When you fall asleep
With your head upon my shoulder

Finally after some time, Harry was confident with sleeping right up against Louis. Louis was happy, he really was. Harry slept like he always had, with his head on Lou’s shoulder, his slow breathing fanning Lou’s face with every exhale. Louis watched as Harry’s head rolled onto his chest and he started to run his fingers softly through his hair, something Harry always loved.

He noticed that Harry’s face started to twitch as he rolled over away from Louis. Louis sat up slowly and watched what was about to occur. Louis watched as Harry started to kick in his sleep, Louis panicked because he hadn’t had an attack like this in a couple months. What had brought it on?

When you're in my arms
But you've gone somewhere deeper

Louis grabbed Harry and pulled him into his chest to try to calm him down. He was able to get him to stop kicking-- mind you he put his legs on top of Harry’s-- but he was still shaking. He didn’t know what was happening in his sleep, but it was terrifying Louis. He couldn’t even get the words out of his mouth to calm him down, something he always did. 

Louis started to rock Harry back and forth. Well, he tried to with the position that he was currently in. But he didn’t manage to do just that, and he heard Harry mumble a few things from his mouth. The same words were getting repeated, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Louis didn’t know what this meant, he wanted to know what it meant. He was thinking about asking Harry. Of course not right now, but when the time was right he would definitely ask him.

Are you going to age with grace?
Are you going to age without mistakes?
Are you going to age with grace?
Are you going to leave a path to trace?

Louis couldn’t sleep that night. All he thought about was Harry. Every time his breathing would quicken, Louis was there to make sure that he didn’t go into an attack. Louis just sat there for the majority of the night and watched Harry’s sleeping stature. Watching as he moved every so often, and he often thought that it was creepy watching him, but he was just looking out for him.

“Louis, why are you watching me?” Harry mumbled, wiping the sleep from his eyes. Louis shrugged before replying. “You had a kicking fit earlier and you kept repeating nonsense in your sleep, I was just making sure that you were alright.”

“Ohh okay, but come here,” Harry opened his arms and Louis took the invitation to cuddle up into Harry’s chest. Harry rubbed Louis’ back and listened as his breathing even out. Harry was soon to follow.

Only to wake and hide your face

Harry woke up and Louis was turned the other way. Harry hid his face in his pillow because he knew that Louis was awake. “Harry, babe, what’s wrong?” Louis whispered into his ear.

Harry shrugged and mumbled some incoherent words into the pillow. Louis straddled his back and started to rub up and down his back. Louis leaned down and started to pepper kisses on the back of his neck. Harry groaned, and well, you know where it went after that.

When oblivion is calling out your name
You always take it further than I ever can

Louis didn’t know what happened. He didn’t know what went wrong. The yelling, the broken glass all around the living room. Everything was all just a blur. He couldn’t even look at Harry.

“Harry, please stop!” Louis whimpered and Harry just shook his head before he walked past him.

“Louis, you don’t understand, I will never be able to stop.”

“If you walk out that door, I won't follow you, I just can't.” Louis regretted those words as soon as he said them. He didn’t mean it, but he said it. Harry went wide eyed and he walked out the door and slammed it shut. Harry wrapped his arms around himself, the tiny jacket not helping; it was colder than he thought. Everything that happened in the past half hour was a blur. He didn’t know what was happening. He just wanted everything to be normal, and Louis wasn’t making it easy for him to be normal. He walked the familiar path and decided that there was only one thing that he needed to do at this point.

When you play it hard
And I try to follow you there
It's not about control
But I turn back when I see where you go

Louis wanted Harry, but he was gone, somewhere Louis didn’t want to be. He sighed because he couldn’t take his eyes off of the door through which Harry left. He could just picture what he had in store for tonight. It was in fact their anniversary, but he had to open up his big fat mouth and ruin everything. Louis was pacing back and forth in the living room trying to figure out where Harry could be.

The last words that he spoke to Harry were replaying over and over in his head. “Stupid, why would I even say that to him?” Louis whispered to himself. He needed to find Harry, he just needed to, but where would he be? His eyes widened and he knew one place that he knew where he had to look.

Are you going to age with grace?
Are you going to leave a path to trace?

All that was going through Louis’ head was that night that he first laid his eyes on Harry. He had known that he was planning on taking his life, but he couldn’t let him do it. He just couldn’t. Louis knew the way. He remembered everything that he and Harry had done in the past year since they’ve been together. His heart was beating out of his chest, and his palms were sweaty; he was hoping that he could make it on time. 

