nihilist

• a person who believes that life is meaningless and rejects all religious and moral principles •

• • •

Alexander was at the base when we got back. He looked absolutely livid. From my seat in the front of the car, I could see the firm, white line that was in the place where his lips should be. His eyes were dark and he was pacing a little. He only ever paced when he was extremely stressed, hungry, or angry. And I gathered it was likely to be the last option given the situation I currently found myself in.

The driver parked the car and I silently begged him not to. I bit my lip as I took in Alexander's angered expression. His arms were crossed over his chest and if he were a cartoon, there would be smoke coming out of his nose, mouth and ears at this point. I choked back a chuckle at the thought. Instead, I looked back at the Soldier for a moment before unbuckling the seatbelt and kicking open the door as softly as I could. Maybe he wouldn't see the broken back door?

"I said I wanted him dead, Miles," was the first thing Alexander hissed at me. "Dead!" He shouted as I stepped out of the car, the Soldier right behind me. I let out a puff of air and silently prepared myself for the absolute battering I was likely to undergo in the next few moments. This was why I always strive to keep Pierce happy. I understood the fact that he was angry. I could relate. I wasn't exactly sure if he remembered, but I also wanted Fury dead. Possibly more than he did. Shouting at me wouldn't get Fury dead. It would just make me angrier than I already was... and it wasn't like I wasn't beating myself up for letting him get away. No, internally I was giving myself the greatest arse whooping I think I've ever received.

"Do you know what dead means?" He fired ahead, folding his arms against his chest and continuing his rant. "It means no longer living! Last time I checked, dead people can't just disappear!"

"I know, sir."

I released my hands from the tight fists that I realised they were stuck in. I hadn't noticed that I'd balled them up. I stretched my fingers and took a breath, helping a little to calm myself. Alexander was still raving at me but I wasn't listening anymore. His voice droned on and on. I couldn't help but tune it out.

"I'm sorry, sir," I gritted out. I hated apologies. I hated giving them and I hated receiving them. Alexander on the other hand... yeah, he loved a good grovelling. I looked up at him to see a hint of a smirk making its way onto his wrinkly face. I fought back a grimace at his expression and kept silent, knowing that if I spoke up now, I'd be thrown right back down again and then where would I be? In a lot of trouble, thats where.

"What do you think he's going to do now, huh? Did you even think about that? He's going to find out soon who was responsible for this... if he doesn't know already." His face was set into a firm line and he began pacing again. I cast my eyes down guiltily. In fact I hadn't thought about that. The newfound theory caused my stomach to drop nervously. I scowled at the floor, my eyes flicking over the imperfections in the concrete.

"It won't happen again, sir."

He seemed to calm down a little after my grovelling. To say the two of us had an interesting work relationship was an understatement. The two of us are well known for our publicly low-key hatred for each other. The only reason he keeps me around is because I'm Hydra's best agent. As much as he would hate to admit it, he needs me. And the fact that I know he needs me just enforces his hatred for me even further. It was a vicious cycle to say the least but it was one that the both of us needed to deal with to do our jobs. Of course, that didn't mean it was easy.

"Maybe I should fire you," he suggested, eyes flickering dangerously. "Seeing as though you're no use at all," he sneered. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a second, regaining my composure and plastering on an indifferent mask. My eyes opened and I could feel the fiery intensity from them. His expression dropped a little.

"Sir, have I ever failed any other mission?" I asked rhetorically. "No, I haven't."

"You failed this one, Miles," he hissed, his index finger pointed at my chest. I somehow managed to keep myself from smacking it away. It was rude to point after all. I nodded, considering my next comment.

"If you want to fire me, fire me... but it's still not going to change anything that happened," I said. I knew he wouldn't though. As stated before, he needs me. He must have been thinking along the same line as me because a second later his expression dropped completely and he groaned, slapping his hand to his side in defeat. Score one to Miles.

I folded my arms and raised a brow in question, testing him. I fought off a smirk, knowing it would do me more harm than good. I was so close to getting him to calm down. If there was any way to get him to stay that way, then I would take it. Even if it meant grovelling and playing to his rules.

"I'm not going to fire you," he sighed after a moment, rubbing at his forehead tiredly. "Him, on the other hand," he pointed an accusatory finger at the Soldier. I'd forgotten he was even there to be completely honest. I glanced at him with a confused expression on my face and then back at Pierce. What exactly was he going to do? Send him out onto the streets? The Soldier didn't even seem bothered by the finger in his face. "You're going back under, my friend."

