A/N The history teacher gave us the class to do our essays, but guess who decided to write this instead seeing as I use my laptop at school ;) Hope you all appreciate it, I was just glad I didn't get caught, hehe :) 

Niall's POV 

The court day had finally arrived and passed. Jenny and I filed the divorce, stood in front of the judge and guess who's officially divorced in the eyes of the law? Yep.. Jenny and I. 

I still don't know how exactly it is I feel about it. I don't want to think about it either, it's just a little upsetting, obviously, considering how long we have been together for. We spent the last five years together, touring the world at the beginning. I was an asshole to her, I admit it, but I was scared of love. I never felt that way towards anyone before, it scared me. 

I opened the front door and walked inside. Home, didn't really feel like home anymore. It felt empty and desolate. I have gotten used to waking up in the morning without her by my side, but I still haven't got used to going to sleep without her. I have a lot of sleepless nights worrying, is she okay? Is she happy? Am I happy? 

Not long after I arrived home, Laura appeared in the doorway. I looked up at her from where I was bundled up in my blankets, just feeling a little sorry for myself really. "What's up?" She asked, coming in and sitting down next to me. "How did it go?" 

"Fine." I mumbled. "Everything is sorted, finances, house, Bella." I shrugged and sighed deeply, running a hand over my face. 

"Good, so now we can move on and start our life together?" Laura smiled down at me, rubbing her hands over my chest. Our life together? Those words scared me more than anything, I just got divorced and now she's expecting us to start our life together? What life for a start? 

"What do you mean?" I furrowed my eyebrows, allowing her to shift one of the many blankets and join me under them. 

"I mean us." She smiled up at me and kissed me gently on the nose. "You're the man I want to be with." She bit on her lip.

I smiled softly and nodded, running my hand through her hair gently. I guess we can make this work, right? I pulled her closer to me then and let her rest her head on my chest, only it wasn't situated there for long as she'd moved it and began leaving gently pecks on my neck. 

"No sex tonight." I whispered and kissed the top of her head gently. "I'm sure you can understand, right?" I asked and she nodded. 

"Of course." She left a gentle kiss on my lips. "Don't worry, we can just cuddle tonight." She smiled and so did I. Maybe this can work out for the best. 

Or maybe I'm just lying to myself. 

Jenny's POV 

"How did it go babe?" Noah asked me as we sat down on the couch. I just sighed and shrugged, not really in the mood to talk about it. I felt my eyes fill with tears again, just at the thought of it. 

I've been with Noah for a while now, I'm not sure how long, I haven't really been keeping track of it. I don't really care either, frankly. He's nice, he's kind to me and looks out for me. We still haven't done anything yet, just to clarify. I don't want to either. Niall was my first and only partner in that sense, I don't want to just give myself away that quickly. Then again, Niall was my first and only partner in general. 

"It went okay." I rested my head on his chest. He nodded and played with my hair gently. "It's all sorted, so you have nothing to worry about." I sighed, looking up at him. He nodded and kissed the top of my head. 

"Why are you crying then?" He questioned, stroking my cheek gently where there was a fresh tear rolling down it. I blinked and wiped my eyes quickly. 

"I'm not." I defended which just made us both laugh at my obvious fib. "I'm just upset okay. I was with Niall for five years, I'm obviously going to be upset." I sighed, looking up at him only to see his expression suddenly change. He pushed me away and glared down at me. 

"You're still in love with him, aren't you?" He pursed his lips and folded his arms. 

"N-no." I stammered and looked up at him, a little afeared. 

"You so are!" He yelled which made me jolt and move away from him slightly. I don't like being yelled at, it just reminds me of what my father used to do. I bit on my lip as his expression more apparently became angered. "What are you even doing with me then if you still in love with Niall?!" He exclaimed. 

"I'm not." I whispered, although I clearly was. How am I meant to get over him that fast? "I'm just upset over today." I quietly said. 

"Well, get over it." He snapped. 

"I was with Niall for almost six years, I'm obviously going to be upset over our divorce!" I exclaimed, throwing my hands in the air, before tensing up a little because I didn't actually trust Noah. How could I? 

"So you are still in love with him?!" He shouted, making me scrunch my face up a little. 

"I'm not." I said in a barely audible whisper. I was honestly terrified right now, I knew he was forceful with me before so I didn't quite know what he was capable of. 

"You're a fucking liar!" He yelled. 