He looked at his watch and noticed that the time was familiar. It was exactly the same time from a year ago. His eyes widened. Harry is going to try and repeat history. He’s going to do what he tried to do a year ago; he’s going to jump. Louis started to pick up speed until he was in a full on run towards the park. He reached the beginning of the bridge and he saw a figure holding onto the light post attached the railing.

“HARRY!” Louis screamed and it made Harry flinch, almost making him lose his balance. Louis noticed that Harry was crying as he looked down, he knew that Harry was afraid of heights, but why would he choose this as the way to go? Louis shook that thought out of his head and he slowly walked towards Harry.

But oblivion is calling out your name
You always take it further than I ever can

“Harry, you don’t have to do this!”

Harry laughs. “It’s nice to know you still care after what you said back in the apartment.” Harry shook his head softly, but still didn’t dare turn to look at Louis. Well, he couldn’t move or he’d fall. 

“I didn’t mean to say what I said-”

“Sure, save it. That’s all I’ve ever known, people use me or they hurt me. And you, you did both. Why? Why would you do this to me?” His voice cracked at the end and his lip quivered as a new flow of tears escaped from his eyes.

“Baby, no. I never used you. And I never meant to hurt you.”

“Sucks, because you just hurt me, you hurt me in the one place that you helped repair.”

“I’m sorry that it had to be this way. I know I said some things, but I was just aggravated about the whole thing. I haven’t been able to go near you in a whole week! I think I might be getting blue balls from this frustration that you’ve put me through!”

Louis head a giggle, but Harry straightened himself up. “Stop trying to make me laugh, I’m mad at you.” 

Louis closed his eyes and blinked away his tears. “You want to know something? The real reason why I asked you where there is a good hotel?” 

Harry’s eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?” Harry was nervous, and he just wanted to end everything. End it all right here, but there was just one person that was preventing everything from happening. He always wondered why Louis even tried to help him.

When oblivion is calling out your name
You always take it further than I ever can

Louis stepped a bit forward and Harry moved away. Louis held out his hands in defeat, “A year ago, today actually, I was wandering around the city. I was actually looking for a place to go, since I had left home. I had ended up in the park, and I had noticed you walking. I knew the look that you had on your face, because it was the look I used to have whenever I walked through the halls at school. I noticed that you kept looking around. I noticed that you chose the specific time because no one else would be in the park at that time, which is about the same time it is now.”

Louis ran his hand through his hair and looked back up at Harry, who had turned around a bit. “At first, I thought that you were taking a midnight stroll, but this was weird. It was in the middle of winter, fucking cold and you were taking a walk. I knew I had thought maybe it was that you were taking a walk, but like I said, you kept looking all around you to see if someone was following you.”

Fuck, is all that Harry was thinking as he was walking to the park. He had decided that tonight was the night that he would finally end his life. He looked to his right, his left, and he even turned around, but there was no one in sight. He looked ahead of him and his eyes set onto the bridge that he was going to jump from. His hands were shaking. He saw it in the distance; he was almost there until a voice broke him out of his silence. “Umm, could you help me find a place to stay?" 

All that Harry could do was panic; he didn’t like talking to strangers. But this kid actually wanted to talk to him, to be his friend. They walked to his home in silence, and he had finally introduced himself to Louis before he walked straight into his room and shut the door.

He sat on his bed and groaned because he just didn’t want to be alive anymore. He wanted to be somewhere else. As long as he wasn’t living he would be fine. After he took a shower, he noticed the clock showed that it was half past two a.m. He still heard the television on in the living room, so he had gone to investigate. He saw Louis passed out on the couch. When he told him he could take the guest room, he sighed before he turned off the television and looked down at the complete stranger sleeping. He picked him up and walked him into the guest room, pulling the covers over him, leaving to sleep himself. Louis never did mention anything, and Harry was grateful for that.

“Harry, the point is, I wanted to help you. I wanted to fix you, even though I was broken as well. I saw you as a challenge and I took it.”

“And look where it has brought us-- right where we started.” Harry was crying again. He didn’t like crying in public, but this he will let slide.

“But that doesn’t mean we can still prevent this from happening.”

“How? I’ve made it this far. What makes you think I won’t just jump?”

