I picked up all the pencils before putting them away in the little tin box thing that it came in. The sketch pad was open, so when I went to close it, the face on the page startled me.

The scar on my cheek, the rough beard and the now longer hair, all stamped the page in grey shades. It was an image of me sleeping, my face pressed against the pillow. I kept turning the pages, to find more images of me. There was one, where I was looking down, short hair and clean shave. Another one of my body with all the detailed scars. I was in awe. I was shocked to find an image of me from the first time we met. I was in my suit with short hair and fresh face. She noticed me and it filled my chest up with great pride.

My eyes shifted to the clock in my room and it read 1:20. How the fuck did time disappear, I didn't know.

Feeling pecking, I put on some jogging pants, took my key and locked the room. To my surprise, Jamie was in the kitchen in the main sector.

"What's up man?" I frowned, amused at the look on his face.

"Late night snack. That's all." He smiled, shaking his.

"Yeah me too."

"Didn't you eat?" He asked.

"Yes, I bought you food man." I picked up my own bowl, filled it with cereal and then milk. He paused before carrying on eating. To kill the awkward silence, I decided to ask him about why his life. I didn't consider him a friend but he was still a confidant.

"You're a smart guy how the hell did you get involved with people that got you locked up?" I sounded exasperated.

He thought about it for a while, probably contemplating if he wanted to tell me the truth or not. Then with a deep sigh he set his spoon down. "My mum and dad got divorced when I was 12. Everything was fine before that. I visited my dad every weekend until he had to move to a different city for work, mom remarried."

We both chomped on some crunchy nut before he carried on again. "The was nice but he had his own daughters who were younger, in the process of my mom trying to make them feel at him, she forgot that I existed. I lashed out and acted the only way I understood. Then ran away at 16 to my dad's to find him living with his girlfriend and a baby." He shrugged.

"The woman was trying to be nice but I could see that she didn't really want me around because she wanted him to focus on the new baby. Dad dropped me off to mom's and she didn't even ask why I left. Just shouted at me and grounded me."

"That's when you got involved with the gangs." I concluded.

"Honestly, we didn't even live in the ghetto or anything. We lived in a nice suburb so I'd stay out till late with my "friends" all night and my grades dropped. My mom's hatred towards me grew and I wanted to belong somewhere, I decide to join a gang and that was my initiation." He sighed.

"I told her when she came to visit me in jail just before the hearing. She didn't pay for my bail. She asked me why and I told her everything. I told her that all I wanted was for her to tell me she loved me and that she actually cared for me. Now I don't give a fuck but back then, it mattered. She was so shocked and guilt ridden, realising the way she abandoned me she broke down. After I was sent to prison, she came to visit but I refused to see her. She called and wrote years until I got out but I never replied. I doubt that she knows that I'm out."

"I'm sorry man."

"I wanted to tell her that I fucking passed the bar."

"YOU DID! Why didn't you tell me?" I slapped a hand on his back, smiling like an idiot.

"I couldn't have done it without you pulling strings to get me in." He appeared sombre but I took the compliment.

"Don't mention it." I shook my head. "You'll be going the Office on a daily basis now." I realised.

"Yeah." He just nodded.

I considered myself lucky now. Not only did I received love for my real parents, I was lucky to get everything from two complete strangers.

Then why the hell did I turn out to be so fucking crazy?

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