"You're a fucking asshole!" I yelled back, instantly regretting my decision. I regretted it even further when his retaliation was to slap my cheek. Hard. Hard enough to leave a mark. I instinctively grabbed my cheek and looked at him shocked. It stung, a lot. It made me want to cry, I remembered this fear and this feeling all too well. 

"Get out." I cried, still gripping my cheek. "Get the fuck out of my house." He just nodded and left, although to me, it didn't seem like he regretted his actions. 

Once he left the room I finally let go of my cheek and just sobbed into the cushion on the couch. I've lost Niall, I'm divorced and now some man just abused me. The whole traumatic experience just made me dwell on my past, which I didn't want to. It made me cry even more and I barely noticed Joanna when she came in with Arabella whom she had been babysitting for me. I still can't believe Joanna is old enough to drive now. I still feel like she's that fifteen year old I need to protect. 

"What's wrong Jen?" She came and sat down next to me, putting Bella on the floor as she squealed "mama!" I just smiled down softly at her and ruffled he hair before shaking my head at Joanna. 

"Nothing Jo, just upset over Niall." I half lied. I told her half of the reason I was crying, so that didn't count as lying, did it? 

"You'll find a better man." She smiled and put her  hand on top of mine. 

"This is why I'm never getting married." She smiled softly at me and wiped under my eye. I smiled as well and looked down at my lap. "What happened your cheek?" She asked then, stroking it gently which made me flinch in response. It was still stinging. 

"Oh nothing, I just hit myself in the face with the remote for the telly." It was the best lie I could come up with at the time, although not so believable but she just nodded and didn't question it. 

"Okay, well be more careful from now on." She knew fine well I was lying but probably preferred to stay oblivious to the truth, much to my relief. There was silence between us then for a few moments before she piped up. "Are you sure that's all that's wrong?" She looked over at me. I just nodded in response and stayed silent because with the lump that was growing in my throat I knew if I spoke I would cry. 

"Was Bella good for you?" I questioned after a few more minutes, sniffling softly afterwards. "Was she well behaved?" 

"Yes, very actually. Weren't you Bella?" She smiled down at her to which Bella just giggled. I smiled softly as well and picked her up, letting her sit on my lap as I began to play with her hair. She would sit here for hours if you just play with her hair or rub her back, much like Niall always was. He loved when I'd lie with him for hours and just play with his hair or rub his back. I'd love to do that right now.. 

"Where's Noah?" She asked, peering around the room as though he was meant to be here. 

"He went home." Was all I responded. I wasn't going to inform her why he went home. She didn't need to know and I didn't need to remind myself. 

"Oh, alright." She nodded, thankfully not questioning it any further. 

"Dada?" Arabella asked, pointing to the telly that was playing music in the background. I looked up and surely enough, One Direction was playing. History, to be exact. I'm surprised Arabella recognised him to be honest, he's changed quite a bit since the filming of that video. 

"Yes, that's daddy." I smiled down at her as she began bouncing up and down on her bum to the music. I chuckled fondly and Joanna was even smiling at her. 

"I think she probably knows his voice." Joanna said, to which I nodded. He had been singing when she was pointing to him and I know he sings to her a lot. 

"Yeah." I smiled sadly then when I realised I wasn't going to be listening to him singing quietly as he carried out a task, like sweeping the floor or folding his clothes. We're divorced now.. we're no longer married. The thought made me want to cry all over again. I'm going to miss him so much, he was my first true love, and my only so far. 

Joanna left again not long after that and once she had left I began to get Arabella ready for bed, putting he into a fluffy minion onesie she came home with from Niall's one day. It's a pretty cute onesie, he has good taste. Childish, but good. 

I came downstairs after I had tucked her into bed and answered the door when someone was knocking on it. God, can't I be left alone for five minutes today? All I want is some peace to cry on my own over what I've lost, why is that so hard to get? 

When I opened the door, I just wanted to slam it closed again. It was Noah. I do not want to see him right now, I don't want to see anyone right now but especially not him of all people. I'd prefer to see my mother and we all know what our relationship is like. 

"What do you want?" I snap as he slithers his way inside the door then, not by my consent. 

"I came to say sorry." He sighed, running a hand through his hair, biting on his lip. "I'm really sorry for what happened. I don't know what got into me but it won't happen again, I promise, just give me one more chance." He whispered. I knew it was a promise made in all sincerity, but I knew all to well, it was no a promise he was going to keep. 

"No Noah, just leave." I shook my head. "You don't get another chance." I firmly stated, folding my arms. 

"Are you sure?" He whispered, inching closer and closer to me until I was backed up against the wall. Once I was he gently pressed his lips against mine. I knew he was trying to seduce me, but it wasn't going to work. 