“Because even after all of this time, I’m still wearing the ring. The ring you gave to me, telling me that we will be married one day, but I guess you don’t want to since you’re willing to throw it all away.” Louis walked closer and it only had Harry paralyzed in fear.

When oblivion is calling out your name
You always take it further than I ever can

“So, what will it be? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with me or without me?” Louis watched as Harry pondered in his mind. He rolled his eyes because Harry was actually thinking about which he would rather do.

“I DON’T KNOW, SO STOP!” 

“Stop what? I’M ASKING YOU A FUCKING IMPORTANT LIFE QUESTION!”

“I don’t know; I just want it all to stop. The nightmares, the memories, the scars, everything! I just want everything to be normal, but I don’t even know what normal is anymore because I’ve never been normal.”

“I’ve never been normal either, but what makes you think that we are normal?”

“Because we’re not, the way me met, the way that we got together is a bit farfetched, don’t you think?”

Louis nods. “But still, you have to think of how many times I held you when you screamed in your sleep, how I stood by you even when you didn’t want to touch me. Harry, I’ve been there for you, and who’s going to be there for me when I break?”

Harry turned around and faced the water down below. He watched as the tide hit the rocks at a treacherous speed and gulped. 

“I’m going to close my eyes, I don’t want to know what you choose.” Louis clenched his eyes shut after he moved closer to Harry. He heard a pair of feet slide on metal, and he braced himself for the impact of water, but what he didn’t expect was to be plowed to the ground.

He let out a loud groan as he hit the ground and wrapped his arms around Harry as he violently sobbed into his chest. He ran his hand through Harry’s hair slowly as he rubbed up and down his back. He didn’t know how long they stood like that, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was that he still had his Harry right there with him.

Harry lifted his head from his chest and Louis wiped off his tears. “Hi there.”

Harry smiled. “I love you, I’m sorry. I just-- I hate this feeling and I thought that this was the only decision.”

“No need to apologize. I totally understand. All that matters is that you are still here, with me.”

“With you,” Harry leaned down and pressed his lips against Louis’, smiling into the kiss. Louis broke the kiss and rolled them over so he was on top.

Harry looked up and cocked an eyebrow. He didn’t need to know rocket science to know what was about to happen. Louis started to kiss all over Harry’s face, saying “I love you, you idiot” over and over again. Harry smiled; he really loved Louis. He couldn’t picture himself with anyone else but him. 

Louis got up off the floor and held his hand out for Harry to take. He pulled him up and they walked back home together, ready to dream of the life they would spend together.

**

It wouldn’t be until a few months later that they would finally tie the knot. Louis had come back in contact with his family. His dad left while he was gone and his mother walked Harry down the aisle at their small wedding. Louis was happy that it wasn’t big because his mother and baby brother (who was just two years old) being there was the more than enough in his eyes.

“I now pronounce you Mr. and Mr. Tomlinson. You may now kiss.” 

“Gladly,” Louis whispered as he grabbed Harry’s face and kissed him softly. He heard the cheers from his family, his little brother clapping his hands frantically as he broke the kiss. He linked his hand with Harry’s and his mother looked on fondly.

“I’m proud of the man that you’ve become. So proud,” Louis’ mother spoke softly as Louis watched Harry talking excitingly to his new brother-in-law.

“Thank you mum. So I did well?” He asked curiously and his mother turned to watch as Harry showed a little magic trick to Sammie. 

“Honey, why are you asking me? You wear the ring now; that is the only answer I can give you. With the ring, it shows that you’ve made the only decision for yourself. You’re married now. My opinion with what you do will probably not matter anymore.” Louis nodded and he wrapped his arms around her. He took in her familiar scent before a little person tackled his legs. “Lou Lou!” He lifted his arms up to show that he wanted Louis to hold him.

He picked him up and set him on his right hip, “I love you, Lou Lou,” he whispered as he nuzzled his head into his neck. 

“And I love you too,” He kissed the top of his head and a pair of arms wrapped around his waist.

He pecked Harrys lips, and sighed. Talking to Harry that night was the best decision that he could have ever made. He was happy with his life, and he was happy with having Harry right there with him every step of the way.

And before I forget, Harry ended up being clean for HIV, and they celebrated it the best way that they could. And well, you don't need to keep your mind out of the gutter because that’s not needed.

Even after all their ups and downs and every road block in between, Harry never did explode into oblivion.