My mouth gaped open. Surely he wasn't going to re-freeze the Soldier after only just bringing him back? That must have some kind of health repercussions. Although being in there on and off for seventy years in the first place was also likely to have some health violations too... but that wasn't the point. Not that Pierce would care anyway... The only thing was... there was so much more that Hydra could get done with the Winter Soldier than without him. I'd seen first hand what he was capable of. Putting him back under seemed like an all-round mistake if you were to ask me. But, of course, me being a lowly employee, and Pierce being my boss, no one was going to ask me. The only way someone like me could get anything done... was to say it myself and pray for the best.

"Sir, perhaps we should think about this," I said, surprising myself as well as Pierce and the other people beginning to crowd. I wasn't expecting the words to come out of my mouth even if I had been thinking about them. Usually I wouldn't put my neck out on the line for anyone... but there was something about this Winter Soldier. I couldn't quite place it but there was something about him that made me want to fight for him. A lot of things have been confusing me lately, as it turns out. I bit my lip at my own stupidity. Alexander's eyes glinted maliciously.

"And why is that, Miles?" He spat, whipping around to face me. I thought for a second. Not thinking I would be saying the words in the first place didn't leave me with much evidence to back up my argument. I thought quickly.

"The Winter Soldier has never failed a mission. Not once. Why would you put him back under from one mistake?" I asked, brain working overtime to dig myself out of the situation I'd dug into. I didn't actually know that he hadn't for a fact but I'd already thrown myself into shit creek. What else could I do?

"One mistake can breed many, Agent," he said, jabbing at my chest. I tried with all my might not to smack his hand away again. I looked over his shoulder, trying to think of any way I could get out of this. I chewed on the inside of my lip nervously.

"You said that we had till morning to kill Fury. Last time I checked, it was still day time. One more chance," I suggested. "If he fails a second time, then by all means, send him back to Antarctica."

He glared between the two of us, contemplating the suggestion that was just given to him. His eyes flicked to mine and I merely leaned to the side, popping my hip out a little. I had no idea if my argument would pass the test but I was hoping it would. Not just for my sake, but for the Soldier's as well. Although I still had absolutely no idea why I was sticking up for him in the first place. We hadn't really even had a complete conversation. I didn't know him. Not at all. And here I was, sticking my neck on the line for him. He'd better thank me for this later. It's his hide I'm trying to save, after all.

"Alright," he sighed eventually. "You have until the morning... and I want evidence," he hissed, walking towards his waiting car. Oh, so just a fleeting visit then, that was a relief. As he walked away, I let out a huge gasping sigh. Perhaps we were in the clear after all.

"Till the morning, Soldier! Don't disappoint me again or you'll regret it," he yelled, getting into the open car. The man standing by the door slammed it shut and the car screeched loudly as it sped out of the carpark. I sighed again and ran a hand through my hair nervously. I chuckled slightly and let go of my hair. Success.

"Why did you do that?" The Soldier asked, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I shrugged and shuffled on my feet. What was I doing? I didn't even know this guy and I was putting my career on the line for him. I looked at him closely while I contemplated my answer. He looked tired, dark bags under his eyes and veins showing in the white of his eye. This guy seriously needed a rest. Unfortunately, neither of us were resting until Fury's heart stops.

"I honestly have no idea," I eventually replied, letting my arms drop to my sides in exasperation. It was quiet for a few moments and I shuffled awkwardly again, letting my eyes wander over the carpark to the light just beyond. It was just the two of us now. All of Alexander's men had followed him to wherever the hell it was he was going now. Most likely back to S.H.I.E.L.D.'s headquarters.

My gaze flickered over the span of the empty carpark. We had until morning. That mean we had to think up a plan quickly and set it into motion. We didn't have time to fuck around. I bit my lip again, this time drawing blood. The Soldier hadn't said anything. Not even thank you. How rude was that? I almost destroyed my career for this punk. It was the least he could do.

With a jolt I realised that Pierce didn't yet know of the damage to the car. Boy, was that could to be fun to  explain later. I'd have to catch him in a good mood. Maybe I would buy him some champagne as a 'sorry I failed my mission but here's some wine to get you in a good mood so I can tell you about the damages you have to pay now' present. Easy as pie. I laughed at my thoughts but my smile dropped just as quickly when my thoughts returned to Fury.

"Well, Soldier," I said eventually, dragging my eyes back to his own. "We have till morning."

Updated on the 29th of June, 2016.