"Noah, stop." I pushed him off me. 

"Jen, you mean so much to me. You really do. You were my best friend for so so many years. You were the one person who always stood by my side and I can't express my gratitude enough to you. I just love you so much." He whispered, stroking my cheek and looking into my eyes. "I'm so sorry for hurting you, I promise it won't happen again." He whispered before connecting our lips together again. 

I tried to response, although that was impossible, considering Noah was shoving his tongue down my throat so far I could barely breath. God, this boys needs to watch some porn or something, something that will teach him how to make out because this is not how to make out. 

A few minutes of making out passed by, although they felt like an eternity to me. He then, much to my surprise, hooked his hands under my thighs and picked me up. I instinctively wrapped my legs around his waist, not because I wanted to but because I didn't want to fall. 

He carried me upstairs to my room, which made me frown slightly. It was only when he laid me down on the bed I knew what he was yearning for. And I did not want to give him it. He settled between my legs and began sucking in my neck. 

"Noah, please. I don't want to have sex." I tried to push him off me but he was too strong. He totally ignored my protested and continued to suck on my neck. I whimpered quietly and looked down at him. What is he trying to do? 

"Noah, I'm not having sex, will you give it a rest?" I asked, trying to push him off but instead he just began making out with me and his hand slid into my trousers. I jumped and whimpered. "No." I whined. "Please stop." I felt my eyes fill with tears at the prospect of having to do something like this, that I wasn't yet ready for. 

"Jenny shhh," He pressed his finger against my lips. "I know you want this as much as I do." He whispered and I bit on my lip. I wanted to tell him to fuck off, but at the same time I was scared of him. I was scared of being hit again, I was scared of him yelling at me. It all brought back memories I did not want to revisit. 

"Please, don't." I whimpered. "I'm not ready." 

"You are Jenny, you're ready, don't worry. I'll take care of you." He whispered before connecting our lips again. He pulled down my trousers and his own within a few minutes. 

He was extremely wrong, I did not want this, I didn't want any of this. All I wanted was to be left alone, but if I pushed him off me I knew he would probably beat me up, so it was either this or a few bruises. I didn't know which was worse, but I didn't want to fight with him. 

"I love you so much, you know that, right?" He asked, playing with a strand of my hair and looking into my eyes. 

"Then why are you doing this to me? I don't want to have sex." 

"You do Jen, once we get into it you will enjoy it." He smiled at me but I shook my head, a tear rolling down my cheek which he quickly flicked away as though he never even saw it. 

When he took off my top and touched my breast through my bra that done it for me. I managed gain some confidence from an unknown source and I pushed him off. "Leave me alone, you cunt!" I yelled. "I don't want to fucking have sex with you! How many fucking times do I have to tell you!" It was a wrong move. As soon as I was done yelling, he punched me. Hard. In the side. 

I whimpered loudly and gripped my side, looking up at him with watery eyes, fear diluting them which I knew he could clearly perceive. He didn't seem to care though. 

"I'm so sorry babe, I didn't mean to." He whispered, running a hand through my hair and rubbing my side lightly. I knew he didn't mean it when he promised he would never do it again. I knew, but I was too scared to say that to him. I was petrified in my own home, I didn't know how to stop it. 

"I love you, just let me show you, yeah?" He asked, stroking my cheek gently. I didn't want him to show me how much he loved me, but after begging him to stop for the last ten minutes, I knew I had no other choice.

I nodded feebly and looking up at him through my eyelashes. I shut them then when I knew I was totally naked. I shut them, trying to pretend I wasn't here and neither was he. I shut them as tight as I possibly could and tried to imagine that it was Niall on top of me, whispered into my ear about how much he loved me, gently touching me as he moved in and out of my body. 

But it wasn't Niall. 

The harsh reality struck me when I felt pain down in my lower region. He had just forcefully pushed into me without any prep. He didn't seem to care when I whimpered in pain. He just continued. 

He didn't love me, I knew in that moment he was just using me as a toy. I was nothing more than a mere toy for him to come and play with as he pleased and as soon as he was done playing, I was going to be left until he was bored again. 

All I wanted in that moment of realisation was Niall. 

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A/ N So this is a lotttt longer than usual! I hope you all appreciate that :) (Even if you don't like what's happening, but I promise you will soon enough :) ) 

Anyways, I'll update when this has 80 votes this time and 50 comments!!! I know you guys can do it, you're all so amazing !! 

Don't forget to vote and comment, I love you all so so much !! xx